and the writer longs to write
and the runner needs to run
and the speaker wants to fight
the dreamer wishes to dream
the girl hopes to inspire
the child in her wants to play
but should it be more than desire?
could it be time..
to rekindle the fire?
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
be careful what you wish for
and the dancer yearns to dance
and the writer longs to write
and the runner needs to run
and the speaker wants to fight
the dreamer wishes to dream
the girl hopes to inspire
the child in her wants to play
but should it be more than desire?
could it be time..
to rekindle the fire?
and the writer longs to write
and the runner needs to run
and the speaker wants to fight
the dreamer wishes to dream
the girl hopes to inspire
the child in her wants to play
but should it be more than desire?
could it be time..
to rekindle the fire?
Monday, July 26, 2010
happy
it makes me happy to see a pile of dirty dishes become sparkly clean.
it makes me happy when we do spontaneous stuff like go to subang avenue after college.
it makes me happy when i know the people around me are happy.
it makes me happy if i did a good deed that day.
it makes me happy to give people random presents.
it makes me happy to see cows by the highway in the morning.
it makes me happy to eat the noodles i wanted so badly.
it makes me happy to see the goodness in the people around me.
it makes me happy when i see an eagle soaring in the sky.
it makes me really happy when my hair is in a mess, and my clothes are totally mismatched, and i'm wearing my librarian glasses, and i'm talking nonsense again, and still the people around me accept me for who i am. :) <3
i'm happy when i finish my homework, which is why i'm gonna do it now. :)
but for today, i'm happy, just because. :)
"Freely You gave it all for us,
Surrendered Your life upon that cross,
Great is Your love, poured out for all,
This is our God.
Lifted on high from death to life,
Forever Your name be glorified,
Servant and King,
Rescued the world,
This is our God."
- This is Our God, Hillsongs United
what makes you happy? think of it and be happy. :)
i learnt how to play A too!!! :)
life shouldn't be lived sugar free,
candice
it makes me happy when we do spontaneous stuff like go to subang avenue after college.
it makes me happy when i know the people around me are happy.
it makes me happy if i did a good deed that day.
it makes me happy to give people random presents.
it makes me happy to see cows by the highway in the morning.
it makes me happy to eat the noodles i wanted so badly.
it makes me happy to see the goodness in the people around me.
it makes me happy when i see an eagle soaring in the sky.
it makes me really happy when my hair is in a mess, and my clothes are totally mismatched, and i'm wearing my librarian glasses, and i'm talking nonsense again, and still the people around me accept me for who i am. :) <3
i'm happy when i finish my homework, which is why i'm gonna do it now. :)
but for today, i'm happy, just because. :)
"Freely You gave it all for us,
Surrendered Your life upon that cross,
Great is Your love, poured out for all,
This is our God.
Lifted on high from death to life,
Forever Your name be glorified,
Servant and King,
Rescued the world,
This is our God."
- This is Our God, Hillsongs United
what makes you happy? think of it and be happy. :)
i learnt how to play A too!!! :)
life shouldn't be lived sugar free,
candice
Sunday, July 25, 2010
i DARE
i'm back from DARE camp! Taylor's Cf camp. it was really good, i found it so different than usual camps cause it was a much smaller group than usual FGA camps. there were 40ish of us only so you kinda get to know nearly everyone. and i think besides the spiritual part of camp, my favourite part was all the people i got to meet. i barely knew anyone although i was on the camp committee and even being on the committee showed me how open and generous the people in cf are. :) but i felt prompted to go anyways so i went, not even knowing who i'd room with or sit with in the bus. but man, i've met the awesomest bunch of people ever! everyone's so friendly and welcoming and LAME, but i felt really touched. i have met friends that i can talk to for hours, get stuck on the slide with, encourage me from afar by seeing the sadness in me even when i put on a happy face, friends who try to make your day good even though they have their own struggles, who teman me when i'm alone and friends who will sing with me, especially when i'm off-key. they're all really honest i feel and it was such a blessing to meet such godly people. it's like even the most intimidating looking people, or shy people really put their hearts out there when they worship God with music, and it amazed me to see such courage and like, focus on God. this is passion i've never really seen before, especially in the guys. and i found it so humbling and like wow la! they aren't perfect people but in those imperfections they have become really really good friends, and i'm reminded to come to God just as i am. that even when i cannot be perfect, i can still give God whatever is in my hand. so i really thank God for leading me to this camp and this was just one of the best ever really. thanks God!!! :) and thank you everyone who wrote on my wall, i was really touched and encouraged by it. :D
spiritually, i don't think i was in a very strong place when i went there. i haven't been doing my devotions regularly and like i mentioned it's become tougher for me to trust God. but still i'm glad that despite all that, the desire to really serve God and worship Him with my life is there and it always has been and i'm so sure that that comes from God and God alone. the first night when we were praying, i was really struggling with God, i've come to a place of numbness, not knowing what to do about my relationship with God as it was just torn in between like that, complicated la until i didn't understand either. and someone prayed for me that night as i was already crying, and he said that he sensed a battle going on within me and he prayed for my family too. and these were the exact things i was feeling and i realized how amazing it is to be fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, that He would bridge the gap between us kinda thing? and i felt such an amazement at God and His people.
