change of heart

"My strength and my heart fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
- Psalms 73:26

nothing like an hour of crapping with crazy people to soothe a bad day. :) <3

everlasting

YOU ARE MY FATHER by True Worshippers

It doesn't matter where I run, You're there for me
It doesn't matter what I've done Your love's for me
You wipe away the tears, You lift me when I fall
My life is safe by the mercy of Your grace

It doesn't matter where I go, You walk with me
It doesn't matter when I fall, You cover me
You wipe away the tears, You lift me when I fall
My life is safe by the mercy of Your grace

Chorus:
You are my Father, Provider
You're my Deliverer
Your mercies embrace me, surround me
Through Your everlasting love
Father I worship You
Father I worship You

And Your love is for me
And Your love is for me
And Your love is forever



Jesus loves you, you know? :)
candice <3

just like home

:) G8 is probably the highlight of my 2010, with so many precious memories and joyful moments. i've never felt so at home, with that crazy bunch of screaming people, sweating and smelly together as we walked to parade for our final lunch together as students of Taylor's College. i don't know how to put everything i want to say in neat paragraphs so this really is gonna be just everything i feel, in it's messiness. :)

i really love how we sisters can tell the bros all sorts of embarassing things about us, that all our inside sister jokes have become known to them too. :) i've never met such an incredible bunch of guys who laugh with us about monthly friends, peeing, boys toilets, hulk, unspeakables and so much much more, things none of us would dare to tell other guys about. hahhaha, i remember how when we talking about something stupid that ladylike girls should not discuss in public again, wen shi said, "ohmygosh, you guys better not say that in front of other guys man." hahha, it's kinda new to me, this sort of trust between all of us, and it feels really nice, safe, just like family. :)



i love how the bros chest bumped today, and shouted all at once that something was gonna be legendary. it was so funny, it made me laugh. hahha, :D.


i love how adrianna 'let' us do the hair removal thing on his hand today. but i gotta say man, veet hair removal cream works WONDERS. :P i only wish we could have removed ALL THE HAIR! :P it's sweet how we always tease you and call you a girl, but you never really minded (i think ;P). i remember you teaching me about cars and how i could never do the adrian look no matter how hard i tried. but you'll always be one awesome BRO to me! :)



i love all the encouraging things sean writes. :) with his DEEP DARK MYSTERIOUS past in VI that he will NEVER reveal to us, i believe he's more to a tough guy persona kinda thing. but around us, you let your guard down more often than not, and it's always nice to see that you, the real you. i love how you still have such inspiring, heartfelt things to write to us even though you don't do high fives. :D (but i got a high five today! it was legendary! hahaha.) thanks sean, you're gonna be an amazing person one day, you already are to me! :)


i love how only hsing hwa would layan me today when nobody else wanted to go for my birthday celebration. all the rest of you, =.= (sean face)!! hsing hwa said, "we'll do anything you like for your birthday! :D " i always find it funny how when we're doing something stupid (again), you'll look over and give us the HUH/WTH/YOU GUYS ARE SO WEIRD/MILD DEATH STARE look, then smile your huge hsing hwa smile that always make us smile back. :D i'll see you on my birthday iguana! :) thanks! :)


i love the cookie gene gave me today! it was yums! gene, when you're not being mean and giving me the gene face, you always say the nicest things. i remember you telling me how i'm gonna meet someone awesome one day, and how i deserve better in life. :) and i'm really gonna miss the way you keep saying the WRONG thing to me, and always making me give you the death stare. haha, but it was a good year, and i've had an unforgettable time being your friend. :) i'll see you at prom! :D SUIT UP!


