Takotsubo

"When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground, it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters, a table leg breaks or a picture falls off a wall, it makes a noise. But as for your heart, when that breaks it's completely silent. You would think as it's so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world, or at least some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell. But it is completely silent, and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain. If there is a noise, it's internal. It screams and no one can hear it but you. It screams so loud it makes your ears ring and your head ache. It trashes around in your chest like a great white shark caught in the sea, it roars like a mother bear whose cub just got taken. That's what it looks like, and that's what it sounds like, a thrashing panicking trapped great big beast roaring like a prisoner to its own emotions. 

But that's the thing about love, no one is untouchable."

- Cecelia Ahern, from If You Could See Me Now

Wanderlust

In the morning hours before I even get ready for my evening shift, I started looking through my old photos once again.

I remember PNG, the joy of crashing Eddie's village for a night and meeting such incredibly beautiful people. I remember playing in the mud with children whose giggles never run out, and having the captain suggest playfully that I go up top and get hosed down. I remember telling a whole village that one night about how good my God has been to me. I remember worship nights on the aft deck, and sharing stories wherever we could find space to do so.

And I find my spirit craving it all once again, a new adventure far away, a new journey deep into the places no one else would want to go to, a new story away from the luxuries of life I have grown too comfortable with that I may be challenged to live on the more important things in life.

I think that aside from all that adventure, incredible people, God encounters and purposeful ventures.. one of the things I love best about it all is that I feel the most me when I'm there. I remember coming home after my first trip to PNG, feeling a bit unable to adjust back to the luxuries we have here, but more so than that, feeling more comfortable in my skin than ever before, knowing what it was that I was created to do.

Ahh. My heart is found dreaming once again, of the muddy village trails, more what's the time Mr Wolf, coconut sago and crab, little gleeful hands in mine, and a sense of life so abundantly.

...

Ah Papa God, I can't wait for our next adventure together. :)

...

And yet, if I could choose only one place where I would like most to be this week, without a doubt in mind, I would pick home, to spend the festive season with family.

Maybe that's how I know I'm growing up, moments with family are becoming more and more precious and highly treasured.

Happy Chinese New Year papa and mama. :) I love you both dearly!

Love,
Dice

It's A New Era

My heart is so full. :)

In Recent Times

So. What have I been thankful for in recent times?

I'm thankful for.. reasonably good health and the ability to keep going on this journey. I'm thankful for the promises that God has spoken over my life, even if it can be difficult to faith them out, and for the stories of His goodness that are inspiring me simply by being able to share them with others.

Ultimately, I am so thankful to know the voice of God enough to hear what He is saying to me now.

I'm thankful for friends that have shown up in my life to care for me, comfort, nurture and feed me lately, and a sister who would respond to my strange request of meeting me at my car with a rolled up magazine simply because there was a large LARGE spider crawling across my car.

I'm thankful for the space I have had to breathe and feel as I needed to, for my car (and the rain that washed all spiders off my car) and for a roof to sleep under every night.

I'm thankful for the challenges that are growing and stretching me, and for God's unwavering belief in me.

I'm thankful for family that's always there even if not physically.

I'm thankful for congee, cups of tea, and vanilla chai lattes.

I'm thankful for favour with the people around me, and for really nice patients.

I'm thankful for a church that reminds me that if my God is for me, no one can be against me.

I am so thankful to be alive to live another day, fight another battle, experience another miracle and expect bigger breakthroughs, and to be able to do all that with Papa God carrying me through.

I am so blessed indeed, and thankful, for being able to realize that once more.

Love,
Dice