footprints

hey you. =)

today i had tot break with nagu shum and few other people. =D kai ma is so funny and lame, she keeps hinting that eventually nagu will call her kai lai lai. =.='' then.. we had a class lunch! everyone was there and i was really happy bout that! we got carried away and ended up having to run back for bio and while our class is on the highest floor, our bio teacher was standing next to the railing wondering where her whole class is. hahha, then she looked down and saw us running and kept waving saying faster! hahah, but she's so cute la seriously. we were all exhausted and sweaty and we kept saying sorry but that class ended up being an awesome bio lesson.=D we took more pics today, but sadly, it wasn't the whole group. few people short of 30. =( but g8 rocks nevertheless. =D

and i'm auditioning for a musical in taylor's on friday! yep, i gotta sing a song, which i haven't decided yet. but i'll pray about it, and if it's God's will, it will happen right? =)i'm pretty scared, many ppl say i suck in singing. haha, but oh well, what's life without doing some crazy things?

but the overflowing thoughts come, yet again..

in bio we came to a point where we were discussing organ transplant. how the patient's body can reject the organ because our antibodies see it as a foreign object. and the patient must be given immuno suppressants to like pause the immune system while they put in the organ and stuff. one cough in the operating room can cause the patient to die, cause his/her immune system is kinda shut down. made me wonder, what kind of life is that? and i felt sad, just listening to this somehow. james says that feelings are not always real, and overrated and controversial and stuff. but so often i get these raw emotions for no reason, and i kinda like it. it's like instinct in a way?

anyways it was like what i was feeling watching avatar the other day. the part where jake who is ordinarily paralyzed can run when he is the avatar. so that feeling, of not having something we take for granted, and get it, what's that feel like?
what's it feel like to be blind then suddenly be able to see?
what's it feel like to run after being lame for so long?
what's it feel like to have a heart that beats properly, strongly, for once?
what's it feel like to really be loved and in love?
what's it's like?
i imagine such amazement and awe.and that feeling of wonder and wow-ness and peace washes over me again. but why do we only appreciate things after noticing its absence? we can taste, run, jump, dance, see, laugh, hear, hi5. maybe it's time to really appreciate all those little details in our lives. it's just frustrating to see us, to see me feel bored about an ordinary day, when an ordinary day itself is already so full of extraordinariness.

anyways, nowadays i do check back www.pleasefindthis.blogspot.com every now and then to just read what he has to say. and some stuff pretty emo la but sothers can be so inspiring. and even the emo stuff is pretty sweet and inspiring to read. there was one post that said "i was gonna ask you to marry me" and so many random people commented and said yes. at first i thought it was a bit weird, but i guess in the end, it was pretty cool. that people had such a connection in a way? as long as they're not weird and obsessed la. anyways, here are some recent good stuff i read..

-Being gifted doesn't mean you have been given something, it means you have something to give.

-You can be happy tomorrow. You can be happy when you get through your list of things to do. You can be happy when you meet the one. You can be happy when you get the right job. You can be happy when you get that raise. You can be happy when you stop buying the things you need and start buying the things you want. You can be happy when you retire. You can be happy when the weather suits you. You can be happy on a plane. You can be happy in the rain.
Or you can stop reading this, take a deep breath, and be happy right now.

-If you look closely enough, people are beautiful.

-Somewhere, someone knows the words to the songs you sing.

-It's someone's birthday everyday. It's someone's wedding anniversary. It's someone's graduation. It's a holiday. A special day. Every day.
Look around you. There's always something to remember.

-Who you want to be is not nearly as important as who you are right now.

i think he's really talented that he can arrange word into such beautiful phrases.=)

but what caught my attention more was from the comments of his blog, i stumbled across this random teenage girl's blog. and out of curiosity at like 3.30am-ish i started to read what she wrote. it was like a private diary thing that only two of her friends knew about. she had depression and a lot of issues about loneliness and love. and reading it made me feel troubled for her, just reading about how she cut herself to feel alive and about how badly this guy hurt her gave me that raw emotion of uneasiness. like i hoped she could get help. what troubled me most was that the posts stopped about one and a half years ago, and i kept wondering, what happened to her? it just made me see again how everyone's lives are so different. the western culture of her life involved sex, drugs, suicide, and all just gahness. sigh i have no idea what i feel now. i hope she's doing better.

it annoys me so much when i want to express how i really feel but can't. i don't have the words to really explain the emotions i get from a particular seemingly random incident. i don't have the talent to paint out my feelings abstractly, letting only the people who cared enough to look beyond the paint to see the real me. i don't have the talent to just dance out my emotions and show people, this is how i feel, can you understand me? i don't have the ability to write a song, or write poetry or do interpretive dance and it makes me end up here. just writing what i can squeeze out of my overflowing feelings.

on a different note, g8 girls are planning a shopping spree next Sunday! hip hip hurray, i really hope it works out, cause that would be so totally freaking awesome. boys wanna crash i think. =.='' hahhaha, but i'm gonna go decide song and sleep now. good night you! God bless you. =)
i'm leaving my footprints. =)