growth

i find it easier to trust God when He's calling me to do something i don't mind doing. but i think, all of us who's heard God call them feels the same way la, such a DUH! statement ahhaha. or when i don't mind either of the two options He wants me to pick between. what's difficult for me now is trusting Him with something i want more than i've ever wanted, an experience that i know will bring my passion for Him and for people to a whole new level, but.. what if it's not time for me yet? what if He says.. wait? i know God's got a better plan for me, He always does and that proves true when i look back over my life and see His hands molding my journey. and yea it did require faith along the way but i'm here. and i think i'm right where He wants me for now. with my dream.. i suppose we'll just have to see where God sends me. :)

many times, i resort to pulling myself down because i don't wanna have a big head, or assume that there's more in me than there really is. but God's been so faithful, sending person after person after people to continually believe in me and encourage me to go further and accept my annointing. which i find super duper amazing, that i could be viewed by God as worthy to be a part of this cause. :) and now, i'm really starting to believe that there is an annointing upon me, that God intends to use me for His greater purpose and that in obedience, i can accomplish so much for the kingdom of God. boy, am i excited for that! :D

God, please help me to study AMEN. :) Haihz. stress max man.

recently i felt really led to do something and it wasn't something i really felt comfortable doing but i knew in my heart God was nudging me to say something. so as i went through my internal battle, my heart began to beat really fast to the point of like.. eruption. ahahhaha weird description but yea, in the end i knew i had to do what God wanted me to do. and it was quite cool, not as bad as i thought and afterwards i had that shaking sensation again like in conference this year. which was.. strange but interesting. felt like it was leftovers of the Holy Spirit's presence working in me. didn't last that long this time though, which i didn't really mind, cause i was just really glad that i can go home and be happy that i was obedient and i'm sure somewhere, it bore fruit, even if it was a tiny one. :P

"The joy of the Lord is my strength" :) lately there's been a few more issues i've been struggling with, but then i stop and remember this verse. and i think, it's okay, i know that i've done pretty much right by God and like jon said, be personal but don't take it personally. and i remember, that my mission in life is to care for others and to love them like Christ loves me, but if it doesn't bring forth the results i would have wanted, it's okay, because i sowed the seeds and God will one day reap it. :)

i'm feeling pretty good today after all! :D :D thanks God. :)

AFTER CHURCH:

I just wanted to share some of the things i learnt in church today and of how God moved in me and brought me peace! something worth sharing about indeed! :P

so yea, as we entered a time of worship today, i was feeling rather emotional la and as i started to tear while we were singing i was thinking "God why am i crying la, aiya why i so silly la, what's this!!! Umm maybe it's cause i'm scared of yada yada and struggling with this and that..." and i felt Him say to me, "You don't have to justify your tears with Me." stunned, i thought, how AWESOME is it that i can approach the throne of heaven in all its holiness with tears, with a desperate heart's plea, with one cry resounding "DADDY", and the God of the universe immediately comes to my rescue? God is so good.

and that's not even it! while i was just talking to Him, whining about how hard it is to do everything right, and of how much i desired to just be perfect that i may please Him, to do my devotions daily and to obey every calling, to know His voice so clearly, to not make any mistakes etc. i really wish i didn't have to deal with my imperfections. and God said to me, "I am pleased with your struggling, cause it means you haven't given up although it's difficult." like WHOA. i can't even describe how that encounter made me feel, just so.. safe. :)

i just know now that something is brewing in my life, that God is molding me to be more, MORE than i have ever been or could have ever dreamed of. I am so terrified of what is come, but nothing beats the inner joy and peace of surrendering it all to my Lord and Saviour. :)

"Don't pull back on God when you're under pressure!"

"It is my job to love God more. If i am still at this level of faith next year, it means i've backslidden."

"When you're going through absolute HELL but you still find the faith to pull through and the courage to encourage others, that's when the world sees the best in you."

"Even when everything was going wrong in Jesus life, He chose to bend down and wash the feet of His disciples. Even at His worst, He chose to give His best."

i absolutely love that my God does not ask me to do anything He hasn't done before, not even regarding humility and serving others. <3 <3

love BANYAKERSSS,
candice :)