where do you draw the line?

"Majorities do not decide what is right or wrong. Your conscience does. So why should a citizen surrender his or her conscience to a legislator? No, we must never, ever kneel down before the tyranny of a majority."
- The Great Debaters

i love that quote! today in our pretty heated discussion in CBL, i was pushed to think about a lot of ethical issues regarding the abortion of a child with a genetic disease. and in a lot of the heated ethical discussions, the question is usually always, "where do you draw the line?" which of these would be considered a crime? murder, abortion, discarding embryos that carry a genetic disease. at what point of a life, is killing it.. wrong? and who are we really, to be the ones to decide a person shouldn't be worth living just because they'd have a disability? does having one make them that much less of a human? and i remember reading a story once about a couple who decided to go through with a pregnancy where the baby was genetically diseased like the mum, but they realized that if everyone who had the condition had never been born, that would have been such a shame(for blur people, cause the husband loves the wifee????).

i guess i'm coming to terms with the fact that i have strong opinions, and beliefs, largely due to my faith. i know abortion is wrong cause the Bible says do not murder, and that God has a plan for everyone. i know even people with disabilities deserved to be born because God loves everyone and knew them before they were even born. I know it's wrong to have sex before marriage, and that all things are permissible but not all beneficial. it's a bit hard i guess, being in a profession where my opinion will only be that much, my opinion. i can't force a woman to keep her baby when she doesn't want to, or fight for a person's life as a professional. it's just.. an unexpected challenge.

and i started thinking about this, what is it that makes us human? and i realized, as cheesy as this may be AT FIRST hear me out, the capacity to love and be loved. what make a baby human would be the love of his/her parents, and all the love he or she will eventually receive and give as a person. we all live to be loved don't we, and without that support of a friend, the love from our families, the kindness of a stranger, and above all, the extravagant unending love of our Saviour, what are we living for really? a good job? money? luxury? no way man.

so yea.. that's pretty much the thoughts bubbling in my head. as for life here, it's been getting better. i'm starting to find my footing, expanding my horizons a bit, and testing my limits. God's got something WAY BIGGER than i expected sending me here! :)

love LOADS,
candice

life of praise

i love this song, i hope you're blessed by it! :) lyrics are in the previous post. :)

love,
candice

hope of all hearts

Hope of All Hearts by Planteshakers

The world may fade
You will remain
In the midst of the trial
You will always be, I'll sing
Our God never fails
Our God never fails

With hope and light
You reign over all
Though my heart may fail
You will always be, I'll sing
Our God never fails
Our God never fails

Praise in the morning
Praise in the evening
Praise when I'm laughing
Praise when I'm grieving
There will be dancing
There will be singing
Upon injustice we will tell of our God

The hope of all hearts
The hope of all hearts Is you
Your love never fails
Your love never fails

With hope and light
You reign over all
Though my heart may fail
You will always be all the same
Our God never fails
Our God never fails

The hope of all hearts
The hope of all hearts Is you
Your love never fails
Your love never fails

In darkness,
In trial, my soul shall sing
Of his mercy, and kindness
Our offering of praise
Our God never fails
Our God never fails

i knew i had to go up to that altar today, and just surrender, tell God i cannot do this by myself. there was such a great desire in me to serve with everything i had, to lay it all down for His glory. i've been living very unpurposefully these last few months, just all about settling in, making it through each day. but i don't wanna live like that anymore. i wanna go His way, do His will, watch miracles happen everyday in my lives and more importantly, in the lives of those around me. to be honest, i was quite pleased with my spiritual level(?) last year, i could sense God a lot, and He made so many miracles happen. but i grew complacent, accepted that as good enough, but coming here, being emptied, i realized how much more i can go in this, how much deeper i want to fall in love with this great God, how much more i want to be a steward of Christ before i am a student, before i am anything else. everytime i walk up the altar, my biggest fear is receiving, feeling God's presence, but just for the moment. of feeling the difficulty of praying when the music fades, when i'm back in my room, when the world is silent again. i still don't know how to overcome that, except by praying all the more harder i suppose.

