homesick

"If mummy can call you, i'll call you everyday to wake you up."
- my mum on skype

i'm so homesick now, i miss my parents a lot. :(

forever love

this is a really good video that made me remember what it meant to share the love of Christ.

"For God so loved the world He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."
- John 3:16

Jesus loves YOU. :)

and now i'm watching this! inspirational videos cause i had nothing to do, but these vids are really good! :)



with His love,
candice

it's freezing!

because i am a big girl now, i just washed my clothes! :D but apparently, big girls don't have to iron anything wan. hehehehhee.

yesterday i remembered my 'birthday rainbow'. on my way home on my birthday last year, the HUGEST rainbow i had ever seen appeared right before my dad turned into our house. and i was like WHOA! when i ran in to tell my mum about it, it was gone. (prolly cause we looked in the opposite direction that time :/) anyways, i feel so amazed when i think about how i believe God is always in control, and how a rainbow so huge would just show up on my birthday. :P i think God's really awesome lor. :) some things are coincidences, but then again, everything's a miracle. :)

and did i mention i'm freezing?

and thank God i have BBT to watch, there's nothing else for me to do here yet. :(

here's one of my all time favourite songs! :)



love,
candice :)

God makes no mistakes

as i was in planetshakers church today, i was totally amazed by God's presence in that place, and the faith of all the people there. and i felt God really say to me "What if I told you, that you are exactly right where i want you to be?" and i was like... man. for so long, i've been complaining bout how homesick i am, and also how monash is so far from the people i know. but i realized, God has a reason from even putting me in Monash instead of Melbourne Uni, and that if He really wanted me there, there'd be undergrad med there. so yea, the realization that i am not here based on my capabilities, or my talents, or my grades but simply because God wants me here.. is absolutely humbling. i need not be afraid either, because God is holding me right there in His hands and He'll never let me go. :)

to be honest, a part of me really misses being a youth leader. here, no one recognizes the well.. potential for lack of another word, in me that people in FGA sorta noticed i guess to extend that invitation to me. and i was challenged again too, whether serving to me was simply about the title. and today i decided that i'm not gonna let a title determine who i am. i'm just gonna live, really live here, and let God lead me. i know He's got these amazing things planned out for me, and i just need the faith to hang in there, obey, and see it all come to pass. :) He'll lead me to an area He wants me serving in again.

the knowledge that He controls everything, brings greater relief and peace to me than anything else.

and on another note, my sister deflated the air mattress i was sleeping on this morning while i was still asleep to wake me up. =.= and we had malaysian food with chris today, SO YUMMY and DELICIOUSLY SPICY i tell you. man i love malaysian food. :) SPICAYY IS <3! i'll show you our dinner today soon. gonna head to bed now, good night world! :)

Jesus loves YOU,
candice :D

the city of melbourne

i went exploring with gene today! haha it's lucky he's getting more familiar with the roads here in the city than i am. oh note to self, take photo of uni for mich. haha. so let me just tell you bout my day, i feel less homesick now, i was dancing on the streets again today (heh), haven't done that since malaysia. :P or at least i could homesick with someone who totally got how i felt. so my day started with..

my sister and i were waiting for gene at the melbourne bath house! :) can't believe he thinks we're clones. tsk tsk.


then we set off on our journey looking for Bourke Street using gene's itouch, my sister's directions and whatever little knowledge he has of the city roads. :P sigh but we super fail i tell you. we took the right tram.... but in the wrong direction. hahah so we ended up at east brunswick, which is the other end of the line, total opposite direction of where we wanted to head to which was..


yea.. so we ended up spending 1 1/2 hours on the tram. sighhh super fail. lol, but we sure got a good value of money for our tram tickets! :)


ah ku gene. :)


so we finally reached the beach after a crazy long trip, but it was so nice it was so worth it!!! :D


and this is my favourite building in the whole world! :)

because uploading pics took/takes so long, i'm gonna stop blogging now! the rest of the pics are on facebook. haha, that was pretty much all we did anyways, and after that we went to gene's apartment, to eat lunch and tea, to carlton gardens and yea.. :P fun stuff. :D

still, i had lotsa fun with gene today! nice to have a familiar face around me. and it's so funny, earlier in the day i was telling my sister, "che, after we run out of things to talk about how?" but turns out even after spending all day together we're still talking nonsense with each other. lol, and true to mich's word, when we ran out of stuff for the moment, the neverending topic of ELENA would arise. and make us all just laugh again. :P sigh, i really needed today! :)

and i really want jojo's spicy herbal chicken pan mee right now. :(

bye! :D
candice

those were the days..

