i think.. that i'm learning to find joy in the little things again.
i'm learning to let go, let God and be happy.
it's not much yet, and i'll drop all the pieces again soon, but for now, i'm healing, bit by bit.
thank You God. :)
"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these other things will be added unto you."
- Matthew 6:33
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
promise
"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself; is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, endures all things."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Monday, December 27, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
heartbeat
Dear Lord,
i want so much to do the right thing. but.. what is the right thing? what is the road You want for me? Some days i feel so burnt out Lord, like i don't want to be me anymore. i want to be stubborn, rash, impulsive, irresponsible, risky, exciting. i want to do everything wrong, just because i want to. and yet i feel that all familiar conviction, that that's not the right thing to do. that Your way is the best way. that everything You plan out for my life is for it to turn out better than i could have ever imagined. i still remember my meeting with rose Lord, i was so certain then that there should be no regretting following Your way at all, and the opportunities let go along the way are nothing compared to Your great plan. now i'm having trouble keeping true to those words. i wanna be honest with You Lord, some days i get so angry that You would give me good things and then turn my life in such a way that i have to let go. i have on more than one occasion resented You for the obstacles You have placed in my life, the ones i talk about so easily when they aren't in my life. God You know how i used to be when i was young, how i'd give in to people sulkily and purposely do what was asked of me with a bitter heart. i think that lately i've been acting that way with You too. with a "FINE HAVE IT YOUR WAY! i'll make You regret this" attitude. but Lord i'm sorry. i don't know if i should even be getting angry at You, cause that's rather disrespectful ain't it. after all You've done for me, it seems so stupid and inconsiderate to be acting this way at all. i truly am sorry God, please, teach me the right way to deal with all these emotions within me.
so Lord, i just pray that You'll teach me to follow Your way Lord. that You would break me if that's what it takes to use me for Your glory. that even if coming trials are gonna break my heart, or exhaust me completely or just leave me dead empty, teach me Lord to surrender my life with You. i know that You have called me to die to self. to put Your desires for my life above my own. God i know i cannot do this alone, it's too difficult and i have barely any strength left. help me Lord Jesus, to see beyond the 'now', to reject instant gratification, but to hold out for so much more and see the bigger picture. at the end of the day God, if You ask me to go, I will go, as much as i don't want to, if it's what You ask of me, I will go. and i will go knowing You love me tremendously, and that Your way will give me life and life to the fullest.
Father God, please also give me the strength to hold on Lord. when things get tough, when i start to lose my spirit, when all i want to do is just give up, help me to go on, just a little bit more, just a little bit more, until i see You waiting for me at the finish line. i know You aren't a mean God that loves watching me suffer, that's such a ridiculous notion even. i know You care for me more than anyone ever would, and Lord if ever i forget that in the future, and i know i will, i pray that You would bring me back on my knees again, to remember that You reign over my life, now and forevermore.
i see all the tears about to flow, heartbreaks yet to come, pain about to be endured, and i get so so terrified Lord. but i choose this Lord. i choose the narrow way, and though i know i will falter and crave the wide road again, i choose You. i pray that this prayer would always be a reminder, and encouragement to move forward, holding Your hand and letting go of anything that isn't a part of Your will for me. no matter what happens Lord, i will still trust You and i will always love You. Thank You Lord, for loving a sinner such as me.
Amen.
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
- Mercy Me
"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."
— C.S. Lewis.
i want so much to do the right thing. but.. what is the right thing? what is the road You want for me? Some days i feel so burnt out Lord, like i don't want to be me anymore. i want to be stubborn, rash, impulsive, irresponsible, risky, exciting. i want to do everything wrong, just because i want to. and yet i feel that all familiar conviction, that that's not the right thing to do. that Your way is the best way. that everything You plan out for my life is for it to turn out better than i could have ever imagined. i still remember my meeting with rose Lord, i was so certain then that there should be no regretting following Your way at all, and the opportunities let go along the way are nothing compared to Your great plan. now i'm having trouble keeping true to those words. i wanna be honest with You Lord, some days i get so angry that You would give me good things and then turn my life in such a way that i have to let go. i have on more than one occasion resented You for the obstacles You have placed in my life, the ones i talk about so easily when they aren't in my life. God You know how i used to be when i was young, how i'd give in to people sulkily and purposely do what was asked of me with a bitter heart. i think that lately i've been acting that way with You too. with a "FINE HAVE IT YOUR WAY! i'll make You regret this" attitude. but Lord i'm sorry. i don't know if i should even be getting angry at You, cause that's rather disrespectful ain't it. after all You've done for me, it seems so stupid and inconsiderate to be acting this way at all. i truly am sorry God, please, teach me the right way to deal with all these emotions within me.
