extremely blessed

God is so good. There's been a lot of things He's been working on in my life, moulding me and teaching me. It's been a tough journey, probably gonna get enough tougher as I rise up to fight this, but even in this season of my life, I'm learning to count my blessings.

Today, I took the train back to Clayton after visiting Chelsea with Luth, Sylvia and Michelle. I was blur, and totally got lost in the city. And it's not even like my first or second time in the city, I've been here all year, yet somehow I managed to still get lost. Bravoo.

Still, it was a nice night, not too hot or too cold. I just walked slowly to the train station (found it like 20 minutes later), and looking back now, I might have been in a different train if I didn't get lost. How God works in amazing ways indeed. :)

So as I waited in the train station, I looked around and saw so many different kinds of peoples, the two girls I sat in between had their earphones on, and I was thinking of taking mine out too, as listening to music is my normal train-pastime. But something in me, God probably, stopped me and said No, don't listen to your music today. Just sit and observe people, and I wanna show you how much I love them all. So I'm like.. Okay, God, this could be interesting. :) And so I sat there and just watched people move, and felt God say I love that person. And that person. And that one too. Hahahha, it may sound crazy now, but it gets erm... even better. :) Hahaha.

I eventually got on the train and sat in a double seat that faced another double seat, and just looked at people some more. And after a while, I just imagined God in the seat opposite me, and I wondered what I would tell Him if He was really there. So I just started talking to Him (in an empty seat opposite me) in my head. The train had stopped in Flinders for quite a while, so I had plenty of time with Him. :) Our conversation went like this.

Okay God, tell me something amazing. :)
I love you.
Wait, I think that was my voice. C'mon God, tell me something amazing, I'm listening, and pressing in, not gonna let You go till You tell me something amazing! :)
You make My heart beat fast. When I see you loving and worshipping me, it makes my heart beat fast. And I am so excited for you to see you moving towards the future I have for you and where I want you to be now. And so so proud of you.
AWWW. :') (I know to those who haven't talked to God like this before, I sound INSANE, but that time I KNEW it was Him cause of how all the words came flooding in at once into my mind subconsciously, such a PRECIOUS PRECIOUS moment, and words I needed to hear too.)

Then I started talking to Him about all the healings I'm waiting for to happen in the lives of those around me, and He promised me that they were gonna come to pass.

God, is this just my voice? Am I really just some insane person talking to myself on a train?
Well, what is the voice telling you? Is it growing and drawing you closer to Me or is it pulling you away from Me?
Well.. growing, but what if I'm overestimating Your love for me?
You can NEVER overestimate My love for you.

OMG, such a heart melting moment la. As I scribbled that down into my journal because I didn't want to forget it, two girls sat opposite me. I was a bit bummed, cause someone sat in my God seat (yes I realise how crazy this sounds hahahaha :P) but anyways, the girl sitting there had a Malaysian flag with her. Knowing that Fiesta Malaysia was this weekend, I just struck up a conversation and asked her about it. Turns out, her name is Shueh-Yi and her friend Sandra, and they were both from OCF in Monash. And we had like a couple of mutual friends too, SUCH A SMALL WORLD I tell you. And it was really good, I felt SO BLESSED, cause I love meeting strangers, and Shueh-Yi even offered me a lift home from Huntingdale station, convincing her friend I wasn't dodgy because I knew Jon (mutual friend). AHAHHAHA. By the end of the train ride we had talked about all sorts of things, life, exams, God, church, friends, encouraged one another a bit even. And I barely even noticed when we reached Huntingdale, cause I was just so caught up in our conversation.

I met Grace afterwards, her friend who was picking her up from the train station. And she was like, how do you know each other again? And we're like, OH, we just met on the train, didn't know each other before this! And Grace was like... so random wan. Hhahaha, but they were both really lovely people, and so kind to give me a lift home too, sparing me a lot of waiting and walking.

