It's 2.22am now and I should be sleeping or doing final preparations for my formative OSCE tomorrow.
Instead, I very VERY randomly stumbled upon the blog of this American nurse working in Kenya, particularly based in an orphanage there called Mattaw. [http://www.kenyanurse.com/nursing-blog/] I looked through her blog page after page, picture after picture and just.. felt such a desire to be doing the kind of work she's doing. To love children that need to be loved desperately and to do my part in making the world a better place. And I wondered.. when will it be my turn before I am called to such a life?
Then it hit me. 16 days. That's how long. I opened my YWAM pack again once more and read it through. The cup of coffee I had earlier is not doing me much good either cause there's that discomfort in my chest due to bubbling excitement with tinges of fear in me. As I read through it properly, I thought "Candice, what in the world did you sign up for?? Is this for real? My gosh, can you actually do this?" I think the full weight of this decision is starting to sink on me and all the emotions are rushing along with it. I've always assumed that I will only begin to 'panic' on the way to the airport, but HEEHOOHEEHOO I'm feeling it already.
This is truly a dream come true. Over the past weekend I've been feeling a little bit worried, because I suddenly remembered how I didn't even dare to pray about this trip when I found out about the opportunity, cause I wanted it too much. And with all systems go, I just went along excitedly. At Inner Champ Encounter, I realized, that it probably wasn't right of me. I actually wondered, what if I'm moving too fast and stepping into something I'm not ready for yet? Do I really have the courage to say to God "If You say no, I won't go?. It was hard, and scary, but I eventually just sat down with God and prayed for His blessing over this trip, for an annointed time, and I remembered, how for so many months already now, He's been training me for it. There's been challenges I never had to face before, and so much discouragement, but I am PUMPED right now! So yea, as I sit here now and start to worry mindlessly-What if I don't make full use of my time there? What if I'm too shy to make friends? What if I just freak out and can't love as much as I thought I could? What if this? What if that? I feel like God's chuckling at me, just because He knows what's going to happen, and because He has my future in His hands. As long as I keep trusting Him every step of the way, everything is going to fall into place. And I believe that this is in fact what He wants for me right now.
My heart's still beating weirdly, but I think it's just the coffee. Still, there were so many times I felt surges of palpitations(?) as I read different things we might be/are required to do - calm children down in the doctor's office, go to church, swim, trudge in mud, get a SIM card to call home etc. I'm just... really excited!! :D
Instead, I very VERY randomly stumbled upon the blog of this American nurse working in Kenya, particularly based in an orphanage there called Mattaw. [http://www.kenyanurse.com/nursing-blog/] I looked through her blog page after page, picture after picture and just.. felt such a desire to be doing the kind of work she's doing. To love children that need to be loved desperately and to do my part in making the world a better place. And I wondered.. when will it be my turn before I am called to such a life?
Then it hit me. 16 days. That's how long. I opened my YWAM pack again once more and read it through. The cup of coffee I had earlier is not doing me much good either cause there's that discomfort in my chest due to bubbling excitement with tinges of fear in me. As I read through it properly, I thought "Candice, what in the world did you sign up for?? Is this for real? My gosh, can you actually do this?" I think the full weight of this decision is starting to sink on me and all the emotions are rushing along with it. I've always assumed that I will only begin to 'panic' on the way to the airport, but HEEHOOHEEHOO I'm feeling it already.
This is truly a dream come true. Over the past weekend I've been feeling a little bit worried, because I suddenly remembered how I didn't even dare to pray about this trip when I found out about the opportunity, cause I wanted it too much. And with all systems go, I just went along excitedly. At Inner Champ Encounter, I realized, that it probably wasn't right of me. I actually wondered, what if I'm moving too fast and stepping into something I'm not ready for yet? Do I really have the courage to say to God "If You say no, I won't go?. It was hard, and scary, but I eventually just sat down with God and prayed for His blessing over this trip, for an annointed time, and I remembered, how for so many months already now, He's been training me for it. There's been challenges I never had to face before, and so much discouragement, but I am PUMPED right now! So yea, as I sit here now and start to worry mindlessly-What if I don't make full use of my time there? What if I'm too shy to make friends? What if I just freak out and can't love as much as I thought I could? What if this? What if that? I feel like God's chuckling at me, just because He knows what's going to happen, and because He has my future in His hands. As long as I keep trusting Him every step of the way, everything is going to fall into place. And I believe that this is in fact what He wants for me right now.
My heart's still beating weirdly, but I think it's just the coffee. Still, there were so many times I felt surges of palpitations(?) as I read different things we might be/are required to do - calm children down in the doctor's office, go to church, swim, trudge in mud, get a SIM card to call home etc. I'm just... really excited!! :D
This was one of the pictures in the pack I was given. I am extremely excited to be serving these beautiful children in 16 days!
Dear Lord,
I surrender every aspect of this trip into Your mighty hands. May the moment I get off the plane till the moment I leave just be filled with Your annointing. Use me O Lord I pray to be Your hands and feet in that place. I pray God that I will come back to Australia completely changed, with a heart that will burn even more for the things of Your kingdom, and with the passion and determination to keep working in school to be able to achieve all that You want me to achieve. Lord I pray against any fear, or nervousness, or other powers that may come against me, You have already won the victory through Christ Jesus and I declare that in faith. I pray that I don't regret a single moment I am there, that I will be able to serve Your beautiful people, conscious of what an honour it is, with sincere love and genuine care.
I pray they accept me too Lord. Make me funny please! Haha, but God above all, I pray You do with me whatsoever You will there, and may I truly simply be a megaphone for Your love towards them.
Thank You SO SO SO much for this opportunity Daddy God, and I wait upon You, believing for incredible miracles and powerful testimonies.
In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.
Also, to my awesome parents, thank you so much for sponsoring me to go for this! I know you guys were/are still really worried about it all, but I'll be okay I promise! Thank you for letting me chase after my dreams, and letting it carry me as far as I can go. You guys are the best. <3
And to everyone else who prayed for me, supported me through this, got excited for me and especially for believing in me undyingly, thank you all so much. You guys are amazing. :) I won't let you all down, I promise!
BUBBLING WITH EXCITEMENT,
Candice
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