today was a very 'confuzzling' day as my sister likes to say. haha, since the last time i blogged so much has happenned, there's still so much i have to say (haha, i am getting sick of my own voice, i think i do talk too much!) but i mean type la.
well i had exams last week, thursday and friday has out-tengs with the teng family and my sister, saturday wa run for the nation, cg and agc meeting and today we had an amazing missions sunday for service and abc/agc meeting (camp is in 4 days omg!) then james, sarah, ben, me and ian went to parade for lunch/shopping for agc but we didn't get anything in the end la. so it's been a busy week and i feel so bad for being home so little, and haha i'm a mess la now. there's been so many things on my mind, lots of random thoughts and real thoughts but i'm just too exhausted to dig them out now again. it's quite funny i realized, how loud and crazy and completely annoying i can be so often yet when left alone, or even in the midst of people i can just drown in my thoughts again. i've been thinking so much about life and its purpose, people, living, God and sigh, hahahah sorry for this compeltely messy post. i wanna say what's on my mind but i know that if i do, it's gonna be a crazy long post.
oh and daly and samuel are going to america too! i'm happy for them, i believe they'll have a better life there but man i'm gonna miss them so much. will i really have to watch one by one of them leave me? oh i mean i do hope they get the chance but imagining her especially (as corny as it sounds) grow up into a young woman one day makes me feel so amazed yet sad that i won't be there to see them become amazing people. these kids really have such a special place in my hearts and they are such beautiful children. and i can't believe that this is life. i can't believe i have such amazing people like moses, daly and samuel come into my life and then leave it, with very little chance of us ever meeting again. even if i saved up enough to go to america to see em one day, i have no idea where they are. and suddenly thinking bout this now, i wonder if i should stay next year. i don't want to be the person that leaves them, but maybe i need them more than they need me. haihz but anyways, i just have such a strong belief in me that God will send me where He wants me to go, be it UNSW, Monash, Melb uni or IMU. and to be able to believe like that means the world to me, especially when my friends are worrying about where to go, i feel worried too but there's a peace within me, because i know with all my heart that God has a plan for me. =)
today's service really impacted me, and not just in a normal way, but in an unexplainable spiritual way too. i was really touched by how julie came up to me after service when i was emoing and she said, "you have a heart for missions is it?" while she was hugging me. today the speaker was talking about people he has encountered in missions, children and just ordinary yet incredible people. he talked about children of prostitutes in Kolkota when he went there, and how he met them and they were so unbitter about life and despite all that's going on around them, all the desperation, despair, evil in that sense around them, they are still so happy and they are such beautiful children really.
a million thoughts ran through my head while watching the video he played and i was just so affected by how much more i am blessed with than them. these are kids living with AIDS and i get worried over a small hand infection i got. they have to live in that alley with all the brothels around them yet they live life so innocently and with so much hope. from what the speaker said and from the videos, the way they live with so much hope can be seen and it's so heartbreakingly beautiful, how even in the midst of so much brokenness, they can dare to hope while me in my ordinary life cannot dare to hope for others, so afraid of being disappointed. and i kept thinking about how in pyramid on thursday, wen shi told me to be careful walking back to the mall after collecting my stuff from his car, cause pyramid's not safe for girls la and it was quite freaky when the lift opened and it was full of grown men. but there, there are girls as young as 9 year olds being sold into prostitution. i know life is unfair, but where do i stand in the midst of this brokenness? why is it that i feel for them so much but can only do so little now? the speaker brought this sari cloth with all the children's handprints on it and placing my hand on it today just made me overcome with emotion again. i am halfway around the world from these kids, and the worst part is i know that i'm gonna go back to a nice house or out with great friends, and just forget the feeling again, forget the plight of these people a million miles away. but really how is it that i can sleep knowing someone out there is being forced into prostitution while i am here laughing or watching tv? or that someone is dying from AIDS alone? basically how i feel can be summed up into one word, completely utterly useless. and i hate that, i hate that i cannot save them. sigh.
learning to hope,
candice.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
right next to you
have you ever felt like you weren't good enough?
like no matter how hard you try, you or others just cannot be satisfied?
have you ever felt so exhausted of living, of always trying to do the right thing?
ever looked at the phone wondering who to call and talk to but not know who and then just give up and do something else?
ever felt like you failed God and others too many times?
ever wondered what your purpose in life was, your purpose where you are?
ever wanted to be someone else?
and yet knew with all your heart that life can be amazing?
well, you're not alone.
and this is a reminder that i'm not alone either. =)
we'll make it through life together! =)
yea, i just felt like typing that.. i guess maybe, when all those bad feelings come, whatchu gotta do, is remember the good things in life, remember the last thing that made you smile, keep your chin up, keep hoping, loving, praying, and just stomp the devil out of your life. i like this story from paulo coelho's book- like a flowing river:
"In Madrid lives Norma, a very special Brazilian lady. The Spanish call her 'the rocking grandma'. She is over sixty and works in various places, organizing promotions, parties and concerts.
Once, at about four in the morning, when i was so tired i could barely stand, i asked Norma where she got all her energy from.
'I have a magic calendar. If you like, i can show it to you.'
The following day, i went to her house. She picked up an old, much scribbled-upon calendar.
'Right, today is the day they discovered vaccine against polio,' she said. 'We must celebrate that, because life is beautiful.'
On each day of the year, Norma had written down something good that had happened on that date, For her, life was always a reason to be happy."
like =D =D right! =) i think i wanna do that too, soon! =P gots a busy schedule up ahead all the way till like mid june.. but being busy with good stuff's a reason to thank God too. =) and i should be studying maths now, last paper!!!! oh and life's beautiful cause tomorrow's finally THURSDAY!!!! =D but i just gotta say...
thanks so much God! God's really been there for me through every paper this time, and every time i fell asleep studying, cause i tend to laze alot, which is bad, but haihz bad habit, but anyways, like, twice, for my bio paper and chem paper, i fell asleep before i studied much and went to school kinda very empty handed, but paper's at 11.30, and in those few hours i managed to study everything. PRAISE GOD RIGHT! really He's so awesome la! thanks God! =)
miracles do happen. =)
p.s: ever felt like the world was really small? well on a shallower note, like a lot of my new friends in college is somebody else's friend, like nearly all my friends are my friend's friend. geddit? hahha, nvm. but what i mean, on a deeper level is, have you ever had a song stuck in your head then while you were blog hopping found it there, in a stranger's blog, stuck in their head too? or identified with someone you weren't very close to from just a few words? or really just realized how similar you are to a stranger halfway across the world? or think that right now, someone else is doing the same thing you're doing? and that right now, someone's probably thinking about you too? =D
haha, with that in mind, have a good day moro! =)
with lots of love, like really, even though mosquitoes are draining my blood,
with LOTS of LOVE,
candice =)
like no matter how hard you try, you or others just cannot be satisfied?
