doing the right thing

i just watched the dark knight for the dunno-how-many-eth-time with my parents tonight. and i love, absolutely love the climax of it, where neither boat decided to blow the other up.
"This proves that this city is full of people, ready to believe in good."
man, i love the batman series, there are so many uh 'persoalan's of good and bad, of what's right and wrong, thoughts about justice and courage. stuff for me to bite on, and reconsider. :) i love it!

but more than leftover thoughts from a superb movie, the thought in my head that has been stuck for so long is, what is the right thing to do? i suddenly remember my newcastle interview, where the interviewer asked me if there was a medicine of 50/50 chance to save my dying child, will i take it? and i said yes, mostly cause i had no idea what to say. but the thing is, i recently learnt, not everything in life can be objectified, packaged into a neat question with the proper answer. and i'll be honest, i don't know what the answer is, to the questions on my mind or those on the minds of those dear to me. and i am uncomfortable, i would say, in realizing that there is more gray in my world than black and white now. neither path is the obvious right one, so where do we go?

and yes, while these thoughts cloud my head, i think what scares me more is maybe realizing my purpose after all, and feeling that i am not strong enough to go through with it. i think that maybe for too long, i have put my faith in mere words and not the ever-living God. because, as i realized, faith is.. scary. it's difficult, and for what feels like the first time, i'm feeling the full weight of how truly difficult it is to have faith. to stop worrying. to really, really.. surrender. i've always sort of imagining God, building our faith like building a wall. first He builds something small, then He breaks it down. then He builds something bigger, and tears it down again. it's a rather odd analogy i suppose, but i often feel that way, that for my faith to grow even bigger, i must let God tear down the secure shell i have placed Him in. that as i have trusted Him to get me to the highest floor, i must reconsider everything, to find the faith i need to let Him take me to the rooftop. and then to the skies. and this year i have had a breakthrough i will say, where i feel like i've grown so much, partly due to spitting all my thoughts here really, but yea, i've grown. and a smug, stupid part of me thought my relationship with God was 'good enough' already, for it was better than ever. and i grew complacent and comfortable. and i feel God challenging me once again, like He did before my breakthrough, saying that He wants to bring me to even greater heights with Him. that somehow, all this must happen first. it's complicated to me too la, but i guess in some ways, rather cool too. cause He cares enough to have everything planned for my life.

today i felt God say that He has enabled me to believe in the good of others, well to be honest, i think it was Him and not me, but o ye of little faith, why did you doubt right? i don't know, but either ways, isn't that what we are all called to do? to keep believing that God exists in every person and hence good must too. but with great power comes great responsibility. and i am suddenly burdened by the question of, how do i change MY world?

i'm sorry, this is a really choppy, confusing, probably whiny to some extent too, post. i have all these thoughts in my head that i cannot express properly, and to who also i don't know, so i picked here, to anyone and everyone who would listen. :)

these are the verses that i felt i really needed to share right now.

"But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you and pray for those who spitefully love you. To him who strikes you on one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who takes away your goods, do not ask for them back. And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those who hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. But love your enemies, do good and lend, hoping for nothing in return and your reward will be great and you will be sons of the Highest. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful."
- Luke 6:27-36

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"Good people last - they can't be moved, the wicked are here today, gone tomorrow.

Mean-spirited slander is heartless; quiet discretion accompanies good sense.

The desires of good people lead straight to the best, but wicked ambition ends in angry frustration.

The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed, those who help others are helped.

Worry weighs us down, a cheerful word picks us up.

A refusal to correct is a refusal to love, love your children by disciplining them.

Hard work always pays off, mere talk puts no bread on the table.

A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue rekindles a temper-fire.

God can't stand pious poses, but He delights in genuine prayers."- excerpts from Proverbs 10-15 MSG version

i really liked this too somehow. :)
"You're blessed when the tears flow freely. Joy comes with the morning."
-Luke 6:21 MSG version

like i said i just feel more lost lately, more uncertain as to why i am where i am. Life isn't easy at all huh? Hmm, but that's what makes it all the more beautiful. :)


today i'm just..
candice :)