i love how ian laughed as well today when elena said "say sime darby! sime darby!! :P" ohmygosh that was so funny. i didn't get to write in your winanga-li, but i'm glad that i'll be seeing you at pangkorr! :D be prepared for even more screaming and crazy girls then! :P you always answered all my questions and taught me the things i didn't know, thanks daddy teng! :)

i love the human centipede chain we made today as we wrote on everyone's backs. i cannot help but feel like time has passed so quickly. this is the ultimate cliche line, but today it seemed like all i could remember was our first day together, and it seemed like we just zoomed to today, accelerated past the previous months and somehow it the end already, right before our eyes. we started off the english game by talking to people one on one, being so super shy and writing on each others backs so politely. today the scene was so different, with everybody screaming COME HERE!!!! and without even talking to the person, we know what we want to write already. the paper we all got was so much messier, meaner in a sentimental way and heartier. i loved that about today. :)


and of course to tai kor, i love what you wrote in my winanga-li! hahaha you talking about me as a younger sister and me talking about you as the big brother i've always wanted. don't disown me as your sista when we part ways okay! promise! :D it was so sweet when you randomly said to me today let's take picture, especially since i was wearing the LONG LONG dress. hahah. i know i can always trust you for anything and everything, thank you so much tai kor, for just being yourself, and accepting the responsibility of dealing with the troubles of all us younger sisters of yours. i think i've already told you most of what i wanted to say, so i'm feeling the writer's block now. :P well you know i treasure our friendship loads, which is why we're gonna watch MEGAMIND for my 17th BIG GIRL birthday right???? ;)



but more important that just the bros....

i've gained many new sisters this year, that always made me feel like a star! or just really irritating. i love how much we shout at each other, and call each other irritating and scream that we hate each other, because everything we said was the total opposite of how we really felt. :) it seems like the more we shout "i hate you so much!!!", the more we actually love each other, and value this friendship that's so unique.


i love the way prisc wore such a beautiful dress today WITH HIDEOUS PINK MISMATCHED SLIPPERS. i was so irritated by you la! my sister likes to say "oi leng, moi meng" which means want beauty, don't want life. HAHAHAH but being chinese, i know you understood that already, didn't you? :P i love how we're always trading stories that start with "OHMYGOSH YOU KNOW WHAT ELENA JUST SAID?" and the rest of us have to go peee first, or swallow our food first to make sure we don't explode while hearing about the next funny thing elena teng did. LOL i'm actually laughing now thinking about that time in cassian kitchen when we all went "stop stop I HAVE TO SWALLOW MY FOOD FIRST BEFORE ELENA TALKS" :P and i will never forget how as bad your taste in shoes is, your taste in food in WORSE! well i kinda like citrus plus la, dunno why the rest don't, but MED, and NOT DIM SUM! LIKE EWWWW! you're so irritating, but i love you a lot. :)


i love the joke we made a while back, of how if elena ever got caught by police for driving at night, she'd be in big trouble if they thought she was drunk, cause no matter what she cannot walk straight. :P good memories, that! :) i love treating you like my human drawing canvas, writing all sorts of nonsense on your hand, AND FACE. but elena teng, HOW IN THE WORLD DOES MY HULK LOOK LIKE A ROCKET/MAN FARTING??? =.=". you put a smile and an unstoppable laugh on my face every day, for being so irritating by whacking my head EVERY DAY, and also for being so amazing as to take care of your 'children' all the time, making sure whoever hurt us will not get away so easy. thank you for holding my hair when i'm hot, though involuntarily, screaming at me the whole time that your life isn't that sad. thanks for always giving me that elena face, the one me and mich get scared of after twelve midnight, cause that's when the hulk arises. but above all the jokes and stupidity, thank you for being a friend i love so much. :) you always cheer me up when i'm sad, and lend me money when i'm broke, and say really nice stuff to encourage me and laugh with me, even if it's at yourself, just so we're all happy together. :) i love you!



i love the way mich gave us a FREE SHOW today when we really REALLY didn't want to see it. and outside subang square too! sigh. tsk tsk mich! but you looked pretty in your shirtdress! and i really love you for what you just did a few minutes ago, i'm really really proud of you mich! :D you know you're much better than that. and us sisters will always ALWAYS have your back, even though you're such a traitor and ditched us to be a bro. A PIRATED BRO. you know how much you mean to me mich, and i was really touched to read your message in my winanga-li today! thank you for every single irritating memory we have of each other, and you better be there at my birthday woman! :D i writer's block for you also already la, wrote too much in your book dey, hehe. :D HUGS AND KISSES for you!!! :)


i love how lilian chew looks in a dress!!! HAHAHHA, first time in my LIFE i saw that today! :D and you were really beautiful, inside and out! :) crazy girl, i never heard you scream so much as in these past few days. you're always such a joy to be around, i'm so glad that today our 'look up in the sky' plan worked! and also our 'joshua!!!!' plan. LOL come to think of it, all our weirdest plans are YOUR ideas. :D thanks for that! our lives will be so uncrazy without you. :) no one could ever replace baby teng! i also love how you were/are so funny! cannot believe you forgot your winanga-li then used a full scap paper to get us to write our messages for you on. :) did you paste it yet??? :D you are, and will always be, my favourite hainan monster. :D i love you loads lilianteng! <3


