and You.. calm the storm in me
all i know, is i find rest in You"
- Find Rest in You, PlanetShakers
today as i was listening to my phone's music in the car, i realized how long it's been since i've listened to my ipod. nearly all the songs in my phone were stolen from mich (:P) while my ipod had a lot more songs, most of which were Christian music, like hillsongs, planetshakers, casting crowns etc. and i realized then how much i used to listen to them, and the peace that overflowed from feeding myself such music. don't get me wrong, i love the songs in my phone, i really do, but undeniably, the feeling is different when i listen to both. i can't explain it, but sometimes it feels like i can feel God's love through the music, i can sense the calmness setting in, the joy that is like no other. so i decided to spend my devotional time today just listening to music from my ipod, and it feels amazing. :)
i haven't been feeling like myself much lately, i can't explain this either. it's like i've been emo a lot more, and while there are obvious resons to be sad about, like SAM ending, but most of the time, it's a strange emotion, like i feel insecure, alone or sad for some reason, no matter how many people i talk to or how good my company is. and just listening to people singing their hearts out to God today just made it better, not completely, but better. :) the familiar peace creeps in again as i am reminded that i'm not alone, and that life itself is a reason to be joyful.
i believe that all of us have an emptiness within that only God can fill. the God-shaped hole in our hearts. and i've heard testimonies of how empty people feel without God, and how incredibly full(for lack of another word) they are when they let the love of God surround them, and keep them safe. sometimes we don't recognize what would fill that emptiness and we throw in things like possesions, infatuation, music, games, facebook, outings, looking so desperately for something, anything that will make the world feel less broken, less lonely, less unknown. we are looking to belong. but those temporary things we fill our lives with? they only make us realize that they aren't enough. no matter how much we hoard, it is and will never be sufficient. and we end up emptier than before.
indeed i believe no one offers fulfillment like Jesus does. no one else can bring me peace in my darkest days, no one else can make me believe things are going to turn out better than i could ever hope for. no one else can make me feel this precious. and by no means is the Christian life easy, there are times where God is so far away it hurts enormously. but through adversity and perseverance, we grow, we learn. i don't know exactly why God chooses to 'hide'(for lack of better word) Himself sometimes, and i'll ask Him for the right answer when i see Him face to face, but one answer that always stuck with me was, so that only the truly hungry can find Him. but God has His reasons, that are all meant for our good, greater things than we ever thought possible. that much i know, is eternally true.
if you asked me last year why i love Jesus, i'm not sure what i would have said. but if you ask me now, i have so.. so many reasons. this year has been so amazing and challenging for me too, teaching me so much. i love Jesus because no one else could put up with my whining each day, bugging Him about where my life was gonna head. i love Jesus because i know He's always there, always watching me from above, always guiding me with His right hand, even if i cannot feel it sometimes. i love Jesus because He assures me that there's a plan for my life, that He gives me adversities and troubles that draw me nearer to Him, making me realize no one else could and would ever support me like He does. i love Jesus because i see Him all around me, in the goodness of people, in their faith, in how they love and i am reminded that because He invented the world, goodness resides in it, and will always prevail against evil. i love Jesus for calming the storms within me, for loving me even, especially when i cannot love myself, and for dying for someone as undeserving and unworthy as me.
i was in church last sunday and i looked around and was awestruck, in realization that God moves in the lives of others so so powerfully. i saw a church filled with broken people, people drawn to the cross, people who realized how much they needed God. and it was an incredible feeling, thinking of how greatly God transforms people. i think of the raw details i have of uncle isaac's testimony, of how from being some super big gangster that did the most horrible, gruesome, unspeakable things to people, his entire life could be changed. it's nothing short of a miracle really, God's miracle. i mean i've always been amazed by the beauty on this earth that God created, the stars He breathes, the sheer wonder of being alive, but i think in God's display of His glory, nothing comes close to the work He does in people's lives. nothing is as amazing as watching a criminal learn compassion through Jesus, or seeing people accept the forgiveness Christ offers freely, staring in disbelief at the sttitude changes God inspires or witnessing a child of God completely broken at the altar, surrendering their life to God. and as astoundingly beautiful the sunset in Nepal is, or as breathtaking the view from everest might be, nothing is as indescribably wonderful as watching people rise up, choosing to stand because they know that this time, they have God behind them, each step of the way. :)
i also spent about an hour today just reading my old blogspots from august, september and february. and definitely the first thing that stuck out was how similar my writings are, how most of it are about university stress or studies etc. but there were also so many things that felt so new for me to read, things i long forgot i wrote, that somehow have the power to inspire even me, its author. like this..
i think what everyone needs is someone to watch you. to see the beauty in you that you cannot see by yourself. to make you feel like you belong. to let you know that you are talented or called to do something, and to inspire you to move forward. but as we realize how much it would rock to have someone like that around us, who believed in us whole-heartedly, we should see the need to become that person for those around us. to believe in their capabilities without a doubt.
- February 20, 2010
and remember that in every situation, no matter how ugh or sucky, there's always a lesson to learn. a new person to befriend. a lesson to teach. a life to impact. it's all about the attitude we have towards that situation. so chins up, smile and take whatever comes, with a rocking, positive 'tude. =D good night!
- February 18, 2010
sometimes faith feels like you're pushing, punching against a brick wall. it isn't moving and your brain is telling you that it never will, pleading with you to just give up. but you push anyways, giving it your all, until the unending wall before you crumbles to your feet.
- August 19, 2010
...that in the darkness is when we should sing the loudest, that even when everything is going wrong in our lives, even when you feel so far from God, that that is when you should sing all the more louder and see His light shining through. :)
- July 25, 2010
it's quite a funny feeling really, reading all these, forgetting i ever penned down such words yet knowing it is something i would write. but it really is a good medicine for the days i forget who i am and where i belong. :)
this is yet another jumbly post, but yea.. no buts. :) this is what i love writing about and this is essentially, who i am. :D
hehehe... i am gonna be an AWESOMETASTIC driver one day. :)
i love love love you loads (cause i'm in a rather good mood now) :P <3,
candice
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