footprints

hey you. =)

today i had tot break with nagu shum and few other people. =D kai ma is so funny and lame, she keeps hinting that eventually nagu will call her kai lai lai. =.='' then.. we had a class lunch! everyone was there and i was really happy bout that! we got carried away and ended up having to run back for bio and while our class is on the highest floor, our bio teacher was standing next to the railing wondering where her whole class is. hahha, then she looked down and saw us running and kept waving saying faster! hahah, but she's so cute la seriously. we were all exhausted and sweaty and we kept saying sorry but that class ended up being an awesome bio lesson.=D we took more pics today, but sadly, it wasn't the whole group. few people short of 30. =( but g8 rocks nevertheless. =D

and i'm auditioning for a musical in taylor's on friday! yep, i gotta sing a song, which i haven't decided yet. but i'll pray about it, and if it's God's will, it will happen right? =)i'm pretty scared, many ppl say i suck in singing. haha, but oh well, what's life without doing some crazy things?

but the overflowing thoughts come, yet again..

in bio we came to a point where we were discussing organ transplant. how the patient's body can reject the organ because our antibodies see it as a foreign object. and the patient must be given immuno suppressants to like pause the immune system while they put in the organ and stuff. one cough in the operating room can cause the patient to die, cause his/her immune system is kinda shut down. made me wonder, what kind of life is that? and i felt sad, just listening to this somehow. james says that feelings are not always real, and overrated and controversial and stuff. but so often i get these raw emotions for no reason, and i kinda like it. it's like instinct in a way?

anyways it was like what i was feeling watching avatar the other day. the part where jake who is ordinarily paralyzed can run when he is the avatar. so that feeling, of not having something we take for granted, and get it, what's that feel like?
what's it feel like to be blind then suddenly be able to see?
what's it feel like to run after being lame for so long?
what's it feel like to have a heart that beats properly, strongly, for once?
what's it feel like to really be loved and in love?
what's it's like?
i imagine such amazement and awe.and that feeling of wonder and wow-ness and peace washes over me again. but why do we only appreciate things after noticing its absence? we can taste, run, jump, dance, see, laugh, hear, hi5. maybe it's time to really appreciate all those little details in our lives. it's just frustrating to see us, to see me feel bored about an ordinary day, when an ordinary day itself is already so full of extraordinariness.

anyways, nowadays i do check back www.pleasefindthis.blogspot.com every now and then to just read what he has to say. and some stuff pretty emo la but sothers can be so inspiring. and even the emo stuff is pretty sweet and inspiring to read. there was one post that said "i was gonna ask you to marry me" and so many random people commented and said yes. at first i thought it was a bit weird, but i guess in the end, it was pretty cool. that people had such a connection in a way? as long as they're not weird and obsessed la. anyways, here are some recent good stuff i read..

-Being gifted doesn't mean you have been given something, it means you have something to give.

-You can be happy tomorrow. You can be happy when you get through your list of things to do. You can be happy when you meet the one. You can be happy when you get the right job. You can be happy when you get that raise. You can be happy when you stop buying the things you need and start buying the things you want. You can be happy when you retire. You can be happy when the weather suits you. You can be happy on a plane. You can be happy in the rain.
Or you can stop reading this, take a deep breath, and be happy right now.

-If you look closely enough, people are beautiful.

-Somewhere, someone knows the words to the songs you sing.

-It's someone's birthday everyday. It's someone's wedding anniversary. It's someone's graduation. It's a holiday. A special day. Every day.
Look around you. There's always something to remember.