i did learn a lot from this camp, but i'm only gonna mention the most memorable ones off my head now cause i really gotta go finish maths. one of my favourite camp moments was when the electricity went off during praise and worship for like a minute plus? and the keyboard stopped sounding and the mikes weren't working and only the drums and guitar could be heard. at that moment, everyone started singing even louder, letting our voices carry the music. and i thought about the phrase in the song that stuck out to me earlier, "now in the darkness, God's light shines", and i remember thinking at that moment in the dark, that in the darkness is when we should sing the loudest, that even when everything is going wrong in our lives, even when you feel so far from God, that that is when you should sing all the more louder and see His light shining through. :)
"if we dare to do the ridiculous, God will do the miraculous"
this has stuck with me ever since pastor elijah said it. and i'm like whoa.... that night as we were praying, i felt led to pray for eadelyn and i was bit scared la. but i did it anyways and i prayed in tongues first, but it was like never before really. the words came out without conscious thought and my whole body was shaking and i just kept on praying in tongues, feeling that it made more of an impact than speaking words. but eventually i thought that she might be waiting for a prayer of words, so i started praying in english and also then the words came naturally for the most part. like it was really God speaking through me and i was so amazed. i don't know if it made an impact much, but then i remember that quote and that i must remain humble. even if the outcome is not what i would have desired, still my prayer must be "God, let Your will be done, whatever it may be. i am but a willing servant. :)" and i think it brought me deeper in faith and in love with God, just knowing that He's in control and the realization that He knows what He's doing. and in moments of reflection such as these i find myself feeling this love for Him that is so deep and desperate. and it really brings me such awe towards God.
i also questioned Him that night, asking "why are You doing this to me, making it so hard for me to connect with You?" and i think i heard Him say that this is what it takes to bring me even deeper in my relationship with Him. and i was like whoa.. and i realized that like all relationships, our relationship with God will have its tough moments too, but through ups and downs we learn the ways of God, we learn to trust and we grow deeper in love with our beautiful Lord and Saviour. so even if you feel far away from God, know that He is there and He still loves you so so deeply, and that in the darkness, God's light will shine, brighter than ever. :)
*added 26th July*
oh and i forgot how touched i was by this! we were surprising shaun with a cake for his birthday and in the midst of all the laughter and smiles, justin said, "hold this(the balloon) while i pray for him." :) that was so sweet, just like the way pearly's dad prayed for her at her birthday long ago. :) i love that even when we are 'independent' in that sense, that we still choose to pray on birthdays and other special occasions. that God exists in every part of us, not just in church and cf. i love love love this culture and this habit, probably cause it's pretty new/unusual for me to see people praying on birthdays. i know this may seem like a small thing but it meant much to me. :D **
i loved how this camp was smaller really, made everything so much more intimate and close. and the worship was like right in front of us, not on some huge grand stage. but it was so much better than most other times, cause of the voices that proclaimed God's glory courageously. and i really got so much out of this camp, so much different things too than i've ever got. the committee was really awesome too and of one thing i'm sure, that i am forevermore blessed by this DARE camp.:)
love a lot a lot,
candice :)
spiritually, i don't think i was in a very strong place when i went there. i haven't been doing my devotions regularly and like i mentioned it's become tougher for me to trust God. but still i'm glad that despite all that, the desire to really serve God and worship Him with my life is there and it always has been and i'm so sure that that comes from God and God alone. the first night when we were praying, i was really struggling with God, i've come to a place of numbness, not knowing what to do about my relationship with God as it was just torn in between like that, complicated la until i didn't understand either. and someone prayed for me that night as i was already crying, and he said that he sensed a battle going on within me and he prayed for my family too. and these were the exact things i was feeling and i realized how amazing it is to be fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, that He would bridge the gap between us kinda thing? and i felt such an amazement at God and His people.
