vulnerable

a friend referred to me as vulnerable a few days ago, in a good sense (i think). and i really gave it some thought and wondered what does it mean to really be vulnerable? does it mean i jump into things without thinking? or let whoever hurt me? or is it really just.. standing up again when i know, one day i'll fall again?

thinking about this led me to a few personal relations with who i am now. right now at least, i think, being vulnerable is letting people in. admitting that there are people i need in my life who do not need me as much, people who need me that i am meant to serve, and people that don't want to be relied on right now. and at the end of the day, after realizing how awful or how amazing people can be, to love them all the same. to accept the past, then let it go. to feel the pain, then dare to feel again. to do the things i thought i didn't have the guts to do, and wait with hope. to have experience in my back pocket, and be brave enough to share it with others that they too may learn from my mistakes or be encouraged by it.

maybe to be vulnerable is also to let go of the reins and let God lead. to come back to Him again and again, saying i'm sorry, God please let me try again. the courage to try to be obedient once more, when i know somewhere along the line i will falter again, i will disappoint Him again, and i will be disappointed by myself yet once more. maybe it is to keep serving knowing i am broken, and keep praying when i feel all hope is lost.

this song came into my mind today as i was brushing my teeth. and i need this, oh how i need this.



Come Away by Jesus Culture

Come away with me, Come away with me
It's never too late, it's not too late
It's not too late for you

I have a plan for you
I have a plan for you
It's gonna be wild
It's gonna be great
It's gonna be full of me

Open up your heart and let me in

and at the end of every day, i just have to remember that God loves me and He does it without holding any emotion, or any passion back. and it is a blessing to know and believe that, and for it, i know i am safe in the arms of my Father. come hell or high water, He is with me and i will never be alone.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
- Romans 8:38-39

love,
candice :)