what happened to that fighting spirit of yours?

A friend asked me that yesterday. Sure we were talking about running, and stamina, but I felt the question spoke to me on a whole other level too.

What happened to that fighting spirit of yours dice?

I think for a couple weeks now I've been just moping around, glum, disappointed with much, upset, lonely, just --------. I feel like my heart's been really tired of being faithful, of continually believing for breakthroughs but watching none come to pass. Is it me? What's wrong with me now? It seems that with every time I am forced to face my shortcomings, I retract and just.. mope. What happened dice?


This image has been really speaking to me. I never want to be hard, but it seems like that's all I've been recently. Hard. Bitter. Numb. This period of waiting, of unanswered prayers has just been too tough on me, forcing me to wonder if being faithful isn't the right thing to do now.

But then I remember that one answered prayer. Earlier this year, I've had encounters with God that were supernatural but I just didn't understand the why bit. Like the uncontrollable shaking, at Planetshakers Conference mid this year. And I prayed and prayed for a word to be spoken over my life, for God to help me make sense of it all. I only got my answer, or realized I got more than what I expected months later. Turns out, this year, I've had more prophetic words spoken over my life than ever before. God is good.

Not only that, my sister finished her thesis with an awesome big bang, a miracle of a project. I have friends who got jobs this year, who made it through tough times, who had miracles happen in their lives. Please Candice, let this remind you that God is still working. And the God that handcrafted those miracles are setting yours in motion. Don't give up now.

I think, that at the same time, God's testing the extent of my faith. Is my faith simply a bargaining tool for miracles? Or am I faithful because I love Him? Therefore I choose now, to keep being faithful, in pain, in trials, in desperation. Because I love my Daddy, and because I can't go on without His strength rooting me on.

I know though, the cause of my eeyurghness lately. It's from my lack of alone time with God. I've been through this time and time enough to know that I have withdrawal symptoms from Him. C'mon girl, get your life in order again!

So no, I can't let that fighting spirit die. Not even if I have to fight like hell to keep that fighting spirit alive.

I cannot let myself be defined by the voices of those around me. I cannot afford to.
My only identity should come from the voice of God, telling me I am precious, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am loved.

I cannot let myself become someone I don't like. Someone who's hurt me before, who has the potential to hurt others. I cannot afford to.

I cannot run from my problems, I need to find the courage to face them, and start dealing with it from the bottom.

I cannot keep believing the lies intended to bring me down.

I cannot break down, and I won't.

I will fight.

And dear reader, I hope you do too.

"Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air."
- 1 Corinthians 9:26

Blessings,
Candice