Saturday, April 23, 2011

thought for the day

Sin Hurts

April 22, 2011


Our Daily Bread is hosted by Les Lamborn
READ: Hebrews 2:10-18

He poured out His soul unto death, and He was numbered with the transgressors, and He bore the sin of many. —Isaiah 53:12

Sooner or later we all feel the painful effects of sin. Sometimes it’s the weight of our own sin and the shame and embarrassment of having failed miserably. At other times, it’s the load of someone else’s sin that weighs us down—someone who betrayed, deceived, abandoned, ridiculed, cheated, or made a fool of us.

Think about a time when the weight of that guilt or pain was so heavy that you couldn’t pull yourself out of bed. Now try to imagine the heaviness of the combined grief that everyone’s sin has caused your family, your church, your neighborhood. Add to that all the suffering sin has caused everyone in your city, state, nation, and the world. Now try to imagine the accumulated grief that sin has caused throughout the centuries since creation.

Is it any wonder that the weight of all this sin began squeezing the life out of Jesus on the night He was called to bear it? (Matt. 26:36-44). The next day, even His beloved Father would forsake Him. No other suffering can compare.

Sin put Jesus to the ultimate test. But His love endured it, His strength bore it, and His power overcame it. Thanks to Jesus’ death and resurrection, we know beyond a doubt that sin will not and cannot win. —Julie Ackerman Link

:),
candice

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

missing you

guess that homesickness never really goes away, sometimes it's stronger than other times, or other times i'd be okay for long periods of time, when i'm kept busy really. i've got that feeling, the one where i want to talk to everyone, but no one. where i can't stand being alone, but no one's near enough to just come bum with me. haha i'm not that emo right now really, just.. missing home, friends, me. can't remember the last time i snapped a close up of someone's face, or screamed about where to eat, or ran and danced on the road with three other 'perempuan gila', or brought our own candles to a 'candlelight dinner', or lou sang-ed on jalan bersih. :) just rewatching all those stupit old videos.. :')

these are some of the more recent events my mind wanders to when i'm walking alone. maybe this is what craig hassed means when he talks of mindfulness, you gotta keep ya mind on the present, cause that's where all the happiness lie. but i smile anyways looking back on all those memories, even think, wow, we used to do so many things! but i think that just might be what i miss the most, being so outta my mind happy all the time. maybe i'm just growing up now, maybe med culture needs more serious than high, maybe. :) i'm just talking in circles here. bottom line is, i really really miss you guys.







love,
candice

Thursday, April 14, 2011

do it again Jesus

when people told me that conference was a MUST-GO, i was 'oh sure. okay, sounds nice. :)'. when people described how last year's conference changed their lives, i started getting more excited. but in no way, was i expecting SO MUCH of God in this conference.

i was a bit hesitant about sharing this so publicly at first cause it was pretty personal for me, but i realized God gave me a testimony, and i'm gonna testify. Coming here, i really believed my relationship with God was okay, good even. and then i started attending planetshakers, and witnessing firsthand the faith of a people that could do so much by the power of God. week after week i saw testimonies of people regaining perfect eyesight, doing excellently in school, hip deformity healed and so much more. how humbling it truly was being in a place where miracles just kept happening because God was moving. and then i came for conference, and last night pastor benny perez made an altar call for everyone who wanted to see God start doing unusual miracles in their lives, to start living supernaturally. and as soon as i stood up where i was in the balcony, i began to shake. to be honest, it was prettay scary. i just couldn't stop shaking, like from my stomach, and it was like spasms la. and i just couldn't stop shaking. i knew i had something to receive from God that night. and when pastor benny perez said to come to the altar, i ran! i was so eager to get there, to receive my inheritance. and i hit my knee jumping over chairs and there's this MEGA ULTRA HUGE bruise there now. heh. anyways, i'm running and i'm still shaking, and i come to a stop. and pastor russell takes over and starts speaking God's power over everyone, and man i felt it. twice i was gonna be slain, but i couldn't just fall backwards cause there were people behind me. and oh that was the worst feeling ever, feeling God's power and yet not be able to just submit, cause i had to resist, cause no one was gonna catch me if i fell and people would probably be hurt by me too. so i stood there, just praying still, for God to move in me. and all this time i was praying in tongues like never before, like it wasn't even my own voice, and it felt so so natural and powerful and just.. amazing. after everyone was dismissed, i was still shaking all over and i just couldn't stop, and josh came up to me and offered me a hug. and i started crying and shaking still and i heard someone say okay i got her, and once again the power of God just hit me and there i was, lying on the floor, crying. all this time service was over and people were leaving, with the house lights on, and there i was on the floor, just crying and hungry and reaching out to God, praying for His touch. and after a while, the sobs started to quiet down, and i stood up, but i just could not stop shaking. i was so so blessed to have had mei ying, ann ee and josh there, praying for me and supporting me. in tears i told mei ying that i couldn't stop shaking, and she said to me, "that's the power of God.". and it hit me that night, how crazy powerful my God is, my God who'd walk with me through darkness and evil, my God who'd help me get into university, my God who held my life in His hands. and that night, was supernatural indeed. :) and i didn't stop shaking until i went to sleep, all the way home to clayton, even walking into the house, i was just shaking non-stop.

