dreamer

"I sense that in your past, you've been called a dreamer."

A leader told me that at DNA encounter as she prayed for me and to summarize it all, she wanted me to know that the godly dreams I have, that I've always had, can in fact come true despite what others say. :) and that's awesome, and very meaningful to me. hahah, I didn't intend to share this at first, but as I placed my hands on the keyboard, that sentence resonated in my mind. i remembered the times people have smirked at the dreams I had (and still have) a couple years ago. I remember them agreeing with me, with more than a hint of doubt and cynicism. i remember the voices telling me not to as well. but that day, I was reminded that the greatest power and the strongest voice.. was on my side, encouraging me to acheive those dreams He put in my heart. Thanks God. and so I choose, to listen to the voice of truth. :)

Lately, I've been observing the people around me, especially in church.

I saw an old couple in honest embrace, both with their eyes red and raw with tears. I overheard the lady telling her husband about what happened at DNA encounter as she was shredding the paper with her sins written on them, as people laid hands on her there. I heard him respond with eagerness and love.
My eyes filled with tears at the beauty of their godly relationship, the love that was strengthened by putting their love for God first, and the powerful faith they had. I turned away with a little smile on my face as I wiped the tears away.

I saw a daughter hugging her mother at DNA encounter too, as her mother could not stop crying from the prayer spoken over her life, moved by the Holy Spirit. I saw the mother purposely get out of her seat despite the inconvenience to hug her husband after he was prayed for as he made his way back to his seat.

I saw a man, buff, brawn and intimidating, raise his hand to receive Jesus today. I'd have believed you if you told me he was a mob boss or something. Proof to me that no one is too big or too hard to be moved by God.

I walked a little girl down to the altar today because she was fearful of going alone. A complete honour that I would not have had if I wasn't serving as guest services today. Thank You Lord for reminding me how amazing an honour it is to serve You and Your people.

I heard Pastor Neil talk about his daughter and the love he had for her today. And how he likened that to the love of God, except that the latter was a millionfold deeper. Again, I was so moved by this that my tears overwhelmed me for a moment, before I wiped my eyes, fixed my shirt and got back to serving people.

I don't know what compelled me to write all these down, but one thing I know is this, I will NEVER get bored of watching God make people so so beautiful. I will never lose joy in watching Him move the hardest of hearts, the biggest of mountains. and I will keep reminding myself to never forget what an immense honour that is.

Be blessed dear reader, and in moments of discouragement, just look around even harder. God is everywhere. :)




Love,
candice

eighteen

you know that feeling you get after a night session in church, especially at camp? one that is full of tears pouring down your cheeks? the feeling you get after that, just the quiet peace, the calm after the storm of raging emotions, the joy in being worn out and molded through tears? i love it man. not in a masochistic way, but in a totally amazed at the beauty in being broken for God. and to experience that today.. can't imagine a better way to spend my eighteenth birthday. :)

Take me deeper, than I've been before,
Take me further, God I long for more,
Take me higher, than I've been before,
Jesus I want more,
Jesus I need more,
More of You,
More of You, Jesus,
More of You,
I need more of You.

- Deeper by Planetshakers

i didn't expect much from this year's birthday, and really did want it to just slide by. but i truly do thank all the lovely awesome people who didn't let me just do that, and i'm grateful for that now, people who said no, we're gonna celebrate this, even if it's by doing just the simplest things. xoxoxoxoxoox :) to luth and the gang, thank you guys SO MUCH :D and to my fantawesome urbs, you guys are really a blessing I could not have imagined I deserved. :P and to the amazing sister and sam, thanks for helping me move and just being so helpful all the time in my life, and great role models. :) and to everyone else that remembered to wish me, i appreciate it heaps! :) love you all tonnes. :)

but even with all the lovely surprises and gifts that I adore, hahah thanks guys, again, :P, tonight has to be the highlight I guess. I remember after my last birthday, there was this HUMONGOUS rainbow in the sky just awaiting, and I knew it was from God. :P looked back later and it was gone. :) and this year, just the honour of being able to go for discipleship was pretty darn awesome. and getting to experience that feeling I talked about, to be just drenched in the presence of God, to be in an environment of watching people rise up to the call God placed upon their lives, AWESOME. I love that I had new lessons to learn today, that God is continually molding and teaching me to put others first and to 'get over myself' when necessary. hahah. and to be there, just reminded me of the mandate God's put upon me, the call, and the reminder that I was right exactly where He wanted me. :)

moving into a new house today, i have this overwhelming feeling that God's got A LOT in store for me next year, a lot of new challenges to face but things that will not kill me and only make me stronger. and i guess, from where I am now, I'm feeling really excited to see the things spoken over my life come to pass. but I know now, the hard way, that I cannot make it through unless I am hanging on to my Father in heaven EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.

