Still..

The last few weeks have been pretty difficult. My busy schedule brings me exhausted to my bed every night, with an even longer list of things to do the next day. I sometimes even get pretty grumpy because of it.

And still.. as I thought about what I would be sharing in UL tomorrow about how the love of God can change us, and bring us joy, I remembered to be thankful. I am thankful for the little breakthroughs in my life that Papa brings, and the beautiful changes that have been molded in as time passed.

Like.. the friends I have now that I hardly spoke to at all in my first two years at uni.
Like.. the unfriendly and introverted doctor who began to warm up to me and taught me how to present long cases better today, even encouraging me that I was doing well.
Like.. being able to finally tick things off my list of things to do.
Like.. having funny stories of resetting my entire phone because I mistakened my lock screen PIN and thought I got hacked.
Like.. going grocery shopping with new housemates and while I miss my old housies - Ying, Sam, Pearly, Tonia, the house feels complete and full once more.

I know I write these posts a lot.. but for today, I know once more that I am blessed beyond measure. He is so so good to me. :)

Love,
Dice

Nana

Meet Nana. :) She's AMAZING. 

I met her last year in Papua New Guinea where we became quick friends. She slept in the bunk below me, and I have such fond memories of, and with her. She made my sandwich lunch for me like 3-4 / 5 times a week because she usually got up first and then gave me that few extra minutes of precious sleep. She taught me about different drugs as we packed medicine from the storage room into the bags for transport into the villages. We used to have such good talks on the deck of the ship, or in the Mess Hall as I ate my instant noodles and she her gluten free bread. She even generously let me use her vomit bucket when I had to throw up after a rough night on the sea.

I am so thankful that even after almost 9 months since that trip, we still call each other every now and again to talk about how our lives have been since, that we are even better friends now than we were then. I am thankful to have been remembered this afternoon and surprised with a lovely long chat with my good old friend.

She'll be going on her DTS soon, and in a few more months, back to Papua New Guinea. While I am so super jelly (and she knows this too), I am so so proud of her for giving everything that is familiar for the cause of Christ, for the dreams that He placed in her heart for His people. And I am as excited as I am proud to see what God is going to do in her life over the next few months.

Were it not for PNG, we would have probably never met, much less became good friends. With an age gap of 4 years between us and different racial backgrounds and nationalities, and even stages of life, we managed to grow so close despite the odds. This is simply because we were united with the same purpose and the same love for people. I remember talking to Nana about all the dreams I have buried in my heart, and to see reflected in her eyes and feel reflected in her spirit the very same passion I had. She understood why I felt what I did, because she felt it too.

Nana is just an absolutely incredible person and I honour her for that today. She loves generously and it's always a blessing to see her around children, how joy overflows from her. She is always hungry for more of God and is in passionate pursuit of Him by reading much and learning from others. She is a thoughtful encourager. She is kind, precious and carries so much light within her.

She will do even greater things one day.

May you have such a blessed, blessed journey love! I will be keeping you in my prayers and believing for such breakthrough to come upon PNG through you and the team! I'll join you in PNG again one day I hope, but till then, thank you for showing me that dreams can come true. :)

Much love,
Dice

The Servolution

I met Jeanne* today in the hallway of the hospital. She was very skinny, and walked using a frame. She had tattoos all over, straggly hair and skin that made you immediately suspect illicit drug abuse. To be very honest, she was the kind of person I would have avoided if I was walking alone in the middle of the night.

She asked me and my friend for help to look for a specific doctor in the hospital today.

We helped her find reception and along the way she started to share with me about her previous infection, how yucky it all made her feel. I dropped the lollipop I got from getting my flu shot in the hospital as we talked, and she joked that it was now hers, so I gave it to her and insisted that it was a gift. I loved seeing her so happy from receiving such a small present. Anyways, her case was relatively rare, so I asked if I could have a few moments to interview her later as I really needed to be interviewing new patients today. She agreed, and after a slight disagreement with the reception because they couldn't assist her, we sat down.

She told me her life story, about how she fell sick and no one could explain why, and elaborated on other troubles that she has had since. She was in ICU for many days at that time too, as her condition was a life-threatening one.

At one point, she saw a friend in the distance and excused herself to chat with that friend. They later both approached me and it turned out that her friend was the hospital chaplain. Jeanne* started showing her friend the new Bible her relative got her, and these pamphlets, and talked about how great church was last week. I was amazed, and I just listened to their conversation, absolutely absorbed by it.

After her friend left, it was about time for her to leave. I then decided to tell her that I too was a Christian, and asked if she would like me to pray for her. She was very happy with my offer , so I held her hand on that seat and began to pray. As words came out of my mouth, Jeanne* was so moved that she began to sob. In the meantime, I am just praying my heart out and being so, so amazed, that God could use me to touch the life of another person with His love today. I reminded her of how precious she is in His eyes and how much He loves her, and she smiled this radiant smile, and thanked me for the beautiful prayer.

We parted ways soon after and I learnt a few powerful lessons today.

Firstly, I learnt to never judge people by what they appear to be on the outside. First impressions aren't always right, and had I ostracised her for the way she looked, I would have missed this opportunity to bless someone today. Everyone says that where I am is such a dodgy place, drug addicts everywhere and people who are just strange.. but maybe people just need someone to understand, someone to love them despite the addiction, despite the smoke smell, despite whatever issues have labelled their lives. Cause when you look closely, people ARE beautiful. I know that now, after having learnt that over and over again.

Secondly, I am reminded of how hungry people are for the love of God, how people need so much to know that they are loved so immensely. And meeting Jeanne* today, I remembered that those who have been forgiven much, love much. She shared with me about how she always knew God existed, but as she lay in ICU, sick and dying, she encountered Him personally and became a believer from then on. She even told me, that were it not for Him, she would have been dead long ago.

