Happy Birthday Papa

Before the clock strikes midnight back home, I just wanted to wish a very happy birthday to my precious papa who always let me hold his hand and taught me so much in life by living out an example for me. Thank you for all the sacrifices you've made for me and Grace Che and Bea Che, and for showing me what it means to put 100% in everything, as well as the value of pure hard work.

I am so blessed to call you my daddy. 

Love you so much daddy, and happy birthday once again! :)

Of Promises

Yesterday, as I was washing up my dishes, I suddenly looked up and saw a huge rainbow in the distance.

I immediately broke out into a smile, because it didn't even rain yesterday, and it felt like God was just showing off to me because He can. He gave me such a simple, thoughtful gift for no reason.

""It shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud; and I will remember My covenant which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh. The rainbow shall be in the cloud, and I will look on it to remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.""
- Genesis 9:14-16

"Now it happened, on a certain day, that He got into a boat with His disciples. And He said to them, "Let us go over to the other side of the lake." And they launched out. But as they sailed, He fell asleep. And a windstorm came down on the lake and they were filling with water, and were in jeopardy. And they came to Him and awoke Him, saying, "Master, Master, we are perishing!" Then He arose and rebuked the wind and the raging of the water. And they ceased, and there was a calm. But He said to them, "Where is your faith?" And they were afraid, and marvelled, saying to one another, "Who can this be? For He commands even the winds and water, and they obey Him."
- Luke 8:22-25

...

Some days are raging water days.

And on those days, you may feel angry, anxious and exhausted. You may feel the need to get up and fight in self-defense.

With God, I always feel like He lets me take it out on Him until all that fight is gone, and all that's left is His peace. After all, in that boat, He was right there. In my life, my rainbow, my very promise.. is right there as well.

Once more, I find my peace again. I find Him, right next to me, never having left my side at all.

Some days are raging water days.

But those days are the days that we get to see Him calm the storm and be reminded of who really is in control. Those days are days for rainbows, miracles, trust, resilience and pure faith. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

...

"My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast. I will sing and give praise."
- Psalm 57:7

"The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still."
- Exodus 14:14

Still standing,
Dice

The Calm Before The Storm

At the very least, I'm grateful to have had that.

God is good, all the time. :)

And Once More I'm Thankful

These past two weeks.. I've been getting small pockets of encouragement from various people who read my previous blog post. I just wanted to say.. that I am so thankful for all of you, for the hugs in passing and the whispers of strength. :)

So blessed,
Dice

The Next Lesson

Be as stubborn as you must to silent the voices that give you permission for living a mediocre life. 

Instead, choose joy, choose to hold your tongue, choose letting go, choose faith, choose optimism, choose to stand up and fight once more. Choose never to succumb to the ways of the world, but instead set a new standard for living that will challenge and inspire others.

This is my next lesson to learn.

Without Regrets

My biggest dream is to be asked this question when I'm 90, and be able to smile with joy and say..
"Absolutely nothing".

Blessed,
Dice

Some Days

Some days, you just need some inspiration.

And then I randomly came across this picture, which just completely stole my heart away. 

I am inspired once more. :)

I pray you are too. 

Because when you look closely around your life, you will discover that inspiration is everywhere.

Love,

Dice

See You Soon Love

And the last thing she said to me before she entered the car was, "Don't forget to eat your medicine okay?"

One of the many reasons why I love this girl. Just because.

I'll see you soon love. :)

Unending Grace

It's been a very sleep deprived week for me, and by Friday, I was not coping well anymore. I was falling asleep in surgery (while retracting a man's abdomen), in class, on the way to Coburg and to be honest, I was feeling very grumpy from the sum of early mornings and late evenings. I hated feeling grumpy too, which made me feel even worse.

I needed rest. I needed a solution.

And then today.. Popsy was discussing her placement for the next two weeks at Franga with me, and spontaneously offered to drive there half an hour early so that I don't have to sit public transport for a bit. It came as a surprise to me, but oh the joy I felt in that moment.... I was so thankful.