EXCITES THO! next year, I'm expecting MORE God, more of You and just more. more challenges if it means I'll grow. more pain if that's what it takes to bring me closer to You. and I may regret saying this one day, but I know that one day after that one day, I won't be. :)

thanks again God, for a pretty amazing birthday after all. love Ya heaps Pops. :)

love and blessings,
candice

reflection

it's mid november again. about a year ago, i posted this.

"days come when i wonder where exactly i will be in three months. on an aeroplane? headed to clayton (this only by God's miracle), headed to Melbourne Uni, or the slim chance of not going at all?

where will i be?

and why does every answer scare me? but leaving, starting over yet again in a whole new place, it's terrifying. i mean starting college was scary enough, but like my sister would say, i'm gonna make the closest friends ever in australia. yet from where i am now, a new beginning doesn't sound so pleasant. sure, in maybe a year or so, i'll say it was one of the best things i ever did, but till then.. i can't stop pondering on the life i've built for myself here, the memories, and all that i would have to leave behind. malaysia is home, and it always will be. what if i go there, and i meet all the wrong kinds of friends? what if i lose myself, my character, my 'muchness' when i'm in a completely different environment? what if i lose everything that i've fought to be?"

hahah a part of me wishes i could go back in time and knock that girl on her head and assure her everything was going to turn out alright, even better in fact. :)

but another part's just relieved and thankful to God for bringing me from that place to where I am today even through all the insecurities, worry and struggles.

life sure takes a lot of strange turns when we least expect it, and over the course of this year, i've learnt much. experienced more new things, lived a bit more, loved a bit more, grew a lot more i'd say. and learnt that the growing should never stop. :) and here i am, another year older, feeling pretty pumped for next year. excited for the new things and new people and new experiences God's gonna bring into my life. and while the fear is always there, sometimes raging in the background, other times dormant in the dark, i hang on to the faith that God's gonna pull me through yet a new year. just like how He brought me through this year, and the last. EXCITES. :)

anyways, besides this random walk down memory lane, life pre and post exams is very different man. for the few weeks leading up to exams, i began to do my devotions so regularly for the first time in my life, and it didn't feel like it was out of duty. no, no, it was just pure desire each day to read the Word of God, and spend time with Him. and sure enough, God sent me a miracle in my exam. He is so good. and as soon as i lost the routine of waking up, devo, study etc. , i began to stop doing it. just couldn't make time for devotion in a day. and this went on for about two weeks or so, and i felt so dry and empty at the end of it. i craved the intimacy i had with God while i needed to hang on to Him. i posted this up during my exam period last year:

i was pondering today on how stressful this exam has been on me, emotionally especially. yet just to experience God's presence and grace at such a time as this, it makes it so worth it. :) sigh.. :D

i left that on my dashboard to keep reminding me of that, but when i was clouded by the worry about exams, i couldn't bring myself to see that truth. but out of it now, i see, how God carried me through my craziest times, leaving the one set of footprints in the ground. :') He's pretty darn cool la.

but then yesterday, i sat myself down and read His word again, spent some alone time together and it felt so refreshing. one moment in the presence of God.. is enough to take my breath away. so so awesome.

on another note, i conquered Hurstbridge yesterday! :D three down, thirteen places to go! :)



love,
candice

back to bones

Booth: Look bones, I love you, kay, that's not rational. Us having a kid together, that's not rational. But.. here we are.
..
..
..
Bones:Uh.. I, I love you too, Booth.
Booth: I know.

SO. FREAKING. SWEET! AWWW!

hahahhahah :D

awestruck wonder

"Stir in me, a fire that the world cannot explain,
I come to worship You,
Stir in me, a passion that my heart cannot contain,
I come to worship You."

- Stir In Me, Hillsongs

The past two days have been, three days even cause sunday was my baptism, they've been.. so blessed. such a time of God's promises coming to pass in my life, such a revelation of humble amazement on my part. God's been so good. SO GOOD. and this season of my life, this entire year even, has been so full of doubt, new challenges, fear, pain, and direct spiritual attacks on my faith. it's been a hard year, and i say that with all honesty, a little worn out, but i stand amazed, at how God pulled me through so faithfully even when I began to doubt.