have you ever felt so exhausted of living, of always trying to do the right thing?
ever looked at the phone wondering who to call and talk to but not know who and then just give up and do something else?
ever felt like you failed God and others too many times?
ever wondered what your purpose in life was, your purpose where you are?
ever wanted to be someone else?
and yet knew with all your heart that life can be amazing?
well, you're not alone.
and this is a reminder that i'm not alone either. =)
we'll make it through life together! =)
yea, i just felt like typing that.. i guess maybe, when all those bad feelings come, whatchu gotta do, is remember the good things in life, remember the last thing that made you smile, keep your chin up, keep hoping, loving, praying, and just stomp the devil out of your life. i like this story from paulo coelho's book- like a flowing river:
"In Madrid lives Norma, a very special Brazilian lady. The Spanish call her 'the rocking grandma'. She is over sixty and works in various places, organizing promotions, parties and concerts.
Once, at about four in the morning, when i was so tired i could barely stand, i asked Norma where she got all her energy from.
'I have a magic calendar. If you like, i can show it to you.'
The following day, i went to her house. She picked up an old, much scribbled-upon calendar.
'Right, today is the day they discovered vaccine against polio,' she said. 'We must celebrate that, because life is beautiful.'
On each day of the year, Norma had written down something good that had happened on that date, For her, life was always a reason to be happy."
like =D =D right! =) i think i wanna do that too, soon! =P gots a busy schedule up ahead all the way till like mid june.. but being busy with good stuff's a reason to thank God too. =) and i should be studying maths now, last paper!!!! oh and life's beautiful cause tomorrow's finally THURSDAY!!!! =D but i just gotta say...
thanks so much God! God's really been there for me through every paper this time, and every time i fell asleep studying, cause i tend to laze alot, which is bad, but haihz bad habit, but anyways, like, twice, for my bio paper and chem paper, i fell asleep before i studied much and went to school kinda very empty handed, but paper's at 11.30, and in those few hours i managed to study everything. PRAISE GOD RIGHT! really He's so awesome la! thanks God! =)
miracles do happen. =)
p.s: ever felt like the world was really small? well on a shallower note, like a lot of my new friends in college is somebody else's friend, like nearly all my friends are my friend's friend. geddit? hahha, nvm. but what i mean, on a deeper level is, have you ever had a song stuck in your head then while you were blog hopping found it there, in a stranger's blog, stuck in their head too? or identified with someone you weren't very close to from just a few words? or really just realized how similar you are to a stranger halfway across the world? or think that right now, someone else is doing the same thing you're doing? and that right now, someone's probably thinking about you too? =D
haha, with that in mind, have a good day moro! =)
with lots of love, like really, even though mosquitoes are draining my blood,
with LOTS of LOVE,
candice =)
Sunday, May 16, 2010
where love poured out
this is a song that means a lot to me, especially the bridge. read it slowly! =)
Desert Song by Hillsong United
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger and need
My God is a God who provides
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow
well i know i gotta study but i really had to blog about this. (i have a list of stuff to blog about after exam, deep stuff... =P) yesterday night as i was studying i thought about the hospital attachment and how gene said he saw a dead body and it smelled funny. at the time i was like oh, cool. but yesterday night at like 4am, i started freaking out. dead body? i cannot imagine what it's like to be near a cadaver and imagine the life that was once in it. and i started getting scared irrationally la, bout ghost stories and nonsense like that. but at 4am very freaky one k! then i prayed, God, please give me the courage to not be afraid of such nonsense.
and then i realized, i am so blessed to have God. when i am scared i turn to Him and say, God please be with me and lead me through. when i am worried of my future, i remind myself that He has a plan no one can stop, a plan that is good. when i am happy i have my amazing God to thank. when i am lonely, He is right there next to me. and i cannot imagine my life pre-God anymore, before i was a Christian. i rely on God subconciously on so many little things already. and today alex said, where would i be without God? and WHAM! hit me man. but i am just really thankful for my beautiful awesome God, and it's made me have more compassion on the unsaved. cause now that i've known what it is like to have God with me through every circumstance, i really wonder how horridly awful it must be to be scared alone, sad alone and alone alone. if you get me.. so yea.. that's what i was inspired about today, and recently. =)
oh and this helped me a lot too.
"Blessed are the poor in spirit,for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
- Mathew 5:3-11
when you read it slowly and realize how many of those you are, you'll feel super whoa lor.
mum called me down to watch oprah just now. and there was this little boy who was born with distorted legs and the doctors said they had to amputate his legs. he was just a baby and was born with a rare disease, where he had only one vocal chord too. but he survived against all odds, and at 18 months old he got his first pair of prosthetic legs. he is like so so adorable at like 4 years now? and he swims and runs and goes to the gym even. and i was so amazed at the courage of this little boy, and he was just really cute la. and i thought of plastic surgeons, i mean i always thought that was the last kind of doctor i wanted to be. but when i watched that and the next baby who was born sick was a girl with mermaid-like legs cause they were fused together, and it was a plastic surgeon who separated her legs so she could survive. and plastic surgeons, they give people hope and better lives. not in the liposuction way, but in cases like that baby you know. so i guess, i stand corrected.
and i was looking in the church toilet mirror today thinking, wah my pimple so annoying and my hair so crazy again and i looked so blah today, and then i saw it. the operation beautiful post-its on the mirror in conjuction with all girls camp, it said something inspirational that i forgot la. then i walked out of the toilet happy despite my crazy hair. hahhahaa, the point of this is, sign up for all girls camp 2010! it's gonna be awesome!!!!!!!
yea... gotta study now! bye!
lots and lots of love,
candice
Desert Song by Hillsong United
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger and need
My God is a God who provides
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow
well i know i gotta study but i really had to blog about this. (i have a list of stuff to blog about after exam, deep stuff... =P) yesterday night as i was studying i thought about the hospital attachment and how gene said he saw a dead body and it smelled funny. at the time i was like oh, cool. but yesterday night at like 4am, i started freaking out. dead body? i cannot imagine what it's like to be near a cadaver and imagine the life that was once in it. and i started getting scared irrationally la, bout ghost stories and nonsense like that. but at 4am very freaky one k! then i prayed, God, please give me the courage to not be afraid of such nonsense.