:) I just love it when God gives me such good things like this, little things, to perhaps make my heart beat fast too. :) And to think, I probably wouldn't have talked to them if I had my earphones on. I'm feeling really good now, pumped up to get work done and all. I was a bit bummed to skip tonight's movie with the urban life also, cause I have to finish my assignment, but seeing how it turned out in the end, good talk with God and meeting three new friends, I am feeling.. extremely blessed. :)

Loveee,
Dice

good stuff

via Ninny Ching

“What do you think the Devil is going to look like if he’s around? Nobody is going to be taken in if he has a long, red, pointy tail. No. I’m semi-serious here. He will look attractive and he will be nice and helpful and he will get a job where he influences a great God-fearing nation and he will never do an evil thing… he will just bit by little bit lower standards where they are important.”
- Broadcast News (1987)

No point being glad that the devil is attacking me if I'm letting him win this.

Blessings,
Dice

realising

Realising..

I have much to learn. MUCH more to experience to understand the world better. MUCH MUCH more I need God to teach me.

I've been fighting for so long to try and prove to others what I do know. Realising now, that I'd rather seek to learn what I don't than boast about what I do.

God's been teaching me a lot of new things lately. All glory to Him. :)

Blessed to be a blessing,
Dice :)

maybe sanctuaries aren't to be found

Maybe they are to be created.

Amongst Ninny waking me up from the mattress on the floor this morning, to boring pointless lectures, to shopping for Sparky my cactus, to studying for 5.5 hours with Pearly, Ninny and Ron, to late night baking/cooking for urbs tomorrow, I'm starting to feel at peace again. Starting to see the shape of my world once more, and it's not bad. And regardless of what happened in the past, regardless of where I'm not right now, or who isn't with me, it doesn't change the fact that I had a pretty good day today. :) Thank You Jesus. :)

Blessings and love,
Dice

hope

“Christ brought us together through his death on the cross. The Cross got us to embrace, and that was the end of hostility. Eph 2:14-16 MSG”

Fans rooting for the competition? Cheerleaders switching loyalties? What is this?

Kris Hogan skippers a successful Christian high school football program. He has 70 players, 11 coaches, and parents who wouldn’t miss a game! Their upcoming opponent, Gainesville State School was just the opposite. Parents don’t watch them play, but 12 uniformed officers do! Gainesville is a maximum security correctional facility. With no hope of winning, they’d only scored two touchdowns all year.

The whole situation didn’t seem fair. So Coach Hogan asked the fans to step across the field for one night, to cheer for the other side. More than 200 volunteered, including parents and cheerleaders! They formed a spirit line; painted a banner for the team to burst through; and learned the players’ names. A Gainesville team member said, “People are usually a little afraid of us. Most of the time they’re looking at us like we’re criminals. But these people, they were yellin’ for us—- by our names!” After the game, another Gainesville player led a prayer & thanked the Lord for showing them there were people in the world who cared about them.

Christ brings us together through his death on the cross. He creates a new people, not based on a common skin color or family, but based on a common Savior!
- Max Lucado Daily Devotions

Loved this! Loved that it reminded me of how good can triumph over evil. How goodness and kindness and forgiveness ALWAYS triumphs. :)

Much love from me to you! :)

To the thief who stole my laptop

As you climbed out of my room I wonder if you saw the wall hanging that said "Lord nothing is going to happen today that You and I cannot handle together". I wonder if you saw that I was afraid of cockroaches. I wonder if you would have still taken it if you knew how much I'd been going through lately, if you knew me.

But for taking my laptop, I can forgive you for that. It's not too hard to let go of a material item, especially for me when I don't have assignments or anything too important still in there. Maybe you were desperate, maybe you had mouths to feed or bills to pay. But maybe, you were just looking for an easy way out to get a little more cash. Either way, I hope this ends with me and Ann Ee, enough is enough, stop living your life like this. You were created by God for so much better, 'fearfully and wonderfully made', why are you wasting your life like this? I know that life gets hard, I really do, maybe I've never known it like you, but I know what it's like to want to give up and take the easy way out. But you gotta fight, and make your life a beautiful thing too. Don't settle for this. Stop now, it's not too late to turn your life around.

