We Are The Answer

The moment God said to me with pride, "And THIS, is what I created you for."

(The most unattractive picture of me in my PNG collection, one that got Pearly to very humorously respond "OMG. You should never show anyone that picture. I can't express how bad that is!" But, I like the quirkiness of it, for after all, it is a privilege to be completely myself and have a picture to remember it by. :) )

For me, that moment happened sometime ago in a secluded village in Papua New Guinea. Many days, I wish I was still there, where I know in my heart I am meant to be.. and yet, I find myself here. Crouched over my books trying and trying to stuff information in. It is so much more difficult than I ever expected and I cannot say that the idea of giving up has never crossed my mind before.

But.. I've had enough of my whining. I've had enough of thinking that I cannot do this. Enough is enough.

In this life, I think that I have been extremely blessed to have felt God's call even in my mid-teenage years. He sowed dreams in me, and set my heart ablaze for these people that I have never even met before. He sent people to prophesy great things over my life, and challenged me greatly along the way to build me up for that incredible future He's been whispering to me about.That reason alone should be sufficient to drive me harder and further into giving my best where I am now.

I'm not ready to be sent out now. I need to learn more, grow more, and become strengthened more through adversity. And so I write this, to remind myself, that greater things are at stake if I do not give more now in this season. My life was never meant to be about me, but for my future patients, mentees, friends.

"If you are sitting on your gift, you are jeopardizing someone else's future."
- The pastor in the Mighty Men video

I am strong. And like Papa said, I know that I will be victorious. :)

Fighter

"So no, I can't let that fighting spirit die. Not even if I have to fight like hell to keep that fighting spirit alive.

I cannot let myself be defined by the voices of those around me. I cannot afford to.
My only identity should come from the voice of God, telling me I am precious, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am loved.

I cannot run from my problems, I need to find the courage to face them, and start dealing with it from the bottom.

I cannot keep believing the lies intended to bring me down.

I cannot break down, and I won't.

I will fight."
- December 2011

Thank you for that, I really needed it. 
And thank you God, for leading me to the words of that young girl, maybe I am still more like her than I thought. But I know that You will pull me through, just as You pulled her through whatever it was she was going through then. I know that You are a faithful God. And I know, that if You are on my side, I need not fear anything at all. :) 

"I call out the fighter in you. Don't give up now, for I never once stopped believing that you would be victorious."
- Papa, at Carer's Discipleship

"The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the path of righteousness
For His name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
Your rod and Your staff, 
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me 
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord,
Forever."
- Psalm 23

Greater things are yet to come,

Dice 

Validation

Beautiful, simply because I take after my Father in Heaven,
and
Precious, only because He loves me so well.

Been having a pretty bad case of writer's block lately, but I'll be back here soon I hope! :)

The Weight of Dreams

Wish I could be back in PNG for just a day. :( I really miss the adventure, people and joy in loving what I do.

On the other hand, quote of the year..

Me: Why are all my shoes and heating elements breaking??
Sister: Well, maybe God is trying to tell you something. Like.. maybe Jesus wants you to sit and chill. :)

Love,
Dice

Why I Am A Christian

I felt this post weighing on my heart at Discipleship tonight. First off, Discipleship was just off the hook tonight. I cannot experience moments like this and have a single doubt about Him remain. God is so real, so good and He loves us so much. Today Pastor Debbie had an altar call for people who were struggling in a certain area, who needed healing from God tonight. To be in the audience and watch so, SO many people take a brave step out to the front to receive prayer and stand before God, crying out "Lord I need you to set me free from this", to watch person after person get touched by the Holy Spirit and cry tears of exhaustion and relief, to witness emotional healing right before my eyes and listen to breakthrough stories from my close friends afterwards, to feel my own heart speed up in awe.. how can I not be moved by God? I love situations like this, because I feel that God shows off how beautiful He is unashamedly, as He goes and ministers to everyone individually and helps them pick up the pieces of their broken heart.

Some days, I have my doubts too. Some days I wonder, if I'm just making a huge mistake committing my life to this cause, to this Person. But then I look back, and I see essentially.. my best friend. The One who sat with me through teary nights, painful moments, but also the One who brought me all the joy I have in my soul now. Every bit of goodness and sunshine in me, is without a doubt, just a reflection of Him, it is ALL from Him. James 1:17 says -"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning."

He knows me better than I know myself, and so I wanna spend my life knowing Him. I've been a Christian for 7 years now, and I have never regretted coming into relationship with Jesus Christ. I have never run out of things to learn, or grow in, and I have never stopped being challenged to be even better than I am now, to love more and give more and encourage more and even give my best in every area. Call me crazy for talking about Him like He's a person, but that's the truth I know deep in my spirit and will vouch for undoubtedly. Often times, He is even the real-est thing in my life.