and then i realized, i am so blessed to have God. when i am scared i turn to Him and say, God please be with me and lead me through. when i am worried of my future, i remind myself that He has a plan no one can stop, a plan that is good. when i am happy i have my amazing God to thank. when i am lonely, He is right there next to me. and i cannot imagine my life pre-God anymore, before i was a Christian. i rely on God subconciously on so many little things already. and today alex said, where would i be without God? and WHAM! hit me man. but i am just really thankful for my beautiful awesome God, and it's made me have more compassion on the unsaved. cause now that i've known what it is like to have God with me through every circumstance, i really wonder how horridly awful it must be to be scared alone, sad alone and alone alone. if you get me.. so yea.. that's what i was inspired about today, and recently. =)
oh and this helped me a lot too.
"Blessed are the poor in spirit,for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
- Mathew 5:3-11
when you read it slowly and realize how many of those you are, you'll feel super whoa lor.
mum called me down to watch oprah just now. and there was this little boy who was born with distorted legs and the doctors said they had to amputate his legs. he was just a baby and was born with a rare disease, where he had only one vocal chord too. but he survived against all odds, and at 18 months old he got his first pair of prosthetic legs. he is like so so adorable at like 4 years now? and he swims and runs and goes to the gym even. and i was so amazed at the courage of this little boy, and he was just really cute la. and i thought of plastic surgeons, i mean i always thought that was the last kind of doctor i wanted to be. but when i watched that and the next baby who was born sick was a girl with mermaid-like legs cause they were fused together, and it was a plastic surgeon who separated her legs so she could survive. and plastic surgeons, they give people hope and better lives. not in the liposuction way, but in cases like that baby you know. so i guess, i stand corrected.
and i was looking in the church toilet mirror today thinking, wah my pimple so annoying and my hair so crazy again and i looked so blah today, and then i saw it. the operation beautiful post-its on the mirror in conjuction with all girls camp, it said something inspirational that i forgot la. then i walked out of the toilet happy despite my crazy hair. hahhahaa, the point of this is, sign up for all girls camp 2010! it's gonna be awesome!!!!!!!
yea... gotta study now! bye!
lots and lots of love,
candice
Thursday, May 13, 2010
overwhelmed
today i checked out australian universities to pursue my medicine degree in. THE STRESS IS OVERWHELMING!
everywhere requires around like a 98 TER and i really have no idea how good i am, and right now i really don't think i'm good enough or trying hard enough for that matter. i don't want to let everybody down. but i guess what really comforted me was the thought that if it was God's plan for me to go there, who can stop it? but still, TERRIFYING. i like UNSW so far tho, cause it sees your personality and suitability to be a doctor too, and not just academics. sigh, life is tuph man!
anyways, we (daddy me che) talked bout it at dinner, and also bout life and money and bases. i have friends who really value money, like they want a job that is lucrative. and i've always been the one to say, don't do it for the money. and my sister's been like me all along. we're telling people, hey, it ain't all about money. but these people, they grew up with very different lifestyles than what me and my sister are accustomed to. we grew up never lacking anything, i mean we aren't, well i don't think we are, spoiled brats, we don't eat fine dining or buy expensive clothing but we've always been pretty well off. i mean we got to go to a private school and daddy gave us the opportunity to study anywhere we wanted. and i thought, maybe that is why we never 'valued' earning a lot of money in that sense, cause we took things for granted and lived without that need. but our friends have always needed the money and if their convictions are based on wanting a better life than their childhood, who's to say it's wrong? and i'm just really confused and at that place of wondering why my life is so good while others aren't as good and gah la.
but i really do believe that my greatest blessing is my parents, especially daddy who's worked so hard to make all this possible, who's planned ahead so many years to ensure we can do what we wanna do. and family's important. =) growing up, i've definitely had disagreements after disagreements with slammed doors and angry pouts with them. and now as i'm older, i'm beginning to understand why they're so protective of me though i resent it sometimes and why they do most of the things they do. and who can blame them for making some msitakes along the way? i make mistakes everyday too. and i realized that no matter how much i resent some of the things they do sometimes, i kinda like the way i turned out, like i'm not boasting la, but mum's protectiveness and strictness kept me innocent longer and just stuff like that la. and i love the little family traditions we have, like we always eat dinner together unless we're eating out or someone's coming home real late. and really, family's important, i truly am blessed for incredible parents and sisters. =) i love you all to pieces!
and also, pops was talking bout base right, he always says he wan't the base to be australia, and that he would like us all to study there. and we always just shrugged at the idea. base, hahahah! sorta thing. but today he explained that he doesn't want us sisters to live so far apart. cause when you need help, you can count on family. and i thought of one of his sisters who lives in america and apparently they haven't spoken in decades, cause she lives so far. and they didn't even come for my cousin's wedding. so i mean, i realized i don't want my relationship with my sisters to become that way and yea.....
and i also realized, i have very big shoes to fill when i become a parent. as a younger kid i used to point out things they did wrong as parents, as in to myself la, but lately i've just been so amazed at how much they love us and want to do the right thing for us. can i be as awesome a parent as they are? scary... =P
but yea, open your eyes, and see that your life is beautiful. look past the clouds and see the sun, shining for all its worth.
my motivation! to which my sister replied, hahahahah why you so funny???? =.= but lol.
hahah a picture of a picture in my house. i look completely ridiculous but we were all so happy then, cause we were laughing at mummy's raincoat. hahahhahah! LOL!
with lots of hugs,
candice. =)
everywhere requires around like a 98 TER and i really have no idea how good i am, and right now i really don't think i'm good enough or trying hard enough for that matter. i don't want to let everybody down. but i guess what really comforted me was the thought that if it was God's plan for me to go there, who can stop it? but still, TERRIFYING. i like UNSW so far tho, cause it sees your personality and suitability to be a doctor too, and not just academics. sigh, life is tuph man!