Let's start with yesterday. :) I had my final exam yesterday and it was one thing that has been plaguing my mind with worry and anxious thoughts, pushing me to even think of alternatives if i do end up flunking out of med. and it was exhausting, really. but i kept praying, kept believing and kept declaring a miracle over my life, believing God will not leave me here alone, not after calling me here. and as i sat down and began to do that paper, i was so surprised that i could answer most of the questions, that everything i studied came out and the things i didn't only appeared in two or three questions. sure i probably made a few mistakes here and there, sure i'm not the smartest in my cohort or the one with the best grades, but as i sat there and answered question after question, i knew that this.. was ALL GOD. it wasn't me at all, it wasn't by my own strength, it was His miracle. and i can't express how that feels, after months of struggling so hard, to have God finally show me His big surprise, the miracle that awaited if i just kept pushing on. just.. in unspeakable awe.

in the words of ann ee ching, "How can you go through so much, and expect to fail? God will definitely bring your miracle." oh how i love urban life sharings! :)

the rest of yesterday went pretty good as well, a great time of rest and fellowship. :)

today, i celebrated gladys' 20th birthday in the most unique way i have ever celebrated a friend's birthday. this girl, one of the most incredible people i have ever met, decided to spend her birthday this year feeding the homeless and visiting a nursing home. i was so privileged to have been able to join them in the morning, as we went around melbourne city distributing bread and milk to hungry, homeless people. this experience in itself was so.. priceless. truly my prayer is that God would break my heart for what breaks His. as we broke into groups, me with mei ying and harris and gladys with her other friends, we set out to reach out to others, even putting notes saying 'Jesus loves you' into the bags of food. and it was so hard at first, there weren't anyone around that seemed like they needed the food. harris even said, "I think all the homeless people are hiding today." LOL. but we persevered, and prayed that God would send us to people who needed the food. and after about an hour or so of aimless wandering, we began to spot people selling The Big Issue magazine, which i learnt today was a government plan for homeless people. so it was tough at first, plucking the courage to go up to someone, asking if they would like bread and milk, and sandwiches that a few of them prepared this morning, because the last thing we wanted to do was make people think we were looking down on them. some people were pretty hostile, refusing our things cause we appeared 'dodgy' maybe. but then, for the few people that were so grateful for bread and milk today, it's so worth it. God taught me today to hang in there, that when you set out to do something for Him, it's not gonna come to pass immediately. You won't see results instantly. but press in, keep praying, and He'll lead you to where you're meant to go.

two people in particular stood out the most to me today, people i may forget about in the future, but for now, and for the next few days, i know they will be very significant in my thoughts. the first was an epileptic man who was drawing pictures to earn money to get medicine, and we were glad we had something to offer him. but in a quiet, stammering voice that truly broke my heart, he said "I can't have anything that has gluten or i will go into anaphylactic shock." I felt so powerless, so unable to do anything, and in my heart i had this desire to pray for him, but we didn't. and i regretted that afterwards, cause we didn't get to pass him by again.

then after him, we met cheryl. she was the sweetest lady ever, sitting on a corner with her cat, selling The Big Issue. and we approached her and asked if she would like some bread and milk, and she gratefully agreed. and we just listened to her talk a bit, about her arthritis in her knees and her cat. and that desire bubbled up again, and just as mei ying was about to say goodbye, i just summoned up all my courage and asked if we could pray for her. and she willingly said yes, so we all bent down to be at her level and began to pray for goodness in her life, health, healing of her arthritis in Jesus name. it was an amazing moment, just so full of God's goodness. that even opened up an avenue for us to talk about church, cause she asked us what church we went to and we said planetshakers, and she said that she usually worked near there and always wanted to go. what a divine appointment indeed! :) and yea we just invited her to come along and everything, and just.. God is so good la. :)

i guess this year has taught me so much. i still remember feeling SO frustrated early this year that i'm stuck in med school, unable to do anything that can help people now and without all my other avenues that i had in malaysia as well. and looking back now, i see how God has turned my seemingly plain situation into different ways of serving Him. i've come to a place where i feel such a strong sense of calling over my life, and.. i'm excited. :) excited for more that is to come, more growth, more love, more miracles, more, just more. :)

just feeling very happy-peaceful-full now, that feeling i haven't felt in a while. God is so good. and i stand, in awestruck wonder. :)

blessed to be a blessing,
candice