This past week, I started a new rotation - Neurology, which has demanded exceedingly of me, inspired me, moved me, challenged me, and taught me so much already.
It's not easy being the junior doctor.
Some days I feel like I don't know a single thing, nowhere near the depth or the breadth of the knowledge of my seniors. "Fake it till you make it," came the advice of many who have gone before me.
On my second day of this new job, hours after I was supposed to have left, I heard the medical emergency call over the speakers for one of my patients. I walked up to the wards and stood in the corner, trying to figure out what was happening. While this was going on, I heard the senior doctors covering that night talk about resuscitation statuses, that if this patient would deteriorate, they would just let him go despite his relatively young age, because of his many comorbidities.
I remember feeling so overwhelmed as I stood there. What if he wasn't still alive the next morning for our rounds? Should we have treated him differently early that day to prevent this? What if it was something I did wrong?
He eventually got better though, and over the past few weeks I've gotten to know him more as well. More often than not, he is one of those patients that makes me smile in the midst of a busy day.
Most days, work finishes after 7.30pm for me, despite our rostered hours ending at 4.30pm.
But the truth is, overtime is my favourite time of the day, because I get to sit down, breath and just do paperwork when the wards have quietened down and people aren't expecting me to do ten different jobs or answer ten different questions anymore.
And, during overtime too, I am usually able to catch the sunset over the sea from the windows of our ward on the fifth floor of the hospital. I remember commenting one day how beautiful it was, and one of the other junior doctors laughed and said, "That's kinda sad for us, don't you think?"
I feel like I'm just starting to ramble about random things from my week now.
I think what I'm trying to debrief out of my crazy week is this.
I'm thankful for a rotation that is stretching me and teaching me so much.
I'm thankful for sunsets over the sea as I work.
I'm thankful for a team that works hard, teaches generously and is kind and understanding with one another and with patients.
I'm thankful for funny work stories that we laugh about together.
I'm thankful for friends who understand this season of my life and have gone above and beyond to walk with me through this.
I'm thankful for sleep and rest, even if I get less of it than I used to.
I'm thankful for patients who bring joy to my heart and make this job such a pleasure.
I'm thankful for the encouragement of my patients and my bosses that despite how much I know I still don't know, that I'm doing well and that I will continue to grow.
I'm thankful for the chocolates in the nurses office and biscuits on the ward.
I'm thankful for the forty plus minutes I spend driving to work or home from work, where I get to rest, think, breathe, reflect, and talk to God.
Because ultimately, even if it is hard work and so difficult at times, I am so thankful to be a junior doctor at all.
It's not easy being the junior doctor.
Some days I feel like I don't know a single thing, nowhere near the depth or the breadth of the knowledge of my seniors. "Fake it till you make it," came the advice of many who have gone before me.
On my second day of this new job, hours after I was supposed to have left, I heard the medical emergency call over the speakers for one of my patients. I walked up to the wards and stood in the corner, trying to figure out what was happening. While this was going on, I heard the senior doctors covering that night talk about resuscitation statuses, that if this patient would deteriorate, they would just let him go despite his relatively young age, because of his many comorbidities.
I remember feeling so overwhelmed as I stood there. What if he wasn't still alive the next morning for our rounds? Should we have treated him differently early that day to prevent this? What if it was something I did wrong?
He eventually got better though, and over the past few weeks I've gotten to know him more as well. More often than not, he is one of those patients that makes me smile in the midst of a busy day.
Most days, work finishes after 7.30pm for me, despite our rostered hours ending at 4.30pm.
But the truth is, overtime is my favourite time of the day, because I get to sit down, breath and just do paperwork when the wards have quietened down and people aren't expecting me to do ten different jobs or answer ten different questions anymore.
And, during overtime too, I am usually able to catch the sunset over the sea from the windows of our ward on the fifth floor of the hospital. I remember commenting one day how beautiful it was, and one of the other junior doctors laughed and said, "That's kinda sad for us, don't you think?"
I feel like I'm just starting to ramble about random things from my week now.
I think what I'm trying to debrief out of my crazy week is this.
I'm thankful for a rotation that is stretching me and teaching me so much.
I'm thankful for sunsets over the sea as I work.
I'm thankful for a team that works hard, teaches generously and is kind and understanding with one another and with patients.
I'm thankful for funny work stories that we laugh about together.
I'm thankful for friends who understand this season of my life and have gone above and beyond to walk with me through this.
I'm thankful for sleep and rest, even if I get less of it than I used to.
I'm thankful for patients who bring joy to my heart and make this job such a pleasure.
I'm thankful for the encouragement of my patients and my bosses that despite how much I know I still don't know, that I'm doing well and that I will continue to grow.
I'm thankful for the chocolates in the nurses office and biscuits on the ward.
I'm thankful for the forty plus minutes I spend driving to work or home from work, where I get to rest, think, breathe, reflect, and talk to God.
Because ultimately, even if it is hard work and so difficult at times, I am so thankful to be a junior doctor at all.
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