-Who you want to be is not nearly as important as who you are right now.

i think he's really talented that he can arrange word into such beautiful phrases.=)

but what caught my attention more was from the comments of his blog, i stumbled across this random teenage girl's blog. and out of curiosity at like 3.30am-ish i started to read what she wrote. it was like a private diary thing that only two of her friends knew about. she had depression and a lot of issues about loneliness and love. and reading it made me feel troubled for her, just reading about how she cut herself to feel alive and about how badly this guy hurt her gave me that raw emotion of uneasiness. like i hoped she could get help. what troubled me most was that the posts stopped about one and a half years ago, and i kept wondering, what happened to her? it just made me see again how everyone's lives are so different. the western culture of her life involved sex, drugs, suicide, and all just gahness. sigh i have no idea what i feel now. i hope she's doing better.

it annoys me so much when i want to express how i really feel but can't. i don't have the words to really explain the emotions i get from a particular seemingly random incident. i don't have the talent to paint out my feelings abstractly, letting only the people who cared enough to look beyond the paint to see the real me. i don't have the talent to just dance out my emotions and show people, this is how i feel, can you understand me? i don't have the ability to write a song, or write poetry or do interpretive dance and it makes me end up here. just writing what i can squeeze out of my overflowing feelings.

on a different note, g8 girls are planning a shopping spree next Sunday! hip hip hurray, i really hope it works out, cause that would be so totally freaking awesome. boys wanna crash i think. =.='' hahhaha, but i'm gonna go decide song and sleep now. good night you! God bless you. =)
i'm leaving my footprints. =)

God of miracles

Hello! hahah i don't actually know who i'm helloing but never mind! i should be asleep now but i still have some work to do. candice toh is sick and i think her cough might be starting to get on people's nerves. =P but everyone's so sweet la, dianne walked me to fill my water, scared i faint apparently. becca's so motherly come and feel my forehead. hahah, everyone's telling me to go see doctor or asking me if i'm okay. i'm feeling the love yo! but being sick is feeling horrible la, i feel so blah. can't wait to be okay again.

anyways, congrats shum shum! there's this thing we've been talking about and really this is the first time i heard her trust in God so much for something. i'm sure she has many times la, but i can't think of previous times now la. and to be honest i had my doubts, not in her, but in God. so often i'm scared of trusting God fully for fear of getting my heart broken. that feeling of having so much faith and really surrendering then not getting what i asked for. I believe everything is in God's plan but the disappointment still hurts. but no, i will not stop having faith in God, that's what i learnt from shummie's story. =) God truly is a God of miracles, and i know that He will bring her all the way this time. I believe.

i remember how Priscilla always says that our God is a God of details. that's so wow on the surface but when you really think about it's like WHOAAAA....... i mean, every single little thing about your life, God knows, God created. especially looking back over my life, i start to pick up all the small,seemingly insignificant incidents then and realize how far i've come, how much i've learnt. so many times now, i've looked back and saw those details, and only now realized how those little things changed my life. and i can't help but thank God for loving me so incredibly much, to care to form each and every moment of my life with so much more than enough.

God's so incredible and being His daughter really is the best. =D

haha and i saw wei siong in crutches today! i miss gammarians la. i see some of them around taylor's every now and then, i have mondays with hwee wen and tot wednesdays but i really do miss our classroom and teachers. Gosh time flies, i'm a big girl now eh? haha, i love moving on but i still look back, reminisce and smile.

every side has a story

will you listen to mine?

okay there is soo much on my mind today.. =)

well firstly i was at church yesterday and lately i've been struggling with the issue of how so many people around me are suffering while i'm fine. and as i was talking to shum about it the other day, we agreed that whatever came our way, we could handle it, because we trust in an Almighty God. that's why as hurt as i am when bad things happen to me, i know i'll always have a God behind me, who loves me more than i can ever imagine. but how do i give that to other people? i know la, textbook answer, tell them about this awesome God too.. but things don't always happen the way i wanted them too.. anyways, yesterday while we were singing, i felt God tell me, don't you trust me with your friend's lives too? and i was like WHOA... it's kinda easy for me to trust that God has a plan for me, well sometimes it's easy la..but to have the faith to believe it for my suffering friends too? it was a pretty big challenge for me la..