so Lord, i just pray that You'll teach me to follow Your way Lord. that You would break me if that's what it takes to use me for Your glory. that even if coming trials are gonna break my heart, or exhaust me completely or just leave me dead empty, teach me Lord to surrender my life with You. i know that You have called me to die to self. to put Your desires for my life above my own. God i know i cannot do this alone, it's too difficult and i have barely any strength left. help me Lord Jesus, to see beyond the 'now', to reject instant gratification, but to hold out for so much more and see the bigger picture. at the end of the day God, if You ask me to go, I will go, as much as i don't want to, if it's what You ask of me, I will go. and i will go knowing You love me tremendously, and that Your way will give me life and life to the fullest.
Father God, please also give me the strength to hold on Lord. when things get tough, when i start to lose my spirit, when all i want to do is just give up, help me to go on, just a little bit more, just a little bit more, until i see You waiting for me at the finish line. i know You aren't a mean God that loves watching me suffer, that's such a ridiculous notion even. i know You care for me more than anyone ever would, and Lord if ever i forget that in the future, and i know i will, i pray that You would bring me back on my knees again, to remember that You reign over my life, now and forevermore.
i see all the tears about to flow, heartbreaks yet to come, pain about to be endured, and i get so so terrified Lord. but i choose this Lord. i choose the narrow way, and though i know i will falter and crave the wide road again, i choose You. i pray that this prayer would always be a reminder, and encouragement to move forward, holding Your hand and letting go of anything that isn't a part of Your will for me. no matter what happens Lord, i will still trust You and i will always love You. Thank You Lord, for loving a sinner such as me.
Amen.
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
- Mercy Me
"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."
— C.S. Lewis.
butterflies in my stomach
.. i'm not ready to leave just yet. or maybe i am, i just.. don't want to. :/
sorry bout the emo post. have a BLESSED CHRISTMAS! :)
sorry bout the emo post. have a BLESSED CHRISTMAS! :)
Friday, December 24, 2010
spirit of Christmas
today, i was feeling quite bad that i hardly got any Christmas presents for people this year. and Christmas is supposed to be a season of giving after all. and i was thinking about how i could get some stuff last minute and all, but Christmas eve dinner at crisis home and an unexpected thank-you note from a dear friend really made me see things a little bit differently. i have always found that, a great pleasure comes from watching people open the gifts i have given them, to see the joy and gratitude in their expressions. but in the little things i gave, things i didn't even expect much in return from, things like time, love, encouragement, i received back even more joy than i had ever seen. and while i admit, i should have gotten more presents for people this year, i feel deeply joyful and blessed in seeing the little things i offered take root, and change lives, if only for a little bit. so i think my question now is, what kind of gifts are we treasuring today? material gifts can only go so far. i have been greatly challenged by the people in my Christmas this year, to give more.. of myself. to give more of the important things, to love others with the love of Christ. :) truly, it is more blessed to give than to receive.
and on the other hand i have learnt to be more thankful in.. well, life. i read this story recently, and here it is first..
Where’s Johnny’s Cap?
I will hope continually, and will praise You yet more and more. —Psalm 71:14
A story is told about a family that went on a picnic by a lake. At one point, their 5-year-old son waded into the lake, stepped into deep water, and sank out of sight. None of the adults in the family knew how to swim, so they ran up and down the shore in panic while the child bobbed up and down and screamed for help. Just then, a man happened by who sized up the situation, leaped into the lake, and rescued the boy. He climbed out on the bank with the child, who was frightened but unharmed, only to hear the mother ask with irritation, “Where’s Johnny’s cap?”
So often we focus on small disappointments that cause us to grumble and complain rather than focusing on the wonderful things God has brought into our lives, not the least of which is His everlasting love and eternal salvation. When we complain about the small dissatisfactions of life, we’re asking, in effect, “Where’s Johnny’s cap?”