anyways, we (daddy me che) talked bout it at dinner, and also bout life and money and bases. i have friends who really value money, like they want a job that is lucrative. and i've always been the one to say, don't do it for the money. and my sister's been like me all along. we're telling people, hey, it ain't all about money. but these people, they grew up with very different lifestyles than what me and my sister are accustomed to. we grew up never lacking anything, i mean we aren't, well i don't think we are, spoiled brats, we don't eat fine dining or buy expensive clothing but we've always been pretty well off. i mean we got to go to a private school and daddy gave us the opportunity to study anywhere we wanted. and i thought, maybe that is why we never 'valued' earning a lot of money in that sense, cause we took things for granted and lived without that need. but our friends have always needed the money and if their convictions are based on wanting a better life than their childhood, who's to say it's wrong? and i'm just really confused and at that place of wondering why my life is so good while others aren't as good and gah la.
but i really do believe that my greatest blessing is my parents, especially daddy who's worked so hard to make all this possible, who's planned ahead so many years to ensure we can do what we wanna do. and family's important. =) growing up, i've definitely had disagreements after disagreements with slammed doors and angry pouts with them. and now as i'm older, i'm beginning to understand why they're so protective of me though i resent it sometimes and why they do most of the things they do. and who can blame them for making some msitakes along the way? i make mistakes everyday too. and i realized that no matter how much i resent some of the things they do sometimes, i kinda like the way i turned out, like i'm not boasting la, but mum's protectiveness and strictness kept me innocent longer and just stuff like that la. and i love the little family traditions we have, like we always eat dinner together unless we're eating out or someone's coming home real late. and really, family's important, i truly am blessed for incredible parents and sisters. =) i love you all to pieces!
and also, pops was talking bout base right, he always says he wan't the base to be australia, and that he would like us all to study there. and we always just shrugged at the idea. base, hahahah! sorta thing. but today he explained that he doesn't want us sisters to live so far apart. cause when you need help, you can count on family. and i thought of one of his sisters who lives in america and apparently they haven't spoken in decades, cause she lives so far. and they didn't even come for my cousin's wedding. so i mean, i realized i don't want my relationship with my sisters to become that way and yea.....
and i also realized, i have very big shoes to fill when i become a parent. as a younger kid i used to point out things they did wrong as parents, as in to myself la, but lately i've just been so amazed at how much they love us and want to do the right thing for us. can i be as awesome a parent as they are? scary... =P
but yea, open your eyes, and see that your life is beautiful. look past the clouds and see the sun, shining for all its worth.
my motivation! to which my sister replied, hahahahah why you so funny???? =.= but lol.
hahah a picture of a picture in my house. i look completely ridiculous but we were all so happy then, cause we were laughing at mummy's raincoat. hahahhahah! LOL!
with lots of hugs,
candice. =)
Monday, May 10, 2010
why are we always rushing?
Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts
I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did
I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there, you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
But now I'm just rolling home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did
I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there, you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
But now I'm just rolling home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Saturday, May 8, 2010
one fine day
yea, i had an awesome day today! tiring but which good day isn't? =)
first off i went for MADU and yea i yawned alot, sorry! but i had a good time and it's always so sweet to have kids all over you, holding your hand and hugging your legs and trying to get carried by you. and i think about how much love they need and it's just so sad. one new child i befriended today- Noriza, she's 7 i think. she was really happy in the beginning and then when we started drawing in our journals, she wrote on an empty page, "dalam hati, adah ibunya, adah anaknya, mak." and it was a pretty strange unclear message, but after that she was just so sad, and wouldn't smile. i felt so heartbroken cause i think she missed her mom. and she said to me softly, "kak, tolong koyakkan." so i said ok and tore the page out. but i was drawn to it, and well, i kept it. not in a weird stalker way k, but in a speechless way. i realized then, you didn't have to be on your deathbed to understand pain, or 50 and married for ages, or even 17. you could be 7 and already know what pain was. and that was such a sad thought and i mean here was this beautiful child who deserved so much love, and she just didn't get that love that she yearned for, that she needed. and so i wrote something encouraging in her journal, hoping it'll make her feel better.
then i saw her biodata, and her ambition was to be a doctor. and mine was too, and she said, "kak, cita-cita kita sama!" and omg, my heart like broke for that little girl again. i remembered thinking, i'm quite close to reaching my ambition, i mean there is a pretty good chance i can get into med school somewhere, and my dad keeps telling me i can go to wherever i want that i can get accepted to. but this amazing little girl? i don't think she'll have the same chances as i do. and i wanted to tell her to dream big, to work hard, but i didn't have the faith to believe in something so big and as much as i wanted to, i couldn't. cause i was scared it wouldn't happen. sigh stupid girl, i should have said something more. i should have had more faith.
and while i was there, i saw this paper on the wall, it was statistics of babies thrown away- 'kes buang bayi'. and from jan to march this year, 18 babies were thrown away by their parents. last year or the year b4 that, 58 babies were thrown away. and i stood there thinking, how bad must circumstances be that parents could throw away their babies? in my 19 year old sister in law(korean drama), the girl was thrown away as a child and this nice couple with a son adopted her. and the boy was younger than her and had kidney problems. and she always says that she wants to ask the person who dumped her one day,'if i can take care of a brother who has no blood relation to me even though life is hard, why can't you have taken care of me, your own child?' something more emotional la, but it holds so much meaning, in the sense that some people just give up too easy, and it's a funny thought, that maybe if the parent and child's lives were reversed, that maybe the child's spirit in the parent's role would not have done the same thing, even under the craziest circumstances. cause maybe that's what it means to have strength, to disregard pain and tiredness and circumstances and say with fierce determination that this is my child, i'm gonna take care of her/him.
strength isn't about feelings, it's about actions. it's running the marathon even when you lungs burn. it's shooting the bulls eye no matter how many tries it takes and not giving up when muscles become sore. it's about not giving up, and perseverance and it's when the people fighting you have beaten you bloody and bruised and broken every bone in your body, and you still refuse to stop fighting. because what you're fighting for, is so worth it. so let's all find strength to do things that need to be done today. to love souls that need to be loved. and to listen to those that need to speak.
