Monday, September 26, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
so..
'If the devil isn't causing you any trouble, it's probably cause you aren't causing him any.'
- Pastor Chris Hill
- Pastor Chris Hill
Thursday, September 15, 2011
faith
i realized recently, that faith is being JOYFUL in watching the breakthroughs and miracles in other people's lives while you are still waiting for your own, especially when your breakthrough feels impossible and painful to hope for. Cause we know, that we serve the same God who is able to do abundantly exceeding above all else we ask or think for our lives, and we rejoice together as a body of Christ. :)
faith.. is also falling back on the truths of your life, making a conscious decision to believe it even when circumstances drag you to a corner and make you doubt.
at the end of the day, don't let the devil steal your joy.
lub,
mee :D
faith.. is also falling back on the truths of your life, making a conscious decision to believe it even when circumstances drag you to a corner and make you doubt.
at the end of the day, don't let the devil steal your joy.
lub,
mee :D
Sunday, September 11, 2011
reality
i realized that looking back on old blogspots, i always write about the ups in my Christian walk, and hardly ever about the downs, probably out of shame, or just.. an earthly desire to make a perfect image of myself. but the truth is, i learn more in pain than in good times and greater testimonies come out of that too. truth is, i have been going through some spiritual battles lately, and very often i feel weary, and tired of fighting. and at times when i can't bring myself to believe in what i know in my heart to be the truth, i hear the voices of people from my past, encouraging, prophesying, praying. i hear pastor matt reminding all of us that we are going to be tested, to see if we have really changed for God, to see if what we learnt about spiritual battles have stuck. he also said to be glad when we're tested cause then we know the devil really is scared because he sees the change in us. i hear the one leader in that prayer tunnel saying to me "you have a warrior's spirit, don't give up, keep fighting". i hear various people telling me that God's got a big plan for me, i hear that in my spirit too, so so often. i hear the words in jon's letter saying "failures are only failures when you don't learn from them". i hear all these things, and most days it pulls me through. i really struggle though when the devil attacks these words too, saying things like, they didn't really mean it, or they say that to everyone. still, i know i have a God that WILL FIGHT for me, that with one cry He is by my side. even without the cry He is actually, always. but yea, i guess the point i wanted to make was that the Christian walk isn't easy. if you find it easy, you're probably doing something wrong, or you're getting comfortable. but it does not mean there is no joy in this journey, on the contrary, our God is a God of joy, and of peace, and of blessing. and He always will be.
also, it's been getting harder for me to hear and distinguish God's voice from my own. some days i sit down and try and try and try but i hear nothing. and it frustrates me at first, actually for a long time it did, but now i realize that this is a test of my faith. will i press on until i see results? will i not give up, like what was said over me, until the miracles i am praying for come to pass? do i love God enough to keep trying? am i desperate enough to not accept nothing? and like i said above, some days i don't even wanna try anymore. but i know, that this is where i'm growing. this is the time where i'm being molded and shaped to be a disciple of Jesus Christ and this is the true measure of my character. and you know what, looking from it that way today, i realized, devil, BRING IT ON. i'm not afraid of whatever you throw at me, and even when i can't hear God, i will not falter cause i know He's there. i know He's still holding me, still reaching out to me, and still loving me.
