living in momentum

Today I realized that I've been living in momentum, for the longest time. I haven't decided if it's a bad thing or a good thing, but for the most part, it doesn't feel too healthy. A good friend once told me that I'm always on the move and I never stop, and that she was afraid one day I might fall and lose the momentum to go on any further. I somehow never forgot that, and looking back now, perhaps that is really just all I do. I jog, run, sprint and then stop. And repeat. Over and over and over again.

I hate that my walk with God has always been like that too. At some point last year I found myself running faster than ever before, so passionate and absolutely sold out to God, so open and connected to Him. And here I am now. Stopped. Trying to start over, trying to pick my feet up again and push myself to even greater heights. I hate being where I am now, so far away from God yet so near if only I would put more effort in. This distance is taking such a toll on my soul, I feel grumpy, exhausted, lazy, scared, and lacking the magnitude of the passion I had to serve before. I need God, so much and so bad, but it's only me that can begin this reconstruction, to pick up the pace again.

Being in church felt great today though, and watching the flashbacks of 2011 felt pretty surreal. It was like memories of a past life, cause I've been so caught up in my holiday back home that I kinda forgot about my life here. Forgot about the adventures He has brought me on and through, and the lessons I had learnt. I suddenly thought about all the encouraging things people have said to me throughout last year up till now, and had to wonder, what happened to that girl they were talking about? It was quite upsetting really, being in that place, sure that I'd backslidden but finding the courage to ask God for forgiveness once more. It seems like I had to have used up all my second chances by now, but like today's pastor reminded us, His mercies are new everyday.

I want to start living with a purpose again, a drive and that inner quiet peace that tells me everyday that I can do this. I want to start running again, I want to be passionate once more. I wish to pick up the pace and never lose that momentum again until I see Jesus face to face. But because I am human, I know it's improbable. I change and my sinful nature will cause me to waver. Still, I want to commit to my resolution for this year, which is to get better at coming back to God every time I falter.

So, bring it on Lord, more adventures, more challenges, but above all, SO SO much more of You. :)

Blessings,
Dice

so here's an update from melbourne

I love my housemates! :) Thank You so much Jesus for sending me them! :) XOXO

Much loves,
Dice

disbelief

I just settled all my flights for my 'adventure' mid this year. Now all that's left is to get travel insurance, settle the visa application and confirm I'm going.

Suddenly this isn't just a dream anymore.
Suddenly it's not just ideas or plans to plan in my head.

Suddenly, this is all becoming very real to me.

And as exciting as this may be.. I feel quite terrified, of everything that may go wrong with my plans. There's a lot on the line for me here, monetarily, time-wise, emotionally..

I'm really scared Daddy, but still so, so thankful You gave me this opportunity. Thank You. Please let this be just the way You wanted it for me. :)

because the truth is..

.. I am excited to go back to Melbourne. Really excited. :) Hubs will be there, I'll be staying with four other crazy, amazing, dancing, singing girls, there's church and urban life, I'll be in Year 2 already and I just know that things will be new and beautiful this year.

I'm just afraid of a day where I might panic and want more than anything to come home.. but can't.

Oh Lord, help me make these last days count. And I pray for a fresh peace and excitement as I look toward the future You have in store for me, I surrender my 2012 into Your hands once again Lord. <3

Happy Valentine's Day Daddy God, I love You! :)

Love,
Dice

adventure

*photo courtesy of robinwong.blogspot.com*

Today as I was looking for attractions in KL I came across this place called 'Carey Island'. It was described such - PULAU Carey is famous for two things – great seafood and the indigenous Mah Meri (pronounced Mak Mri) people who have a reputation for some of the world's finest wooden masks. Hahah I suggested it for a KIASU outing but since it was so last minute and there were not enough of us for a new adventure, we put it into the bucket list. But reading all the reviews about this place, especially from the website which I got the picture from (sorry the picture doesn't show the place much, it just looked nice :D ), I actually think I'd have liked to have gone there for a first date. Hahah, I've had this conversation with various people countless times and thought about the ideal first date, and I think 67km out of Port Klang to talk to natives about their lives would have been pretty darn amazing. If it's anything like my imagination that is. But maybe that's why I shouldn't go there, what if it's not at all how I imagined the place? What if it is just a boring, dirty, deserted, dodgy place? Hahah ah well, one day I'll know I suppose.

I really just love going on trips where I get to meet people, and see the way they live, and experience a whole new environment. I loved that about Kota Bahru, getting to talk to the various uncles and aunties there, and really for a moment seeing life through different eyes, their eyes. I love the idea of meeting strangers and sharing in their joys for that fragment of my day. I love being in new places with unexpected adventures. I suppose that that is what I attempt to achieve with my end-of-the-line trips. I don't think I'm very good at talking to people I don't know yet, and I always get told off from my mum for doing that because it can in fact be very dangerous, but I do hope I get better at it someday. Or find someone braver than me to go along so I eventually pick it up too.

