right here

God, i pray that You would always be my first love. :)

"When the first love was thwarted, then there was just a chance that in the loneliness, in the silence, something else might begin to grow."
- C. S Lewis in The Great Divorce

i shared this a couple of posts back. and i find myself here, thinking about how this quote applies to me. for so long i've been going on and on about how hard things get here, how tired i am of being lonely, how much i miss home and the people there. but in this loneliness and silence, as i begun to open my eyes and really see it for what it is, i realized that i am so greatly blessed in such a time as this. Sure there was pain along the way, but this season (that's not over yet but greater is yet to come) has shown me above all, that God is faithful. i find myself falling more and more in love with Him each day, and in doing the book of Psalms daily with chris, that my hunger for His Word just keeps getting bigger. I find myself rested in His presence, supported by His people, and not alone at all. Coming here I've been holding on to this hope, that God has work for me to do here. And true enough, He sent a call in a personal way, reminded me over and over again that i am here for a greater purpose. though i know this to be the truth, i struggle each day in believing it, in not being deceived by the devil that all i am is a failure, useless, unworthy, a kid. psalm after psalm just sends one common message, i hear God saying so clearly "Here I am, trust Me, Trust Me." with this upcoming exam, with whatever relationships with people that may come my way, with a ministry He's calling me to, with my whole life, with the lives of those dear to me, He's just saying "Trust Me.".

and man that is easier said than done, but so often i see myself back again reading my precious moments Bible, with nothing left to do but trust in Him. cause life can be hard, and painful, but in every situation God will always still be God.

so Lord, teach me i pray to always trust in You for i know You have promised me that "The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusted in Him and i am helped". and Lord, i pray that You would mold me, more and more each day, send me challenges, keep me on my knees, that at the end of my life, i can look back and see how You strengthened me to be more and more like You. You see my eagerness to move forward O Lord, to be at the place where the dreams You have for me come true. but where i am now is far more important than the final victory, cause i know every step i take now is leading up to that. so use me God i pray while i'm waiting, in little ways, in huge ways, in any way you want that can make me be a blessing to Your people, that can let those who don't know You see how real Your love is through me. thank You so much Lord that i have You in my life and that that promise is for forever.

coming here, my sister told me that only the closest of close friends will survive the distance. true enough, some friendships have wavered, others i know are quietened for a moment but will just grow even better when we're all home, and a rare few have blossomed to heights i never imagined. and i just know they'll keep growing! and having said that, the words that keep playing in my head now are just, "i am so so blessed, thank You God." :)

give me a servant heart Lord i ask, and never let me lose my hope in Your people, never let me forget how much they can acheive in You and how truly, truly beautiful they are. also Lord, i pray for humility, and a teachable spirit that i may keep learning and being inspired by those further along in their walk with You, yet never ever underestimating what i can learn from the most unlikely places.

for people who's had 'deep' conversations with me lately, you know how i feel like in so many areas, i've tried.. and failed. just haven't been seeing any results. but this week's sermon again encouraged me, as pastor russell reminded people that God's not done with His call yet. He said those exact words "i tried.", and said that God has not yet called us to stop trying. that made me feel lk WHOAAA. so yes Lord, i'll answer that, i'll keep believing, i'll keep pushing through and i KNOW and i BELIEVE and DECLARE that one day, Your rain will come and i will get to see the miracles i'm praying for come to past. here's something else that encouraged me today..

"Then they said to the woman, "Now we believe, not because of what you have said, for we have heard for ourselves and know that this is indeed the Christ, the Saviour of the world."
- John 4:42

i think that's pretty much all i have to say for now, just the random blend of thoughts in my mind. God bless you wherever you are dear reader, and for those having exams, all the best! :)

with heaps of love,
candice :)