today, i was late for second service, and it made me feel really distressed, and sinful. so in all that eeurghness, i wasn't really absorbing in service, thinking this doesn't apply to me! and today's sermon was on faith. but still, i had a feeling that i should stay for third service as well. so i did, out of faith. and it was good! i was able to go for this service a bit more free and easy, and many things and mindsets were changed, and for now at least, the battle is won. for now. :) God is good. i love how the words in the song Nothing is Impossible spoke so truly to me. "I'm not gonna live by what i feel, cause deep down i know that You're here with me.." so yea anyways, towards the end of the message in second, it struck me, this message speaks heaps about my situation too! haaha it was just a good time in church today la. :P
and i guess something i wanted to say that was on my mind all day was that.. i'm not always fully secure. there are people in my life that i feel will not love me anymore if i make a mistake, if i mess up or just don't make enough time for them. there are people in my life who i care for deeply, but there's that unshakable feeling (whether true or not) that the reverse is for me to earn. and when things start falling apart, i rely on different groups of people for that emotional support. but i realized.. people WILL always eventually fail me, and i too will always fail some people somehow in some point of time. but God. man.. God. He is the ONLY person whose love i never had to earn. i never had to fight to keep it, i only had to fight to keep believing it. how can God so sovereign love me? but when that realization hits you like it did me, you won't be the same again. i have one perfect love in my life. one love, that will NEVER walk away when i'm at my ugliest inside out, when i'm worn out, beaten, bruised, one love that is truly, absolutely, UNCONDITIONAL. and suddenly i feel so secure again. when i immerse myself into His conscious presence, i remember the truth, i feel it, and i know that God is really all i need. and then i also remember that love between people here is not about the number of events i get invited to or go to, it's not the number of friends i have on facebook, or the activity on my wall. it's about the people i can call (if they actually wake up by the call) at any time to just talk about my problems, it's about the simple expression of love - a hug that i get on occasion when i see them, it's about people i can be myself around and really just believing, even if it takes perasan-ness, cause that does take more courage in this case than believing otherwise, that i am loved.
so yea. you know, God is just.. phenomenal. in every season, in every circumstance. thank You Lord, for teaching me new things through this. :)
blessed,
Candice :)
also, it's been getting harder for me to hear and distinguish God's voice from my own. some days i sit down and try and try and try but i hear nothing. and it frustrates me at first, actually for a long time it did, but now i realize that this is a test of my faith. will i press on until i see results? will i not give up, like what was said over me, until the miracles i am praying for come to pass? do i love God enough to keep trying? am i desperate enough to not accept nothing? and like i said above, some days i don't even wanna try anymore. but i know, that this is where i'm growing. this is the time where i'm being molded and shaped to be a disciple of Jesus Christ and this is the true measure of my character. and you know what, looking from it that way today, i realized, devil, BRING IT ON. i'm not afraid of whatever you throw at me, and even when i can't hear God, i will not falter cause i know He's there. i know He's still holding me, still reaching out to me, and still loving me.
today, i was late for second service, and it made me feel really distressed, and sinful. so in all that eeurghness, i wasn't really absorbing in service, thinking this doesn't apply to me! and today's sermon was on faith. but still, i had a feeling that i should stay for third service as well. so i did, out of faith. and it was good! i was able to go for this service a bit more free and easy, and many things and mindsets were changed, and for now at least, the battle is won. for now. :) God is good. i love how the words in the song Nothing is Impossible spoke so truly to me. "I'm not gonna live by what i feel, cause deep down i know that You're here with me.." so yea anyways, towards the end of the message in second, it struck me, this message speaks heaps about my situation too! haaha it was just a good time in church today la. :P
and i guess something i wanted to say that was on my mind all day was that.. i'm not always fully secure. there are people in my life that i feel will not love me anymore if i make a mistake, if i mess up or just don't make enough time for them. there are people in my life who i care for deeply, but there's that unshakable feeling (whether true or not) that the reverse is for me to earn. and when things start falling apart, i rely on different groups of people for that emotional support. but i realized.. people WILL always eventually fail me, and i too will always fail some people somehow in some point of time. but God. man.. God. He is the ONLY person whose love i never had to earn. i never had to fight to keep it, i only had to fight to keep believing it. how can God so sovereign love me? but when that realization hits you like it did me, you won't be the same again. i have one perfect love in my life. one love, that will NEVER walk away when i'm at my ugliest inside out, when i'm worn out, beaten, bruised, one love that is truly, absolutely, UNCONDITIONAL. and suddenly i feel so secure again. when i immerse myself into His conscious presence, i remember the truth, i feel it, and i know that God is really all i need. and then i also remember that love between people here is not about the number of events i get invited to or go to, it's not the number of friends i have on facebook, or the activity on my wall. it's about the people i can call (if they actually wake up by the call) at any time to just talk about my problems, it's about the simple expression of love - a hug that i get on occasion when i see them, it's about people i can be myself around and really just believing, even if it takes perasan-ness, cause that does take more courage in this case than believing otherwise, that i am loved.