but yea, i thought about her a lot on the way back, and the other children there. then i fell asleep and forgot my feelings and had to rush to the post-musical partay! lucky i met amanda and a lot more other ppl in coll, so they fetched me there instead of me having to trouble mrs sharon and her adorable son mel. and yea, the party was fun. we played futsal and swam. terrible people threw me in the pool twice! i think it was revenge for all the times i kicked people and made too much noise and yea.. sigh, the pics are all in benny, gotta wait till frank uploads em all. but i had a good time and today i realized that i am very blessed to be surrounded by incredible people with good hearts. really, everyone's amazing. and i love you all so much! =D
oh an ps, i'm in run for the nation! but with people i absolutely do not know, so far one guy's from River Life Church in puchong, and another lady from DUMC and two other females, no idea about details. when i first saw the list, i completely freaked out. who are these people, so weird! and gahhhhhhh... but then, i started to see it as an adventure! these are God-fearing people, so i'm in safe hands, and it's a chance to meet new people and be united in a common purpose, and that is to pray for our nation. =)
*updated 9 May 2010: phew, i managed to pujuk Philip into running 'illegally' with me and my team! not so scary anymore. haha, somemore i found out today we running in Bangi wey, where he apparently stays but it's crazy far from where i stay! still, gotta have faith that God will make a way for me to get there! and yea, gotta train sometime this week, if not there's no way i'm gonna survive 5km!=P but i'm excited!*
with lol,
candice.
first off i went for MADU and yea i yawned alot, sorry! but i had a good time and it's always so sweet to have kids all over you, holding your hand and hugging your legs and trying to get carried by you. and i think about how much love they need and it's just so sad. one new child i befriended today- Noriza, she's 7 i think. she was really happy in the beginning and then when we started drawing in our journals, she wrote on an empty page, "dalam hati, adah ibunya, adah anaknya, mak." and it was a pretty strange unclear message, but after that she was just so sad, and wouldn't smile. i felt so heartbroken cause i think she missed her mom. and she said to me softly, "kak, tolong koyakkan." so i said ok and tore the page out. but i was drawn to it, and well, i kept it. not in a weird stalker way k, but in a speechless way. i realized then, you didn't have to be on your deathbed to understand pain, or 50 and married for ages, or even 17. you could be 7 and already know what pain was. and that was such a sad thought and i mean here was this beautiful child who deserved so much love, and she just didn't get that love that she yearned for, that she needed. and so i wrote something encouraging in her journal, hoping it'll make her feel better.
then i saw her biodata, and her ambition was to be a doctor. and mine was too, and she said, "kak, cita-cita kita sama!" and omg, my heart like broke for that little girl again. i remembered thinking, i'm quite close to reaching my ambition, i mean there is a pretty good chance i can get into med school somewhere, and my dad keeps telling me i can go to wherever i want that i can get accepted to. but this amazing little girl? i don't think she'll have the same chances as i do. and i wanted to tell her to dream big, to work hard, but i didn't have the faith to believe in something so big and as much as i wanted to, i couldn't. cause i was scared it wouldn't happen. sigh stupid girl, i should have said something more. i should have had more faith.
and while i was there, i saw this paper on the wall, it was statistics of babies thrown away- 'kes buang bayi'. and from jan to march this year, 18 babies were thrown away by their parents. last year or the year b4 that, 58 babies were thrown away. and i stood there thinking, how bad must circumstances be that parents could throw away their babies? in my 19 year old sister in law(korean drama), the girl was thrown away as a child and this nice couple with a son adopted her. and the boy was younger than her and had kidney problems. and she always says that she wants to ask the person who dumped her one day,'if i can take care of a brother who has no blood relation to me even though life is hard, why can't you have taken care of me, your own child?' something more emotional la, but it holds so much meaning, in the sense that some people just give up too easy, and it's a funny thought, that maybe if the parent and child's lives were reversed, that maybe the child's spirit in the parent's role would not have done the same thing, even under the craziest circumstances. cause maybe that's what it means to have strength, to disregard pain and tiredness and circumstances and say with fierce determination that this is my child, i'm gonna take care of her/him.
strength isn't about feelings, it's about actions. it's running the marathon even when you lungs burn. it's shooting the bulls eye no matter how many tries it takes and not giving up when muscles become sore. it's about not giving up, and perseverance and it's when the people fighting you have beaten you bloody and bruised and broken every bone in your body, and you still refuse to stop fighting. because what you're fighting for, is so worth it. so let's all find strength to do things that need to be done today. to love souls that need to be loved. and to listen to those that need to speak.
but yea, i thought about her a lot on the way back, and the other children there. then i fell asleep and forgot my feelings and had to rush to the post-musical partay! lucky i met amanda and a lot more other ppl in coll, so they fetched me there instead of me having to trouble mrs sharon and her adorable son mel. and yea, the party was fun. we played futsal and swam. terrible people threw me in the pool twice! i think it was revenge for all the times i kicked people and made too much noise and yea.. sigh, the pics are all in benny, gotta wait till frank uploads em all. but i had a good time and today i realized that i am very blessed to be surrounded by incredible people with good hearts. really, everyone's amazing. and i love you all so much! =D
oh an ps, i'm in run for the nation! but with people i absolutely do not know, so far one guy's from River Life Church in puchong, and another lady from DUMC and two other females, no idea about details. when i first saw the list, i completely freaked out. who are these people, so weird! and gahhhhhhh... but then, i started to see it as an adventure! these are God-fearing people, so i'm in safe hands, and it's a chance to meet new people and be united in a common purpose, and that is to pray for our nation. =)
*updated 9 May 2010: phew, i managed to pujuk Philip into running 'illegally' with me and my team! not so scary anymore. haha, somemore i found out today we running in Bangi wey, where he apparently stays but it's crazy far from where i stay! still, gotta have faith that God will make a way for me to get there! and yea, gotta train sometime this week, if not there's no way i'm gonna survive 5km!=P but i'm excited!*
with lol,
candice.