But for now, even peaceful train rides are enough to soothe and bring joy to my soul. Thank You Lord for that. :)

So yea, other than noting down how I'd love to visit Carey Island one day, I've been thinking about going back to Aus a lot. For weeks now the phrase "you'd think this would get easier" has been playing in my head like a broken record. Maybe it's cause this time home, I actually got to learn a lot, realize there are friends I can count on that I never really did before, experienced things and had a pretty darn good holiday. This trip, I got to cross the Thai border with friends not passports, pray in my garden with girls that I love, drive more, be a total couch potato, have ups and downs with the family that I wouldn't trade anything for, and despite the occasional bad circumstances and memories, I feel really.. loved. I think one thing I got to remember/re-learn, is that I am cherished by the people around me, and it's something I kinda forgot.

Okay I stopped typing about forty minutes ago so I'll just end here.

Oh just a final thought: I spent today last year on a plane embarking on my biggest adventure ever, and I'm gonna spend today with some people I love. Wonder what I'll be doing next year? Hahaha anyways, for you couples out there, Happy Valentine's Day! :) Oh and today as I was washing the dishes, I suddenly smiled at the random-est thought of either Gene or Wen Shi nervously preparing for first dates in the future where I (and the one not going on the date) can sit back, laugh, pick the right shirt, give untested advice and wish him all the best. :) I am definitely excited for what 2012 will bring me. :)

Love heaps,
Dice

just for laughs

find your inner passion and follow it fierce

Watched a piece on MagSeven (NTV7) today that I found very moving and inspiring! I tried to find the video/photos of it on www.tonton.com.my, but I couldn't. Anyways, here's the gist of it.

It was about this man who had a daughter with a cleft lip. *I missed some bits here* He was quite upset about it, wondering why he had a daughter like that or something, but eventually got over it. Then one day to cheer her up after she'd been put through countless operations, he dressed up as a clown and managed to make her really happy. He soon decided to become a clown full-time after.

From then began an uphill climb of making it as a clown and gaining respect for his career choice from his family and friends. It was an inspiring story truly, that continued with his wife and children and two other neighbourhood kids joining his act, making a family of clowns.

And toward the end of the segment, it showed Mamat and his youngest son performing in the hospital for sick children, a place which had in the past, brought much dread to his young daughter. It was such a beautiful sight, it moved me to near tears. Someone like him, who just wanted to bring joy to the world the way he brought joy to his daughter once a long time ago, got to see his dream come true (once again) in a hospital ward, where every smile on the faces of those sickly children reminded him of why he chose this path. As laughter filled the air and toothy grins lit up the faces of the young patients there, I realized a deep admiration I had for Mamat. And in fact, any person who would choose to spend a lifetime bringing joy to others, out of the pure satisfaction of knowing that because of him, someone breathed a little easier that day. I like how the narrator put it (I kinda failed to get it verbatim but basically..) - "Facing life challenges at such a young age can be tiring for anybody. Sometimes they need to get away, and take a break from it all. That is what the clown family is for."

I think I'd like to try that one day. :) Being a full on clown for an audience in need of cheering up, just at least once. This is going on my bucket list! :)

To find your passion and follow it fierce, that truly is.. nothing short of remarkable. Thank you Mamat, for inspiring me today. :)

Moved,
Candice :)

heartstrings

My sister introduced me to this website today, stumbleupon.com where you pick your set of interests and they find sites they think would be good for you. :) Here are some things I found today that I really liked, and some old favourites too. :)



"Maybe you'll get everything you wished for. Maybe you'll get more than you could have ever imagined. Who knows where life will take you."
- One Tree Hill


Having fulfilled God's purpose for my life, family, friends, being who I always wanted to be..


Still about nineteen. :)


“When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak.”
- Audre Lorde

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”
- Alice Walker



“Don’t wait for something big to occur. Start where you are, with what you have, and that will always lead you into something greater.”
- Mary Manin Morrissey



“I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do.”
- Helen Keller


I'd.. study harder, slack less, but mostly, pray more.


“The greater your capacity to love, the greater is your capacity to feel the pain.”
- Jennifer Aniston




"Anger inevitably seems conjoined to an emotional investment"
- Astrid, Fringe Season 4






Today, I'm thankful for the little joys I have at home, falling asleep on the hammock outside on a cool rainy day, watching my parents work together to saw the handrails, my sister's epic doily lampshade papier mache project fail, cheap pore packs, but mostly.. today I'm thankful for family. :)

Blessings and love,
Candice

a beautiful morning

Thank You Daddy, for a beautiful morning! Sorry we were a bit noisy, to the family too, but otherwise, thank You for a breakfast so full of fun, fellowship and love. Thank You for a bunch of girls that have grown so much, in life and in You. Thank You for blessing me with them throughout my pivotal growing years, and for all the prayers we've shared over those years.

But especially Lord, thank You for the prayer today, as we just sat in the garden holding one another, lifting our lives, our futures and our friendship into Your hands.

In the words of Kat, thank You so much indeed Daddy, for giving us such beautiful things in life. :)


*I look so weird here, will change the picture when the rest are uploaded! :)*

Much loves,
Candice