so yea. you know, God is just.. phenomenal. in every season, in every circumstance. thank You Lord, for teaching me new things through this. :)
blessed,
Candice :)
Thursday, September 8, 2011
redemption
'Jesus Christ, our Savior, who is the propitiation, the satisfaction if you would, for our sins, and not just for our sins, but for the sins of the whole world. The blood of Jesus Christ flowed from seven places. The first place He bled from - the blood that poured from His head that day. The blood from the thorns in His skull cleanse you from thoughts, the blood that was on His face - hey, He has covered the things that you may not want to face up to because of what you've seen or heard. Know this, the blood flowed for you. "Yeah, but Jon, you just don't know I've backed away from the Lord, I've turned my back on him." Well they took a flagellum and they beat His back and blood flowed from His back. It reduced to hamburger meat that day, His back was beaten so brutally. And if you've turned your back on Him and walked away from Him, know this, the blood, the blood that poured from His back, cleanses you; sprinkles you. "Yeah but Jon, you just don't know what I've done with these hands." Those hands were pierced, those hands were pinned to the tree, spikes driven through those hands where He bled to cleanse you and cleanse me from the stuff that we've handled that we ought not to have handled, the stuff that we've done that we ought not to have done. Hey, understand. The blood flowed from His hand. "Yeah but it's stuff that's inside of me Jon, It's just things that I feel in my gut. I have bitterness towards them, and I'm angry with her." Jesus wants you to know that blood flowed from His side when they thrust that spear into Him when He hung on the cross. "Feet...I've walked where I ought not to have walked." Blood flowed from His feet too, when the spike pinned Him through the feet, to the cross of calvary. And now I realize things that I can't face up to, thoughts that I've had that are not right, not good, not true, bitterness inside of me, stuff I've touched that I ought not to touch, places I've gone where I ought not to have walked. And I look and I realize the seven-fold flowing of the blood of Christ cleanses me in every area from all sin and I'm free, and I'm forgiven, by the blood. What can wash away my sin, nothing but the blood of Jesus. Seven times perfection...seven places...that's what He went through, for me and for you.'
- Awakening, by Seven Places
Gosh.. how amazing God's love for us truly is. Unending, and perfect. Listening to this today just made me so speechless, and i knew i had to share this and post it up cause this story of redemption will always hold power, it will always bring meaning and forgiveness to those who seek it. Praise God for being exactly who He is, now and forevermore. :)
Loveee,
Candice
- Awakening, by Seven Places
Gosh.. how amazing God's love for us truly is. Unending, and perfect. Listening to this today just made me so speechless, and i knew i had to share this and post it up cause this story of redemption will always hold power, it will always bring meaning and forgiveness to those who seek it. Praise God for being exactly who He is, now and forevermore. :)
Loveee,
Candice
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
CAMP CAMP CAMP! :D
like check out how awesome camp was man! :D :D :D
Can you spot MEE? :D
love heaps,
candice! :D
planetUNI Camp 2011 - Highlights Reel from planetUNI TV on Vimeo.
Can you spot MEE? :D
love heaps,
candice! :D
Sunday, September 4, 2011
more in love
"Tell your stories, cause they speak not of you but they speak of Me."