Paul wrote, “In everything give thanks” (1 Thess. 5:18). We may not be thankful for everything that comes our way, but we can give thanks in everything. It may be difficult to be grateful when we lose our job or our health fails, but we can be thankful for the good that God has brought to us in this life and grateful for the life to come. —David Roper
yea.. so now very often i ask myself, why am i only thinking about johnny's cap? sometimes people don't give you the iphone or car you want, but in the bigger picture, they've given you so much more by being a friend. sometimes you don't get the results you want, but you have so much more, a family, friends, God. oh and not forgetting how often i can be so irritated by something small a person does, a little flaw, a meaningless mistake and forget the so many other good things they are, how much they have done for me. i learnt, that sometimes you take some, sometimes you give some. and we learn to see, that the little flaws are NOTHING compared to everything else. so this Christmas especially, let's not focus on just the material presents, let's give more love, more hope, more faith and be thankful for each and every good thing God has placed in our live. We are already.. beyond blessed. :) one of my greatest gifts from people this year is their belief in me, especially when i have lost all faith in myself. thank you. :) and joy! thank you everyone for all the joy you have brought to my life! :D
ooh i really liked this too! :)
Love and Mercy
Posted: 23 Dec 2010 10:00 PM PST
He…loads me with love and mercy. Psalm 103:4
It’s time to let God’s love cover all things in your life. All secrets. All hurts. All hours of evil, minutes of worry.
Discover along with the psalmist: “He…loads me with love and mercy.” Picture a giant dump truck full of love. There you are behind it. God lifts the bed until the love starts to slide. Slowly at first, then down, down, down until you are hidden; buried and covered in his love.
haha i'm feeling all fuzzy inside now. best Christmas ever. thank You Lord, for showing me what matters to You, for teaching me Your heart's desire, and for blessing me beyond what i have ever imagined. i love You Lord, happy birthday! <3 :)
the important things. <3
have a blessed Christmas!
candice :)
and on the other hand i have learnt to be more thankful in.. well, life. i read this story recently, and here it is first..
Where’s Johnny’s Cap?
I will hope continually, and will praise You yet more and more. —Psalm 71:14
A story is told about a family that went on a picnic by a lake. At one point, their 5-year-old son waded into the lake, stepped into deep water, and sank out of sight. None of the adults in the family knew how to swim, so they ran up and down the shore in panic while the child bobbed up and down and screamed for help. Just then, a man happened by who sized up the situation, leaped into the lake, and rescued the boy. He climbed out on the bank with the child, who was frightened but unharmed, only to hear the mother ask with irritation, “Where’s Johnny’s cap?”
So often we focus on small disappointments that cause us to grumble and complain rather than focusing on the wonderful things God has brought into our lives, not the least of which is His everlasting love and eternal salvation. When we complain about the small dissatisfactions of life, we’re asking, in effect, “Where’s Johnny’s cap?”
Paul wrote, “In everything give thanks” (1 Thess. 5:18). We may not be thankful for everything that comes our way, but we can give thanks in everything. It may be difficult to be grateful when we lose our job or our health fails, but we can be thankful for the good that God has brought to us in this life and grateful for the life to come. —David Roper
yea.. so now very often i ask myself, why am i only thinking about johnny's cap? sometimes people don't give you the iphone or car you want, but in the bigger picture, they've given you so much more by being a friend. sometimes you don't get the results you want, but you have so much more, a family, friends, God. oh and not forgetting how often i can be so irritated by something small a person does, a little flaw, a meaningless mistake and forget the so many other good things they are, how much they have done for me. i learnt, that sometimes you take some, sometimes you give some. and we learn to see, that the little flaws are NOTHING compared to everything else. so this Christmas especially, let's not focus on just the material presents, let's give more love, more hope, more faith and be thankful for each and every good thing God has placed in our live. We are already.. beyond blessed. :) one of my greatest gifts from people this year is their belief in me, especially when i have lost all faith in myself. thank you. :) and joy! thank you everyone for all the joy you have brought to my life! :D
ooh i really liked this too! :)
Love and Mercy
Posted: 23 Dec 2010 10:00 PM PST
He…loads me with love and mercy. Psalm 103:4
It’s time to let God’s love cover all things in your life. All secrets. All hurts. All hours of evil, minutes of worry.
Discover along with the psalmist: “He…loads me with love and mercy.” Picture a giant dump truck full of love. There you are behind it. God lifts the bed until the love starts to slide. Slowly at first, then down, down, down until you are hidden; buried and covered in his love.
haha i'm feeling all fuzzy inside now. best Christmas ever. thank You Lord, for showing me what matters to You, for teaching me Your heart's desire, and for blessing me beyond what i have ever imagined. i love You Lord, happy birthday! <3 :)
the important things. <3
have a blessed Christmas!
candice :)
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
through different eyes
i think that i recently learnt that what might seem praise-worthy in the world, is not necessarily what God intends for our lives. For example, a man who gives up a 6 figure salary might be called into the slums, to serve there. a mother might be called to give up her job, her passions, to go a different direction, to be a good mother. from crisis home i learnt, that God can even use HIV as a tool to reach out to so many lost people. also, many people would consider obtaining poor results as a failure, provided of course they did their best, but i think i remembered the unchanging truth today, that NO MATTER WHAT, God is still in control. He doesn't always give us what we want, what we think is good, but instead plans out our life in detail, putting in a few detours here and there, all to remind us that at the end of the day, He is still Lord. He is still God and He is still almighty.