Despite it being such a tiring week, I have experienced so much of God's goodness this week, and what happened today showed me that He's not done blessing me yet. I truly stand in awe of my Heavenly Father who cares so much as to provide for my every need (transport being something I believed for earlier this year and am so amazed to see come to pass).

I am so very blessed, and it seems the more I count my blessings, the more things I find to thank Him for. :)

Love,
Dice

Unprecedented Favour

Since the leadership conference last weekend, I truly feel like God has been pouring out favour on me on a whole new level.

Bill Johnson shared then about this time he stopped to look at a fisherman's flask on a magazine for a few seconds and decided that he didn't need it though he liked it. A few weeks later, someone unknowingly got him that as a gift. At that point, all he could think was, "Seriously God?? This was at the bottom of my wants list, yet You care about it?"

Hahaha, it was a nice story.. but God's cheekiness was something I would experience for myself the following week.

Come Tuesday morning, I rushed onto the train and suddenly thought of drinking black coffee. I usually drink my coffee with milk and that occasionally makes me feel bloated, so I was just wondering what black coffee would be like. I soon forgot that thought. Then, later that day, I went for a multidisciplinary oncology team meeting at the hospital and one of the residents encouraged me to grab some coffee and free food for all participants in the corner. I happily went to indulge and took one of the many cups in the box. I took a sip through the hole in the lid, and guess what.. it was black coffee.

And then I had a tutorial that evening that would run till about 5.30pm, which meant that the earliest I could reach home by public transport was 7pm. Before I went for my tutorial, I arranged with a friend to take me back to her place so I could take one straight train home instead of my usual bus, train, bus and bus. That would probably take longer than the usual 1 1/2 hours, but it felt safer since it gets dark so early outside nowadays. Then, Ying called me to ask if she and the girls can come visit me as after they went to Dandy, they took a joyride to Cranbourne and realized Frankston was nearby. I got dinner with some of my favourite girls and a ride all the way home that night. :)

And then come Wednesday, my bottom left back gum had been hurting for a while and I decided it may be a wisdom tooth coming out. I considered buying some mouth wash as I heard that that would help, but I did not have the time at all to do so. Also, I had been wanting to eat pancakes but we had no eggs in the house, so I had to do without. That night, Dys moved into our house temporarily with all the stuff she was gonna bring back to Indo for good, and things she wanted to give away. Would you have known it... she pulled out a bottle of mouthwash and half a bottle of pancake mix and asked us if we would mind taking it off her hands for her. This is not the first time I have thought briefly about something that week and received it, so I am going.. "seriously God??? Hahhha, what is this??? Thanks !"

And then I needed to reschedule a blood test for this week but my days are all 7am to 5pm, which meant I had no time to get in done during working hours near where I live. Most likely, I would have to get it done on early Saturday morning then, before my other plans. On Thursday, as I was prepared to go for lunch before my 3pm class, the lecturer comes running into the room at 1pm saying that we have to finish the class quick as she has to go home and look after her kids. I finished class at 3pm on Thursday and managed to get my bloods done this week.

And to top it all of, tonight PlanetUNI is having Christmas in July in Coburg, which I estmiated would take me 2 hours to get to by public transport from here. And yea, you guessed right, God came through AGAIN. Aaron came by our house yesterday to drop off garlic bread for tonight and stayed for a cup of coffee, and soon we were all discussing transport for tonight... and as his office is just nearby, he offered to give me a lift. :)

Something shifted for my spiritual life last week, I really feel it. And this unprecedented favour that is upon me now.. it leaves me in awe and so, so speechless. Sure, I have had some really sucky things happen to me this week as well, but the good in my life far outweighs the bad.. everytime. I am so very blessed indeed. :)

Love,
Candice

Can't Believe I Forgot To Mention This

At tonight's service.. God was moving so incredibly powerfully. 