maybe we gotta stop saying,"God, i'm trying to deal with my struggles. when i get over it, only i'll come back to You, when i'm worthy and clean again." no, maybe we should be saying instead,"God here are my struggles. only you can understand my pain, help me." pastor rose said yesterday that God doesn't love us any less if we are struggling with tough stuff.. i think He loves that we're trying so hard that He doesn't get angry when we fail.. in a way la..For it is not healthy people who need a doctor but the sick, and God came not to call the righteous, but the sinners, to repentance. Matthew 9:12-13

and i realized or remembered in a way that our God is a jealous God. and jealousy is so often seen as a bad thing, when you covet something that isn't yours and stuff like that. but God isn't jealous of you, He's jealous for you. have you ever realized how desirable you are that could make someone jealous for you? realizing how much God yearns for me, that He gets jealous of how i spend my time away from Him and stuff, it shows me how much He truly loves me in an eternal everlasting way. our God loves infinitely and everytime i stop my busy life to think and relax in His presence, when i choose to give Him at least 1% of my day, i can feel it. I can feel His love so strongly and i can feel how much i love Him too. His love has been really real to me lately and i'm just amazed by You God. =) that the maker of the heavens and the earth, the one who made all things beautiful, who loves perfectly, could love me.

then i watched avatar yesterday night, haha first family outing since bea che came home. i thought it was actually really good. the sense of belonging that the na'vi(vi not di right?=P) and just how they had such a belief and knowledge about who they are was so interesting. i was just speechless? as i am very often, when i simply feel a sense of wonder and awe but can't explain it. but still i find culture such as that beautiful. like ancient beliefs, not weird superstitions but beliefs about the human soul and stuff. like i watched in a movie once but i can't remember where, some african tribes believe that if a man killed a member of your family or someone like that la, the tribe will throw the man into the river. you will have the choice to punish him by letting him drown and then hold on to the guilt and anger forever, or you can throw him a rope to save his life. by doing so, you are in a way freeing yourself from the revenge and stuff. it sounded way coller in the show la, but this is exactly the kind of stuff that interests me. the beauty of humans, how there is good in every person, how love can really defeat evil. i know this sounds like typical phantom of the opera themes and stuff but i'm just blown away la really. i wish i could come up with a topic for my investigative study regarding this.

i'm also amazed by how miracles happen and not just once in a while but every day. there are those bombastically fantastic ones like how a mother can lift a car off her kid and people beating death. but still God handcrafts miracles everyday. trees grow, the sun shines, rain falls. what about the teenager that stops fighting with their parents, the father that chooses to stop drinking, the mother that chooses not to abort her child? what about the kid that is saved from a life on the streets by the kindness of one stranger? are those not miracles too? now if you're reading this, think, what are the miracles in your life?

my mum was telling me a story recently about how in heaven there are many departments. many angels work in the request department and in the delivery department but only one in needed in the giving thanks department. the new man in heaven asked, if i didn't ask for anything, what is there to be thankful about? the angel replied, if there isn't you could always thank God for keeping your family healthy, that you have a family, you have friends and that you live a good life.

there's always something worth thanking God for.

regarding my title, watching avatar made me realize how every side has a story. like for example, in war right, when two countries fight, sure the big guys know what they're fighting for, but those soldiers that die, that sacrifice themselves for their countries, are they not good men? do they really deserve to die? i'm sure on both sides of the war, soldiers have families, they know what it's like to love, they know kindness and they're just doing what's right for the country. i don't know if you get what i mean, but still it made me realize that every side does have a story. like even now, everyone has their own story.

which leads me to my shopping mall experience. sometimes when i walk in a crowded mall, i look around and i realize that i'm seeing people i will probably never see again in my life. and that's pretty amazing and speechless-y again. i mean to think, the man that just walked past me, what's his life going through right now? and it leads me to conclude that we are all unique and beautiful and God has put so much efforts and thought into designing each one of our lives.

do you ever feel like what isn't selfless is selfish? sometimes i really do.

and yes, i really believe that everyone has good in them and is capable of doing great things.

some other things that amaze me and make me speechless:
-how in Bones, bones has some episodes where she just stays all night staring at the bones, waiting for it to speak to her(not in the talk way but the you know la way) and it always does! i just find that really beautiful? how she can be gifted to have that connection in a way. gah i hate not being able to explian how i feel.
-how cartoon characters can get hit by a cannonball or whatever and never die. i love how indestructible they are.

i can't think of any more right now but got a lot of things wan, that make me just go wow. like wow.

