i dare you!

i realized just now how i'm starting to conquer (sort of) a lot of my fears. in most cases, i'd always imagine the worst scenario. like before coming here, i imagined a psycho homestay family who feeds me maggi only, and maybe even like grounded bugs or something. hahah, that was pretty stupid i guess.... i know. anyways i'm thinking back of how i've started sitting public transport alone here, walking back home when it really dark out already and streetlights are scarce (this STILL scares me a lot!), walking half an hour along the highway to a shopping mall, away from home, family and friends, fitting in into med school and a whole new environment, eating my veggies, volunteering to tutor a stranger in a suburb i have no idea about.. but i still can't deal with spiders.

anyways, it's pretty interesting to find myself testing my limits, really shedding my small-girl skin. and yet i know, that there are so SO much more fears left for me to overcome in the future. i can imagine myself already crying in the hallways of a deserted hospital at night when a life is lost, imagine the pain when someone tells me they're gonna go with the abortion, imagine the hurt to see a child come to the hospital bruised from abuse. or even just the expectations to always do the right thing, or to get really good grades, or to see and examine a cadaver. how far can i stretch really? i know there'll be a day when i look back and think, 'you did it girl! you really did it. :)'. but til' then, i'll just have to live up to those fears. to learn step by step, to stretch bit by bit, and to never stop challenging myself to be braver, tougher, stronger.

today i just remembered what yee sam told me on the orientation day at taylor's last year. it was so random, but sweet. he told me that i'm super holy wey, and that he thinks only the Pope can be a good match for me. =.='' but then he said, "i think any guy that can get you is damn lucky lor." aww. somehow i never forgot that. just reminded me that even on the days i can't bear to be me any longer, and i even forget how much God loves me, that if a friend, not even a super-duper close one at that, can see something in me, then maybe there is something better in me, about me than i thought. i doubt you'll ever read this, but thanks yee sam! :)

and.. i'm gonna go study now.




i love these images from www.be-the-change.tumblr.com !

BYE PEEPS! :D