Camp was a downright mindblowing experience for me. On more than one occasion i have said, if for JUST this moment here, i will still have packed my bags and came to camp. i know i write about events in my life a lot, and to someone who does not share the same faith it would be just boring or irritating, but i challenge you to read my account of camp today, since you're already here anyways. dare you?
my favourite part of camp was the last night session as everyone was getting ready and lining up to go for the prayer tunnel. for those of you who don't know what a prayer tunnel is, it's where all the leaders line up in two rows facing each other and people go through that 'tunnel' and have hands laid on them and prophetic words spoken over their lives. but not all the amazing blessing came from the tunnel alone. i was so humbled to see people who were waiting to go in pray for one another and carry each other as we believe for breakthrough. i have never seen such a beautiful sight and God's presence was just soaking through that entire place and the atmosphere was just filled with holiness and man, i can't even describe it. i was so especially blessed by ern ying's prayer for me before i entered the tunnel as she spoke words of life that were so so timely for me, reminding me of who God really is and to receive the plans God has for me cause that will affect the lives of so many other people as well who would be impacted by my life. and in the tunnel, a particular prophetic word saying God has given you a warrior's spirit, keep fighting felt so on-the-spot and just wow. after going through it, i took a seat nearby and just watched as more people went through the tunnel, sang along quietly to the worship music, basked in Hid glorious presence and felt such an overwhelming sense of fullness and peace. i was so drawn to God's presence in that place, to the sound of faith rising up louder and louder as people were praying in tongues and others were responding as God was moving in their lives. Gosh i really can't describe the wonder i felt at that time, and i thought to myself, God, you must be so proud of your people right now. and i meant it not a way intended for self-glorification but in one of honour, where people were just carrying one another in faith and as an army we rose to worship the God of the universe. just wow. mind blowing. :)
and as i sat there i knew that i want God more. i want Him more than good grades, more than anyone else, just so much more and i fell in love with Him all over again that night. and i find it so amazing that it's not only me that was doing so, and it made me realize that everyone is still here, still worshipping because we have all had that love encounter with God that is more real than.. other real things in our lives. God's overwhelming love for us can't be described you know, it must be experienced and when you do experience that, when God draws in and just POURS OUT HIS LOVE on you, you'll never be the same ever. that night, i saw people rising up to fight the devil by declaring things over their lives, i saw lives rededicated to God.that night, i saw grown men cry, broken on their knees before their Saviour, in a deeply personal relationship with Him too. i was so blown away and humbled by this, and truly, real men fight on their knees.
and to people who think of me as overly religious or 'too into it', which is okay, an honour even i suppose, my only response is that... i love my God more than life and He deserves it, that and so much more. i wouldn't have missed this camp experience for the world. i find myself growing in God again, in a whole new level and this time it feels so different cause my growth is out of love. out of just being so crazy in love with Him and having Him love me so passionately as well. hahah i keep getting a loss for words.
but overall i learnt SO MUCH from this camp, not just from the last night.
ooh one thing that became clear for me. lately i have been very troubled by God's revelation that He has big plans for me. like BIG. and i keep getting that impression and then freaking out because i'm afraid it's too big for me. it doesn't really make much sense i guess, but i was very troubled by this, and as much as my heart burns to rise up, to do greater things for God's kingdom, i did not feel ready at all and things feel like they're already moving too fast. but then i had such a God moment and it hit me that the reason i don't feel ready to do all those things for god is because the i am not yet the girl in my future. i'm not at the level of spiritual faith and growth she's in, and it's gonna take a lot of hard work to get to that place and to watch God move in my life every step of the way.