Thirdly, I learnt that I really do have the power to affect a patient in hospital. No, I probably will not get the chance to pray for everyone and declare health over them, but I know that I carry light within me. I know that a smile goes a long way, and that a conversation with a lonely patient can make a huge difference in their lives. The longer I stay here, the more I learn that being a good doctor and a kind one, is of the utmost importance to patient welfare. I aspire to be the best doctor I can be for them. And, while I cannot help everyone, I know that I can make a difference to one. One at a time, and from my experience, kindness always sows new seeds that grow unexpectedly, and a chain reaction is bound to occur.

I thank God for giving me this job to do, and I pray I can do it well.

As I sit here and type this, I remember the prayers I have said over and over again, prayers to allow me to bring peace to people, to speak against sickness and watch it flee, prayers to make a difference. Wow. God really honours every prayer you make, doesn't He? And this is just the beginning!! Watch out for stories to come about cancers being gone or pain disappearing, because my God is a limitless God. :)

I am so, so blessed today. :) I pray you were blessed by my story too!

* Name has been changed to protect patient confidentiality. 

Love as always,
Dice

Nostalgia

My new housemates came visiting my room yesterday, and saw the lyrics in Koriki for the song that Koivi taught me and Shona in Papua New Guinea. They asked me to sing it.. so I did. Everyone thought that the song was so beautiful and were amazed that I could still remember it. Don't think I could ever forget it, I made sure to know the tune before I left. Haha. :)

I think.. that Koivi would have been very happy to know that. :) 

Thoughts About: Life

As doctors (or future doctors), we seek to preserve life. But at what cost? Do we start viewing life as simply existing, having your heart beating and your lungs breathing? Is that good enough, rather than seeking after more.. rather than helping our patients who can no longer walk or who are no longer continent find a reason to want to stay alive?

I have seen patients who wanted to just die, or patients who couldn't have cared less whether they survived or not. These first few patients that I have encountered, I feel I will remember forever. Today I watched a patient who has been confused since his stroke get a lumbar puncture, and the poor man was in so much pain during the procedure that he requested that they stop it before they even got enough fluid from around his spinal cord. And it made me wonder.. that the pain inflicted by these procedures is such a first world problem. When I was in Papua New Guinea, anything that couldn't be diagnosed by examination and treated by guideline medications would simply.. fall through the cracks of the health system, go undiagnosed and cause a reduction in lifespan. I remember a doctor on the trip telling me that in Melb, she would immediately order a CT scan for some patients, but no such facility was available there.

So.. to put in very bluntly, people in rural Papua New Guinea die a lot younger than people in Australia. But from what I have seen through my probably still naive eyes though.. I might say that most people in PNG still live longer than some of these patients in Australia.

Just.. thoughts.

P.S : Just a short testimony to share as well.. the tapping sound behind my wall is gone! Yesterday as I was doing my quiet time with God, it frustrated me so much that I laid my hand on the wall and prayed for the sound to go away in Jesus' name. And it suddenly hit me that the sound was worse when I moved against my table, so I moved my table slightly away from the wall and since then the sound hasn't come back at all even when I kick the wall! God is good! :) AND, He provided us with a new housemate as well :D :D Truly, He provides right on time every time.

Love,
Dice

Thoughts About: Growth

I walked past the Robert Blackwood hall on the way to the library tonight, and I thought about my very first day in university. We had our orientation in that hall at the time, and I still remember the speaker saying that the next time we would be in that hall would be when we graduate. And as I remembered that, I just thought to myself.. how time flies.

I'm already in third year, and in three months I will be half a doctor.

It feels like there are milestones in life that I never thought were ACTUALLY in my grasp as I was growing up. Even from entering secondary school, graduating and entering college, getting into uni, driving, living independently abroad.. the journey that my life has taken really just amazes me so. I am so blessed and thankful to God and my parents for bringing me to this point right now.

Also, many people have been commenting this year that I've started dressing differently, no more insane colourful bracelets and bright colour combinations but instead starting to dress more like an adult. It's funny.. that I grew in that area as well and would not have noticed it in particular were it not for the people around me who did. Also, to see how my personality has developed in that time and is somehow reflected externally.

I guess.. life is still not through me. God isn't, for sure. And no matter how much I muse and stand in awe of the growth that has taken place in my life over the past five years - spiritually, mentally, physically.. I know that there is more for me. More growth to live through and more experiences to gain that will mold me further.

I am not the same girl I was when I was 15, nor when I was 17.. nor will I ever be who I am at 19 again. I will keep adapting, and I will keep growing.

Watching the people around me grow has been an incredible experience as well. I love seeing God chisel bits out and mold a little there to make them even more beautiful with time and patience. I love seeing the boys around me slowly grow into men and the girls discover their own identity as a woman. I love seeing bad habits dropped and new characters developed. The more I look at these amazing people around me and know that they too have grown, the more I realize that life.. never really stops moving. Life goes on and brings new surprises every day. What a joy to be able to do life with these people. :)

Thanks for listening to these late night thoughts. :)

Much loves,
Candice

Tonight, I'm Thankful

For friends who whole-heartedly listen to me try and make sense of my struggles,
For housemates who drive me to Coles at 11pm because she used the cream cheese,
For family who want to hear about my life and my stories,
For weaknesses that I may know Who my true source of strength is,
For loved ones who still keep me in their thoughts when I am far away and busy,
For the honour of being a Planetshaker and running with a bigger vision than my own,
For challenges to grow me further,

and mostly, for knowing that tomorrow is a day to write this list again but afresh. :)

So tonight, I am thankful, for everything God has done for me and put in my way. I hope that you are too.

Blessings,
Dice