And if I was alone on this, I'd think I was crazy too. Because if the Word of God is true and it says that Jesus came to die for ALL MEN, then the kind of relationship I have with God must not be limited to just me. Well, it isn't, and by the fact that I am constantly surrounded by people who know their God as well, and are holding on to Him as they fight through personal battles.. either God is real or we're all just a bunch of people chasing shadows. Pastor Wendy Perez said,"Either He's God or He isn't". That's just something you have to decide for yourself. I love that in the house I live in now in Melbourne, I constantly hear testimonies from my housemates. The testimonies NEVER END, like seriously. I've heard "God healed my foot today", "God healed my vomiting", "God never let me go", "The Holy Spirit touched me today and it was so amazing", "God revealed to me this about you", "God provided", "God told me that..".. and the list goes on and on. And not just them, I hear testimonies all the time from fellow believers, my sister, my urban life members, other friends.. I choose to believe that we live the way we live because each of us has encountered God in a deeply personal way, and since then, we were never the same again. But that's the best part, God takes us on a journey and it doesn't end at deciding to follow Him, it begins there and life since.. is just watching the overflow of His grace and love.

Recently, I had been struggling with who God was. The Word says that He keeps His promises, and I had been holding Him to that for so long, as I mentioned in my previous post. I grabbed on to that like a child was grabbing a toy that I didn't realise another powerful aspect of my God - He can't stay away from my pain. So many times this year, I have just been going through the motions of life, being strong when I felt weak, and there were instances where I felt especially crap, when I really just can't find the strength to take another step without breaking down. Always, ALWAYS, at my point of ultimate desperation, strength will come from unlikely places. I remember the night at Combined Urbs where Pastor Rudy just had a word for someone in the crowd, as prompted by the Holy Spirit. He talked about exactly the storm going through my mind, things he could not have possibly known unless by divine encounter, for I told no one. I remember the time my housemates gave me a card that was LOADED with encouragements, when I was fighting with something very difficult for me. I remember the promises and exact words I needed to hear at Beautiful Woman conference, spoken out to the audience. I remember feeling peace just.. wash over my spirit and make everything okay again. He just couldn't stay away from my struggles even as He's making me wait to see my promises come true. I love that about Him, love it so much! :)

I just realised that this post sounds a little morbid in the sense that there's so much tears and struggling everywhere. Let me clarify, God isn't just God in the storm, He's a God that brings amazing things too! "In His presence is fullness of joy". So many times, I have walked down the street and just started smiling, because God is just so good to me, and so funny too. Like the time, I was asking to see gold dust fall from heaven because I know that it has happened so many times before in various places, and I opened my eyes to see the gold nail polish of the person in front of me. It was a pretty funny moment, I gotta admit. Just recently, a precious friend of mine just randomly decided to bless me with a new bag for no particular reason too. I love that culture that we develop from experiencing the generosity of God! Who wouldn't be happy to get a new bag when her old one was getting a bit tatty and dirty? Oh and the funniest thing, yesterday before I got onto the bus, I was just thinking, God, it would be so great if the Myki reader on the bus was broken so that I can get a free ride. I got on the bus, and HEEHEE, it was broken. Hahah, I was so happy and shocked it actually happened, but it reminded me of the time Ying asked God a whiteboard at urbs and that very night, a whiteboard appeared out of nowhere in the room we had been meeting in, when there was never a whiteboard there in all the previous weeks we had been there.

I have found so much fullness in living my life over the past seven years, and increasingly with each year too. To be honest, I really don't know who I would be today if I never met Jesus. I know for a fact that I wouldn't be who I am today though. I love living by faith, and living on encouragements and loving people wholeheartedly. I love watching God in action, and talking to Him as I walk anywhere alone and hear Him speak back to me. I love the warm fuzzy feeling I get in my hands when I lift them in worship, and the way my skin tingles when the Holy Spirit's presence becomes so tangible in a room. I love that I have never once looked back and wondered if my life would be better without Him. Even if, and it's a BIG IF, I am in fact wrong about everything, I believe that I will still keep living the way I do now. My life is so good like this, so full of beauty, and trials that I know are only temporary. I live believing that there is more to this life than just, going through the motions and sticking to the status quo. I believe that I live a very full life, and if that is all I ever get, I think that I still have much to be thankful for. Like C.S Lewis wrote in one of his books from The Chronicles of Narnia- "I will live like a Narnian even if there isn't any Narnia."

But luckily, I know that that's not true. :) All I need to do is look back and see His hand upon my life over and over again to know that He's real.

So after my long speech here, I am led again to ask, Why am I a Christian?

Because of 1 John 4:19 - "We love Him because He first loved us."Simple as that.