so how are you looking at your life today? when everything seems to be falling apart, know that God is working in you. know that He's up to something bigger, greater than you've ever imagined. and that in the years to come, you'll see how all the puzzle pieces of your life fit into place.. perfectly. :) and even as you're stuck in the NOW, take a look at your life, through different eyes. keep praying, and keep the faith. God is moving. :)
therefore, i no longer want to be committed to my dream. i have decided to be committed to God's dream for me, no matter the cost. though i may stumble and fall and break down along the way, i know that no other road but this one will offer me the utmost satisfaction and joy and fulfillment from having lived at all.
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
- Isaiah 55:3
well on another note, i'm come to realize that hoping.. really really hurts. :/ but to live without hope, that's no life at all. to live is to bleed, to hurt, to cry, to suffer, to desire, to thirst, to submit to God. today i thank You God that wherever i go next, i can be so certain that You are with me, and because of that i am able to live.. FREE. thank You Lord Jesus. :) Happy early birthday!
What He opens no one can shut, and what He shuts no one can open.
- Revelations 3:7b
never stop fighting,
candice
so how are you looking at your life today? when everything seems to be falling apart, know that God is working in you. know that He's up to something bigger, greater than you've ever imagined. and that in the years to come, you'll see how all the puzzle pieces of your life fit into place.. perfectly. :) and even as you're stuck in the NOW, take a look at your life, through different eyes. keep praying, and keep the faith. God is moving. :)
therefore, i no longer want to be committed to my dream. i have decided to be committed to God's dream for me, no matter the cost. though i may stumble and fall and break down along the way, i know that no other road but this one will offer me the utmost satisfaction and joy and fulfillment from having lived at all.
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
- Isaiah 55:3
well on another note, i'm come to realize that hoping.. really really hurts. :/ but to live without hope, that's no life at all. to live is to bleed, to hurt, to cry, to suffer, to desire, to thirst, to submit to God. today i thank You God that wherever i go next, i can be so certain that You are with me, and because of that i am able to live.. FREE. thank You Lord Jesus. :) Happy early birthday!
What He opens no one can shut, and what He shuts no one can open.
- Revelations 3:7b
never stop fighting,
candice
Sunday, December 19, 2010
all glory to God
"Our God is greater
Our God is stronger
Our God is higher than any other
Our God is healer
Awesome in power
Our God, Our God
And if our God is for us
Then who could ever stop us
And if our God with us
Then what could stand against"
- Our God
this is the song we've been singing in conference and it is SO TRUE over my life. receiving my SAM results last week was an overwhelming experience for me, i had been so afraid, so terrified i wouldn't be able to get into any uni even. and when i saw the results, i just knew, that it was ALL by God's grace. truly if God is for us, no one can be against us. i remembered when rose preached on Gideon and how God reduced their army to 300 people, so that they would have no excuse to say they did it by their own strength. only by God's strength were they able. and in this exam, i can honestly say, that i too could not have done this by my own strength. all glory and praise goes to God. thank You Lord, for caring about these little things in my life too. i love You Lord! :)
this year's greater things conference was amazing, and i think the best part of it for me was going to Crisis Home and meeting the residents there, hearing about their lives and seeing the miracle that God has handcrafted in their lives. i have been so so blessed by their testimonies, kindness, faith, love and passion to live. this Christmas i wished to witness a miracle in the lives of those around me, and i got it. each one of their lives, the way they live, the fact that they're alive and how thankful they are to God is nothing short of a miracle. there's one uncle i became quite fond of, though i'm not sure of his name. i just call him uncle. he's visually impaired but the way he smiles when he knows people are happy around him, it's really beautiful. he's so content with this life, and secure in knowing those in his life are content. over and over i learn that people are so so beautiful when you give them a chance and i am blown away by the One that created us all.
beautiful, incredible, strong people! :)
to be continued...