anyways, toh pooi sim is currently sick with a sexy voice apparently but my throat's so itchy i just wanna stick my hands down it and scratch lor.. but i can't do that. =.= and cough medicine is disgusting. but everyone's being so nice to me in college despite me being some germ infested homo sapien. =P i even learnt how to play pac men today and it's freaking fun lor. played it with michelle, hsing hwa, gene wern and wen shi. hahah so funnny! and i'm listening to have i told you lately by rod stewart now and i love it. one of the greatest love songs ever seriously, way better than all those nonsense no meaning lyrics like "i kiss his mouth i taste your lips".????? that's why i prefer oldies, i feel they're way more sincere. well most of them anyways. i also like what a wonderful life, landslide, when you say nothing at all tho it ain't all that old and lots more la. =P and i adore love in the first degree by bananarama every since darren asked us to watch it for something. the song is so cute!

sigh, i really love being able to type here tho i think probably no one bothers to read everything i have to say. i don't really mind i guess, i wrote this mostly to document my feelings for me anyways. i pulled out an old diary today from around september last year and started reading. and one thing that impressed(?) me was how similar i am then to now. my thoughts are always the same, even in different situations. which is pretty cool. =P

haha i talked to shum on the phone four times today already, two of which were actual candice and sherlyn sessions. she came up with a conclucion for one of my problems and i dunno can trust her judgement or not. haha, sometimes i wished i was someone who could write my emotions, like all the weird ones here too, just so i can let it out, so someone can read it and understand. but still i'm not that person. i can't say stuff that personal here.. and blah, i dunno why i'm still typing anyways. brain's just too cluttered. so yea, i'm gonna berphysics now. bye! =)

new beginnings

well, college has been awesome so far! i'm really loving everyone and most of us went out for lunch and i really hope this keeps continuing! i absolutely love how we have to arrange so many tables at the small cafes to fit us all. G8 is super amazing la.

and i'm always happy lately. and i loved my tot lunch today, i miss them to bits le..haha, i can't believe nagu's embarassing story, it's so funny!!!

and i have nothing to say actually, but yea..

thank you Lord! for an amazing class and putting amazing people in my life. You're the most awesome la, haha, i love You loads!

i'm loving it!

well, it refers to college. =D my sister says that loving the note-taking usually lasts the first month only.. i hope not! i've always loved making my notes look nice in physics, i hope it lasts! ahah, physics is seeming very interesting! my favourite used to be bio and chem with physics in between, but after my first lesson today, i'm loving physics and bio and chem's just okay la.. =P i kinda miss Mr Stephen already, he used to explain all the stuff i couldn't understand so patiently. and it was never scary to ask him anything.. but my new physics teacher's really nice too, Mr Ng. just gotta get used to him, hope he doesn't mind my complicated questions that don't make sense to other people! haha, i'll always remember how during our extra class, wei siong stood up say dowan listen to me talk dey, i confuse him only then he went toilet. lol!

but i really do like my class! all very nice and good people. that's my first impression la, i sure hope we get even closer to each other throughout the year, but so far, it's been an awesome beginning for me. =)

i've lost count how many times i've said "Hi, i'm Candice!" in the past two months.. haha!

i miss everyone already tho.. i'm looking forward to mondays with hwee wen and tot wednesdays! i see shum for breakfast every morning, (so far la, which is twice only) and dominic too. i hope it continues throughout the year so we'll be peanuts forever! haha, well peanuts + dominic + anyone else there, which is a totally cool combo! i'm just happy a lot lately.. which i do feel guilty for, as i've mentioned previously. is it right to feel like this?

well, God's just been awesome la. i look forward to praying now, there's so many people to pray for. but still, i lack in devotional time.. sigh, must commit to Him this year! He's just freaking awesome la, and i need new adjectives for awesome. Thanks God, for everything. I love You! =D

i miss CAR ParK tho, mandy rachel and pearls are in peacehaven now for the ex form 5 orientation, gah, i should be there too with kat! oh well, i really must catch up with them, i hate how we're always ups and downs? like close then farrrrrrrr then super duper CLOSE, i wish we could be close all the time.. =P i miss u guys!

oh and i'm class secretary for the totally awesome G8. but gah, i wanted bodyguard.=.='' calvin so took it from me.... stupid extra vote.haha but i'm cool with it la, guess i just won't get the cool men in black shades aand black coat. oh well, i guess it'd be pretty okay to be secretary too, with awesome reps la.. =) but college makes me so tired, i always come home already half asleep. must be the crazy flights of stairs we gotta climb, my class is on the highest of the highest of the highest of the highest floor lor! good exercise, i'd be so fit in ten months!