other than that, the other moment i felt so poignant was when we gave jon the ipad 2 we got him, and the scrapbook. the plan was to get a non ulu13 member pass the ipad to him and say eh you know who's this is ar? why have your name on it wan? so we were all just sitting around him 'chilling' as this guy acts the scene for us and we all just move in excited and all, awaiting his reaction. he was absolutely speechless, just smiling in a very moved sorta way, and it just felt so amazing being able to honour him like that and thank him for everything he's done for us. just for that moment in seeing his reaction to the ipad first then the scrapbook with our pictures, notes and love, it was already worth going to camp for man.. i absolutely love this kingdom culture of honouring like what scott and the rest of planetuni did for pastor matt today and just thanked him for being such a spiritual dad to the whole ministry and to see pastor matt's humbled speechless expression.. i just love it so much man, that there was so much beauty and supernaturalness in us practicing the culture of honour and it felt so holy that moment. so outta this world. many eyes teared up throughout, including mine man. :') but yea anyways back to jon, we were all pleasantly surprised back with a handwritten letter afterwards and i was so so excited to read mine but sad too, cause once you read a letter, it's like.. read you know. hahah. and to be honest the first time i read it, i was like.. ohh. erm okay. that's what jon wanted to say? but.. i read it again. and again. and again. and somewhere between the second and third time i read his words, i got it. and suddenly i saw his huge heart and personal-ness in the words he was saying specifically to me and that even in leaving he was still discipling us to grow more. that letter is definitely one of my absolute favourites that i have ever received now, and i will always treasure those words a lot, as a starting point to grow and also a place to look back on for encouragement in tough times.
thank you jon, for everything if you're reading this. you have made SUCH a big impact on my life and taught me so much about life and people and i want to be able to pass that on to other people i come into contact with in the future. life back in malaysia is gonna be so amazing for you as God keeps molding you and expanding you and i am very excited for what is to come for you. thanks so so much. :)
oh and i loved the fellowship in camp too. the crazy morning dance battle in room 41, the late night awkward matters talk, the games, the encouragements to study, the one on ones and how my urban life has become so much like a second family to me. everyone, and even those people i am less close to have become people that mean the world to me and i thank God for every decision i made along the way that brought me to this place, of having the best brothers and sisters in Christ, like minded with one goal and eagerness to serve each other in love. AWESOME!
*picture soon!*
yea.. that's all for now though i have so much more to sayy! will update this soon.
love HEAPSICUM,
candice :D
Camp was a downright mindblowing experience for me. On more than one occasion i have said, if for JUST this moment here, i will still have packed my bags and came to camp. i know i write about events in my life a lot, and to someone who does not share the same faith it would be just boring or irritating, but i challenge you to read my account of camp today, since you're already here anyways. dare you?
my favourite part of camp was the last night session as everyone was getting ready and lining up to go for the prayer tunnel. for those of you who don't know what a prayer tunnel is, it's where all the leaders line up in two rows facing each other and people go through that 'tunnel' and have hands laid on them and prophetic words spoken over their lives. but not all the amazing blessing came from the tunnel alone. i was so humbled to see people who were waiting to go in pray for one another and carry each other as we believe for breakthrough. i have never seen such a beautiful sight and God's presence was just soaking through that entire place and the atmosphere was just filled with holiness and man, i can't even describe it. i was so especially blessed by ern ying's prayer for me before i entered the tunnel as she spoke words of life that were so so timely for me, reminding me of who God really is and to receive the plans God has for me cause that will affect the lives of so many other people as well who would be impacted by my life. and in the tunnel, a particular prophetic word saying God has given you a warrior's spirit, keep fighting felt so on-the-spot and just wow. after going through it, i took a seat nearby and just watched as more people went through the tunnel, sang along quietly to the worship music, basked in Hid glorious presence and felt such an overwhelming sense of fullness and peace. i was so drawn to God's presence in that place, to the sound of faith rising up louder and louder as people were praying in tongues and others were responding as God was moving in their lives. Gosh i really can't describe the wonder i felt at that time, and i thought to myself, God, you must be so proud of your people right now. and i meant it not a way intended for self-glorification but in one of honour, where people were just carrying one another in faith and as an army we rose to worship the God of the universe. just wow. mind blowing. :)
and as i sat there i knew that i want God more. i want Him more than good grades, more than anyone else, just so much more and i fell in love with Him all over again that night. and i find it so amazing that it's not only me that was doing so, and it made me realize that everyone is still here, still worshipping because we have all had that love encounter with God that is more real than.. other real things in our lives. God's overwhelming love for us can't be described you know, it must be experienced and when you do experience that, when God draws in and just POURS OUT HIS LOVE on you, you'll never be the same ever. that night, i saw people rising up to fight the devil by declaring things over their lives, i saw lives rededicated to God.that night, i saw grown men cry, broken on their knees before their Saviour, in a deeply personal relationship with Him too. i was so blown away and humbled by this, and truly, real men fight on their knees.