I was moved to my knees and cried out the only prayer I had left to pray.. "Daddy. Daddy. Daddy" I couldn't say anything else, I could only call after Him and ask Him to fill and restore me. At that moment, the congregation fell quiet and shortly after, this extremely beautiful and out of this world harmony began in that place. It was amazing, and after hearing Fly by Jason Upton, I knew what it was. The cynics here will continue on in disbelief, but I know what I heard out loud and felt in my spirit. From the moment it appeared my face began to burn. It was the sound of angels singing their praises unto God. Just.. WOW. I can't believe I forgot about something so amazing because so much else happened tonight, until my sister told me some of her friends heard it too. WOW. I.. have no words left to describe what happened in that place tonight. It is truly an experience like no other.

Also, SO MANY people were healed tonight. It is such a joy to have been part of the congregation at all, praying and believing for deaf ears to be opened, metal parts to disappear, organs to be replaced and basically all sickness to be gone. How amazing it is that God would entrust us with His Holy Spirit and give us the authority to pray for the sick and watch miracles happen, just as Jesus did. I will never forget the face of this man John today as he moved his shoulder after we prayed for him. He was just exclaiming in amazement, "Fantastic, this is SO much better!"after carrying pain in there for the past two to three months.

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
Because the Lord has annointed me
To preach the gospel to the poor,
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To preach deliverance to the captives,
And recovery of sight to the blind,
To set at liberty those who are oppressed,
To preach the acceptable year of the Lord."
- Luke 4:18-19

"Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you."
- Luke 10:19

"Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's."
- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

AHHH, SO SO BLESSED. :)

Love,
Dice

Little Happy Things

A lot more people have adopted the habit of calling me dice, something that used to be reserved only for my family and piano teacher. It makes me smile.. every time. :)

Today, I asked God if I should go for Pastor Bill Johnson's 4.00pm service. After much silence, a still small voice said, "If you go, you won't regret it."

I didn't regret it. Not a single bit.
And I made that decision after just ten minutes inside and seeing the place bursting with people and prayer.

God is so good, isn't He? :)

Love,
Dice

And All Who Touched Him Were Healed

I've been debating with myself for a while now whether sharing this story online was something I wanted to do, or rather.. dared to do. But then, all of today, I kept hearing these words over and over from God.. "Tell your stories, cause they speak not of you, but of Me." So.. I choose to obey.

After all, this isn't really my story. This is His story that simply happened through me. Here goes.

...

About 2 months ago now, I was preliminarily diagnosed with a rare blood disorder called Essential Thrombocythemia. 

Statistically, I am 1/30,000 - 50,000. And not only that, as a rare enough disease, it usually presents in people above 60.

Up to that point, I had been experiencing various nonspecific symptoms including a consistent and unusually high blood pressure. So after a couple of other tests and examinations, I was scheduled for a blood test.

Two days later, on a Monday morning, I received a call from my GP insisting that I had to see him that very day regarding strange results with my blood.

On my journey back from Frankston, I wondered what could be so serious. I had vague suspicions of the worst case scenario but that hour was dedicated to wondering and praying, praying that whatever it is, I will have the strength to endure and that He will be lifted high.

A few moments after meeting him, terms like chronic leukemia and essential thrombocythemia were mentioned with much sympathy. I discovered that my platelet count was four times what it should be, and in the absence of a better explanation such as inflammation or infection, I had either one of the two conditions.

I was scheduled for a bone marrow biopsy the next Monday.
I've only ever seen bone marrow biopsies done in movies, although I have briefly learnt about them. I knew they insert a big needle into your bone, but that was about all I knew.

At this point, my family decided to send my mum over without a return air ticket to care for me for as long as necessary. My mother, who has never left the country alone before. I am so very grateful she came after all, cause she (and my sister) helped me walk slowly after the procedure, cooked for me, helped me clean the house and just.. offered family support. Paps and Ta Jie were incredibly supportive too, and I really do owe so much to them four. Thanks guys. :)

Well, that was the worst of it, the point where me and my family were most worried. Hardly anybody else knew what was going on with me (as told by me and not my family) at this point of time, because it was too close to my heart to share out so easily. Even now, still only a select few really know this story.

But anyways.. time passed.

