In the Intensive Care Unit - you see a lot of regret.
In the 8 days that I've spent here so far, I've seen much of it.
There's the man who lamented that he wonders every day if he made the right choice with his divorce, the elderly lady with the poor lungs who wished she never picked up a cigarette in her life, the family members who would do anything for just a bit more time, and people who regretted not taking their medication as they should.. and even those who wake up intubated, disappointed to realise that their suicide attempts were not successful.
It's a sad place, and the very raw emotions at play give rise to a unique spectrum of responses from people who finally notice that they have so much to lose.
...
"It's so horrible growing old and getting sick - you get so helpless," she said to me, the frustration in her voice evident as tears began to well in her eyes.
"And the worst part is I did this to myself."
She began to pour out her struggles about staying with her extended family whilst waiting to move to a nursing facility in a few months time. She expressed that she felt bad to be such a burden but that the fact of the matter was that her lungs were just not good anymore from years of smoking.
Feeling very helpless myself, I held on to her hand and listened, reassuring her when she apologised for wasting my time.
"Thank you, just by listening, you helped a lot."
...
To be honest, it's been a while since I've had one of these encounters with a patient, perhaps because of how junior I am in ICU that I don't do much of the talking, or how busy it gets that there isn't that time to linger and chat, or that many patients are intubated and non verbal.
I don't think I'll ever forget her though, and may she always be a reminder for me to stop for the patients who need a bit more care, and that a little can go a long way indeed.
It's a sad place, and the very raw emotions at play give rise to a unique spectrum of responses from people who finally notice that they have so much to lose.
...
"It's so horrible growing old and getting sick - you get so helpless," she said to me, the frustration in her voice evident as tears began to well in her eyes.
"And the worst part is I did this to myself."
She began to pour out her struggles about staying with her extended family whilst waiting to move to a nursing facility in a few months time. She expressed that she felt bad to be such a burden but that the fact of the matter was that her lungs were just not good anymore from years of smoking.
Feeling very helpless myself, I held on to her hand and listened, reassuring her when she apologised for wasting my time.
"Thank you, just by listening, you helped a lot."
...
To be honest, it's been a while since I've had one of these encounters with a patient, perhaps because of how junior I am in ICU that I don't do much of the talking, or how busy it gets that there isn't that time to linger and chat, or that many patients are intubated and non verbal.
I don't think I'll ever forget her though, and may she always be a reminder for me to stop for the patients who need a bit more care, and that a little can go a long way indeed.
