Sunday Morning Reflections

Here's a powerful lesson I learnt recently.

You own your feelings, your feelings do not own you.

I hope this lesson remains true to me throughout this year - that even if I don't feel like putting on my running shoes and going out for a sweat, even if I want to throw a tantrum, even if I can't be bothered picking up a book to read, even if quiet time is difficult to achieve, even if my selfish desires get the better of me, even if I get patients who are difficult, demanding and ungrateful.. my feelings do not own me and I can be stronger than their dictations.

And from first reaching that victory in my mind, I can set off to live in the fullness of all that today has to offer. 

Thoughts On: Challenges

"Some mountains in life are easier to climb than others.

But you are stronger than you know. You can do this.

And if you fall, rise again. Try again. Climb again.

Listen not to the widespread taunts that daringly pronounce what you cannot do, but rather to the soft chorus of faithful supporters, and to the increasingly fierce whisper of your heart that knows the truth 

- you've beaten mountains before. And you can do it again."

...

"Do you know how blessed you are that such are the mountains in your life?"

See The Goodness

There's always some good to be found in every circumstance. 

I really believe this, even if not at the time something isn't going the way I wanted it to.

A few days ago, I shut my front door at home before I realised that I didn't have my keys with me. Yep. Locked out my own house with no one else at home, and a million things I wanted to do on my precious off day.

😩

Megan was in college in the city and Krispy worked nearby, but she wasn't replying and I wasn't sure where.

So I decided to go get my groceries as planned and wait for a reply.

No reply. I've got my groceries, and at this point, I really wanted to just go home, bake Bailey's birthday cupcakes, clean the house, do some reading and finish some way overdue paperwork.

So I decided to ask Megan where Krispy work, stalk her Facebook to make sure it's right, drive there and hopefully just ask for her at reception without embarrassing my housemate at her workplace.

Right after I reached, Krispy texted and yay of all yays, she's happy and free to pass me her keys. I met her at Gloria Jeans and turns out, she had just started her thirty minute break. With her house keys in my hand I thought.. "Oh, then I might as well catch up with you then!" Because I'd been on a trip recently and have been working rurally. I haven't had much chance to see my housemates these past few weeks.

And we ended up having a good heart to heart over coffee.

How blessed I was to have locked myself out that day. :)

I love this verse:
"You intended it for evil, but God intended it for good."
- Genesis 50:20

It's so easy to get a bad attitude in life when things don't go our way (and I know I'll have to eat these words again one day).
It's so easy to grumble and pout and rant and forget all the goodness we have in our lives when something gets thrown a little off balance, but as I've learnt.. there's always something good to come out of every circumstance, there's always a new lesson waiting to be learnt.

I've had sickness thrown my way unexpectedly before - but that taught me to place my trust in God, it taught me how vulnerable patients felt, it brought my family closer and reminded me how loved I was.

I've had my heart broken before - but that led me to where I am now, taught me not to let fear hold me back from life and to forgive,  gave me good memories nonetheless and helped me grow up in understanding life and people a bit better.

I've done badly on exams and disappointed others and myself before - but that challenged me deep in my spirit as to why I do what I do and reminded me that patients deserve better.

I've had my car broken into this year - but I pray my Bible and journal went to good use. I learnt to be more careful with my things, that there were people in my life who cared so much that they would care for me past midnight to help me sort things out, that God comforts even in the most painful circumstances and that once again, His peace is incredibly real.

I've found out that I've been cheated before - that my old car was a repaired write off that was sold to me for more than it was worth, but I encountered such lovely, compassionate people who tried their best to minimise my losses, and ended up disposing of a car that was probably not the safest to be on the road anymore anyways.

Crap happens. And it hurts, no doubt. 
But if you lean in close, look real hard, and wait just a moment longer sometimes, you'll see the goodness.
Trust me. 

It's there. It's always there, just waiting to be found.

"You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of us."
- Beautiful Things, Michael and Lisa Gungor

"He makes everything beautiful in its own time."
- Ecclesiastes 3:11

A Little Kindness Goes A Long Way

I had been planning my trip to Canberra for a while now, and had decided that after work finished at 5pm, I would quickly go home, finish packing, shower, and then drive to the train station to catch a 630pm train that would reach Southern Cross at 8pm, leaving me plenty of time before my 10pm bus.

A fellow senior doctor at work (who I knew very briefly) overheard my plans, and in her Malaysian accent goes, "Are you crazy?? I'll drive you la! I'm heading that way anyways."

"Are you sure?"
"YES I'm sure."
"Well, thank you then! :D "

And then after I've gotten ready to leave after work she asks me what my plans were between now and my bus. And I said... "Eat, sit, read..?"

"That's it. You're coming and having dinner with me and my boyfriend."

Long story short, that night I had an incredibly nice spontaneous home-cooked meal with one of the most hospitable couples I have ever met. Despite the age difference and seniority in their careers too, they both welcomed me so generously, talked with me about life, shared their stories and listened to mine, and fed me delicious sausage curry as well.

And when it came time for me to start heading to Southern Cross, Michelle decides to start walking with me to the train station, taps on her myki and insisted then that the both of them would follow me to the bus stop at Southern Cross.

"Guys! I'll be fine!! I promise I'll be okay!"
"No. We have to answer to your mother to make sure you reach safely."
"You really don't have to!"

