today i went to a home for children with HIV. and it was my first time, i just thought i was going for a home visitation in cheras, only yesterday did i find out that the children there had HIV. and i reacted the way many people would, i was slightly uncomfortable with the idea, and afraid of the risk of infection. i knew that HIV will not be spread via touch, but still, the paranoia is always there. anyways, all the more a part of me wanted to go, if i want to learn real compassion for people, i musn't judge either. and i kept in mind that God will be with us, and if *choi tai ka lai si* i got infected too, it's all in His plan too right?
so this morning we met with uncle isaac, ah fatt and daniel. and even the gist of uncle isaac's testimony could blow you away, he was completely reformed by knowing Jesus and it was just incredible. and what i remember him saying most is that he has been working with HIV people for over twenty years and he is still HIV-negative, so we don't have to worry about infection. if someone were to have gotten infected, it would have been him first. and i was thinking, candice you're so stupid to have worried at all in the first place. he also said that the kids really like having people visit, cause so many people turn away from them at the mention of HIV, and that they had it pretty rough in their old home. so i was pretty excited to see these kids, cause i really miss being around children! haven't been playing with children since.. MADU?
hahah so reaching there, it was pretty nice, the kids were very well behaved and we sat down a while talking to mak wan, who is this incredible woman with so much compassion and love for these otherwise unwanted children. she loved them as her own and they called her mak. :) but the story that broke my heart was of the oldest boy with HIV in that home, who was in form 3. she talked about how sometimes he couldn't handle being the oldest in the house, the one responsible for his younger siblings, and as much as he wants to socialize, it's very painful for him. mak wan said that it would be so difficult trying to explain to everyone that he's HIV-positive, especially when he's talking to girls. and i was really affected by that, i mean talking to girls/guys is something the rest of us take for granted, for fun, and for the first time, i considered what it was like to be on the other end, not just on the outside looking in. would i have their strength to move forward? to put aside the mean glances and to believe that love prevails in an evil world?
these kids are incredibly beautiful children, they dance so amazingly well, they play badminton cheekily and they all want our attention. i watched as two of the boys played on the swings and did the ultimate things man, like stand on the swing, swing upside down with their heads near the ground, climb up the swing poles and just do so many exhilarating things that normal boys would do you know? and they have so much passion and joy and beauty, yet they live their lives as outsiders, people who don't belong, when all that's different is that their blood is infected. and i thought of how under different circumstances, we, well especially me, would go all out to avoid someone with HIV, it's scary and lonely living as a diseased person. but today i realized how i have been judging them all along, though perhaps not their character or their lives, but just by seeing their disease before seeing them. and i was so ashamed today, how could i have ever done that? i think the WORST thing about HIV is not knowing how you would eventually die, or the suffering that comes with the disease, it's the social discrimination that they are subjected to, especially since it wasn't even their fault they were born this way in the first place.
i hate that everytime i go to places like these, and see how wonderful people can be despite their circumstances, that i eventually come home to a very different life than theirs. i hate it so much that i was born with different privileges than other deserving beautiful children.
mak wan was really really nice too. she told us her life story and how she's been working with HIV people for over 15 years. what struck me most was when she said that she wasn't afraid of getting infected because she believed that she was doing God's work, and that God will protect her. i mean.. wow. people like her and uncle isaac make me feel so hopeful, that there are still really good people in the world, trying to make life better for those who suffer. the human spirit is that strong, that loving, that amazing.
though we were of different races and religions, i wondered if this was the spirit of 1 Malaysia right there, perhaps when there is a greater need for love, all other circumstances of birth are put aside, and we are simply people, who depend on one another for encouragement and courage. also i noticed that these kids really needed the loving touch of others, and attention. i mean, was it really that difficult for me to sit there and just play with them? is it that big a sacrifice to make? i belive that essentially, i barely did anything today, i just went to play with some great young boys and had a good time. but it meant so much more to them, and that was extremely humbling.
so these are people i look up too, mak wan, uncle isaac, uncle james who works with refugees, people who talk about the past ten twenty years like it was yesterday, people who lived sacrificially and fully. God bless them. i hope that in thirty years or so, i can be just like them. :)
and yet again, i learnt the precious lesson that when you look closely, people are beautiful. sometimes they're different from us, and in that situation, it is always normal to pick avoidance, neglect, shunning, even if it isn't intentional. yet when we bother to look beyond those differences, when we stop thinking of just us us us all the time, and when we open our eyes to really look into another person's soul, we will see that indescribable beauty in each one of them. sure, it takes time, patience, strength, but comparing that to the rewards of connecting, truly connecting, with another human being, the cost is hardly anything at all. we are capable of making a difference every day, question is, do we choose to do so?
thank You God, for an unforgettable lesson in love, life, faith, and.. humility. :) Please watch over PoShe, and all the precious people living there. :)
love,
candice
No comments:
Post a Comment