i just got back from KLPAC, watched Men in Tutus with my sister. It was the first ballet i ever watched in like theatre sorta thing and it was super awesome! i loved it, the guys were so funny, and not really in the gay way.. they had so much talent and they definitely worked hard to produce such a great show. watching them made me miss ballet so much, they were just freaking cool la, go watch if you get the chance! =D gah anyways, i miss dancing, and as i sat there watching them dance so beautifully yet funnily every now and then, i thought, what a joy it must be to be able to create something so beautiful. to dance your heart and soul out and let the world see it for what it is. and once again i'm back here, some dreams were just meant for others, or are they? i imagine, in my wildest dreams where i was actually good enough la, living a life like that, touring and dancing and just loving what i do. maybe one day, i'll get the chance to perform in front of an audience like awesomely, but till then, those dreams remain in my pocket, probably to stay there forever. and i went on to imagine my class last year. most of us are gonna be doctors, engineers, lawyers, pretty common la, because most of us pick out of the 'acceptable range' of good, safe career options. but what about our hobbies and talents? haha, i'm just imagining a place where we became basketballers and footballers and dancers and actors and singers and i don't know if to smile or not. lol, if you're reading this and don't get it, never mind, this is what happens when i have too long to think.
but i guess my question is, if i follow my dreams and my heart, will i let my parents down? will my education be a waste of money to them if i don't make much in return? gah! dowan to think bout that first la..
oh anyways, today was my first official day of college! gosh, my class was so quiet yesterday, and i definitely missed the constant sounds of 5 Gamma. but today, thanks to Mrs Sharon, our ESL teacher, i got to know some of my classmates better. and i have such faith(?) or confidence la that we'll all become very good friends. Mrs Sharon made us stick an empty piece of paper on our backs and go talk to people, just mingle. And when we talked a while, then we should write our first impression of the person we were talking to on their backs. it was so fun! hahah but i kept saying sorry for forgetting names, i'm getting old! i love my class la, tho it's just second day.. =) but i'm scared bout exams, but i'm keeping 1Corinthians 1:26-31 and 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 with me! this year, i'll do greater thing by God's strength, and prayerfully, faithfully, hopefully, score greater marks by God's wisdom! AMEN! i saw shum a while, and we kept hugging. haha, i miss tot already..
oh, and my bracelet totally rolled all over the front of class during physics and i ran after it holding my pink bag. don't know if many people saw me, but so embarassing.. hahah, guess i'm still a small kid at heart.
anyways, while watching men in tutus today, i remembered a friend of mine who recently shared his troubles with me. and when i laughed at the man in the tutu, i had an uneasiness within me. like somewhere, he's suffering and i'm still so happy? and it made me think as we were heading home, that every moment, someone's dying, someone's hurting. and i immediately felt so unworthy to be happy. i had a completely awesome day and by the end of today i was worried for two reasons, 1) for selfish reasons, i was afraid having such good times now would mean extra tough times later, but i guess good and bad always go hand in hand. i shouldn't keep worrying about the bad but simply enjoy the good while it lasts and deal with the bad when it comes right? ahhah, i'm giving advice to myself. =.='' but 2) someone out there is far from being as happy as i am. sigh, this makes me wonder really, what am i doing now? is college and uni really worth the time? i should be doing something yet i'm always held back. and it never feels like enough. textbook answer: can! you wanna help people, so many ways wan.. But still, it's not enough and i don't understand why i feel the way i feel. but quite recently i realized that maybe this heart that God gave me for all His children, is my spiritual gift already. and that made me go WOW. okay... Our God is a God of details and that is just really cool la. but still, what do i do now?
This year God, it's Your year. use me as You will. =)
hmm nice :) i think you should still have the capacity to appreciate what you have now, the opportunities granted to you, not to take them for granted. maybe there's a reason you're in a more fortunate position than those other people? work hard now, and perhaps you can give back to them however you might be able to later...
ReplyDeletei know.. but still, i can't help feeling that i should be doing something now.. like in a, what if i died tomoro kind of thing? and what have i done so far? many times, i get rational answers, but it doesn't stop the uneasy feeling..
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