"Aww doesn't this feel like we're sending our child off to college?" 

....

A little kindness really does go a long, long way. 

The both of them really did not have to spend their precious Thursday evening with me but they decided to, and went far, far out of their way for my sake. I feel incredibly blessed, and moved to continue this journey of kindness, to pass it on and pay it forwards.

"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness - kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile."
- Mother Teresa

Papa Will Know

If I wasn't scared as I drove to work with the red radiator light warning me, I was definitely scared when I noticed smoke coming out from my hood at the traffic light.

I started praying in the car that I would be able to make it to the car park without my car breaking down, and thankfully, I did.

I texted my dad as I rushed into the hospital because I knew that he would know what to do.
True enough, he ended up texting me for a large portion of today to tell me the things that I needed to do and to watch out for, and explained the instructions step by step to me.

Now, please note, I am not a car person. I do not speak car. What even does the radiator do??

I spent most of today being so stressed out about my car and filled with a fear that it would break down on the way home. Come 6pm, I was on the rooftop car park with my 1000mL sterile bottle of water (intended for parenteral use heh) and the hood of my car up. I got a few stares, but just as daddy instructed, I managed to fill my radiator and the reservoir with water - and eventually made it home safely with no further issues. I have no words for how grateful I was to be able to call my dad for help in my time of need.

...

I learnt a powerful lesson today though, one that was amplified in my spirit as I drove home in complete peace.

"Papa would know what to do."

How often do we go through circumstances in life that overwhelm us, that seem to be way, way out of our league?
How often do we feel completely beyond inadequate to face the challenge before us?
How often do we choose panic and fear as our response?
How often do we reach the point of wanting to give up because we simply do not know how to solve the problem?

Today, I was reminded that I can call on my Father any time, with any problem, and He will always know how to solve it. I also realised that His Presence that guided me through present circumstances brought with it a strong, special sense of peace that surpassed all understanding. I learnt that I had no reason to be afraid, because God is with me at all times.  :) He is only a prayer away.

Papa will know. 
Stop listening to the fear, and choose instead to listen to His perfect instructions. 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, for I, the Lord your God, am with you wherever you go."
- Joshua 1:9

Soul Food

"Listen my beloved brethren: Has God not chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him?"
- James 2:5

A reminder to remove prejudice from our lenses and begin to see, to really see the beauty in our humanity.

A Bit About Love

"Love is patient, love is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

...

He walked up to the desk in the ward and spoke to the first person at the desk who would give him any attention. In his hands were a basket of chocolates and a piece of paper. He was redirected to the nurse in charge, who subsequently redirected him to me.

"I just wanted to thank you for taking care of my wife. You know, we've been married for sixty years now, and I've been caring for her blood sugars for the past seven years. But sometimes, I'm not able to and I need you guys to help me. I really can't be without my wife you know, so thank you. She was in so much pain, and you can't imagine what it was like watching that. She's doing so much better now!

Thank you for giving my love a second chance."

...

I've been learning a bit about love lately.

I see it in its purest forms every single day at work - the teary wife stroking her husband's hair after he's just passed away, the daughter who comes in with lemons and honey to make her bedbound mother a special drink every day, the son who requests updates several times a day because he's concerned, the parent holding their sick child's hand by the bedside, the echo of sobs when someone loved has passed away, or the husband with his arms wrapped around his frail wife as they walked.

Maybe it's something about sickness and suffering that causes us to realize what truly matters most in life.
Maybe it's through the storms that we learn to love even better, and through sacrifice that love is made perfect in us.

From my inconspicuous position in the corner with a red folder in one hand and pen in the other, or on a wheelie chair behind a computer facing the ward - I see this every day, and am constantly humbled by the human ability to love so well.

Love, as I've learnt.. is incredibly courageous and gutsy. It chooses to believe in the best but is also prepared for the worst case scenario. It opens its arms to the possibility of overwhelming heartbreak because the alternative is simply not worth it - to live completely guarded without risk or vulnerability, to refrain from any semblance of attachment in constant fear of getting hurt.

Love, is Aunty C holding her husband's hand and saying to us - "We're ready for whatever comes."
Love is knowing that when daybreak comes and he's lying in bed too weak to eat, that she would still be there by his side.

Love is selfless, placing the needs of another person before our own. I see it in the sister who would offer her bone marrow without any care or question of the consequences to herself as long as it meant saving her sister's life.

Love is forgiveness, a choice to prefer one another over past hurts and pride. I've seen the heartwarming stuff in hospitals, but I've also witnessed the ones who pass away with no next of kin, no tears by the bedside, and no one to collect the body. I've learnt that pride can keep you company for a day.. but when all is said and done, it's not pride you want with you at the end of your life, it's the people you love. From this, I am learning to be more generous with the "I forgive you's", to make things right when I am in the wrong, to not hold back the "I love you's", and to constantly choose to have a positive voice in a negative generation.

Love.. invites joy and goodness into the darkest of places and makes life so extremely precious, it is an astounding resilience that refuses to be defeated. I see it in the giggles of a bald child undergoing chemotherapy as a result of their parents tickles, I see it in the eyes of a loving wife as her husband became strong enough to squeeze her hand back after a massive stroke, I see it in the gratefulness that is birthed when we realize our time is finite.


Love is so many precious things, and I am ever so thankful to be taught this lesson over and over again, every day, .. to treasure it well while we still can.