hahah something i remembered, so i rewatched it! ;)





love,
candice! :)

i miss home. :(

today i woke up late, and then rushed to uni for a biomed talk at 9. i woke up at 8.40. HAIJOR. rushed rushed rushed, then turns out, i didn't have to be there. GRR. so i went to do my other errands, like getting print credit, printing documents, submitting them etc. ended up spending so much today to certify documents, get passport photos etc, which just bummed me out further cause i'm... cheapskate la.

i guesss what i wanna say is, i felt really alone today. i miss my friends a lot. here if i do stupid things like dance on the road or laugh really loud, i'd be certified crazy. i miss a lot of things, and it seems a lot of things happened to trigger my missingness. :( paying for my stuff i saw a mid valley movie ticket in my wallet, gosh i miss mid valley so much. i still have malaysian dollars in my wallet, more than my aussie dollars in fact. i have pictures in my room given by elena, which does really make me feel home-ier, but makes me miss the crazy things we did back home. i bit into ginger in my noodles and i even miss my mum's ginger egg rice thingy. though i don't like ginger one bit. it rained as i walked back and i remembered how g8 once walked as this big group in colourful umbrellas back to uni from UGH... AC. i even miss AC! gosh what's happening to me, get a grip on yourself woman!

and i'm gonna grow fat eating my comfort mint m&m's despite my 30min walks to uni. =.= sorry, i know i'm whiny today.

sigh so i'm really looking forward to meeting gene this sat, cause he's all i have left of my malaysian friends here in melb right now (kor hurry up!). then there'll be two. heh. leaving home isn't as stoked as i thought it'd be, maybe after a few months i'll feel differently, but right now, leaving all that's familiar isn't all too pleasant after all. no one's gonna ask me if i wanna go to my favourite park in the world if i have a bad day, or i can't sit in a friend's car to go somewhere, or i can't just walk all over kl like i belong there, or sleepover with my friends, or be stupid. here, though i guess i don't act stupid like i used to, i feel really idiotic cause i don't know when the lights change so i can cross, or how to enter the library, or top up my print money, or that my passport phot isn't accepted etc. frus betul i tell u. i mean at basics too, there isn't anyone within like 3km that i can go meet up with if i wanna whine bout my bad day and just talk nonsense. sigh.

oh look the sun's out! :) and my sister says it shouldn't be a bad day today, cause i got a free ride on the bus to uni since the pay thingy wasn't working and i couldn't walk cause i was late. :P

so as i walked out of uni all bummed and homesick, i felt i should really just sit down at the bus stop, to just STOP you know? took out my pocket new testament, and read psalms 30. it was REAL GOOD STUFF man. it was talking about how great God is, how He thunders over the waters and strips the forests bare, but it ended with what i feel might be the coolest, most important thing God does. "The Lord gives strength to His people, the Lord blesses His people with peace." - Psalms 29:11. OHHHH i just realized the psalm i read was psalm 29 not 30 tho i intended to read 30. heh. cool stuff anyways, glad i read 29. :P

so yea, i guess today could turn out to be a good day after all, though i have nothing to do at all. :P maybe i'll walk to the mall later, just for fun. sucks being alone i tell you, seriously.

finding my ground,
candice

twins?

nooo... triplets. :P

THIS IS SO FUNNY I HAD TO POST IT.

today my sister was in the city and she bumped into gene (my best friend! and he doesn't know how i look. =.=), and his cousin. so his cousin knows my second sister beatrice, and apparently they two started arguing that grace was actually beatrice/candice. LOL. this is just so funny, cause gene was like NO SHE'S CANDICE and his cousin was NO SHE'S BEATRICE and my sister's like NO I'M GRACE. hehehhehehehe. :D

this is something random that made me laugh today. hahah. other than....

Soft kitty, warm kitty
little ball of fur....
happy kitty, sleepy kitty,
purr, purr purr... :D


very alike meh? LOL.

good night world! :)

today..