till then,
candice! :)
Our God is stronger
Our God is higher than any other
Our God is healer
Awesome in power
Our God, Our God
And if our God is for us
Then who could ever stop us
And if our God with us
Then what could stand against"
- Our God
this is the song we've been singing in conference and it is SO TRUE over my life. receiving my SAM results last week was an overwhelming experience for me, i had been so afraid, so terrified i wouldn't be able to get into any uni even. and when i saw the results, i just knew, that it was ALL by God's grace. truly if God is for us, no one can be against us. i remembered when rose preached on Gideon and how God reduced their army to 300 people, so that they would have no excuse to say they did it by their own strength. only by God's strength were they able. and in this exam, i can honestly say, that i too could not have done this by my own strength. all glory and praise goes to God. thank You Lord, for caring about these little things in my life too. i love You Lord! :)
this year's greater things conference was amazing, and i think the best part of it for me was going to Crisis Home and meeting the residents there, hearing about their lives and seeing the miracle that God has handcrafted in their lives. i have been so so blessed by their testimonies, kindness, faith, love and passion to live. this Christmas i wished to witness a miracle in the lives of those around me, and i got it. each one of their lives, the way they live, the fact that they're alive and how thankful they are to God is nothing short of a miracle. there's one uncle i became quite fond of, though i'm not sure of his name. i just call him uncle. he's visually impaired but the way he smiles when he knows people are happy around him, it's really beautiful. he's so content with this life, and secure in knowing those in his life are content. over and over i learn that people are so so beautiful when you give them a chance and i am blown away by the One that created us all.
beautiful, incredible, strong people! :)
to be continued...
till then,
candice! :)
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
matrimony
HAHAHHAH. so in response to christine's proclamation of love to me, i decided to write her/you one back! :)
you crazy woman, life with you as my husband is not easy lor! always kena kicked and slapped and who knows what else you do to ABUSE me... heheh, but i have so many good memories with you, so much i have you to thank for. i've never met anyone as crazy as you, and thanks for always listening to me, even when you don't want to. thanks for believing in me too. :) hahaha can't believe i've only known you for... two years ar? feels like FOREVER already. come home soon k? to your loving wife! or just wait for me to go there la. :) LOVE you hubs! my future husband has very big shoes to fill! :)
and stop looking at wedding pics can anot!!!!
chrissy and dice <3
love,
candice :)
you crazy woman, life with you as my husband is not easy lor! always kena kicked and slapped and who knows what else you do to ABUSE me... heheh, but i have so many good memories with you, so much i have you to thank for. i've never met anyone as crazy as you, and thanks for always listening to me, even when you don't want to. thanks for believing in me too. :) hahaha can't believe i've only known you for... two years ar? feels like FOREVER already. come home soon k? to your loving wife! or just wait for me to go there la. :) LOVE you hubs! my future husband has very big shoes to fill! :)
and stop looking at wedding pics can anot!!!!
chrissy and dice <3
love,
candice :)
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
old times
i suddenly really miss sherlyn fung shum shum. and the rest of tot. somehow i stumbled across her old blog today and saw all the old posts, all the things we used to do together. hahha, peanut i miss you!!! there's so much going on in each other's life that we don't know anymore, hence we need a CATCH-UP SESSION soon! :) i remember how we used to have two-hour long phone calls every other night, and how we used to sneak into class with our breakfast club to eat and i'd always bring rocky and get scolded by you all for it, how we used to laugh at all the stupidest things (like nagu or faris), how we study-grouped at faris' place for the rendang, how you made really awesome choc-peppermint cookies that one time. so much memories from so long ago huh! :')
i found these!! :P
man i miss you peanut!!!
sighhh, other than that.. results will be out on thursday!!! HHEEE HOOO! i keep telling myself that i'm gonna believe in God for these results! whatever happens is what He intends for my life, and even if it's not what i want, it'll be what He wants and this, i should fear nothing. :)
haha here's a little something to make you smile! i love reading old baby blues comics, they're my favourite! zoe is the adorable-est la i tell you! :)
trusting God with EVERYTHING,
candice :)
i found these!! :P
man i miss you peanut!!!
sighhh, other than that.. results will be out on thursday!!! HHEEE HOOO! i keep telling myself that i'm gonna believe in God for these results! whatever happens is what He intends for my life, and even if it's not what i want, it'll be what He wants and this, i should fear nothing. :)
haha here's a little something to make you smile! i love reading old baby blues comics, they're my favourite! zoe is the adorable-est la i tell you! :)
trusting God with EVERYTHING,
candice :)
Saturday, December 11, 2010
surreal
today... i realized something. :) i realized, that every little thing we do matters. i think so very often, we go through life unaware of this fact, that our actions do in fact influence others. sometimes we say hurtful things without thinking twice, and may never see the consequences of that, hence never learning our lesson. sometimes we do the simplest things like smiling at a stranger, or giving money to a beggar, and for all we know, that little act prevented them from taking their own life.