G8 you're so precious to me! :')





and to all the rest of my beloved beloved classmates, i love you all so much too! i'm really glad to have know each and everyone of you this year, and it is the uniqueness in each and every one of us that makes G8 so amazing! i will never forget you, and may we remain friends forever! we said goodbyes and gave our hugs today, but it will not be goodbye forever. :) thanks you for a really enjoyable day and for an unforgettable year. :D you guys are the best friends a girl could ever ask for. <3


love ALWAYS,
candice :)

live your life with arms wide open

there is so much that i'm feeling right now, so much on my mind, and so much i wanted to write here. but i'll save my long, teary post for tomorrow. :'/

today, one of the best friends i ever had told me this. "What's the biggest exam of your life compared to God's plan for your life?" i can't even begin to describe how i felt when i read that, cause the words rang so true, just when i needed to hear them. i've been so so terrified of finals, and uni and next year, and i still am, but guess i'm a big girl now, can't run away anymore. it's time to grow up, face this upcoming challenge and believe, without a doubt, that God will pull me through.

this post is dedicated to you buddy! thank you so much, for everything. you know who you are. :)

love,
candice

saying goodbye to something beautiful

because G8 is love. <3

i'll never forget you,
candice. :')

steady ground

Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns

Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
You you'll never win

But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me

But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
The Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe (I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Cause Jesus you are the Voice of truth
And I will listen to you.. oh you are the Voice of truth


:) i found this very comforting. :D i hope you do too!

" The Lord will give strength to His people, the Lord will bless His people with peace." - Psalms 29:11 :)

don't give up now,
candice

peace

"and You.. calm the raging seas
and You.. calm the storm in me
all i know, is i find rest in You"
- Find Rest in You, PlanetShakers

today as i was listening to my phone's music in the car, i realized how long it's been since i've listened to my ipod. nearly all the songs in my phone were stolen from mich (:P) while my ipod had a lot more songs, most of which were Christian music, like hillsongs, planetshakers, casting crowns etc. and i realized then how much i used to listen to them, and the peace that overflowed from feeding myself such music. don't get me wrong, i love the songs in my phone, i really do, but undeniably, the feeling is different when i listen to both. i can't explain it, but sometimes it feels like i can feel God's love through the music, i can sense the calmness setting in, the joy that is like no other. so i decided to spend my devotional time today just listening to music from my ipod, and it feels amazing. :)

i haven't been feeling like myself much lately, i can't explain this either. it's like i've been emo a lot more, and while there are obvious resons to be sad about, like SAM ending, but most of the time, it's a strange emotion, like i feel insecure, alone or sad for some reason, no matter how many people i talk to or how good my company is. and just listening to people singing their hearts out to God today just made it better, not completely, but better. :) the familiar peace creeps in again as i am reminded that i'm not alone, and that life itself is a reason to be joyful.

i believe that all of us have an emptiness within that only God can fill. the God-shaped hole in our hearts. and i've heard testimonies of how empty people feel without God, and how incredibly full(for lack of another word) they are when they let the love of God surround them, and keep them safe. sometimes we don't recognize what would fill that emptiness and we throw in things like possesions, infatuation, music, games, facebook, outings, looking so desperately for something, anything that will make the world feel less broken, less lonely, less unknown. we are looking to belong. but those temporary things we fill our lives with? they only make us realize that they aren't enough. no matter how much we hoard, it is and will never be sufficient. and we end up emptier than before.