What I am still trying to forgive you for is for instilling that fear in me, the feeling that I'll never be safe in my own home again. I am so angry and upset at you for that. Right now, I still cannot forgive you for trespassing on our house, walking past the things we've put up to make it a safe and happy house, and now you have just made us all afraid and unsafe. I cannot forgive you for stepping on my bed in efforts to get out, because now my bed will no longer be a place of rest for me. I cannot forgive you for making me cry myself to sleep because I am already so exhausted, SO SO tired, and I had to come back after a long day to find out what you did to not just me and Ann Ee, but the whole house. Here's where I know God will have to do some serious work in me, cause I am just worn out. Losing my faith in people.

But just as you have a battle to fight, I'm gonna fight mine. I'm not going to lose my faith in people, I will keep believing in the good of the world and that that good can overcome all evil. I will keep praying for you, that you eventually find peace and manage to find God. I will keep being strong, even when everything pushes me down, and I will rise again. I will NOT let you crush my spirits. I will trust in God fully that I may live life unafraid. And if I can do it, you can do it too.

Sincerely,
Candice

And to You Daddy, I know I was so upset at you yesterday for letting me go through this in this period of time. But I know that I have much to be thankful for. Thank You for protecting the girls, and for giving us Ronaldo to provide strength and support yesterday night. I thank You that what was lost was merely material, and that by Your grace, all of us can heal. I thank You for Your peace that I'm starting to feel overtake my soul as I type this now. I thank You that they didn't take more, important documents etc. And I pray for him/them, convict their hearts O Lord I pray, and help them to see the truth and life that You offer. Give them the same peace You gave me and I pray that they know, that life does not have to be like this. Help me be strong too Lord, as I will have to go back today, somehow fix the blinds, change my bedsheet and sleep in that room. Like Che prayed Lord, I declare NO FEAR over me and the other girls. Thank You for all the support You've given me over this time.

Today is a new day. I will go to church, I will still praise my God and I will not let the pain of yesterday rob me of the joys of today.

Blessings and protection,
Candice

even more life stuff

Sitting in class today, I felt quite grumpy. Cause a girl in my class was just MEGA grumpy, and didn't smile when I talked to her and all. But then I remembered, that I bought a super sweet-smelling mango on campus today for only 3 bucks, and like 4 boxes of blueberries and a box of tomatoes. I shouldn't be grumpy! Life is good! and sweet, and smells good too. :)

Here's a reminder to count our blessings in every day, and to let our hearts be filled with joy and contentment.

Another thing, my tutor was telling us today about why he left India after working there for a few years. Back in 2007 or 2008, there was a terrorist attack one night in Bombay that sent hundreds of people to the emergency department where he was working. He told us, that they literally had to walk in blood in the hospital that night. Over 300 to 400 dead bodies were just piled up on each other due to the lack of space and it was absolutely horrific. He then felt psychologically affected and decided to continue studying in Melbourne instead.

Something about that story just really moved me. I can't explain it, the kind of horror that medical professionals have to go through and all that.. Just.. wow. :/

The Community Based Placement of my choice is Glenallen school, which is a school for disabled children. I REALLY hope that they let me go there, cause we had to put seven options in. Today at the briefing though, they warned us that over our time in Glenallen (if we get selected for there), we will be dealing with some very sick children, some of whom may even pass away over the fourteen weeks we are there, and that we might go for their funerals too. I can't imagine what that would be like! If that happens, though I really hope not, it will probably be one of my first few memorable experiences of death, cause the other people that passed away in my life went when I was really young, or not too close to, so I've never experienced it like that before. I'm scared, but despite that, Glenallen is my top pick, for the opportunity of reaching out to kids at their level, meeting them halfway and giving them the best quality of life the school can offer. Results will be out Wednesday, fingers crossed!

