awestruck wonder

"Stir in me, a fire that the world cannot explain,
I come to worship You,
Stir in me, a passion that my heart cannot contain,
I come to worship You."

- Stir In Me, Hillsongs

The past two days have been, three days even cause sunday was my baptism, they've been.. so blessed. such a time of God's promises coming to pass in my life, such a revelation of humble amazement on my part. God's been so good. SO GOOD. and this season of my life, this entire year even, has been so full of doubt, new challenges, fear, pain, and direct spiritual attacks on my faith. it's been a hard year, and i say that with all honesty, a little worn out, but i stand amazed, at how God pulled me through so faithfully even when I began to doubt.

Let's start with yesterday. :) I had my final exam yesterday and it was one thing that has been plaguing my mind with worry and anxious thoughts, pushing me to even think of alternatives if i do end up flunking out of med. and it was exhausting, really. but i kept praying, kept believing and kept declaring a miracle over my life, believing God will not leave me here alone, not after calling me here. and as i sat down and began to do that paper, i was so surprised that i could answer most of the questions, that everything i studied came out and the things i didn't only appeared in two or three questions. sure i probably made a few mistakes here and there, sure i'm not the smartest in my cohort or the one with the best grades, but as i sat there and answered question after question, i knew that this.. was ALL GOD. it wasn't me at all, it wasn't by my own strength, it was His miracle. and i can't express how that feels, after months of struggling so hard, to have God finally show me His big surprise, the miracle that awaited if i just kept pushing on. just.. in unspeakable awe.

in the words of ann ee ching, "How can you go through so much, and expect to fail? God will definitely bring your miracle." oh how i love urban life sharings! :)

the rest of yesterday went pretty good as well, a great time of rest and fellowship. :)

today, i celebrated gladys' 20th birthday in the most unique way i have ever celebrated a friend's birthday. this girl, one of the most incredible people i have ever met, decided to spend her birthday this year feeding the homeless and visiting a nursing home. i was so privileged to have been able to join them in the morning, as we went around melbourne city distributing bread and milk to hungry, homeless people. this experience in itself was so.. priceless. truly my prayer is that God would break my heart for what breaks His. as we broke into groups, me with mei ying and harris and gladys with her other friends, we set out to reach out to others, even putting notes saying 'Jesus loves you' into the bags of food. and it was so hard at first, there weren't anyone around that seemed like they needed the food. harris even said, "I think all the homeless people are hiding today." LOL. but we persevered, and prayed that God would send us to people who needed the food. and after about an hour or so of aimless wandering, we began to spot people selling The Big Issue magazine, which i learnt today was a government plan for homeless people. so it was tough at first, plucking the courage to go up to someone, asking if they would like bread and milk, and sandwiches that a few of them prepared this morning, because the last thing we wanted to do was make people think we were looking down on them. some people were pretty hostile, refusing our things cause we appeared 'dodgy' maybe. but then, for the few people that were so grateful for bread and milk today, it's so worth it. God taught me today to hang in there, that when you set out to do something for Him, it's not gonna come to pass immediately. You won't see results instantly. but press in, keep praying, and He'll lead you to where you're meant to go.

two people in particular stood out the most to me today, people i may forget about in the future, but for now, and for the next few days, i know they will be very significant in my thoughts. the first was an epileptic man who was drawing pictures to earn money to get medicine, and we were glad we had something to offer him. but in a quiet, stammering voice that truly broke my heart, he said "I can't have anything that has gluten or i will go into anaphylactic shock." I felt so powerless, so unable to do anything, and in my heart i had this desire to pray for him, but we didn't. and i regretted that afterwards, cause we didn't get to pass him by again.

then after him, we met cheryl. she was the sweetest lady ever, sitting on a corner with her cat, selling The Big Issue. and we approached her and asked if she would like some bread and milk, and she gratefully agreed. and we just listened to her talk a bit, about her arthritis in her knees and her cat. and that desire bubbled up again, and just as mei ying was about to say goodbye, i just summoned up all my courage and asked if we could pray for her. and she willingly said yes, so we all bent down to be at her level and began to pray for goodness in her life, health, healing of her arthritis in Jesus name. it was an amazing moment, just so full of God's goodness. that even opened up an avenue for us to talk about church, cause she asked us what church we went to and we said planetshakers, and she said that she usually worked near there and always wanted to go. what a divine appointment indeed! :) and yea we just invited her to come along and everything, and just.. God is so good la. :)

i guess this year has taught me so much. i still remember feeling SO frustrated early this year that i'm stuck in med school, unable to do anything that can help people now and without all my other avenues that i had in malaysia as well. and looking back now, i see how God has turned my seemingly plain situation into different ways of serving Him. i've come to a place where i feel such a strong sense of calling over my life, and.. i'm excited. :) excited for more that is to come, more growth, more love, more miracles, more, just more. :)

just feeling very happy-peaceful-full now, that feeling i haven't felt in a while. God is so good. and i stand, in awestruck wonder. :)

blessed to be a blessing,
candice