"My heart beating, my soul breathing
I found my life when I laid it down,
Upward falling, spirit soaring,
I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground."
- Touch The Sky, Hillsong
This song came on my speakers as I drove home from church today, and I felt God remind me of this photo someone took of me at church many years ago.
This is me at my strongest.
I thought of all the battles I've fought on my knees, all the times God came through for me in the past, and how despite the circumstance - His embrace always makes everything okay.
It's been a challenging past few months, for many reasons. I've questioned my identity, my gifts, my purpose, my choices, my dreams - whether or not I had the courage to pursue it, my weaknesses and my worth. I've questioned the expectations that the people and the world around me had for me. I've questioned everything and some days it left me exhausted, broken and afraid of the future.
I've always had a pretty close relationship with God, but even that has fluctuated throughout the years - I have been the girl on my knees who would boldly pray "here I am Lord, send me" and I have also been the Sunday Christian whose relationship with God only went as far as attending church on the days my work schedule allowed it. And funny enough, when I look back at my life, it was at the toughest moments of my life that I was drawn closest to God, learning then to let Him carry me through and fight my battles for me.
Somewhere in this season, I found myself running back into Papa's arms again. And oh, how He loves indeed. When my heart is quiet enough to listen, he never fails to speak wisdom into my life with this unmistakable authority that is firm, yet gentle. He corrects the error of my ways, dusts me off, and gives me the courage to face tomorrow. He helps me to dream again and teaches me to activate my faith. And He always, always reminds me that I am not alone.
My heart is so blessed. Thank You Papa.
The road ahead may be long, but I look heavenwards and know that He's got me.
Everything's gonna be okay.
"The Lord your God will fight for you.
You need only to be still."
- Exodus 14:14