today i was ready for more. much more. and worship today was just so good! and God's presence was so thick in that place, and people were being healed, lives were being transformed, and all i could do was stand amazed and praise all the more. when pastor russell told all those who were healed to give a shout out of what they were healed of, so many people lifted their voices in praise to our King. there was such joy in me that i had to express, such wonder that i had to give thanks for. and God is just so so good! i don't want to ever stop falling in love with You Jesus, and i pray that You'd do it again, i pray for miracles to happen in the lives of those around me, just miracle after miracle testifying of Your goodness to a fallen people.

thank You for Your new mercies each day Lord, thank You for love, for peace, for Your authority over sin, for Your grace, and for Your people. You never stop amazing me, all glory be to You Lord. :)

i'm feeling so SO excited for what AMAZING future God's got in store for me. from these nights i learnt, that when God calls me, i will go, i must, because i just want to be wherever God is.

"Church should be the biggest party on earth!"
- Pastor Russell

and if you're reading this now and you're in melbourne, i really want to encourage you to come for tomorrow night, the last night (i think!). Don't miss out on a night that could change your life, and absolutely, don't miss out on a God that can change your heart, forever. oh how He loves you.

learning to love like Christ,
candice

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

courage to declare a 'not-yet'

this came to mind today.

Do you believe in the power of prayer?
.... Yes, i do.
Then PRAY.

when you ask God for something, He answers you immediately, the man in the Bible story just had to travel the two more days to find out that God's promise had come true. :)

and i realized if God put me in a position where i'm fine and so many other people around me are hurting or in the darkness, if He put me here to intercede,then i will. :)

oh and i just remembered this today, as we sang "our hearts are waiting for You", i got the image of God in my head, and me as a little girl sitting at His feet like a father performing magic tricks for his daughter. and He kept coming up with better tricks, leaving the daughter excited, waiting for what is next. and i thought wow, that's just like me and God! everytime i think He can't make a bigger miracle happen, He does and i'm amazed once again. and my heart says, "what next God? what miracle will You perform next? i'm waiting for You." :)

love,
Candice

Monday, April 11, 2011

never settle

thank You God, for showing me yet again today exactly why You have placed me here. thank You for continually humbling me with Your awesomeness is showing me the bigger picture, and for making me realize that i'm not just here to fulfill my dreams and come to my first-choice uni, but instead and maybe even more so, to do Your work with those around me. thank You Lord! :)

Love,
Your daughter

Sunday, April 10, 2011

one life to love

okay! here's my excited pack-ted post bout my weekend! :)

friday night i met up with...


.. for dinner and supper! it was so good seeing them again, or so i thought until i was neck-deep in insults. SCOFF. haha, but anyways, after really hot chilli in sambal malaysia and a good time reading michelle liew's letters, we decided to come back to my sister's place for supper. i baked them cookies! they helped. :P


they were YUMS! :)

then anyways, on saturday, me and my sister spent the day doing community gardening with sam's church City Life, at king's lake. it was one of the MOST rewarding and just good days i've ever had. :) so many testimonies came out of that day, and i mean really, all we did was garden and just because we did it with God, in obedience to Him, people were so so blessed by it, in return blessing us even all the more. the place that our group was assigned to belonged to a lady who had so much grief from the loss due to black saturday. and her house was just gone, all burnt down and the place had weeds and bricks all over. and so we got to work! :) even had an awesome barbecue up there for lunch, after which it was back to digging, pulling, wheelbarrowing. :) the lady that we helped that day was so touched and when we were gonna leave at the end of the day, she said that she was so blessed that we came to help her, especially since we didn't know her. and that the fact that we were willing to do so out of love, proved our God was real. :) it was really really heartwarming, inspiring and just heartbreaking too to hear her say such heartfelt words. sam said that what was so beatiful was that we're all running our own races in life, but just that we would stop a while, turn around and help this lady who has fallen down and cannot get back up again, that has given her hope again.