.. i miss being around people who already know my character, quirks, ugliness, stupitness, colourfulness and still love me for me.

homesick-ing already,
candice

settling in

today.. i did the funniest thing. hahah, i played.... MAHJONG with my homestay family. LOL how i'm learning this game over in australia. :)

and tomorrow... i'm gonna walk to uni! :) 30 mins to school, so i'll be up bit earlier! ;)

that's my update for now world! :P

fresh new beginning

g'day mate! MESSINESS ahead.

man, it's been a crazy day. well mostly in the plane, but i got to do so much thinking. for the past few days, the emotion that always stuck with me was fear. it's so scary to start a whole new life in a whole new world,and to leave everyone that loves me back home. in all honesty, i'm still scared, but the excitement has begun to set in. that's just it you know, i am so so blessed, and it's time to start appreciating that. i have the chance to fall in love with a whole new place again, to meet new people, to build myself up to be the girl i want to be, who God wants me to be, to gain experience and to touch the lives of others. :D

the saddest part of my day was definitely when the plane took off, (with the goodbyes second! but i was such an emotional cripple then somehow..). as the plane took off, i couldn't help it as my eyes filled with tears, while i said goodbye to my home for the past 17 years. and i had like minor panic sessions on the plane ride too, where i felt i couldn't do this, i wanted so badly to go home home, to my room, my parents, my friends, Mid Valley, the park, everywhere. so yea, the excitement and sadness just took turns to hit me throughout the journey here.

but when i reached and got out of the airport, as i stared out onto the roads as we headed for my sister's apartment, i knew that i would soon come to love this place as a second home, never replacing my first, but a home nevertheless. i looked at the streets which names i would one day know, and the shops i would eventually eat or buy stuff from, and i realized my sister was right. that i will come to love this city very much, that i will make friends for life here and that these are the best years to come. i guess one of the things i'm afraid of is coming to love here too much that i cannot leave. i know malaysia would need me more than here would, but yea.. still, i'm learning to live day by day, to be happy, to surrender to God.

another lesson i learnt was while i was walking dao mun to the other entrance of the park on saturday after cg. i had to rescue some lost travelers earlier too, like rachel and janice. hahah, and i realized how i've learnt my way around the Bukit Jalil Park when a year ago, i was as lost as a duck there. and similarly, i'll learn the roads around here, i'll find my footing, and be me again. :)

i had lots to say wan, but dunno why suddenly so writer's block. haha, anyways, it's 4.18am now, so i should go get some rest. i'll see you soon world!


on the plane.. :D
love from the land down under,
candice

absolutely.. TERRIFIED.

but other than that...

thank you to my dear OUG cg-ians! thanks for the crazy unexpected sabo, and for having so much fun together playing captain ball! hahah. :) i <3 OUG! :D


see you on the other side,
dice

looking for joy

i feel... kinda peaceful tonight, from a good day. happy. :) just thought i'd let the world know. :D

this is too cute btw. :P


learning to challenge myself,
candice :)

unwavering belief

Julio Diaz has a daily routine. Every night, the 31-year-old social worker ends his hour-long subway commute to the Bronx one stop early, just so he can eat at his favorite diner.
But one night last month, as Diaz stepped off the No. 6 train and onto a nearly empty platform, his evening took an unexpected turn.
He was walking toward the stairs when a teenage boy approached and pulled out a knife.
“He wants my money, so I just gave him my wallet and told him, ‘Here you go,’” Diaz says.
As the teen began to walk away, Diaz told him, “Hey, wait a minute. You forgot something. If you’re going to be robbing people for the rest of the night, you might as well take my coat to keep you warm.”
The would-be robber looked at his would-be victim, “like what’s going on here?” Diaz says. “He asked me, ‘Why are you doing this?’”
Diaz replied: “If you’re willing to risk your freedom for a few dollars, then I guess you must really need the money. I mean, all I wanted to do was get dinner and if you really want to join me … hey, you’re more than welcome.
“You know, I just felt maybe he really needs help,” Diaz says.
Diaz says he and the teen went into the diner and sat in a booth.
“The manager comes by, the dishwashers come by, the waiters come by to say hi,” Diaz says. “The kid was like, ‘You know everybody here. Do you own this place?’”
“No, I just eat here a lot,” Diaz says he told the teen. “He says, ‘But you’re even nice to the dishwasher.’”
Diaz replied, “Well, haven’t you been taught you should be nice to everybody?”
“Yea, but I didn’t think people actually behaved that way,” the teen said.
Diaz asked him what he wanted out of life. “He just had almost a sad face,” Diaz says.
The teen couldn’t answer Diaz — or he didn’t want to.
When the bill arrived, Diaz told the teen, “Look, I guess you’re going to have to pay for this bill ‘cause you have my money and I can’t pay for this. So if you give me my wallet back, I’ll gladly treat you.”
The teen “didn’t even think about it” and returned the wallet, Diaz says. “I gave him $20 … I figure maybe it’ll help him. I don’t know.”
Diaz says he asked for something in return — the teen’s knife — “and he gave it to me.”
Afterward, when Diaz told his mother what happened, she said, “You’re the type of kid that if someone asked you for the time, you gave them your watch.”
“I figure, you know, if you treat people right, you can only hope that they treat you right. It’s as simple as it gets in this complicated world.”
- via hislovewillconquer.tumblr.com

