Hello love. :)
It's me.. the you that will be in 5 years. Right now, you're probably sitting at home studying for SPM, worrying about getting all the A1s to make daddy and mummy proud. I'm pretty much doing the same thing now, except in my case, it is my final exam of medical school. Pretty crazy hey?
You may find it strange that I've decided to take some time to reflect and write you this tonight, but as I stand on the brink of becoming an adult, I've been thinking a lot more - about life, love, dreams, responsibilities, family and destiny. In the midst of those thoughts, I considered how useful it would be to get to speak to the me five years away, 26-year-old me, who would have a much better idea of life by then. I wish I could have had five minutes.. or if not, just a letter of stories and encouragements.
And then I realized.. I never wrote you a letter.
And because I love writing love letters, here I am. :)
At 15 going on 16, you have quite a bit going on for you, don't you? School is busy, with sports and Christian Fellowship, and church, and getting mummy to let you go out more often with your friends. I see the way you love life, the joy you carry throughout everything, and the process of maturing that you are currently going through. You don't have to be in such a rush to grow up and prove yourself to the world, little one. Just keep enjoying life, keep laughing and loving, and always, always, stay passionate.
I know what you would ask me first if you had the chance. "Will I get to fall in love?" Haha, keep your eyes on more important things baby girl. The time will come when it's right. As you journey into becoming me, you will meet so many people along the way, people who will inspire you with their hearts and determination, people who are strong, unique, talented, beautiful and all out amazing. The more people you meet, the more you will realize that the world you have been living in has been so small, and that there is so much to learn from life itself. Focus on building yourself, and knowing who you are and what you want. God may make you wait, as He likes to do to all His children, but you will soon learn that a season of waiting is also a precious gift from God.
More seriously though, I know what else you worry about. "Will I make it to medical school?" Yes love, you will. Next year, you will spend all year stressing about it but also feeling the weight of God's promises. You will learn to trust that the voice you hear is His and that His promises do come true. You will one day sit where I am sitting, that much I can promise you. It isn't always going to be easy, and time and time again you may feel like giving everything up, but know that when I feel that way, I remember you for inspiration.
I remember the girl who would openly share her dreams of becoming a medical missionary to others, and though she sometimes received discouraging words that shook her for a bit, she would rise above it and insist to prove to them that she could and would do exactly that. I remember how you put love into action, week after week, because you received the opportunity to love a group of refugee children with not much else then. I remember how you felt your emotions so freely and strongly when you saw the need in the community around you. I remember the girl who knew so certainly that it was pointless doing medicine for the money because it is passion for people that will get her through med school instead of an unsubstantial love for money. I remember the girl who did that spiritual gifts quiz and got compassion and voluntary poverty as hers. I remember how hard you studied, and how sure you were of yourself.
I remember you, and I feel strengthened to keep going. For your sake, and for mine.
But dice, let me tell you now that despite how you may dream of a big future now, that Papa God has every intention to completely blow your mind with the even bigger plans He has for you. You would not believe the things I have gotten to do since you. In the next five years of your life, you are going to get to travel to secluded places around the world, visit villages (almost) untouched by civilisation, speak to hundreds of people about how good God is to you and befriend people from all walks of life. You will dive into new cultures, different foods, and fall so, so irrevocably in love with diversity, and people.
And looking inwards, you will grow so much. I know that you think now that you know heaps, and that it is such an utter insult whenever people tell you to wait till you grow up because you're only 16. Don't get offended, and never let your heart be hardened towards learning new things. You may "know stuff" and have understanding, but you are never as wise as you will be, just as I can never be as wise as 26-year-old us. In life you will always be learning, and learning only stops when you mistakenly assume that you have become smart enough to know it all. From where you stand now, you will find courage, and from that, you will be able to build a life in Melbourne anew, to make new friends, apply for crazy mission trips with complete faith, fly by yourself to unknown nations, lead others, pray for strangers and to say yes when God says go.