and then, by God's incredible hand among our work, He even planned the distribution such that this particular group would be assigned to a woman who was losing her eyesight, and would eventually lose it all i think. in this group, was this strong woman, who was completely blind, who went there to offer her help in weeding and her comfort. isn't God great, really? this lady that the group went to help was so so blessed and inspired by seeing christine(the blind woman) help her weed her garden, and that act offered her hope, and the strength to go on. this testimony really made me eyes water, cause of how God is so amazing and beatiful and wonderful that He'd arrange for this woman to be blessed by one of His warriors on that day, knowing it was exactly what she needed.

i then remembered this.
“'Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?' Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment.And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’"
- Matthew 22:36-39

isn't that all God has commanded us to do? to love God and to love people, if we would put that absolutely first, i am certain that we will be in line with what He calls us to do. i have been reminded of the power of just loving God and loving people, and watching the incredible miracles that flow from that. God is great and His mercy is endless truly. and i'm just so blessed to be able to know this, and have this conviction in my life. all i can pray for is that God would deepen my love for others and more so for Him more and more, and that He would use me for far greater things for His glory.


sam's lifegroup + me and my sister
i had so much fun with these people! they're all such nice people, and i am so blessed to have met them that day too. i hope i get to make it for sam's lifegroup one day! hahah. :P


the team i went with, everybody was just so awesome la. so funny too! at the end of the day, strangers had become friends, and there was water and chips and laughs being thrown around. :) thank You Lord for a beautiful, beautiful day!


me and my sister! edited by raylene, haha thanks raylene! :) i'm so glad i have her here with me, to guide me through being here and for being a figure i can look up to too. :) thanks che! thanks to you and sam, i've met so many people i don't think i would have otherwise, people including you two, who challenge me to be better, love more, grow more, and to never let go of what makes me me. <3!

today my sister and i followed sam to City Life too, and i like what the pastor said about what kind of God would follow His people into the darkness, the one thing He hates the most? our God. our God indeed. :) He not only followed us into it when we sinned to save us, He kicked its butt too when Jesus died for our sins! :D

oh and how awesome is it that i can run to gene's place in like 5 minutes from my sister's place to pass him stuff? hahahahha! :D

so yea, i had a pretty awesome weekend. totally looking forward to being a tutor now, i passed! :D i hope i have the time to juggle everything, but i believe i will. cause God's on my side. :) and the Holy Spirit will be with me to help me juggle and get through this, i have faith in this! and next week's planetshakers conference! gosh i am SO excited!! thank You God for arranging awesome possum friends that can help me get here to the city on time for the night sessions, and for my wednesday off too! thanks for everything God! i love You heaps! :)

remembering that all goodness starts with love,
candice :)

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

i dare you!

i realized just now how i'm starting to conquer (sort of) a lot of my fears. in most cases, i'd always imagine the worst scenario. like before coming here, i imagined a psycho homestay family who feeds me maggi only, and maybe even like grounded bugs or something. hahah, that was pretty stupid i guess.... i know. anyways i'm thinking back of how i've started sitting public transport alone here, walking back home when it really dark out already and streetlights are scarce (this STILL scares me a lot!), walking half an hour along the highway to a shopping mall, away from home, family and friends, fitting in into med school and a whole new environment, eating my veggies, volunteering to tutor a stranger in a suburb i have no idea about.. but i still can't deal with spiders.

anyways, it's pretty interesting to find myself testing my limits, really shedding my small-girl skin. and yet i know, that there are so SO much more fears left for me to overcome in the future. i can imagine myself already crying in the hallways of a deserted hospital at night when a life is lost, imagine the pain when someone tells me they're gonna go with the abortion, imagine the hurt to see a child come to the hospital bruised from abuse. or even just the expectations to always do the right thing, or to get really good grades, or to see and examine a cadaver. how far can i stretch really? i know there'll be a day when i look back and think, 'you did it girl! you really did it. :)'. but til' then, i'll just have to live up to those fears. to learn step by step, to stretch bit by bit, and to never stop challenging myself to be braver, tougher, stronger.

today i just remembered what yee sam told me on the orientation day at taylor's last year. it was so random, but sweet. he told me that i'm super holy wey, and that he thinks only the Pope can be a good match for me. =.='' but then he said, "i think any guy that can get you is damn lucky lor." aww. somehow i never forgot that. just reminded me that even on the days i can't bear to be me any longer, and i even forget how much God loves me, that if a friend, not even a super-duper close one at that, can see something in me, then maybe there is something better in me, about me than i thought. i doubt you'll ever read this, but thanks yee sam! :)

and.. i'm gonna go study now.




i love these images from www.be-the-change.tumblr.com !

