Real, Raw, Honest

I got angry at God today.

It was over something, that in retrospect, is completely ridiculous but at that point, I was almost fuming from a lot of pent up frustration over the past few weeks.

I completely broke down in worship today. Tears were streaming down my face and I stood there with my arms crossed, refusing to talk to God. I needed some space, and I wanted to let it all out. And so I cried.. until I couldn't anymore.

At that point, with my spirit finally still again, I heard Him speak to me.

"Are you done being angry yet?"

It wasn't a condescending statement, nor did it carry a sarcastic tone.
It was God waiting for me to be ready, understanding enough to let have some time to vent.

 "Yes.. Yes I am."

"Come on here then. I love you."

Oh the weight that left my shoulders then, the liberation that came so unsuspectingly. And amazingly enough, the very next moment, I was in someone's embrace, a young lady I didn't recognize who kept whispering to me "He loves you, He loves you so much."She smiled at me and rubbed my arms. Tearfully, I nodded and thanked her gratefully.

I really am blessed and so well taken care of. 

And it didn't even end there, the day continued on with a kind stranger leaving his running car behind me to help me fix on the metal part of my tyre at the red light, coffee with the lovely Tonia and such timely encouragement, and even more encouragement at the end of the day.

My life is easier than most other people in this world, I know that surely.
And yet, there are those days where raw emotion catches up with me, and the stresses of this world overwhelm me. I don't always feel like talking to God when it does, but every time I do, I never walk away with regrets.

I'll be here to fight another day. Tomorrow will be an even better day. :)

Blessed,
Dice

What A Joy It Is

Probably the cutest thing I have ever made, and I am so blessed to have seen an expression of pure joy from its recipient in return.

After all, what use is a gift, or a talent, if not to bring joy into the lives of others? :)

Don't Hold Back

Funny how just yesterday I was talking about growing older, and its implications.

Because today.. I found myself in the "hot seat" at my GP clinic, interviewing a woman on the brink of her 60th birthday. Not five minutes into this consult, she began weeping and letting out the huge burden she had been lugging around all this while but hid from the world.

Who was I, but a 20 year old? What could I have possibly said to help her believe that everything is going to be OK?

I kept going as best I could, and listened to her because that much I knew, most people just need someone to REALLY listen. After a while though, I didn't know much of what to ask anymore or do in accordance to a GP plan and shot a look towards my GP beside me, who caught the message - "Erm, please help!".

...

I have always been the young one. In many ways I have always felt older than I am, but today I realized, that I also very much feel just.. 19. Ask me how old I am and you may hear me accidentally say 19 without realizing it.

I know that one of the gifts that God has given me is edification and encouragement, something I have been told before on several occasions. And yet, when I leave out the supernatural wisdom that I know is what people encounter when they talk to me sometimes and walk away feeling better, I just feel really.. inadequate. Like really, how much do I know about life? Even talking to some younger than me who have gone through pretty dark things puts me at a loss for words. The worst thing I've probably ever intentionally done with my life in recent years is.. skip class to sleep in. Or perhaps blurt a secret that wasn't mine to someone else. Or stay out late at night to talk to friends and keep my parents waiting up.

I've lived a pretty protected life and I love that I have.. but does that make me somewhat.. unrelatable to a hurting world?

...

Well, I've decided that my prayer is this, that I will be able to keep living my life in such a way, free from temporary pleasures that do not satisfy that I may show the world what life is like with Christ, and what real, unending joy feels like. I pray that my youth will be irrelevant when talking to people of all walks and backgrounds, because of the touch of God upon my life and my tongue. I pray that He will be able to comfort others through me, despite what I may or may not have endured in this life. 

Above all, I pray, that I will never let the inadequacy I feel in my own self stop me from bringing about a change that is bigger than myself, because it is not me but Christ who works in me. 

What a joy to be able to be a part of this. He's astounded me before, with what He can do through me.

Do it again Papa God, I pray. :)

"Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity."
- 1 Timonthy 4:12

Love,
Dice

Carried By The Wind

I used to think that my youth would last forever. 
And yet I see in clinics, the patients that become weaker, sicker as they age. I see that undeniable journey through life and realize that this is the youngest I will ever be again. It's amazing to look back and reflect on how much I have changed in the past five years alone and now find myself here, on the journey of reaching adulthood by the standards of the world. I gotta admit, it can get a bit.. claustrophobic, for lack of a better word. Who knows when their last day might be, and when time might run out?

I used to think that I'd always sail through life.
And yet I'm learning that though favour and talent may be on your side, nothing compares to good old hard work.

I used to think that it was easy to be happy all the time, and to live a passionate life.
And yet I'm starting to understand why people grow harder and more cynical as they age, and every day has become somewhat a battle to fight the flow of the ordinary and press on to the dreams in my own heart.

I used to worry a lot less.
And yet I do worry more now. Is this what it means to grow up?

Sometimes, I tell myself that I don't want to grow up. Perhaps because it scares me, perhaps because the weight of responsibility can be such a heavy one to bear.
And yet.. how much more could a grown up with the believing heart and idealisms of a child do?

I think the key is this - to let His wind carry me through. To keep my eyes on the One who put those dreams there as I press on towards the goal. To seek His strength and His comfort when the streams dry up, and to always, always, fight to live an extraordinary life. 

Ready For A New Adventure

Three months. :)

Today I Am Thankful For..

My life is full of really, really good people. :)