Oh what incredible adventures you have in store for you. :)
Most excitingly of all, you are going to know God so much more as you grow. You think you've seen His goodness.. you ain't seen nothing yet. Oh the encounters to come that are going to completely change your whole life, the tear-stained sessions which will soften your heart, the gentle call of the Holy Spirit, the power you will discover you carry as you work with Him, the words that declare an incredible future spoken over you by others and by the quiet voice in your heart.. and the experiences that will make you really believe that you can make a difference in life, even if it is for just one person. All it takes is enough love, and a willingness to step out again and again to love the people in a broken world as extravagantly as you have been loved.
And dice.. it may be scary for you to hear this now, but life isn't going to be just a walk in the park for you. I can tell you now that there are going to be nights you spend crying, overwhelmed by circumstances. There will come big shockers in life, as well as times where you feel so alone. Still, know that you flourish in adversity. As that fire in your heart keeps burning, and your hand is still tightly held in Papa God's, know that you will make it through even stronger, even braver, and even more amazing.
One day love, you'll find yourself in my shoes. It may feel like forever, but you'll get here eventually.
At 20 going on 21, life is.. exciting. It's good, and filled with a lot of goodness and beauty. I have other things to worry about in this time, thoughts of finally growing up and growing old, knowing that life is changing and taking new turns. I worry about becoming a real doctor, if I will be able to be a good one, because I really, really do want to be. I worry about the people around me - family and friends, hoping that everyone will be healthy and flourishing too. I have started to consider the implications of those dreams we talked about, and the sacrifices that need to be made along the way in pursuit of that. And amidst the warehouse-load of thoughts that have made themselves at home in my mind, there is a strong sense of significance for this time, a feeling of being molded for really big things that I cannot yet see, and a quiet yet firm belief that my life can be used to do more than I ever thought possible.
But that's not your worry just yet. :)
You just settle your SPM and college applications.
...
So, after all that has been said.. here is some advice for the road.
The answer is always to just go back to God, everything you need can always be found in Him. Fruitfulness comes from intimacy. Other than that, make sure your heart stays soft, and fiercely believe that you do not have to conform to the negativity you see in this world. You ARE an overcomer, and you live defined by who God says you are, and not who the world dares dictate you have to be in order to be accepted. Be the sunshine in the lives of those near you, cause that's who God made you to be.
You may not always feel like you have all the support you would like.. but know that you really can count on the people in your life, and that God has promised you that you will never walk alone. He will provide the covenant partners along the way to support you through.
Never let fear hold you back from doing what is right. Fear is a choice, and life is not meant to be spent living afraid. People should not scare you, they're just people. You lose so much more in a moment lived in fear than you will ever realize.
Fill your life with beauty, and new experiences. Thirst for adventure. Travel more whenever you can, even if it's three hours away by train and bus. Learn new things - like cooking, and dancing and make sure you make the most out of your life, having no regrets, so much so that death does not scare you the way it does the world.
Keep telling your stories, cause they speak not of you but of God.
Work hard, make your family proud, and be a good doctor.
I would try and give you fashion advice, but knowing you and how much you love bright, excessive colours now, I am certain you wouldn't listen anyways. It's alright though, you still managed to find good friends to have lunch with you even when you wore more colours in one outfit than most people do in a week.
Love extravagantly, wholeheartedly, faithfully. You may not see the fruit of your labor of love just yet, but one day, you will. I promise. I love this quote by Albert Schweitzer -"Love cannot be put under a system of rules and regulations. It issues absolute commands. Each of us must decide for himself how far he can go towards carrying out the boundless commitment of love."
And when you feel like you can't do it anymore, take just one more step forward. Just one more, and then another, and then another. Look straight ahead, and keep on going. Show your circumstances the much-ness of your spirit. And, never let disappointment or failure hold you back from getting up and trying again.
Don't worry dear girl, you will somehow find the courage to become me one day. It's really not bad. And don't worry about me either, I know I'm going to turn out just fine. More than just fine. :)
Happy early 16th birthday love. Take good care of yourself ok?
With much love,
Future You