Haha, today my uncle and dad were telling me about how my dad had a 4-inch knife lodged into his thigh today. i guess the way they told it was pretty funny but my daddy said it hurt A LOT, cause when they removed it, they put a piece of gauze through his leg, like into a wound and out the other wound, to clean the blood, like side to side motion. WHILE he was AWAKE. gah, must have hurt like crazy! my uncle said there was so much blood too, all when they were in Form 3. but i've always admired my dad for many reasons. he and i are pretty different but still, when you look closely, i guess we're more alike than we thought. he's the quiet, reflective kind who always thinks hard and he plans things like super awesome one. he's brave and strong, and he's really smart and harworking too! he's not the kind who's comfortable sharing emotions, sort of la.. while i'm like the very BLAH and noisy and childish kind.. my close friends always receive i love yous from me and random hugs. in the end tho, there are times when i become quiet too, and just think a lot. still my daddy's awesome la, tho everything's always ups and downs right?

my mum's awesome too, tho i don't say it enough. i love how she'd cook vegetarian food for my dad when he's vegetarian on fridays and tho arguments come and go, she's always behind him, supporting him one. and she really loves us all, she's hardworking, talented and has a kind heart too. i remember how i hit my chin on the side of the bathtub when i was young, and it bled like crazy. she carried me on her back all the way to the doctor. i didn't want to go, so i bit her shoulder, crying. she's in pain right, but she still carried me all the way. =)she sacrifices a lot for us girls and i'm just really blessed to have my parents. i really should tell them this more often.

i love how old memories come back to me every once in a while, things i've forgotten that just resurfaced. and i'd smile and relish the memory.

anyways, candice is totally switching to nerd mode, gonna do homework now, tho it's 1.30am, i ain't sleepy yet! good night! =)

men in tutus

i just got back from KLPAC, watched Men in Tutus with my sister. It was the first ballet i ever watched in like theatre sorta thing and it was super awesome! i loved it, the guys were so funny, and not really in the gay way.. they had so much talent and they definitely worked hard to produce such a great show. watching them made me miss ballet so much, they were just freaking cool la, go watch if you get the chance! =D gah anyways, i miss dancing, and as i sat there watching them dance so beautifully yet funnily every now and then, i thought, what a joy it must be to be able to create something so beautiful. to dance your heart and soul out and let the world see it for what it is. and once again i'm back here, some dreams were just meant for others, or are they? i imagine, in my wildest dreams where i was actually good enough la, living a life like that, touring and dancing and just loving what i do. maybe one day, i'll get the chance to perform in front of an audience like awesomely, but till then, those dreams remain in my pocket, probably to stay there forever. and i went on to imagine my class last year. most of us are gonna be doctors, engineers, lawyers, pretty common la, because most of us pick out of the 'acceptable range' of good, safe career options. but what about our hobbies and talents? haha, i'm just imagining a place where we became basketballers and footballers and dancers and actors and singers and i don't know if to smile or not. lol, if you're reading this and don't get it, never mind, this is what happens when i have too long to think.

but i guess my question is, if i follow my dreams and my heart, will i let my parents down? will my education be a waste of money to them if i don't make much in return? gah! dowan to think bout that first la..

oh anyways, today was my first official day of college! gosh, my class was so quiet yesterday, and i definitely missed the constant sounds of 5 Gamma. but today, thanks to Mrs Sharon, our ESL teacher, i got to know some of my classmates better. and i have such faith(?) or confidence la that we'll all become very good friends. Mrs Sharon made us stick an empty piece of paper on our backs and go talk to people, just mingle. And when we talked a while, then we should write our first impression of the person we were talking to on their backs. it was so fun! hahah but i kept saying sorry for forgetting names, i'm getting old! i love my class la, tho it's just second day.. =) but i'm scared bout exams, but i'm keeping 1Corinthians 1:26-31 and 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 with me! this year, i'll do greater thing by God's strength, and prayerfully, faithfully, hopefully, score greater marks by God's wisdom! AMEN! i saw shum a while, and we kept hugging. haha, i miss tot already..

