A few days ago, I received a humongous scare when the toilet paper I unsuspectingly pulled from the roll revealed a huge brown cockroach beneath the metal cover. I screamed in response and was far too afraid to continue using the bathroom. Excuse me for being a 'girly girl', but it completely freaked me out that the cockroach was nearly on my hand.
I only went back later with my eldest sister in tow for some sort of protection. To be honest, I was a total whine and scaredy cat, to the point where my sister exclaimed, "You're normally so brave and now I can't believe you're scared of a little cockroach!"
Anyways, we couldn't find it, which meant that it was lurking somewhere. I had to just use the bathroom cautiously, ready to make an escape if necessary.
I spent that day a little mad at God for bullying me like that. To have a cockroach in my toilet was okay, but it was on my toilet roll and gave me such a huge shock when my hand was there. To top it off, I had prayed once, fully believing too I might add, that all forms of small, violent animals and insects would never come near me because well.. my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and I declared that they would fear the light in me and thus stay far away.
I know my anger was irrational, and probably out of place as well, yet I couldn't help but feel the way I did.
And would you believe it, that night, I came upstairs to find that cockroach dead, lying right outside my room.
...
I knew then that Papa wanted to teach me something.
I knew then that He listens to my every prayer, even the funny ones, even the irrational ones, and while He may not always do what I want Him to do.. sometimes, He grins and lets me have my way.
"Sometimes, you may feel like My favour has left you, but I want you to know that My eyes are always on you, and My heart always for you. Hang in there. You ARE favoured, even if it doesn't show yet."
:)
...
And then tonight, a bird pooped directly onto my hand, a first experience in my 20 years.
Frustrated and upset, I let out a big sigh.. after the scream that came as a reflex upon noticing the poo on my arm.
What are the odds? Why is this happening to me? Why does it feel like God is out to get me?
These were the questions I knew the answer to, that I just had to throw out to Him in anger anyways.
...
It's about resistance training.
It's about not letting fear get the best of me. It's about being okay with bad circumstances because a life of missions would entail cockroaches and bird poop too. It's about winning the battle in my own mind and spirit.
I've learnt, that it's about praising the name of Jesus even when the bad things happen, to laugh with the crowd when these odd bouts of 'bad luck' take me by surprise, to believe no matter what happens that I am a favoured and precious child of God. Putting it into practice though, requires a bit more time and a lot more heart from me.
But you see.. the more I can do that, the more I can live the way Papa intended me to -
.. safely housed by His everlasting peace in an insanely chaotic world.
Blessed by everyday lessons,
Dice
