As you climbed out of my room I wonder if you saw the wall hanging that said "Lord nothing is going to happen today that You and I cannot handle together". I wonder if you saw that I was afraid of cockroaches. I wonder if you would have still taken it if you knew how much I'd been going through lately, if you knew me.
But for taking my laptop, I can forgive you for that. It's not too hard to let go of a material item, especially for me when I don't have assignments or anything too important still in there. Maybe you were desperate, maybe you had mouths to feed or bills to pay. But maybe, you were just looking for an easy way out to get a little more cash. Either way, I hope this ends with me and Ann Ee, enough is enough, stop living your life like this. You were created by God for so much better, 'fearfully and wonderfully made', why are you wasting your life like this? I know that life gets hard, I really do, maybe I've never known it like you, but I know what it's like to want to give up and take the easy way out. But you gotta fight, and make your life a beautiful thing too. Don't settle for this. Stop now, it's not too late to turn your life around.
What I am still trying to forgive you for is for instilling that fear in me, the feeling that I'll never be safe in my own home again. I am so angry and upset at you for that. Right now, I still cannot forgive you for trespassing on our house, walking past the things we've put up to make it a safe and happy house, and now you have just made us all afraid and unsafe. I cannot forgive you for stepping on my bed in efforts to get out, because now my bed will no longer be a place of rest for me. I cannot forgive you for making me cry myself to sleep because I am already so exhausted, SO SO tired, and I had to come back after a long day to find out what you did to not just me and Ann Ee, but the whole house. Here's where I know God will have to do some serious work in me, cause I am just worn out. Losing my faith in people.
But just as you have a battle to fight, I'm gonna fight mine. I'm not going to lose my faith in people, I will keep believing in the good of the world and that that good can overcome all evil. I will keep praying for you, that you eventually find peace and manage to find God. I will keep being strong, even when everything pushes me down, and I will rise again. I will NOT let you crush my spirits. I will trust in God fully that I may live life unafraid. And if I can do it, you can do it too.
Sincerely,
Candice
And to You Daddy, I know I was so upset at you yesterday for letting me go through this in this period of time. But I know that I have much to be thankful for. Thank You for protecting the girls, and for giving us Ronaldo to provide strength and support yesterday night. I thank You that what was lost was merely material, and that by Your grace, all of us can heal. I thank You for Your peace that I'm starting to feel overtake my soul as I type this now. I thank You that they didn't take more, important documents etc. And I pray for him/them, convict their hearts O Lord I pray, and help them to see the truth and life that You offer. Give them the same peace You gave me and I pray that they know, that life does not have to be like this. Help me be strong too Lord, as I will have to go back today, somehow fix the blinds, change my bedsheet and sleep in that room. Like Che prayed Lord, I declare NO FEAR over me and the other girls. Thank You for all the support You've given me over this time.
Today is a new day. I will go to church, I will still praise my God and I will not let the pain of yesterday rob me of the joys of today.
Blessings and protection,
Candice
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