oh, and my bracelet totally rolled all over the front of class during physics and i ran after it holding my pink bag. don't know if many people saw me, but so embarassing.. hahah, guess i'm still a small kid at heart.

anyways, while watching men in tutus today, i remembered a friend of mine who recently shared his troubles with me. and when i laughed at the man in the tutu, i had an uneasiness within me. like somewhere, he's suffering and i'm still so happy? and it made me think as we were heading home, that every moment, someone's dying, someone's hurting. and i immediately felt so unworthy to be happy. i had a completely awesome day and by the end of today i was worried for two reasons, 1) for selfish reasons, i was afraid having such good times now would mean extra tough times later, but i guess good and bad always go hand in hand. i shouldn't keep worrying about the bad but simply enjoy the good while it lasts and deal with the bad when it comes right? ahhah, i'm giving advice to myself. =.='' but 2) someone out there is far from being as happy as i am. sigh, this makes me wonder really, what am i doing now? is college and uni really worth the time? i should be doing something yet i'm always held back. and it never feels like enough. textbook answer: can! you wanna help people, so many ways wan.. But still, it's not enough and i don't understand why i feel the way i feel. but quite recently i realized that maybe this heart that God gave me for all His children, is my spiritual gift already. and that made me go WOW. okay... Our God is a God of details and that is just really cool la. but still, what do i do now?

This year God, it's Your year. use me as You will. =)

i'm sorry

i'm sorry i don't know the right words to make you feel better. i always end up saying the wrong things.

but i can be here for you, to listen. just listen, or just keep talking to get your mind off it.

i'm so sorry.

God, please help me. please give me the right things to say. they need you, so much. what can i do?

i am loved.

Isaiah 53:2b-6

"He has no form or comeliness; and when we see Him, There is no beauty that we should desire Him. He is despised and rejected by men. a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. and we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised and we did not esteem Him. Surely He has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; Yet we esteem Him stricken, smitten by God and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes, we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one to his own way; And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all;" - NKJV version

i like how the Message Bible puts it too..

"There was nothing attractive about Him, nothing to cause us to take a second look. He was looked down and passed over, a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand. One look at Him and people turned away, We looked down on Him, thought He was scum, but the fact is, it was our pains He carried, our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us. We thought He brought it upon Himself, that God was punishing Him for His own failures. But it was our sins that did that to Him, that ripped and tore and crushed Him-our sins! He took the punishment and that made us whole. Through His bruises we get healed. We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost. We've all done our own thing, gone our own way. And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong on Him, on Him." - The Message

verse 10 - " Still, it's what God had in mind all along, to crush Him with pain. The plan was that He give Himself an offering for sin so that He'd see life come from it - life, life and more life, and God's plan will deeply prosper through Him." - The Message

verse 12b - " And He was numbered with the transgressors, And He bore the sin of many, And made intercession for the transgressors."

Like wow God! Today i read this slowly, out loud even because something in my head told me to. I don't know if it was my voice or God's but it led me here. I've read this before but reading it again slowly made me see it's meaning so much more clearly.

"There is no beauty that we should desire Him." Reading this made me just be amazed. This guy, this is the Almighty God who created the heavens and the Earth, He made everything beautiful, yet when He came to Earth, taking the form of a mere human, there is no beauty that we should desire Him. Talk about sacrifice! God who didn't have to, came down to Earth, to be in our shoes and when He did, He didn't even make Himself look handsome, which would already be way an understatement to how He really looks i'm sure, but no, there is no beauty. and through this i believe He is saying, i understand how you feel. and i am awestruck. God who created beauty would come to His creation without beauty.