I hope this post in some way encourages you, or stirs something in your Spirit. My last intention would be to force Jesus on you, but I wrote this merely to share about the goodness of God in my life. Take away from it what you will. :)

God bless you! :)

"The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, 
And give you peace."
- Numbers 6:25

Love very much,
Dice

Safety

"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress;
In Him I will trust."

Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.
He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you.
Only with your eyes shall you look,
And see the reward of the wicked.

Because you have made the Lord who is my refuge,
Even the Most High, your habitation,
No evil shall befall you,
Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
For He shall give His angels charge over you,
To keep you in all your ways.
They shall bear you up in their hands,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.

Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him.
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation."
- Psalm 91

Bill Johnson once talked about what he does when he goes through great troubles and disappointments, confusion. He said - "I read the psalms, until I find a psalm that mirrors my emotions, and then I know that I'm home."

I found this Psalm yesterday that spoke to me so greatly, and I thought I'd share it with you. :)

But anyways, I haven't been blogging much lately cause I decided a month ago to take a month long break from blogging, and pen down my thoughts physically instead. It went really well, but yea, I'll still be updating this page every now and again if I decide it's worth typing out still after writing it down.

I've got heaps of new stories to share, so stay tuned! But for now let me share this.
For a really long time now, I've been holding God to His promises, things like healings and breakthroughs that I believed were specifically promised to me. Along the way, I just wanted His promises to come through because I wanted to see manifest the truth, that my God keeps His promises. I didn't want to doubt that He does. Pastor Russell was very encouraging and spot on about this that day though, he said, "God doesn't need you to make excuses for Him. All He asked for was that you believe."

One of the incidents that happened during this season of my life was that Crisis Home was given a few eviction notices, whereby DBKL (the council) wanted to kick all the residents out of their home on the claim that it was an unauthorised drug rehabilitation facility. In case you didn't know, Crisis Home houses men who may have made mistakes in the past but are now completely changed by the love of God. Truly, when you encounter the enormity of the love of God, nothing will ever be the same again. So anyways, as Uncle Isaac, who heads the home, was struggling through this trial, I went back to specifically this verse.

"For the Lord will not forsake His people, for His great name's sake, for it has pleased the Lord to make you His people."
- 1 Samuel 12:22

There was in me a confidence that nothing bad was going to happen. I knew deep down in my spirit that God will not forsake His people. Things did seem to get worse though, but by this incredible miracle by God's amazing grace, someone from DBKL went to view the home on a surprise visit and decided that they were just an ordinary family living together and that the case should be closed. Just like that, a 5 year battle was won.

Like how good is God??? :)

Call it a coincidence if you will, but from where I stand, it looks like coincidences never stop happening in the lives of prayerful Christians. God is just so good. :) And I know, that the rest of my promises are underway. I'm just growing too much in this season, because opposition will grow you like nothing else will. The most massive of characters are seared with scars right? Don't worry too much about me though, life is tough, but I'm hanging in there. Life is hard, but God is good. :)

Stay tuned for more testimonies! I know they're coming! :D

Love ALWAYS,
Dice

Blessed Be Your Name

Some of you may know that I recently made a trip to Papua New Guinea with YWAM for a short medical mission trip. I loved everything and everyone about this trip. And I wanted to share bits of it with you, my dear readers! :) Here are some extracts from my journal throughout the trip. Enjoy! :D

Day 1
I made it to the right planes! :) I write this now as I journey to the land of Papua New Guinea, and a peace, Daddy's peace is just washing over me as I listen to music and witness the majesty of His creation outside my window. The sight of the clear blue sky and the vast open sea really just takes my breath away with one thought resounding "Oh the majesty. How truly beautiful You are Daddy."

Firstly, praise God for favour! I managed to get in problem free with 9.25kg hand luggage. LIKE. Wow. :) Thank You Jesus for watching out for the little things too.


Thank You so much for this opportunity God. :) You are SO GOOD to me.

I fly now, with great expectations. I embark on this journey with great hopes, to see and feel God's heart for people I would not have normally encountered. "Amaze me Daddy, amaze me I pray."
And I hear His still small voice (that somehow also brims with excitement) saying - "Are you ready? Are you ready?"

Day 3

Looked out to the vast blue ocean this morning and was so amazed at how great our God is. And then I imagined this tiny ship in comparison to the humongous sea, I imagined us saying that we were gonna do God's work. I found it quite funny even, this comparison. But I realized, that this is what God loves. People who are so small and unqualified stepping up and saying "Use me God. I'll do anything."

Day 4
Lotsa mud today! WAYY LOTSA. :) But I loved it.


Today we went to church, took a dingy through this ulu river and trekked through mud to get into the village. I loved that I was in a village in the middle of Papua New guinea and that everyone was so happy and tickled to see us.

[Photo credits to Arvi - 'What's the time Mr Wolf?' ]

Church was this simple service with cute traditions. Regardless though, it was beautiful. It was a group of God's people that just wanted to come together and love on Him. I could just imagine God being SO pleased with what they had to offer.