"What He wants of the layman in church is and attitude which may, indeed, be critical in the sense of rejecting what is false or unhelpful, but which is wholly uncritical in the sense that it does not appraise-does not waste time thinking about what it rejects, but lays itself open in uncommenting, humble receptivity to any other nourishment that is going. ... There is hardly any sermon, or book, which may not be dangerous to us if received in this temper."

"... concerning himself with the Present because there, and there alone, all duty, all grace, all knowledge, and all pleasure dwell.."
- The Screwtape Letters, by C.S Lewis

on another note.. i'm almost done packing. it's really hard to pack my whole life here into just ~40 kg including the space my sister allocated for me in her bag. i've run out of space in my big bag and i don't dare to take the weighing machine up yet! confirm overweight wan. SIGH. it scares me that i'm not filled with warm, good feelings like some of my friends are, or like i was when i started college. i'm not as daring or brave to make new friends again, and a whole new environment terrifies the life out of me. i know that it is likely that in a few months i'll be saying completely different things, especially when i am able to immerse myself into studying once again, instead of just pretty much bumming. i miss my books, and learning and even tests (which i studied for only!), and there is a deep desire within me to make all the people that made this possible, that believes in me, proud. everything still feels surreal for me, but when i think about being there, i'm really afraid of not acheiving what i could have out of everything, of coming back the same, with nothing gained, nothing taught, no one helped, no one inspired. and as i was 'talking' to myself yesterday, i was talking about how i wanted to make a difference there, i know God's sending me away and i want to make him proud, and fulfill His will. but why was it so hard to even see that future now, to believe it? and i answered myself, if you can't even go back to God's word everytime you feel discouraged, or upset or tired or happy, if you find that difficult already, then how can you hope to acheive those dreams, without being strongly rooted in God? that was a total slap in my face answer. but yea, it's been hard to go back to the Bible for me, to wonder what passage to read next, or be patient enough to wait for God to answer. yesterday though, i started again. and i told myself to just try my best, give it my all day by day. In the Screwtape Letters, C.S Lewis wrote, "He would therefore have them continually concerned either with eternity.. or else obeying the present voice of conscience, bearing the present cross, receiving the present grace, giving thanks for the present pleasure."

so is it as simple as that? to stop worrying about the future, to stop playing all possibilities in my head, especially the negative ones and to just.. live, one day at a time?

leaving on a jet plane,
candice :)

adoration

Bones: What does that mean?
Booth: Well it means bones, that you can love a lot of people in this world, but there's only one person that you love the most.
- Bones Season 6

self-discovery

my sister asked me to take this personality test recently, and i found it to be quite accurate. haha, try it, if you can! :)
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/Jtypes2.asp

i am an ENFP, (Extraverted, iNtuition, Feelings, Perceiving). here's the description...

ENFPs are both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of an often bizarre cosmic whole. They want to both help (at least, their own definition of "help") and be liked and admired by other people, on both an individual and a humanitarian level. They are interested in new ideas on principle, but ultimately discard most of them for one reason or another.

Social/Personal Relationships: ENFPs have a great deal of zany charm, which can ingratiate them to the more stodgy types in spite of their unconventionality. They are outgoing, fun, and genuinely like people. As SOs/mates they are warm, affectionate (l ots of PDA), and disconcertingly spontaneous. However, attention span in relationships can be short; ENFPs are easily intrigued and distracted by new friends and acquaintances, forgetting about the older ones for long stretches at a time. Less mature ENFPs may need to feel they are the center of attention all the time, to reassure them that everyone thinks they're a wonderful and fascinating person.

ENFPs often have strong, if unconvential, convictions on various issues related to their Cosmic View. They usually try to use their social skills and contacts to persuade people gently of the rightness of these views; his sometimes results in their neglecting their nearest and dearest while flitting around trying to save the world.