i loved how the pastor said that God is not limited by time, and even as i fail over and over again, He knew when i would be able to make it. and when i finally do, He's there, cheering me on saying "I knew you could do it all along!" :') and of how God knew what made me me before i knew what made me me.

but i guess, what i'm trying to say is what i already have said, all the loneliness and awkwardness of the past month is made so worth it, to just be able to experience the peace of God in the midst of my storms. thank You Lord, amen! :)

and here's the CUTEST baby in the world! i wanted to pack her into my bag and bring her home with me today. :P



held by His love,
candice

the endless question of identity

today i realized how 'small kid' i am and look. :P not sure if i'm too happy bout that, but oh well, i've been happy that way for preetty long anyways. still, like i've said a lot, not sure if i wrote it here before though, that i had already built a comfortable life in malaysia, good friends, family, FOOOD, spiritual support, opportunity to serve. and her i am starting from scratch. somedays i re-read the notes i received from my dearest friends, and i can't help feeling that the me they describe isn't really the same me i am now, and that's not in a good way. here i've to start from scratch re-building my identity, finding the me that fits into this environment, or stands out in a good way, one i'm happy with, one God would be proud of. but who would that be?

looking back at the old zoo, tugu negara, kl tour pics made me feel.. WAHH. i so happening last time wan ar? haha. and i'm afraid i eventually lose that stupit cina boy who'd snap close ups and get on mich and kor's nerves, and make elena whack me, and irritate lilian. i know i'm going in circles here.

still, life is okay here. i'm really blessed to be surrounded by good people, though jerks who make stupid sounds at me from their car still gets on my nerves, but still, mostly good people. :) i'm blessed to have found a lifegroup i'm comfortable in, with people i know will eventually become like family. i'm blessed to be here at all, studying, fulfilling my dreams. and i guess this really is the challenge God's put before me, to still dare to be me even when everything, EVERYTHING in my life has changed. will i still serve when i don't feel comfortable here yet? will i still be a good friend to whoever needs me whenever, even on days i just wanna come home and be alone? will i still praise God when the storms in my life overwhelm me?

and i miss really, being surrounded by people who really knew me, people who'd encourage me with the right words, because they've seen me overcome obstacles in me, because they know me enough to believe in me. kor says i miss being the center of attention. ahhahah maybe. :P but what really brought tears to my eyes was the honest prayer over me by a friend in my lifegroup. here's a guy i've never met before, who prayed that i would be a blessing to other people, for God to be with me as i struggle with loneliness and ended his prayer by thanking God for 'this amazing lady'. as many people including mrs sharon would say, i'm hardly ladylike. REGARDLESS, i was enormously blessed by that prayer that night. for so long, i've just wanted to be okay here, to remember what it felt like to have a friend's honest encouragement, to just fit in. but i remembered, that i'm not just here for me. :) i'm here to be obedient to God, to serve others, to study hard in order to be a blessing to others in the future. thank You God, for the love of strangers, for always being You even when i struggle to be me. I love You Lord! :)


don't forget this girl self! :)

love,
candice

fearless

i started reading max lucado's book 'Fearless', though i have a feeling i read bits of it before, but oh well. and this thought hit me,

I would rather be here, alone and stressed and balding and cold, if it means seeing God. I would rather suffer than be happy, if it meant my pain would bring me closer to God. I am blessed, to have this opportunity to be with God, and rely on Him more than ever. :)

"I would have lost heart unless I had believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living,"
-Psalm 27:13.

