learning to say goodbye

i'm glad we at least got to make an awesome LAN video together as a class.

well first off, i wanna say how much i'm gonna miss annabella diong and ivan chong when/if they leave. guys, you've been really awesome to me and i love you both!

annabella diong, thanks for listening to all my crap all the time. i'm really gonna miss scolding you for not ajaking me to wear the grey cardi together or planning to 'check' together. who am i gonna throw my shoe at in class now?? but girl, i believe you've got a great future ahead of you, don't worry so much okay? God's got your back. =) and you've done so much in G8 by bringing us all together, and you are a freaking awesome class rep even though you don't print us notes from bb7(hmph!). haha! and i believe that you've got other places to go and other lives to inspire, simply by being yourself. i truly am blessed to have sat in front of you for four months now in G8. =) i love you loads babe and i wish you all the best in all you do. you'll make it, i believe in you. <3

ivan chong, thanks for your freezer and apartment. =) yep that's all.
haha just kidding! i really will miss your aww's and completely inappropriate comments in class. and you were such an amazing friend to have and i know that wherever you head to next, more people will be blessed by being your friend. go spread your ivan-ness in kedah! =) i'm gonna miss you sabahan, take care kay! you better cry when you go ar! God bless you in all you do and let's make sure your friendships in G8 don't end here kay? and thank you too, for always reading my blog. =D it's really nice and inspiring to see your comments every now and then, letting me know that there are people who care about what i have to say. =)
well i just came back from the longest musical practice so far, and it was pretty fun tho i had an emo/tired moment midway. but i really did enjoy it and it was just a couple days back when i was drowning in stress that i thought, maybe it was a mistake to join this. and i fretted that i had so many practices to go for. but today, as we were doing the run run through and especially when we sat down for comments on the run through that i realized, it's so worth it. and in every stress that i have right now, i gotta remember, it's all worth it. that it should be a joy not a burden. =) and it is a joy indeed. i can't wait to perform! =)

btw, tickets are RM25, i gotta sell fifteen tickets, let me know if you're interested! =D

i really like this - " Heroes didn't leap tall buildings or stop bullets with an outstretched hand; they didn't wear boots and capes. They bled, and they bruised, and their superpowers were as simple as listening or loving. Heroes were ordinary people who knew that even if their own lives were impossibly knotted, they could untangle someone else's. And maybe that one act could lead someone to rescue them back." - Jodi Picoult in Second Glance.

can you believe i only type 54 words a minute???????? GAH.

hmm, i realized it's not about the 6 months we won't have together. it's all about the four months we spent together, and that will always be worth remembering.

lately the idea of life itself has really been scaring me. i know i'm just 16 but the life i lead, i mean it's still life, there's still pain and joy. many times, people think that the meaning of life will only be understood by adults and old people. but that would mean that you don't start living till then? i want to be alive now. and i learnt that even at 16, people will leave you and hearts can break and stress can overwhelm you but still, at 16, you can realize that life is so breathtakingly beautiful. the truth is i'm terrified of what is to come. life scares me, and somedays i really don't know how to go on. i'm so afraid of messing up or not doing well enough in this test called life. sigh, i forgot why i'm afraid but i know i am. =P but i remember reading....
" Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

i learnt to live life not being afraid of what is to come, not being stressed about what you have to do, and not always thinking that i have to bear it alone. God is always with us and many 'little things' have reminded me that God's got my back. and i don't have the strength to carry on sometimes, but He always does. and He is saying, "Lean on Me."

don't forget to look out for the little things.

i was watching a journey of life a while back now, and the guy gave up trying to be a good guy after bad stuff kept happening to him one after another. and i've felt it too, being a 'good' person in this life is so tiring. it's tough to forgive when the other person doesn't deserve it, or when what they did was so huge and unforgivable, to hold your tongue even when people frustrate you, to always spare time for those who need it, to stand up for what is right, to focus on God, to always 'do the right thing'. and when you do all that and the world doesn't repay you but instead steps on you even more, what can you do but lose heart? so often, circumstances can be so extreme until they change the person who's going through it completely. yea, that was one of the reasons i was scared. but anyways, i wanna be able to say with conviction that it's worth it to be a good person in this world, to always give your best, i mean i know for sure sure that it's true, but feelings-wise, i'm not sure either. still, like i said before, big bad things may happen to you, but probably, in looking at the little good things that happen alongside those, you'll find the courage to move on. and when you have no more strength, remember that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. i know what it's like to want to give up but hang on, maybe what you're looking for in life is just a little late.

we can't be strong through every circumstance. hey, it's okay to cry. it's okay to hurt, it's okay to admit that this time, you can't 'be a man and suck it up'. life isn't about always standing strong, but in picking yourself up with fierce determination and all your heart, every time you fall. be real.

i know i have really jumbled thoughts today but haha, which post isn't right?

i'll be here if you need someone to lean on,
candice. =)