"He is despised and rejected by men." Like back up, this is God that people are rejecting. and God knew this would happen when He came. He deifinitely doesn't deserve to be rejected or despised, much less whipped and crucified by the very people He lovingly created, knowing the number of hairs on each of their heads. Hebrews 4:15- "For we have no superhuman High Priest to whom our weaknesses are unintelligible, he himself has shared fully in all our experiences of temptation, except that He had hever sinned." This verse is like so true right now!

And i am profoundly touched, that God cared so much to come down to our level and see really how ugly we all are, and still love us so greatly. and when i think about my capability to love God and others, i am reminded that it all comes from God, who made us in His image. I'm just awestruck la really, and i can't explain this feeling of wow-ness.. Perhaps a good example of His undying, selfless love is

Luke 23:32-43
"There were also two others, criminals, led with Him to be put to death. and when they had come to the place called Calvary, there they crucified Him and the criminals, one on the right hand and the other on the left. Then Jesus said," Father, forgive them for they do not know what they do." and they divided his garments and cast lots. and the people stood looking on. But even the rulers with them sneeres, saying, "He saved others; let Him save Himself if He is the Christ, the chosen one of God." And the soldiers also mocked Him, coming and offering Him sour wine, and saying "If You are the King of the Jews, save Yourself." And an inscription also was written over Him in letters of Greek, Latin and Hebrew: THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS. Then one of the criminals who were hanged blasphemed against Him, saying "If You are the Christ, save yourself and us." But the other, answering, rebuked him, saying " Do you not even fear God, seeing you are under the same condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we receive the due reward of our deeds; but this Man has done nothing wrong." Then he said to Lord Jesus," Lord, remember me when You come into your kingdom." and Jesus said to him," Assuredly, I say to you, today, you will be with me in Paradise."

Let this be my prayer today and forevermore.
"No matter what the cost i will go for You, no matter what it takes, i'm Yours, because You paid the price at Calvary, i give You my whole life, i'm Yours. i'm Yours, Jesus i am Yours, i'm yours, Jesus i am yours, i'm yours, Jesus i am yours."

1 John 3:16- "We love Him because He first loved us." Thank You Lord Jesus, for everything.
AMEN.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

yea, i couldn't sleep so i decided to blog! =)

our greatest regrets are not for the things we did, but for the things we didn't do.

so i was kinda scared to enter 2010 when i was at thanksgiving night in church. it was awesome btw! i don't know if i'm ready to be a leader, to be 17, to go to college, to go to college cg, to meet new people, to pay for my own lunch every day and the list goes on.... but still, i am really excited! the whole year i've been so excited at the thought of leaving school and entering college. and now i'm just........... but God will see me through, i'm sure of it. =) sitting with kat and mandy made me realize how sad i would be to leave em next year. sweat, everyone scolding me say 2010 not over already thinking of 2011. but still, the five of us have grown so close and i think i will miss them so so so so much when i leave, if i leave, never know what God's plan for me is (and that's pretty scary yet awesome and secure). and i miss pearls and rachel.

but i had really great memories in 2009 too! i...
* love training with blue house members and cheering my lungs out at their football match
* am so glad i got to be in the greates production of all time, Paroimia!
* got way closer with Pearls, Mandy, Kat and Rach during Paroimia and Revamp
* met my kids who are all so totally awesome and unique in their individual ways and no mummy is prouder than me!
* met lots of new ppl
* had such an amazing experience at Revamp
* graduated!
* was Sunday again in Snow White returns, love love love those times together Gamma!
* laughed so hard hearing our very cool teachers rap for Gema Merdeka with us. it was definitely the best Merdeka of my life!
* went for MSSD!
* TOT! nuff said, we're awesome!
* shifted and love the area cept for the lack of yummy food.
* sat for SPM
* slept over for the first time and had ppl, and person (it's shummie fung!) sleep over
* had a drink named after me!! but sadly the legacy will die when i leave school and no one will remember that the honey green tea one ice don't dilute is actually called a Candice.
* learnt to fly! no not really..
* did a lot of other awesome stuff that i forgot. wow, i am getting old. =P

but i am ready to move on i guess, in certain areas of my life. and as lives are moving on, friends are leaving and memories are put aside for now, i welcome the new year. 2010 is gonna be amazing. =)