indeed i believe no one offers fulfillment like Jesus does. no one else can bring me peace in my darkest days, no one else can make me believe things are going to turn out better than i could ever hope for. no one else can make me feel this precious. and by no means is the Christian life easy, there are times where God is so far away it hurts enormously. but through adversity and perseverance, we grow, we learn. i don't know exactly why God chooses to 'hide'(for lack of better word) Himself sometimes, and i'll ask Him for the right answer when i see Him face to face, but one answer that always stuck with me was, so that only the truly hungry can find Him. but God has His reasons, that are all meant for our good, greater things than we ever thought possible. that much i know, is eternally true.

if you asked me last year why i love Jesus, i'm not sure what i would have said. but if you ask me now, i have so.. so many reasons. this year has been so amazing and challenging for me too, teaching me so much. i love Jesus because no one else could put up with my whining each day, bugging Him about where my life was gonna head. i love Jesus because i know He's always there, always watching me from above, always guiding me with His right hand, even if i cannot feel it sometimes. i love Jesus because He assures me that there's a plan for my life, that He gives me adversities and troubles that draw me nearer to Him, making me realize no one else could and would ever support me like He does. i love Jesus because i see Him all around me, in the goodness of people, in their faith, in how they love and i am reminded that because He invented the world, goodness resides in it, and will always prevail against evil. i love Jesus for calming the storms within me, for loving me even, especially when i cannot love myself, and for dying for someone as undeserving and unworthy as me.

i was in church last sunday and i looked around and was awestruck, in realization that God moves in the lives of others so so powerfully. i saw a church filled with broken people, people drawn to the cross, people who realized how much they needed God. and it was an incredible feeling, thinking of how greatly God transforms people. i think of the raw details i have of uncle isaac's testimony, of how from being some super big gangster that did the most horrible, gruesome, unspeakable things to people, his entire life could be changed. it's nothing short of a miracle really, God's miracle. i mean i've always been amazed by the beauty on this earth that God created, the stars He breathes, the sheer wonder of being alive, but i think in God's display of His glory, nothing comes close to the work He does in people's lives. nothing is as amazing as watching a criminal learn compassion through Jesus, or seeing people accept the forgiveness Christ offers freely, staring in disbelief at the sttitude changes God inspires or witnessing a child of God completely broken at the altar, surrendering their life to God. and as astoundingly beautiful the sunset in Nepal is, or as breathtaking the view from everest might be, nothing is as indescribably wonderful as watching people rise up, choosing to stand because they know that this time, they have God behind them, each step of the way. :)

i also spent about an hour today just reading my old blogspots from august, september and february. and definitely the first thing that stuck out was how similar my writings are, how most of it are about university stress or studies etc. but there were also so many things that felt so new for me to read, things i long forgot i wrote, that somehow have the power to inspire even me, its author. like this..

i think what everyone needs is someone to watch you. to see the beauty in you that you cannot see by yourself. to make you feel like you belong. to let you know that you are talented or called to do something, and to inspire you to move forward. but as we realize how much it would rock to have someone like that around us, who believed in us whole-heartedly, we should see the need to become that person for those around us. to believe in their capabilities without a doubt.
- February 20, 2010

and remember that in every situation, no matter how ugh or sucky, there's always a lesson to learn. a new person to befriend. a lesson to teach. a life to impact. it's all about the attitude we have towards that situation. so chins up, smile and take whatever comes, with a rocking, positive 'tude. =D good night!
- February 18, 2010

sometimes faith feels like you're pushing, punching against a brick wall. it isn't moving and your brain is telling you that it never will, pleading with you to just give up. but you push anyways, giving it your all, until the unending wall before you crumbles to your feet.
- August 19, 2010

...that in the darkness is when we should sing the loudest, that even when everything is going wrong in our lives, even when you feel so far from God, that that is when you should sing all the more louder and see His light shining through. :)
- July 25, 2010

it's quite a funny feeling really, reading all these, forgetting i ever penned down such words yet knowing it is something i would write. but it really is a good medicine for the days i forget who i am and where i belong. :)

this is yet another jumbly post, but yea.. no buts. :) this is what i love writing about and this is essentially, who i am. :D


hehehe... i am gonna be an AWESOMETASTIC driver one day. :)

i love love love you loads (cause i'm in a rather good mood now) :P <3,
candice