and to people who think of me as overly religious or 'too into it', which is okay, an honour even i suppose, my only response is that... i love my God more than life and He deserves it, that and so much more. i wouldn't have missed this camp experience for the world. i find myself growing in God again, in a whole new level and this time it feels so different cause my growth is out of love. out of just being so crazy in love with Him and having Him love me so passionately as well. hahah i keep getting a loss for words.
but overall i learnt SO MUCH from this camp, not just from the last night.
ooh one thing that became clear for me. lately i have been very troubled by God's revelation that He has big plans for me. like BIG. and i keep getting that impression and then freaking out because i'm afraid it's too big for me. it doesn't really make much sense i guess, but i was very troubled by this, and as much as my heart burns to rise up, to do greater things for God's kingdom, i did not feel ready at all and things feel like they're already moving too fast. but then i had such a God moment and it hit me that the reason i don't feel ready to do all those things for god is because the i am not yet the girl in my future. i'm not at the level of spiritual faith and growth she's in, and it's gonna take a lot of hard work to get to that place and to watch God move in my life every step of the way.
other than that, the other moment i felt so poignant was when we gave jon the ipad 2 we got him, and the scrapbook. the plan was to get a non ulu13 member pass the ipad to him and say eh you know who's this is ar? why have your name on it wan? so we were all just sitting around him 'chilling' as this guy acts the scene for us and we all just move in excited and all, awaiting his reaction. he was absolutely speechless, just smiling in a very moved sorta way, and it just felt so amazing being able to honour him like that and thank him for everything he's done for us. just for that moment in seeing his reaction to the ipad first then the scrapbook with our pictures, notes and love, it was already worth going to camp for man.. i absolutely love this kingdom culture of honouring like what scott and the rest of planetuni did for pastor matt today and just thanked him for being such a spiritual dad to the whole ministry and to see pastor matt's humbled speechless expression.. i just love it so much man, that there was so much beauty and supernaturalness in us practicing the culture of honour and it felt so holy that moment. so outta this world. many eyes teared up throughout, including mine man. :') but yea anyways back to jon, we were all pleasantly surprised back with a handwritten letter afterwards and i was so so excited to read mine but sad too, cause once you read a letter, it's like.. read you know. hahah. and to be honest the first time i read it, i was like.. ohh. erm okay. that's what jon wanted to say? but.. i read it again. and again. and again. and somewhere between the second and third time i read his words, i got it. and suddenly i saw his huge heart and personal-ness in the words he was saying specifically to me and that even in leaving he was still discipling us to grow more. that letter is definitely one of my absolute favourites that i have ever received now, and i will always treasure those words a lot, as a starting point to grow and also a place to look back on for encouragement in tough times.
thank you jon, for everything if you're reading this. you have made SUCH a big impact on my life and taught me so much about life and people and i want to be able to pass that on to other people i come into contact with in the future. life back in malaysia is gonna be so amazing for you as God keeps molding you and expanding you and i am very excited for what is to come for you. thanks so so much. :)
oh and i loved the fellowship in camp too. the crazy morning dance battle in room 41, the late night awkward matters talk, the games, the encouragements to study, the one on ones and how my urban life has become so much like a second family to me. everyone, and even those people i am less close to have become people that mean the world to me and i thank God for every decision i made along the way that brought me to this place, of having the best brothers and sisters in Christ, like minded with one goal and eagerness to serve each other in love. AWESOME!
*picture soon!*
yea.. that's all for now though i have so much more to sayy! will update this soon.
love HEAPSICUM,
candice :D
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)