BYE PEEPS! :D

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

warm fuzzy quotes

here are a couple of quotes, some contextual, that i just liked, others just my favourite scenes in movies/books. :)

"Dear Betty, I came to Wellesley because I wanted to make a difference. But to change for others is to lie to yourself. My teacher, Katherine Watson, lived by her own definition and would not compromise that, not even for Wellesley. I dedicate this, my last editorial, to an extraordinary woman, who lived by example and compelled us all to see the world through new eyes. By the time you read this, she'll be sailing to Europe, where I know she'll find new walls to break down, and new ideas to replace them with. I've heard her called a quitter for leaving and aimless wanderer. But not all who wander are aimless, especially those who seek truth beyond tradition, beyond definition, beyond the image. I'll never forget you. "
- Mona Lisa Smiles

"He didn't know what death held in store for him. But he knew that it wouldn't be life, and that was good enough. He had not felt anything since the day Aimee had died. The day when, like an idiot, he had chosen to play the hero, first dragging his fiancee from the wreckage and then going back to rescue the driver of the other car moments before it burst into flames. By the time he'd returned to Aimee, she was already gone. She'd died, alone, while he was off being Superman. Some hero he had turned out to be, saving the wrong person. He threw the empty bottle onto the floor of his .Jeep and put the car into gear, tearing out of the parking lot like a teenager. There were no cops around--there never were, when you needed them--and Ross accelerated, until he was doing more than eighty down the single-lane divided highway. He came to a stop at the railroad bridge, where the warning gate flashed as its arms lowered, slow as a ballerina. He emptied his mind of everything except inching his car forward until it broke the gate, until the Jeep sat as firm on the tracks as a sacrifice. The train pounded. The tracks began to sing a steel symphony. Ross gave himself up to dying, catching a single word between his teeth before impact: Finally. The sound was awesome, deafening. And yet it moved past him, growing Doppler-distant, until Ross raised the courage to open his eyes. His car was smoking from the hood, but still running. It hobbled unevenly, as if one tire was low on air. And it was pointed in the opposite direction, heading back from where he'd come. There was nothing for it: with tears in his eyes, Ross started to drive. "
- Second Glance by Jodi Picoult

"Sitting across from her, nervously wringing each other's hands, were Mr. and Mrs. De la Corria. "Good news," Meredith said with a smile. In the decade she'd been doing preimplantation genetic diagnosis, she'd learned that the only thing more stressful for a couple than in vitro fertilization was waiting for the results of the tests that led up to it. "There are three viable embryos." Carlos De la Corria was a hemophiliac. Terrified to pass the disease on through his offspring, he and his wife had opted for assisted reproduction, in which embryos were created from their own sperm and eggs and then genetically screened by Meredith. Before the embryo was put into the mother's uterus, she would know that her baby did not possess the gene for hemophilia. "How many are boys?" asked Carlos. "Two." Meredith looked him in the eye. The gene for hemophilia was carried on the X chromosome. That meant a male child born to the De la Corria's would not be able to pass on his father's illness. In effect, if they had only boys, they'd stamp out hemophilia in future generations of their family. Carlos lifted his wife from the chair and whirled her around Meredith's small office. ... Mrs. De la Corria sank down in her chair again, still breathless. "The girl?" she asked softly. "The third embryo tested is, in fact, a carrier. I'm sorry," Meredith replied. Carlos squeezed his wife's hand. "Well, then," he said optimistically. "It looks like we'll be having twin boys. ..... "Dr. Oliver?" A knock on the door, followed by her secretary. "The De la Corrias signed this release." Without looking, Meredith knew what it was--permission for Generra to discard their third, female embryo. "They should wait until after implantation. There's a chance that the in vitro won't take, and then..." Her voice drifted off. And then, it would make no difference. The De La Corrias would rather be childless than utilize this damaged embryo. The baby would not be hemophiliac herself.., in all likelihood she'd be a perfectly healthy girl with her mother's shining hair and her father's chestnut eyes. But she had the potential to pass the illness to her own male children one day, and given that, her parents would rather she never be born."
- Second Glance by Jodi Picoult

"We've got a world of people dying for others to love them, a world of people who need the supernatural touch of Jesus."
- Pastor Alex

" I'm a beta-thalassemia carrier, so you cannot be one also. If not, our kids will have it."
- Isaac to me (LOL!)

