the only thing constant in life is change

I've been writing a lot of drafts lately, but these particular thoughts have stuck with me so much that I realized I just had to type it out.

I remember writing about how Melbourne was beginning to feel like home already. But coming back now, I'm starting to remember EVERYTHING I loved, LOVE, about this place. I'm starting to remember the funny memories and touching moments that I thought I would never forget. I'm starting to remember the different food places I used to love and the feeling of serving other people in ways I only can here. And I'm starting to realize how much I deeply miss it all.

It's strange, this walk down memory lane I've been taking. I've been reminiscing a lot lately, for no particular reason. Today I remembered the bee incident some of us went through in 2010 - read the full scoop here - [http://sweetsandpassionfruits.blogspot.com/2010/04/of-trauma-and-pai-seh.html]! :P Today I found the water bottle I sweet-talked my way into getting from the Revive roadshow in college, the one Genie climbed into the longkang to help me retrieve. I walked past the drinks section as I shopped with Pops for Chinese New Year drinks and passed the Justea packets, wondering at what point I forgot that it was the drink I always ordered in coffee shops. Even now, as I am eating some jambu air(s), I am so surprised that I forgot it was my favourite fruit at one point of my life. And I know this may seem like small things, I gotta admit, I do feel like I have been somewhat like a drama queen lately, but still, these small things add up to be of great importance to me. Moreover these are just SOME of the things I've begun to remember.

Sometimes it seems like it'd be better to just forget. To let go of the things that made me happy once, so that I wouldn't miss them when I'm gone. It would definitely easier to move on, to just forget the memories, stories from my past that made me smile, laugh, cry... Maybe what I should do is to just live in the moment, feel whatever it is I currently feel and nothing more. I know I'm being very complex and messy, but please, just bear with me.

But then I thought, at the end of my life, what will I have if not just stories anyways? When I'm 80 and gray, those stories may be the only things I can pass on to my grandchildren. Stories of life, love, loss, passion and dreams. I guess what I'm attempting to convey is that I don't want to be afraid to remember, I refuse to look back and be sad that I'm not still there. I will keep moving forward and looking forward, but when the moments come where I steal a backward glance, I will choose to be joyful for the moments I did have, the time in which God gave me to share in the lives of others.

Help me to ALWAYS, ALWAYS remember what an honour it is to have good memories Lord, and what a blessing it is to have been somebody in other people's lives sometime ago, that every soul I got to spend even a moment with is .. nothing short of Your grace upon my life. Teach me Lord to say my goodbyes with peace, to be unafraid to make new memories although they eventually all just.. become stories. Mold me Lord, even if it hurts, and give me the courage Daddy I pray, to still praise You in my storms, when my days aren't filled with joy. I need You now so much Daddy, and as much as it scares me to say this, I will trust You, come hell or high water.

A sigh of relief. It feels good getting this of my chest. Thank You. :)