so, what if.. changing the world began with something as small, as the little things? :)
maybe next time then, we'll hold our tongue. we'll reach out to people. we'll smile more. we'll give some time to listen.
and by doing that, we would have changed the world. we would have changed someone's world. perhaps a small change, but a change nevertheless.
so this.. is a reminder for me, to never ever underestimate the little things in my life. only God knows how many of these little things that others have done for me has changed and molded me to who i am today. to all of you, thank you so much. :)
love,
candice :)
so, what if.. changing the world began with something as small, as the little things? :)
maybe next time then, we'll hold our tongue. we'll reach out to people. we'll smile more. we'll give some time to listen.
and by doing that, we would have changed the world. we would have changed someone's world. perhaps a small change, but a change nevertheless.
so this.. is a reminder for me, to never ever underestimate the little things in my life. only God knows how many of these little things that others have done for me has changed and molded me to who i am today. to all of you, thank you so much. :)
love,
candice :)
Thursday, December 9, 2010
belief
"You can drive at 16, go to war at 18, drink at 21, and retire at 65. So who can say what age you have to be, before you know your love is true?"
- One Tree Hill
- One Tree Hill
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
faith, hope, love
remembering..
that it is a blessing to be a part of someone else's life,
that it is a gift to be challenged to have faith in others,
that it is an honour to listen.
thank You God. :)
that it is a blessing to be a part of someone else's life,
that it is a gift to be challenged to have faith in others,
that it is an honour to listen.
thank You God. :)
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
meaning
as much as i love having breaks from schooling/college life, i hate long holidays. i'm rested enough already! it's in moments like these where i barely have anything to do but hang out that i begin to ponder on the meaning of my life. and... i usually have no answer regarding 'right now'. :/
i've been looking for miracles lately. i don't know why, or i can barely remember when i started to, but the desire to witness a miracle so huge in the life of anyone around me has become really great. this year, God has worked countless miracles in me, blessing me with so much more that i expected to receive, and it felt, it feels amazing. and i don't know, it feels like i don't want to look at myself anymore, i want to see God move in the lives dear to me, i want to see broken families healed, i want to see battles won, i want to see obstacles conquered, i want to see God in my midst, i want to see God.. everywhere. i guess to some it's a pretty random desire, but i've decided, that's all i want for Christmas this year. :)
i think i learnt a lot from various people this year. but perhaps the biggest lesson i learnt this year, was to be patient. to be patient with angry people, difficult people, crazy people, all kinds of people la. to be patient in wanting to make a difference, to be patient in seeing God's plan over my life unfold, to be patient in all things that i do. and just today i read in elena's blog that she learnt so many lessons through difficulties. i agree completely, the greatest lessons that we learn are those we gain through tough experiences, through the obstacles we have overcome.
recently i went to cameron highlands for a family holiday, and it was quite enjoyable! :) i love visiting small towns and seeing the way locals live, i love seeing schools in rural areas and being so amazed, simply because. i love seeing people live their lives, so simple, so easy, so contented. we visited this huge Boh tea plantation and had to walk like 3km into the woods to find it, but it was worth it. deep there in the vast plantation, was a settlement, a community of its own. and i thought it was really cool, for entertainment, the kids there have each other. they live such simple lives, so.. free. and on many different occassions i have wished to live such a life. where i didn't have to face the constant burden and pressure of studying hard and of receiving results, where i didn't have to try so hard to fit into a difficult world, where life wasn't so.. complex. i think i would quite enjoy living a simple life, of plucking tea leaves, or catching fish in the sea (?).
but yet.. it would be an empty desire. like i always say, there are some dreams we dream, and other dreams we make come true. this, isn't it. at least, i don't think so.. a part of me wants to live completely free to do whatever i like, live every single life possible on earth, to soak up the wholeness of life in collecting experiences from life everywhere. but a larger part of me, refuses. that larger part of me doesn't want to follow the easy desires of my heart, it wants to follow the desires of God's heart. to live the life He want me to live, a life of servanthood. i am reminded that it is in difficulty that i learn to give God my all. and over and over again, i have felt God tell me that this is what He wants for me right now, to go study medicine the best i can and leave the rest up to Him. somedays, it sounds so impossible that i could do all this, and i just cannot believe that the voice i am hearing is really God's. still, i know. still, i cannot run. still, i must prepare my fields for rain, i must prepare myself for God. and at the end of my life, i may have scars and wounds, i may be exhausted, but if i lived according to God's will, i will have lived.. a life worthwhile.
today as i walked out of chosen treasure, i pondered, what does it mean to live the Christian life? what does it mean to be.. free?