"And that is where the troughs come in. You must have often wondered why the Enemy does not make more use of His power to be sensibly present to human souls in any degree He chooses and at any moment. But you now see that the Irresistible and the Indisputable are the two weapons which the very nature of His scheme forbids Him to use. Merely to over-ride a human will (as His felt presence in any but the faintest and most mitigated degree would certainly do) would be for Him useless. He cannot ravish. He can only woo. For His ignoble idea is to eat the cake and have it; the creatures are to be one with Him, but yet themselves; merely to cancel them, or assimilate them, will not serve. He is prepared to do a little overriding at the beginning. He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs—to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. We can drag our patients along by continual tempting, because we design them only for the table, and the more their will is interfered with the better. He cannot "tempt" to virtue as we do to vice. He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger, than when a human, no longer desiring, but intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."
- The Screwtape Letters by C.S Lewis

" He supposes that the Enemy, like himself, sees some things as present, remembers others as past, and anticipates others as future; oe even if he believes that the Enemy does not see things that way, yet, in his heart of hearts, he regards this as a peculiarity of the Enemy's mode of perception - he doesn't really think that the way the Enemy sees things are as they are! If you tried to explain to him that men's prayer today are one of those innumerable coordinates with which the Enemy harmonises the weather of tomorrow..."
- The Screwtape Letters by C.S Lewis

" The reason why it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected. Maybe they always have been and will be. Maybe we've lived a thousand lives before this one and in each of them we've found each other. And maybe each time, we've been forced apart for the same reasons. That means that this goodbye is both a goodbye for the past ten thousand years and a prelude to what will come.
When i look at you, i see your beauty and grace and know they have grown stronger with every life you haved lived. And i know i have spent every life before this one searching for you. Not someone like you, but you, for your soul and mine must always come together. and then. For a reason neither of us understands, we've been forced to say goodbye.
I would love to tell you that everything will work out for us, and i promise to do all i can to make sure it does. But if we never meet again and this is truly goodbye, i know we will see each other again in another life. We will find each other again, and maybe the stars will have changed, and we will not only love each other in that time, but for all the times we've had before."

- The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

there are other quotes i wanted to post up but i'm either too lazy to go hunting for them or i just can't remember. :P til' next time! :)


three idiots and a statue. <3 :)

love,
candice

Monday, April 4, 2011

pro life

i really like this err.. article(?) my tutor showed us in CBL today! :)

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.


I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.


we've been talking a lot in uni about living with a disability, and parents living with children with disability. and i am definitely anti-abortion too, cause there's so much beauty in life, even one seen through different eyes, or even not through physical eyes at all. there are so many things about this world that leaves me breathless sometimes, with how amazing and beautiful it is, hints of the supernatural. somedays it's the simple act of love where a mother kisses her kids on the bus, or when a father rubs his daughter's back cause she's vomitting. other days it's the more extraordinary miracles, where people overcome addiction, leaves are turned and lives are saved. watching miracles happen in church, in various youtube videos, all by God's power and grace, bring me to tears almost everytime. i loved this video i found on sarah's tumblr too! :)



andd.. i should be studying now.

andd.. it got SO DARK at 6.30 today! so scary walking home. :S

andd.. it's still freezing here.

andd.. class at 9 tomorrow. YIPPEE.

love heaps,
candice

Sunday, April 3, 2011

prayer

is it really as simple as that, the solution to all my troubles, to get down on my knees, to surrender it all to God, to pray?

wow. :)

i've been falling in love with God all over again lately, seeing how awesome He is in the lives of people around me, feeling His presence soak my soul in church, being blessed by all His goodness and surrounded by His people, feels amazing. NOTHING can compare to this awesomeness, this wonder and beauty, this God of mine who loves.. unendingly. :)

i'm starting to feel even more excited to be here, i believe i've so much to learn, so much to do for God here. can't wait! :D

i like what my sister was telling us that day, that God wants to be able to say to us that "through you I can do anything". awesome huh!

real men fight on their knees. :)

Dear Lord, for everyone out there lost, suffering, tired, on the verge of giving up completely, i pray that You would surround them and fill them with Your love the way You filled me and made me whole again. only You can bring them true peace i understand that now, thank You Lord for being faithful even when we aren't. heal our land Lord i pray, Amen! :)

Heal our land,
We need your touch,
Restore us, restore us,
We need Your touch again
Arise arise, around us shine
Finally, hope is here
HOPE IS HERE

- Heal our Land, Planetshakers

"You are the strength of my life Lord,
It doesn't matter what may come my way.."

-Planetshakers

with so much loveee,
candice :D