Friday, May 7, 2010
God has a plan
how often do we forget that huh? when the unexpected happens and when bad times overpower your strength to move forward.
life's like a river and guess what? we are fish! it's a rather silly analogy but so is most of the stuff i say. it ebbs and flows and even though we each take different routes eventually, we gotta realize that all waters are connected. and likewise, all lives are connected. maybe you meet anothe fish and fist bump them for just a bit, and then you gotta part. well hey, at least it was an amazing fist bump! or fin bump, whatever. =) i really miss annabella diong. we used to have these heart to hearts out of nowhere and i'm like an overflowing jug now, got no one to tell it to and no one to respond the way she does. gah. and i miss ivan chong too. i remember that he was the first one to see my SPM result slip for me when i was gonna cry already. haha, too much pressure le. and he exclaimed,"candice it's okay!! can get full scholarship! why you crying??" sigh, friends are pretty awesome huh? i love how pris always says, "with friends who needs money?" haha it's cause i always don't bring enough money to coll and end up being in debt to the nicest debt collectors ever. hahha. but the way life moves, and doesn't turn back, it's nearly terrifying. like today i was telling mich, hey, i can't believe we handed in our investigative study already. seems like just yesterday we were talking about it and saying, gosh 2000 words, how to do?? and now, it's off our shoulders. and you know, it's all about moving forward then i guess. and giving the past an ocassional glance to remember the good times and then looking forward with faith and confidence. and us fish, we'll make it to the sea where we meet again, someday.
thank You God, for helping me in today's Bio test even though i didn't really deserve it.
thank You for the cows by the river again this morning.
thank You for a crazy schedule tomoro, and the faith to believe You'll pull me through.
thank You for friends who laugh and scream and cry and eat under the library cctv together.
thank You for the lessons You are teaching me over and over again.
and thank You, for loving me enough to give me things in life to be thankful for.
well yea, i just really felt like blogging so words are just coming out while i type. haha.
"Not everyone can be a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere. *some other really nice sounding stuff here*" - Ego, in Ratatouille
oh yea! i remembered what i wanted to type now. it's so sad how all good things must come to an end. like my beautiful sunflower has reached the end of her life. let's call her Maggie shall we? Maggie's reached the end of her life! so she was becoming all dry and sad, so i couldn't stand seeing a sunflower like that right, so i plucked off the petals. still yellow and pretty ma. dried will be like yellow potpourri right? WRONG! anyways, i put the brown center thingy (did u know it's sticky in the center???) in the garden, mum say can wor then it'll dry and konon can get seed la, and the petals in the jar mandy gave me for Christmas. so i still happyish la.. then today i looked in the jar and it had some black dots here and there and fuzzy stuff in other places, not a lot la but very geli!!! sigh, mummy says it's fungus. have to throw away! gah. sunflowers are so pretty but they just don't last outside the soil. gah. and now mum says better be careful with my dried rose, after got worms how wor.. gah. tis' so sad!!!!!!! well i at least i got one petal that i put in my drawer and checked, it still looks okay... so shud be okay la, when got furry things on it, you'll hear me scream from real far away so you'll know too!
it's sad tho, i've gotten flowers from my sister before too, for paroimia, these gorgeous african daisies! so i tried to keep also, but they have that big center thing too. so one i tried to kiap in dictionary and another i hung upside down, like what u supposed to do for roses la right. aijor, so silly of me! the one i kiap-ed in dictionary - GOT ANTS! screamed so loud man! i hate hate hate ants. sigh, and the one i hung upside down pulak, the center thing got fuzzy and started flying everywhere. needless to say, had to throw that away too. so i'm like... gah.
there are leopard spots on my pillow that look like bacterial plasmids. haha too much bio intake!
and once again i found inspiration in my own words.
- don't focus on what you can't do but on what you can. don't focus on what you don't have but on what you do have.
well, i guess that's all for now! kinda looking forward to/dreading the tiredness-better sleep early, of tomoro! it's MADU then post musical party and the agc meeting for me. phew! and gotta study for midterms too, cannot play play anymore.
i cannot believe it's may already!
till next time,
candice! =)
life's like a river and guess what? we are fish! it's a rather silly analogy but so is most of the stuff i say. it ebbs and flows and even though we each take different routes eventually, we gotta realize that all waters are connected. and likewise, all lives are connected. maybe you meet anothe fish and fist bump them for just a bit, and then you gotta part. well hey, at least it was an amazing fist bump! or fin bump, whatever. =) i really miss annabella diong. we used to have these heart to hearts out of nowhere and i'm like an overflowing jug now, got no one to tell it to and no one to respond the way she does. gah. and i miss ivan chong too. i remember that he was the first one to see my SPM result slip for me when i was gonna cry already. haha, too much pressure le. and he exclaimed,"candice it's okay!! can get full scholarship! why you crying??" sigh, friends are pretty awesome huh? i love how pris always says, "with friends who needs money?" haha it's cause i always don't bring enough money to coll and end up being in debt to the nicest debt collectors ever. hahha. but the way life moves, and doesn't turn back, it's nearly terrifying. like today i was telling mich, hey, i can't believe we handed in our investigative study already. seems like just yesterday we were talking about it and saying, gosh 2000 words, how to do?? and now, it's off our shoulders. and you know, it's all about moving forward then i guess. and giving the past an ocassional glance to remember the good times and then looking forward with faith and confidence. and us fish, we'll make it to the sea where we meet again, someday.
thank You God, for helping me in today's Bio test even though i didn't really deserve it.
thank You for the cows by the river again this morning.
thank You for a crazy schedule tomoro, and the faith to believe You'll pull me through.
thank You for friends who laugh and scream and cry and eat under the library cctv together.
thank You for the lessons You are teaching me over and over again.
and thank You, for loving me enough to give me things in life to be thankful for.
well yea, i just really felt like blogging so words are just coming out while i type. haha.
"Not everyone can be a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere. *some other really nice sounding stuff here*" - Ego, in Ratatouille
oh yea! i remembered what i wanted to type now. it's so sad how all good things must come to an end. like my beautiful sunflower has reached the end of her life. let's call her Maggie shall we? Maggie's reached the end of her life! so she was becoming all dry and sad, so i couldn't stand seeing a sunflower like that right, so i plucked off the petals. still yellow and pretty ma. dried will be like yellow potpourri right? WRONG! anyways, i put the brown center thingy (did u know it's sticky in the center???) in the garden, mum say can wor then it'll dry and konon can get seed la, and the petals in the jar mandy gave me for Christmas. so i still happyish la.. then today i looked in the jar and it had some black dots here and there and fuzzy stuff in other places, not a lot la but very geli!!! sigh, mummy says it's fungus. have to throw away! gah. sunflowers are so pretty but they just don't last outside the soil. gah. and now mum says better be careful with my dried rose, after got worms how wor.. gah. tis' so sad!!!!!!! well i at least i got one petal that i put in my drawer and checked, it still looks okay... so shud be okay la, when got furry things on it, you'll hear me scream from real far away so you'll know too!
it's sad tho, i've gotten flowers from my sister before too, for paroimia, these gorgeous african daisies! so i tried to keep also, but they have that big center thing too. so one i tried to kiap in dictionary and another i hung upside down, like what u supposed to do for roses la right. aijor, so silly of me! the one i kiap-ed in dictionary - GOT ANTS! screamed so loud man! i hate hate hate ants. sigh, and the one i hung upside down pulak, the center thing got fuzzy and started flying everywhere. needless to say, had to throw that away too. so i'm like... gah.
there are leopard spots on my pillow that look like bacterial plasmids. haha too much bio intake!
and once again i found inspiration in my own words.