I started going for lifegroup on thursday! it was awesome, i really felt very at home there, which is a very meaningful feeling for me right now. i'm just really glad, cause i suddenly feel God's plan for me falling into place again, a feeling i've hardly felt since i got my offer to come here. :) but things are starting to look up for me here, and like i said, the hardships just draw me even closer to God, the One who'll NEVER leave my side. :)

i can't wait to go home this july!! :D :D :D

and it's cold here.... BRRR.

love loads,
candice :)

i hate spiders

CANDICE TOH STOP EATING MINT M&MS!

lately it doesn't take much to make me smile. :) mich's uncrunchy but yummy toast, a cute old man chasing the bus, nice aussies who talk to me like a person and not 'another asian' cause some of them can be pretty harsh sometimes :/, injecting fake skin, seeing flowers growing in the middle of nowhere on campus, cereal and milk in gene's apartment, love letters(well emails and posts really) from home, catching my bus home etc. but i guess, in retrospect, takes little to make me sad too. there's the sudden wave of homesickness i get, the time people fought in the bus (i HATE it when people fight and threaten to get physical), the stupit spiders and tarantula (it was HUGE K!), etc.

anyways, today we were discussing in some genetic lecture, or rather i was discussing in my brain, about whether people'd want to know if they would develop a terminal illness in the future. with all the talk going round about revelations coming true now, i'm thinking if i would live differently if i knew exactly how much time i had left here. and that if i had a choice to know, would i take it?

all my life i thought, no way i'd wanna know when i'm gonna die man. but someone said once, dunno in a book or what, but the person said he'd wanna know when he died just to really appreciate life and know his life is temporary and all. but in all this really jumbledness raw thoughts in my mind, i wonder if knowing i will act differently if i knew exactly how long i had left would compel me to already start acting differently, living fully and taking risks simply because i could in fact die tomorrow. :S

and i reached a new record! 06:04:46 on skype with hubs! crazy stuff, and to think we actually had stuff to talk about for like 90% of the time. serious! love ya chrissy! :) sorry i fell asleep in the last 10 minutes or so. hahahhahaha!


love,
candice

oh the horror!

i consider myself extremely brave already for not screaming the house down at 2am when that stupit spider crawled across my table and onto the top of the window. GRR. well this crazy event, and a series of other reasons led me to shift room today! to the bigger room next to me with a nicer and brighter view. :P

well so far i've survived a week of med school. :) been tough lor, since i've been sick too. it takes so much studying in a day to just pull through and i should totally be studying now. :/ i still get homesick every now and then though, i miss my parents, my friends and my life back home. i don't belong here, though i mean i know God wants me here now, just, this isn't my home la. i thought about this alot and i finally realized that if i could go home for just a few hours, the number one thing i'd wanna do is have dinner with my family at home. :) just that. number two is go to church, and see a sea of familiar faces instead of being a newcomer.

there are moments when i feel very candice again though, while i'm here. few and in between, but they're there. :) maybe i just need a bit more time to really know where i stand. God's here with me tho. :) i know that full well. <3

(i would have inserted a pic from fb that kor and gene says my bf will have to be as crazy as me to like, but i don't know how to copy pics from fb anymore. :S)

love,
the bratty little cina boy

settling in

today i..
- didn't really think about how homesick i was
- took notes in a really boring lecture anyways
- stayed back to study in the library after class till 7 plus
- had a nurse take 5 test tubes worth of my blood for testing
- made a nice (finally female) friend i could discuss church with
- met a couple of new, really great friends :)
- started learning how to talk to patients
- found the hargrave-andrew library
- spoke up in tutorial and actually really enjoyed it
- sawafewgoodlookingmembersoftheoppositegenderhehe
- walked to and from uni, even after 7.30pm
- shared lunch with a friend
- had dinner by myself cause i was home late but gobbled everything down happily cause i was so hungry
- got homework :(
- nearly danced my way back cause i was listening to 'super trouper' on my ipod
- ate free fairy floss/cotton candy and regretted eating something so pink and sticky
- .. enjoyed my day quite a lot. :) thanks God. :)

i think i'm starting to settle in here a bit. :) life is good. gotta remember that. haha, looking forward to meeting gene, kor and my sister moro! :)

love lots,
candice