I began a form of chemotherapy to kill the excess platelets, but don't worry, it wasn't the crazy kind you see in movies with the hair loss and vomiting. I took blood tests every week to monitor the count. I was strongly advised to forgo my vacation plans this mid year to go back to KL, because doctors wanted to keep an eye on me. So.. I decided to be stubborn. :D Thank GOD though, the day I was supposed to fly, I discovered that my platelets were already half of the original crazy amount. I was heading the right way! :)

All that was left was the result of the biopsy, that would show if it was in fact, chronic leukemia.

...

I have so many people to thank for looking out for me in this time. Obviously, there was my family and even extended family that showered me with a lot of love and care. I am thankful, to see my extended relatives grow closer with my family as well, all just because I was a bit ill. I am really spoiled. Haha :)

I am so grateful for all the prayers that have been said for me, by friends and family, especially that from Bea Che at the hospital before my biopsy, for courage and peace, and from my future je fu Samson a week later, claiming healing for me in the name of Jesus. Also, how cool is this, Pastor Debbie received a word of knowledge from God the Sunday that I left that God wanted to heal people with bone marrow disorders. How spot on is God! :) I LOVE that He cares so much to reveal things like this to my pastors and then get the whole congregation praying along.

My biggest testimony from all of this really, is having the peace of God with me throughout everything. I knew those dear to me were very worried, which made me wonder if I should be too, if something was wrong with me for not being afraid of illness, or even death. Now I know though, it's all Papa God just being like.. totally cool and in control of everything.

I knew I had nothing to fear because there had already been multiple prophecies made over my life at different times and by different people all resounding the same message, that there is a future for me to live out my dreams for the glory of God, to share His love to the poor and the broken.

One of the most significant ones ever made over me even mentioned Psalm 23:

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me, Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."

   - Psalm 23:4

"So.. why choose fear?"

   - Rent, The Musical

I still wondered though, I admit. What if my life really is shortened by this? "Then to live is Christ and to die is gain."But, what is the purpose for this? It doesn't seem big enough to worry excessively about nor small enough to ignore."What the enemy intended for evil, I intended for good. I have a plan for your life."

Again I say, that my greatest joy was having His hand to hold through everything, the good and the bad. We are blessed not because we have nothing to endure, but because He remains by our side in every situation. Time and time again, He would overwhelm me with His love and assure me that everything was going to be OK.

Also, this has showed me what things are like from a patient's perspective, something I believe will be very valuable in my future. I must never forget how vulnerable and even lonely sometimes, it can be in the hospital when you wear a hospital gown and not an ID. I am thankful and so very blessed to have experienced this.

I know I have a million more good things to say from all of this, but I can't remember them now. HEH. :) Will update if I remember.

...

Oh and..

Coming back from the doctor today, I am happy to announce that my bloods are now within the normal range and that my biopsy was all clear too! :) Praise God!

This means for me that things are stable and not too much of a worry anymore.

I am, essentially, in the pink of health! 

Being a medical student, I am supposed to be bound within reason and logic. For example, I am better now because I took the appropriate medication. I am a product of chance that the drug had no severe side effects on me and worked very well to treat me. I am just 1 in 30,000 that for some unknown reason was a bit unlucky.

I believe that.. but all within my faith. I do believe I was chosen to carry this for a while for a reason, perhaps to encourage others and show them who God really is, what He can do. Even to be in Australia when this happened and have it mostly covered by my student insurance, to have access to medication, to not have any genetic mutations in my bone marrow, to have this happen in the chill-est point of my medical career, to be able to achieve remission which in my research, is quite uncommon after just two months of treatment.. I know for a fact that the hand of God was, and is upon me. I believe that I am healed in the name of Jesus. I believe that I am well taken care of in the kingdom of God. My Heavenly Paps is so, so good to me!

Right now, I am not under misguided optimism that this is the last of this particular struggle, nor am I afflicted with paranoia that at any moment I am gonna have complications and stop breathing.

I am simply choosing to live, as I have always felt was my favourite way of living, with joyful hope and optimistic faith.

Because face it, I have too much in life to be thankful for to let this stop me from living my life to the full. :)

With so much love,

Candice

Here's To Firsts

When I finally become a doctor, I'll look back at this picture and remember the excitement I felt from getting to wear scrubs for the first time. :)

And.. tomorrow I shall try a smaller size. Haha. :)