in some areas of my life, i have wanted to do things my way, to have it all about me and only me. i want to be free to make my own mistakes, my own choices, and collect my own experiences. and when i am bound by thoughts such as these, i struggle with the voice of reason within me that says seek God. i struggle, because i am afraid of God's answer, will it be the one i want to hear? always, when i look to the future and imagine future difficulties, future pain, i get so terrified, how will i ever make it through? which makes me afraid to make the wrong decisions. this is my burden, overthinking. many people have told me so. and in my prison of thoughts, i will discover that i have a way out, not a safe way nor an easy one, but the right one. the Bible says "Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right hand, or whenever you turn to the left." - Isaiah 30:21. i think, that in the grand scheme of things, that, is what it means to be truly free. to have a God that does not condemn, a God that catches you everytime you fall. a God that challenges you to be all He intended you to be, and a God that loves you beyond imagination.
because i have a God to turn to when i don't know the answers, i am free.
because i believe in a God that is with me through joys and tears, i am free.
because my God died to redeem me, i am free.
i am free, now and forevermore.
and sometimes i will not get to do what i want to do, i will not get the instant gratification i desire, but it will be such, because God intended a better life of deeper joy for me.
a life that requires.. patience.
The greatest freedom i can experience is by submitting to God-ordained authority.
- Ephesians 5:21
i read this on the cover of a book today!
"in times of despair, God asks, am i not still God?"
LIKE WHOA.
oh and i cut my hair today! guy took SO MUCH hair, i'm practically bald now. :(
letting the good memories give me the faith i need to embrace the future
"..knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."
- James 1:3-4
deciding to believe,
candice
i've been looking for miracles lately. i don't know why, or i can barely remember when i started to, but the desire to witness a miracle so huge in the life of anyone around me has become really great. this year, God has worked countless miracles in me, blessing me with so much more that i expected to receive, and it felt, it feels amazing. and i don't know, it feels like i don't want to look at myself anymore, i want to see God move in the lives dear to me, i want to see broken families healed, i want to see battles won, i want to see obstacles conquered, i want to see God in my midst, i want to see God.. everywhere. i guess to some it's a pretty random desire, but i've decided, that's all i want for Christmas this year. :)
i think i learnt a lot from various people this year. but perhaps the biggest lesson i learnt this year, was to be patient. to be patient with angry people, difficult people, crazy people, all kinds of people la. to be patient in wanting to make a difference, to be patient in seeing God's plan over my life unfold, to be patient in all things that i do. and just today i read in elena's blog that she learnt so many lessons through difficulties. i agree completely, the greatest lessons that we learn are those we gain through tough experiences, through the obstacles we have overcome.
recently i went to cameron highlands for a family holiday, and it was quite enjoyable! :) i love visiting small towns and seeing the way locals live, i love seeing schools in rural areas and being so amazed, simply because. i love seeing people live their lives, so simple, so easy, so contented. we visited this huge Boh tea plantation and had to walk like 3km into the woods to find it, but it was worth it. deep there in the vast plantation, was a settlement, a community of its own. and i thought it was really cool, for entertainment, the kids there have each other. they live such simple lives, so.. free. and on many different occassions i have wished to live such a life. where i didn't have to face the constant burden and pressure of studying hard and of receiving results, where i didn't have to try so hard to fit into a difficult world, where life wasn't so.. complex. i think i would quite enjoy living a simple life, of plucking tea leaves, or catching fish in the sea (?).
but yet.. it would be an empty desire. like i always say, there are some dreams we dream, and other dreams we make come true. this, isn't it. at least, i don't think so.. a part of me wants to live completely free to do whatever i like, live every single life possible on earth, to soak up the wholeness of life in collecting experiences from life everywhere. but a larger part of me, refuses. that larger part of me doesn't want to follow the easy desires of my heart, it wants to follow the desires of God's heart. to live the life He want me to live, a life of servanthood. i am reminded that it is in difficulty that i learn to give God my all. and over and over again, i have felt God tell me that this is what He wants for me right now, to go study medicine the best i can and leave the rest up to Him. somedays, it sounds so impossible that i could do all this, and i just cannot believe that the voice i am hearing is really God's. still, i know. still, i cannot run. still, i must prepare my fields for rain, i must prepare myself for God. and at the end of my life, i may have scars and wounds, i may be exhausted, but if i lived according to God's will, i will have lived.. a life worthwhile.
today as i walked out of chosen treasure, i pondered, what does it mean to live the Christian life? what does it mean to be.. free?