For people who know me REALLY well, though thinking now, I'm not sure even how many people this is.. I'm quite a crybaby. Crying is something that soothes my soul, leaves me squeezed dry and drained, but with the burdens lifted afterwards. When I'm upset, I usually wait till Praise and Worship starts at church, where I'd begin to cry my heart out. I've always felt like church was a safe place for me to cry in. People think that God's just touched me, which in some way is true, so they don't ask too many questions, they just offer me a hug and tissues. I like to think that the Holy Spirit helps me to cry out the worries and problems I have in my heart. I remember the time in camp during the missions workshop, as we wrote our letters to God, that I started to just full on cry, just cause my heart was so full thinking about missions and stuff, and Edwin was beside me, probably scared and worried, but he was such a great comfort la. And it wasn't weird, even though it wasn't even prime altar call moment. I remember my last birthday where I got to cry it all out at discipleship, and just feel that wave of freedom and peace come afterwards.. Amazing. So yea, in case you didn't know, but always read my blog, that's a little piece of what makes me me, even if not many people know it. :)

That's all, ahhh such a gorgeous day.

Love,
Dice

just life stuff

"Be confident, cause confidence is sexy."
- Anonymous

I like that quote.. somehow. :)

I was attempting to study in the library today, but my head was just SO FULL of thoughts that I had to just stop, come home, release and then try again. So here I am, sharing my thoughts. Messy as per usual, but this I can guarantee at least, it's honest. :)

I had a good long talk with one of my housemates yesterday night, after a good long talk with three of them. And as we just prayed for each other in the end, she said "Even though she's younger than the rest of us, help us to remember that we can still learn things from her..". I was very moved by that, but admittedly, still cringe a bit at the Y word. I am younger than most of my friends, because I started school early, or did just a one year pre-university course, or just because they're in higher year levels than me. And very often, I feel the need to work extra hard to prove myself, to fight the limitations that being 'just 18' has put on me.

I've been learning to take 'young' as descriptive, not derogatory, as James once used to describe 'fat'. While a big part of me still feels uneasy when my youth is a big elephant in the room in any of my relationships with people, I am increasingly learning to know who I am, who God sees, and let the rest just slide. I am learning to not let my youth define me, to me. And to just live right now where I am, to the best that I can. To live wholesomely, to love extravagantly, to work hard to be who God wants me to be, to study hard, to be a good daughter, sister, friend.. To have no regrets. To ask when I don't know. To let go and forget things that hurt me, and to be joyful even in challenges. That will be the theme of my 2012.

1 Timothy 4:12
- "Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity."

Growing up.. isn't as easy as I thought. I have watched myself grow over the past few years, watched myself closer than anyone else did I suppose, well obviously, cause I'm me.. but yea. I saw the subtle changes, the work of God in my life that seemed to move so slowly and steadily, that if I did not keep looking back, and looking back far, I would have missed the unfolding of His masterpiece. And to be honest, I do feel proud of myself as I look back. To remember the challenges I have been through, the defining moments of my life, the ups and downs that all came together to create who I am today. I feel proud, that I've come so far on this journey with God, but increasingly humble and amazed at how much further I have left to go. The more I have experienced, the more I realize that I have even more to learn, grow and experience.

It's March already. :)

Today I ate lunch alone, cause my friends were busy and had errands to run. I used to feel so bad for friends or just people that ate alone. Today I realized, I was one of them. Hahaha. It was an interesting experience, I mean I suppose I have eaten alone before in the past, but somehow this time, I was very aware of it. Even as I walked home alone today, I felt like sometimes, having all the noise and people removed from a few moments every now and then, it can be a blessing. There's something challenging about being alone, I feel like it forces me to reflect on who I am, outside my crazy world, outside performing for others, outside expectations and opinions. Am I confident enough to still be me when I'm alone? How do I really see myself?

Ahh, the sea of thoughts that rage in my mind. But like always, I'll be just fine. :) I feel inspired today to never judge people by their age, especially as I get older here and new, younger people will be coming into our urban life soon. I feel inspired to just never judge already, but that I'm still working on. It's cool though, being a work of God in the making. I'm excited. Slowly, but surely. :)

Patience. That's all I need. :)

Lovee,
Dice