As I was studying tonight, my thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the visions I got almost exactly a year ago. I felt the urge to reflect, and read my old journals from that time.
And my goodness.. how much things have changed since then. My emotions were stirring up tears, because I suddenly remembered how tough things were for me last year, how much I had to struggle to hold on to God and call in the favour over my life.
One particular entry stood out to me, and I felt compelled to share it here, with you.
" 21 November 2012
My prophecy was that God would use me to activate others. Maybe this is it, maybe their fruits are my fruits too. But there's still that dissatisfaction within me, a bitter one that says that I've stepped out time and time again yet never seen fruits like theirs before. Am I doing something wrong?
Why is it never me?
I don't want to be the prodigal son's older brother.
I don't want to be ungrateful, or disobedient, or rude.
Yet, I can't help but feel so unfavoured.. maybe my heart was in the wrong place and I didn't know.
Still, the quiet voice within me says that perseverance will have its own rewards.
...
For once though, I wish God would amaze me. Like blow my mind AMAZE me that I fall to my knees in thankfulness. Not that I'm not thankful for what I have, but really.. just once. Well not just once, always.
I don't want to keep living in the testimonies from months ago."
Even as I type it out again, I feel.. amazed in my spirit at where I am today. How many times this year have I been completely taken away by His goodness over my life? And it's not like I had to try very hard to be thankful, I really was because He poured out THAT MUCH over my life. I can't believe that I was in that state last year, so low, so hopeless.. and yet God didn't give up on me and molded me further. And here I am today, walking in the promises of yesterday.
I am so blessed to have gone through this journey in life. Every struggle, every heartache, every tear cried alone has brought me to where I am standing today. Not yet perfected and nowhere close, with so much left to learn.. but a little bit stronger, a little bit wiser. :)
When I look back on my life.. I see scars. Scars everywhere from the challenges I had to endure by holding God's hands. Some are deeper, but there are smaller ones in various places too.
And today, I can without a doubt say, that I would not have wanted it any other way.
My scars show the world that He heals, over and over again.
You really did leave me astounded God, and I adore You for that so very much. Thank You. :)
Blessed,
Dice
And my goodness.. how much things have changed since then. My emotions were stirring up tears, because I suddenly remembered how tough things were for me last year, how much I had to struggle to hold on to God and call in the favour over my life.
One particular entry stood out to me, and I felt compelled to share it here, with you.
" 21 November 2012
My prophecy was that God would use me to activate others. Maybe this is it, maybe their fruits are my fruits too. But there's still that dissatisfaction within me, a bitter one that says that I've stepped out time and time again yet never seen fruits like theirs before. Am I doing something wrong?
Why is it never me?
I don't want to be the prodigal son's older brother.
I don't want to be ungrateful, or disobedient, or rude.
Yet, I can't help but feel so unfavoured.. maybe my heart was in the wrong place and I didn't know.
Still, the quiet voice within me says that perseverance will have its own rewards.
...
For once though, I wish God would amaze me. Like blow my mind AMAZE me that I fall to my knees in thankfulness. Not that I'm not thankful for what I have, but really.. just once. Well not just once, always.
I don't want to keep living in the testimonies from months ago."
Even as I type it out again, I feel.. amazed in my spirit at where I am today. How many times this year have I been completely taken away by His goodness over my life? And it's not like I had to try very hard to be thankful, I really was because He poured out THAT MUCH over my life. I can't believe that I was in that state last year, so low, so hopeless.. and yet God didn't give up on me and molded me further. And here I am today, walking in the promises of yesterday.
I am so blessed to have gone through this journey in life. Every struggle, every heartache, every tear cried alone has brought me to where I am standing today. Not yet perfected and nowhere close, with so much left to learn.. but a little bit stronger, a little bit wiser. :)
When I look back on my life.. I see scars. Scars everywhere from the challenges I had to endure by holding God's hands. Some are deeper, but there are smaller ones in various places too.
And today, I can without a doubt say, that I would not have wanted it any other way.
My scars show the world that He heals, over and over again.
You really did leave me astounded God, and I adore You for that so very much. Thank You. :)
Blessed,
Dice
:)
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