Work Environment: ENFPs are pleasant, easygoing, and usually fun to work with. They come up with great ideas, and are a major asset in brainstorming sessions. Followthrough tends to be a problem, however; they tend to get bored quickly, especially if a newer, more interesting project comes along. They also tend to be procrastinators, both about meeting hard deadlines and about performing any small, uninteresting tasks that they've been assigned. ENFPs are at their most useful when working in a group w ith a J or two to take up the slack.

ENFPs hate bureaucracy, both in principle and in practice; they will always make a point of launching one of their crusades against some aspect of it.

and check this, Dr Seuss is a famous ENFP too! hahahha. :)

off to do more productive things,
candice :)

bucket list

#1 To watch THIS live. :)

for the love of colour

AREN'T THESE THE COOLEST BOOTS EVER??? heheheh. :)


love,
dice :D

more than one kind of family

and i'm reminded.. that service is merely God's love flowing through willing hearts and hands. :)

tradition

today, i'm thankful for the traditions in my life, and for being Chinese. i'm really glad that i can speak Cantonese, though broken a little, and for celebrating Chinese New Year, Mooncake Festival, GohTong etc. Cause all these mean meeting up with relatives we'd hardly see otherwise, and it stresses the importance of family. in the west, it's common for kids to move out of their parents house after a certain age, and for kids to obtain loans to pay for their own tertiary studies and then pay it back in later years. but my family's never been like that, my parents love having us at home, no matter how old we are, and my dad always considers it his duty to support me throughout my education, and expects me to have the same responsibility towards my own future children. he's really cool huh! :)

and i'm reminded of all the other little 'traditions' we follow at home, like how we always wait for our dad to start eating before we do, the whole 'daddy eat, mummy eat' before we eat, eating together (almost always), cny gambling, watching movies together at home.. that's all i can think of now heh. and also, one of my favourites, the way me, my sisters and my cousins would discuss outside a relative's house all the different 'titles/callings' of our aunties and uncles and granduncles etc., making sure we stick together throughout the 'battlefield' and waiting for someone to be the first to call a particular relative. :P

in the car later, we discussed all the different titles people get, like what my sisters kids will call me. i'm gonna be sam yi! or sa ee, which sounds nicer. hahah, so we're gonna be tai yi, yi yi and me, sam yi. :) my daddy's gonna be yeye and my mum popo(right?), and my sister's hubby will be my jefu etc. then i asked my dad why i didn't get a cool name like my granduncle, ji jik kong, it's super nice to say wan! to which he replied.. because you are not a man! lol. but yea.. i'm gonna be 'sam yi' one day, and even 'sam yi po'. :) nice huh! my dad even continued to explain his family tree to me and my sister, from his grandfather's siblings onwards. :P

i love this chinese heritage we observe, of calling older relatives by the right titles. i wonder if i will know all these next time if my kids ask me what my sister's husband's uncle etc. is to them. hahah. but one things for sure, this is definitely something i would like them to learn. :)

after that we came home and watched fiddler on the roof! :) really REALLY old show (1859), but it was pretty sweet here and there. :) i like these quotes..

He loves her. Love, it's a new style... On the other hand, our old ways were once new, weren't they?
-Tevye

On the other hand, did Adam and Eve have a matchmaker?...Well, yes, they did. And it seems these two have the same Matchmaker.*points to the heavens*
-Tevye

(to God) As the Good Book says...(laughs) Why should I be telling you what the good book says?
-Tevye

i love Tevye's relationship with God, how as he walked down the street doing his work, he'd just carry a conversation with God so naturally. that's the kind of relationship i aspire to have with God. :) to really see Him as a full-time best friend. :)
and my possibly favourite scene was when Chava said goodbye and he pretended he didn't care, but whispered "may God be with you" as she walked away. so SWEET! :)

that's all for now i think,
good night! love loads,
candice :)

surrender

"He restores my soul."
- Psalms 23:3

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."
- Psalms 23:4

"I would have lost heart,
unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!"
- Psalms 27:13-14

"The Lord will give strength to His people;
The Lord will bless His people with peace."
- Psalms 29:11

"For His anger is for but a moment,
His favor is for life;
Weeping may endure for the night,
But joy comes in the morning."
- Psalms 30:5

rubberbands, superglue and football

to mich, eel and gene, thank you. :)