The kids were so adorable too! LOVE LOVE the opportunity to be here. One of the little girls kept inching closer to me, from the tip of her last finger until she was eventually all wrapped up around me. 

Day 8

The past few days have been unbelievable. Running down mud paths in bare feet, jumping in puddles, meeting beautiful people and just.. realising that I actually REALLY am in Papua New Guinea.

Life is hard, but God is good. :)

Day 9

Today was such a good, long day, with a few main highlights.

1. Talked to Koivi on the way to Samoa today. He shared with us about his life and hopes for Papua New Guinea. I loved this conversation because of how pure and honest his words were, how genuine he was. He spoke of his family, the differences between city and village life, God's hand on his life, how from our work on the ship the people have been seeing God's love. 

"You begin with God and you end with God. If you're not in God's plan for your life, you're gonna miss out."

"But when I'm here, I look at God's creation and I KNOW that He is with me here."

This is what I LOVE about missions, the glimpse into a person's life and soul that is so different from the life I am used to, but beautiful beyond measure. As much as I enjoy making children laugh and running and playing in mud, this, THIS, is why missions has such a special place in my heart. My heart will always be for people and the wonder at this amazing life and its infinite possibilities. Even better, to see God so real in them. God is God, even in Pidgin. Or Koriki. Or any other language. 

I loved everything about that boat ride. Thank You Jesus for this precious time with such a godly man, for Your gifts are so precious to me.

[Photo credits to Arvi - 'Koivi']

2. The hike from Samoa to Ero. Like seriously, knee deep in mud, falling over with Janine laughing saying "I want to help you but I don't know how" - LOL, beautiful children who wash your legs, help you through the jungle, decorate your hair and who are just SO EAGER for love.. and a gorgeous scenery from Daddy too. I loved the worship music playing from an old school radio in the creek, how randomly awesome was that?

[Photos credit to Arvi - 'Washing It Clean' and 'Caught You!']

NOTE: Like seriously, Arvi takes the MOST BEAUTIFUL pictures. These are just some of them!

I'm often still filled with disbelief that I'm here, just seeing Daddy show off His beauty unashamedly. Oh I love it. It's quite tiring and unglamorous sometimes, but.. I love it so much. I was getting worried about what might happen next after this trip, but I felt Daddy say "Go study hard, be a doctor, and wait till I call you out again."

Day 10 (CLC at Kikori)

I love church here. Church is not a place. Church is a group of people coming together to worship Daddy. Even in the middle of Papua New Guinea, God is still great, and He is still sovereign. All glory to Him, for letting me sense Him here with me so powerfully too. :)

The thing is.. people are beautiful. :)

"Stop worrying My child. Just live each day well with Me. I am in control."

Day 12 and onwards..

There was this one night that I felt really sick. Rebs sat with me the whole time and kept praying, her faith is absolutely inspiring. Lynette was so caring as well, I felt so so loved! :)

Monday was Lalau and Ario, where I fell through the wooden floor. Tuesday was Ero, where I fell off a bridge made of bark. Haha, I've got so many battle scars and bruises! LOVED the mud experience on Tuesday, that was fun. Knee/thigh deep in mud to transfer boxes down a human chain, you gotta love missions. :) We nearly missed the tide and had to have people push the dingy out of the shallow river fairly far. 

Day 18

Sitting in the airplane now, I can't believe my 2 1/2 week adventure is over. 17 year-old me would NEVER have dared to hope I'd be where I am now. And that thought excites me, what, really, WHAT might my future possibly hold that I daren't believe for now? Just as was spoken over me, God's got more, and I KNOW it.

So what's next Pops? What will our next adventure together be? Thank You so much for this Daddy, and teach me I pray, to be faithful in the little things, in studying now and just glorifying You. Help me to hear Your voice more clearly, and to just love others extravagantly the way You do. I wanna be more like You Papa. :)

Can you believe I actually jumped off the top of the ship into a sea in Papua New Guinea today? Life's not worth living afraid. Make the MOST out of it.

I'll be back in PNG one day. I love it too much to not go back. Years later, I think that I will always look back and see it as where God began to unleash all He placed in me when He created me. I refuse to believe that these are the things I will only do in my youth, with great passion to do God's work. As Abraham and Moses had such powerful things happen in their old age, I think that I can quite certainly say that God's not done with me yet. Not even close. :)

That's all from my journals! For more stories, you're gonna have to hear it from me face to face! ;) I hope you were blessed by this post, and if there's one thing you take away from it, I hope it's that you know that your dreams aren't impossible. Life.. is so full of possibilities, and with God on your side, you're in for the ride of your life. You WILL be amazed by where He takes you if you're willing to cruise on the current of His will. Promise. :)

Mi hamamas,

Candice