- don't focus on what you can't do but on what you can. don't focus on what you don't have but on what you do have.
well, i guess that's all for now! kinda looking forward to/dreading the tiredness-better sleep early, of tomoro! it's MADU then post musical party and the agc meeting for me. phew! and gotta study for midterms too, cannot play play anymore.
i cannot believe it's may already!
till next time,
candice! =)
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
don't lose your faith
... and i realized, that
my heart isn't strong enough to care for everyone who needs love
my brain isn't big enough to always say the right things
my shoulders aren't strong enough to always hold another person's head up
my eyes aren't observant enough to see through people's masks
my legs aren't strong enough to walk with everyone
and that just by myself, i am simply not enough
and that as much as i want to, i cannot save the world alone
and that maybe life is so difficult because at the end of the day
it's all about going back to God for that strength
the strength to care and to love
the strength to help someone through tough times
the strength to make it through each day
the strength to walk free
the strength to move mountains
the strength to live life fearless
and the strength to trust God through every circumstance.
i've been very contradictory lately like in my emotions and blogposts. tiba tiba berubah wan. haihz. but in my geramness yesterday, what i found very enocuraging was reading my own blog. in a way this is like a journal and reading back on past experiences, past encouragements, i felt more confident again, in myself and in God. my problem is i need to start taking my own advice instead of just saying it.
and God has been showing me in little things, that His strength really is enough. like a couple of incidences lately. and i just forget to easily, and don't turn to Him enough. cause sometimes when it's so difficult to hear His voice, giving up is so easy.
so indeed life is really tough. but like i said too, it's really beautiful too. and yes, i don't know what i'm talking about anymore. life just seems too big a word for a kid like me sometimes.
today was anna and ivan's last day in college. and i really am gonna miss them so much! this made me think that no matter how close you think you are to someone, you aren't untouchable. the people you love can leave at any moment and that is another freaky thought. and i thought about people who have watched the ones they love so much leave, further than to negeri sembilan or johor, further than australia, right to heaven and i cannot even imagine their pain. we're all living for the first time and today i finally learnt that none of us are bulletproof. that no matter how much you try, no matter how much armor you put on, you're not safe from hurt. but as sad as this sounds, i am so amzed at the fact that humans feel like this. that we understand pain and love and joy, that we're real you know.because without sadness we wouldn't appreciate joy. without weaknesses, we wouldn't value strength. without pain, we wouldn't understand love. and what a waste that would be.
so what i need to do, is stop complaining and pray. just pray and listen.
'And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly i will rather boast in my infirmities that the power of Christ may come upon me. Therefore i take pleasures in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when i am weak, then i am strong.' - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
'No temptation has overtaken you such that is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape that you may be able to bear it.' - 1 Corinthians 10:13
my heart isn't strong enough to care for everyone who needs love
my brain isn't big enough to always say the right things
my shoulders aren't strong enough to always hold another person's head up
my eyes aren't observant enough to see through people's masks
my legs aren't strong enough to walk with everyone
and that just by myself, i am simply not enough
and that as much as i want to, i cannot save the world alone
and that maybe life is so difficult because at the end of the day
it's all about going back to God for that strength
the strength to care and to love
the strength to help someone through tough times
the strength to make it through each day
the strength to walk free
the strength to move mountains
the strength to live life fearless
and the strength to trust God through every circumstance.
i've been very contradictory lately like in my emotions and blogposts. tiba tiba berubah wan. haihz. but in my geramness yesterday, what i found very enocuraging was reading my own blog. in a way this is like a journal and reading back on past experiences, past encouragements, i felt more confident again, in myself and in God. my problem is i need to start taking my own advice instead of just saying it.
and God has been showing me in little things, that His strength really is enough. like a couple of incidences lately. and i just forget to easily, and don't turn to Him enough. cause sometimes when it's so difficult to hear His voice, giving up is so easy.
so indeed life is really tough. but like i said too, it's really beautiful too. and yes, i don't know what i'm talking about anymore. life just seems too big a word for a kid like me sometimes.
today was anna and ivan's last day in college. and i really am gonna miss them so much! this made me think that no matter how close you think you are to someone, you aren't untouchable. the people you love can leave at any moment and that is another freaky thought. and i thought about people who have watched the ones they love so much leave, further than to negeri sembilan or johor, further than australia, right to heaven and i cannot even imagine their pain. we're all living for the first time and today i finally learnt that none of us are bulletproof. that no matter how much you try, no matter how much armor you put on, you're not safe from hurt. but as sad as this sounds, i am so amzed at the fact that humans feel like this. that we understand pain and love and joy, that we're real you know.because without sadness we wouldn't appreciate joy. without weaknesses, we wouldn't value strength. without pain, we wouldn't understand love. and what a waste that would be.
so what i need to do, is stop complaining and pray. just pray and listen.
'And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly i will rather boast in my infirmities that the power of Christ may come upon me. Therefore i take pleasures in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when i am weak, then i am strong.' - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
'No temptation has overtaken you such that is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape that you may be able to bear it.' - 1 Corinthians 10:13
Monday, May 3, 2010
why?
why is the world so broken?
why is there so much need around me but not enough strength in me to make things better?
why do i feel so helpless in this world?
why is it so tough to always do the right thing?
why is life so incredibly difficult? and i mean this so so much.
i hate asking questions i already know the answer to. i really have been thinking too much, and really just problems and stress have become so overwhelming. and i just, feel out of energy, out of hope, out of faith.
why is there so much need around me but not enough strength in me to make things better?
why do i feel so helpless in this world?
why is it so tough to always do the right thing?
why is life so incredibly difficult? and i mean this so so much.
i hate asking questions i already know the answer to. i really have been thinking too much, and really just problems and stress have become so overwhelming. and i just, feel out of energy, out of hope, out of faith.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
living life in beautiful moments
so, i just came back from the last show of 'a night on broadway' and i have so many things to say about it! it was so fabulous and i'm just really full of joy and awwws now.
haha i can't decide to write what i learnt or my awws first. hahha! better write down before i forget what to say.
