maybe

maybe i need more alone time, like the time i spent on the train and walking to school, or on the bus back. time to just breathe again, away from always being surrounded from people again, maybe i'm not used to the sudden change. today's train ride back to sri petaling felt nice, getting to stare outside at the moving scenery and people living their lives again. who knew THAT of all things would be one of the nice things about aus? maybe.

maybe i need like a super detox, relax holiday, to just have fun and be really crazy, like genting. maybe it really takes standing and dancing in public to weird rap songs and running on cool, deserted roads with other crazy people in the middle of the night. well i'm getting that next week, with even more people, for a longer time! :) maybe.

maybe i need a one on one talk with anybody, just to hear a voice replying to my whines, and know i don't have to rush the conversation but instead just take my time and let everything out. to have someone to hear all my crap patiently, and then be able to serve that person likewise. which i'm gonna get this saturday with sarah-ann, so i sure am looking forward to that! maybe.

maybe i need to just get over myself and all the weird emotions going on. to always be rational, keep doing what's right, always pick to be happy instead of grumpy, ALWAYS find the present joy in the present moment, even, especially if it's knowing people i love are happy. maybe it's fighting negativity 24/7, and eventually finding that that in itself will become a habit. maybe.

maybe i gotta let everything out. go jogging till i've used all the breath i have, scream, cry, laugh, or maybe just tell people what i really think when i think i should, while being careful and not just shouting like some crazy demented lady at people la. i wonder if i need to vent, and release, and just not hold so much in all the time anymore. maybe.

or maybe.. i just need God. i miss Him a lot, and i know, i KNOW that just spending some time with Him will make me feel so much better. He says, come to Me and I will give you rest, and i believe it cause it's in my Bible, and very much from past experience. but somehow, i just can't pull myself away from all the other temptations in my day-to-day to give Him even that, which makes me so, SO frustrated at myself.. sigh. God please help me. yea.. i think this is the one.