in some areas of my life, i have wanted to do things my way, to have it all about me and only me. i want to be free to make my own mistakes, my own choices, and collect my own experiences. and when i am bound by thoughts such as these, i struggle with the voice of reason within me that says seek God. i struggle, because i am afraid of God's answer, will it be the one i want to hear? always, when i look to the future and imagine future difficulties, future pain, i get so terrified, how will i ever make it through? which makes me afraid to make the wrong decisions. this is my burden, overthinking. many people have told me so. and in my prison of thoughts, i will discover that i have a way out, not a safe way nor an easy one, but the right one. the Bible says "Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying "This is the way, walk in it," whenever you turn to the right hand, or whenever you turn to the left." - Isaiah 30:21. i think, that in the grand scheme of things, that, is what it means to be truly free. to have a God that does not condemn, a God that catches you everytime you fall. a God that challenges you to be all He intended you to be, and a God that loves you beyond imagination.
because i have a God to turn to when i don't know the answers, i am free.
because i believe in a God that is with me through joys and tears, i am free.
because my God died to redeem me, i am free.
i am free, now and forevermore.
and sometimes i will not get to do what i want to do, i will not get the instant gratification i desire, but it will be such, because God intended a better life of deeper joy for me.
a life that requires.. patience.
The greatest freedom i can experience is by submitting to God-ordained authority.
- Ephesians 5:21
i read this on the cover of a book today!
"in times of despair, God asks, am i not still God?"
LIKE WHOA.
oh and i cut my hair today! guy took SO MUCH hair, i'm practically bald now. :(
letting the good memories give me the faith i need to embrace the future
"..knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."
- James 1:3-4
deciding to believe,
candice
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
it's the little things that count
i could use some tlc now! hahah sis totally gave me a new big bruise on my knee. GRR.
hmm since my life has been fairly uneventful lately, though i did spend my first of december 2010 with wenshi, mich, and hulk-lena, and 30 ikea meatballs, but yea.. rest of my days are filled with FRINGE, with is SUPERB i tell you! hahhaha i loved this episode, didn't have a vid so settled for the quote! super corny sweet i tell you!
The Observer: Who is she? Why did you save her?
August: I saw her many years ago. She was a child. Her parents had just been killed. She was crying. But she... she was brave. She crossed my mind... somehow. She never left it. I think... it's what they call... feelings. I think... I love her.
and they supposedly don't feel wan la. sighh good stuff. :)
i had a random thought today! if life was a marathon, i don't think i wanna just... run. long-distance's always been quite boring comparing to team sports, but it was the only thing i was good at in school. and everytime, it was just about enduring, moving, breathing. what if i don't want to JUST move, JUST run, JUST breathe? if all i have is ~80 years, i'd much rather jump along my tracks, dance, cartwheel, laugh with other people, sit and watch the flowers, sing off-key and tickle other people and do who knows what else. because in life, i wouldn't want to come in first. i'd like to come in dead last, with experience, joy, and life itself gained. :) just a random thought.
and i did question once, if cartwheeling would be effective in a marathon when you're super exhausted. HMMMMMM. hehehhe.
so.. driving starts moro. guess i am becoming a big girl now. :)
love,
candice
hmm since my life has been fairly uneventful lately, though i did spend my first of december 2010 with wenshi, mich, and hulk-lena, and 30 ikea meatballs, but yea.. rest of my days are filled with FRINGE, with is SUPERB i tell you! hahhaha i loved this episode, didn't have a vid so settled for the quote! super corny sweet i tell you!
The Observer: Who is she? Why did you save her?
August: I saw her many years ago. She was a child. Her parents had just been killed. She was crying. But she... she was brave. She crossed my mind... somehow. She never left it. I think... it's what they call... feelings. I think... I love her.
and they supposedly don't feel wan la. sighh good stuff. :)
i had a random thought today! if life was a marathon, i don't think i wanna just... run. long-distance's always been quite boring comparing to team sports, but it was the only thing i was good at in school. and everytime, it was just about enduring, moving, breathing. what if i don't want to JUST move, JUST run, JUST breathe? if all i have is ~80 years, i'd much rather jump along my tracks, dance, cartwheel, laugh with other people, sit and watch the flowers, sing off-key and tickle other people and do who knows what else. because in life, i wouldn't want to come in first. i'd like to come in dead last, with experience, joy, and life itself gained. :) just a random thought.
and i did question once, if cartwheeling would be effective in a marathon when you're super exhausted. HMMMMMM. hehehhe.
so.. driving starts moro. guess i am becoming a big girl now. :)
love,
candice
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