well first off, thank you vivian, pck, wen yin, dianne, lilian, yng yng, james, levina and kathleen AND of course, daddy mummy and grace che for coming to the show! i really appreciate the effort and you guys rock la! =D and also to the fantabulous pris and gene who wanted to come but couldn't make it, i love yall!!! =D
to everyone involved in the show,
you guys really are amazing! i think my favourite times were the energizers where we would dance to all kinds of music and see veronica rap and people taking photos and jumping and screaming "one, we are performers! two, a little bit louder! three, i still can't hear you! four, more, more more!" i remember pausing during one energizer session and just looking at everyone doing their stuff, grooving, makeuping, crazying and i remember feeling so content and thankful for the chance to be a part of this musical and meet so many incredible people. and i wanted to say how we've come so far! during the first like month and a half of practices i was super shy and uber quiet. like emelyn was my only buddy but now everyone's hugging and dancing and crying together, and it amazes me so that bonds can be formed so easily in a sense. and once again, i learnt the lesson that people are beautiful when you look closely. i have so much to express but no words left, and i've said this so many times, but i really do love you ALL! you guys are incredible and i really have been blessed to have known you all. =) thanks too to the lecturers behind this, you have given us so much and there's no way we can ever possibly repay you for this wonderful opportunity.
i wanna post a group photo, but they're all in frank's camera, will upload here once it's facebooked! here are some other pictures i got today....
i also learnt...
don't think bout what you can't do, but instead about what you can.
don't think about what you don't have, but instead about what you do have.
and that makes all the difference. =)
gosh i've been so emo lately, cause all the 'endings' are happening at the same time. ish. but aww.
and... most fabulously, thank you to ivan, anna, michelle, elena, wen shi and calvin for their unbelievable support! haha during fame, mich kept screaming and i couldn't stop smiling once i saw the rainbow sign with my name on it that she held up. i was so touched man! and they kept screaming throughout the show and it was so sweet cause i was uber discouraged with the crowd's response during the afternoon show. so many cast members kept telling me how awesome and supportive you guys are and kept thanking you for lifting everyone's spirits and talking bout you people. lol, gosh, i'm at a loss for words la! but still guys, you are amazing and i already said this to you and on facebook, but here it goes again, you make my life colourful! thank you for the beautiful sunflower that anna passed to me on stage during beat, haha, it was so unexpected wey!!!! =) i lub u ppl!
you know how some moments pass, yet you just know it will remain with you always? these are the beautiful moments in life and maybe life's all about these moments, times where people go the extra mile to make you happy, where everyone's in such a perfect state of joy and awesomeness and just yea, i really will remember this always. in my life, i feel like *this is quite embarassing la*, i always imagined very highly of people(?), like you texted me something bad but i'd imagine you were lying and gonna make some surprise or something, and it never came true, cause i just have a crazy imagination la. and i guess along the way, i stopped doing it, i stopped hoping for more and tried contentment with what i had. and that is right, but for the first time in my life, people did more for me than i ever expected they would and the feeling is so amazing. thank you for the fantabulisticable effort.=D =D
and last but most importantly, thank You God, for everything. none of this could have happened without You. =)
with all my love,
candice.
haha i can't decide to write what i learnt or my awws first. hahha! better write down before i forget what to say.
well first off, thank you vivian, pck, wen yin, dianne, lilian, yng yng, james, levina and kathleen AND of course, daddy mummy and grace che for coming to the show! i really appreciate the effort and you guys rock la! =D and also to the fantabulous pris and gene who wanted to come but couldn't make it, i love yall!!! =D
to everyone involved in the show,
you guys really are amazing! i think my favourite times were the energizers where we would dance to all kinds of music and see veronica rap and people taking photos and jumping and screaming "one, we are performers! two, a little bit louder! three, i still can't hear you! four, more, more more!" i remember pausing during one energizer session and just looking at everyone doing their stuff, grooving, makeuping, crazying and i remember feeling so content and thankful for the chance to be a part of this musical and meet so many incredible people. and i wanted to say how we've come so far! during the first like month and a half of practices i was super shy and uber quiet. like emelyn was my only buddy but now everyone's hugging and dancing and crying together, and it amazes me so that bonds can be formed so easily in a sense. and once again, i learnt the lesson that people are beautiful when you look closely. i have so much to express but no words left, and i've said this so many times, but i really do love you ALL! you guys are incredible and i really have been blessed to have known you all. =) thanks too to the lecturers behind this, you have given us so much and there's no way we can ever possibly repay you for this wonderful opportunity.
i wanna post a group photo, but they're all in frank's camera, will upload here once it's facebooked! here are some other pictures i got today....
i also learnt...
don't think bout what you can't do, but instead about what you can.
don't think about what you don't have, but instead about what you do have.
and that makes all the difference. =)
gosh i've been so emo lately, cause all the 'endings' are happening at the same time. ish. but aww.
and... most fabulously, thank you to ivan, anna, michelle, elena, wen shi and calvin for their unbelievable support! haha during fame, mich kept screaming and i couldn't stop smiling once i saw the rainbow sign with my name on it that she held up. i was so touched man! and they kept screaming throughout the show and it was so sweet cause i was uber discouraged with the crowd's response during the afternoon show. so many cast members kept telling me how awesome and supportive you guys are and kept thanking you for lifting everyone's spirits and talking bout you people. lol, gosh, i'm at a loss for words la! but still guys, you are amazing and i already said this to you and on facebook, but here it goes again, you make my life colourful! thank you for the beautiful sunflower that anna passed to me on stage during beat, haha, it was so unexpected wey!!!! =) i lub u ppl!
you know how some moments pass, yet you just know it will remain with you always? these are the beautiful moments in life and maybe life's all about these moments, times where people go the extra mile to make you happy, where everyone's in such a perfect state of joy and awesomeness and just yea, i really will remember this always. in my life, i feel like *this is quite embarassing la*, i always imagined very highly of people(?), like you texted me something bad but i'd imagine you were lying and gonna make some surprise or something, and it never came true, cause i just have a crazy imagination la. and i guess along the way, i stopped doing it, i stopped hoping for more and tried contentment with what i had. and that is right, but for the first time in my life, people did more for me than i ever expected they would and the feeling is so amazing. thank you for the fantabulisticable effort.=D =D
and last but most importantly, thank You God, for everything. none of this could have happened without You. =)
with all my love,
candice.
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