i did learn a lot from this camp, but i'm only gonna mention the most memorable ones off my head now cause i really gotta go finish maths. one of my favourite camp moments was when the electricity went off during praise and worship for like a minute plus? and the keyboard stopped sounding and the mikes weren't working and only the drums and guitar could be heard. at that moment, everyone started singing even louder, letting our voices carry the music. and i thought about the phrase in the song that stuck out to me earlier, "now in the darkness, God's light shines", and i remember thinking at that moment in the dark, that in the darkness is when we should sing the loudest, that even when everything is going wrong in our lives, even when you feel so far from God, that that is when you should sing all the more louder and see His light shining through. :)
"if we dare to do the ridiculous, God will do the miraculous"
this has stuck with me ever since pastor elijah said it. and i'm like whoa.... that night as we were praying, i felt led to pray for eadelyn and i was bit scared la. but i did it anyways and i prayed in tongues first, but it was like never before really. the words came out without conscious thought and my whole body was shaking and i just kept on praying in tongues, feeling that it made more of an impact than speaking words. but eventually i thought that she might be waiting for a prayer of words, so i started praying in english and also then the words came naturally for the most part. like it was really God speaking through me and i was so amazed. i don't know if it made an impact much, but then i remember that quote and that i must remain humble. even if the outcome is not what i would have desired, still my prayer must be "God, let Your will be done, whatever it may be. i am but a willing servant. :)" and i think it brought me deeper in faith and in love with God, just knowing that He's in control and the realization that He knows what He's doing. and in moments of reflection such as these i find myself feeling this love for Him that is so deep and desperate. and it really brings me such awe towards God.
i also questioned Him that night, asking "why are You doing this to me, making it so hard for me to connect with You?" and i think i heard Him say that this is what it takes to bring me even deeper in my relationship with Him. and i was like whoa.. and i realized that like all relationships, our relationship with God will have its tough moments too, but through ups and downs we learn the ways of God, we learn to trust and we grow deeper in love with our beautiful Lord and Saviour. so even if you feel far away from God, know that He is there and He still loves you so so deeply, and that in the darkness, God's light will shine, brighter than ever. :)
*added 26th July*
oh and i forgot how touched i was by this! we were surprising shaun with a cake for his birthday and in the midst of all the laughter and smiles, justin said, "hold this(the balloon) while i pray for him." :) that was so sweet, just like the way pearly's dad prayed for her at her birthday long ago. :) i love that even when we are 'independent' in that sense, that we still choose to pray on birthdays and other special occasions. that God exists in every part of us, not just in church and cf. i love love love this culture and this habit, probably cause it's pretty new/unusual for me to see people praying on birthdays. i know this may seem like a small thing but it meant much to me. :D **
i loved how this camp was smaller really, made everything so much more intimate and close. and the worship was like right in front of us, not on some huge grand stage. but it was so much better than most other times, cause of the voices that proclaimed God's glory courageously. and i really got so much out of this camp, so much different things too than i've ever got. the committee was really awesome too and of one thing i'm sure, that i am forevermore blessed by this DARE camp.:)
love a lot a lot,
candice :)
Friday, July 23, 2010
now i'm found
and i am reminded of how God has already infiltrated my life. i have blogged about this before but really, no matter where i run, even away from God, i always end up running TO God. even if i don't want to, because i'm stubborn or lazy, i always go back to Him to ask what should i do next. because i'm drawn to Him, my heart's connected to His. and i don't know how i led my life pre-God anymore. what is it like to live with so much uncertainty and insecurity? i live with fears and worries yes, but i always know my future is secure in Christ. that, if it's God's will nothing can stop it. talking about 'honeymoons' with gene today and the whole uni subject brings me back to the fact that i believe that God has a good plan for my life because it is true. i know that no matter what happens, He's still and always will be in control. what is it like to live without that knowledge, that faith, that ultimate comfort? today Lord, i wanna thank You that i know You, that i have a relationship with you though a bit broken here and there, that You care forevermore. that if it took You dying on the cross for me a million times over for my soul to be redeemed, that You would.
"Where can i go from Your Spirit? or where can i flee from Your presence? if i ascend into heaven, You are there, if i make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. if i take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me and Your right hand shall hold me."
-Psalms 139:7-10
there are days when i wonder if i am overestimating Your love for me, "a million times over, really? You'd do that?". but i don't want to live with that kind of poison anymore, i reasoned that if You are an infinite God that i cannot even comprehend how much You truly love me. so the most that i can think of Your love is still probably only a fraction of the intensity of Your love for me. and if i know that, how can i still live my life 'ordinarily'? i am extraordinary because You love me.
"For i am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things yet to come, nor height nor depth nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
-Romans 8:38-39
and i also think about how God might find it "worth it" to die for all of mankind, for billions of lives. that one perfect sacrifice in exchange for so many would be considered a fair trade. but i learnt just how wrong that is exactly for two reasons. firstly, that if there was only me on earth, God would still do the same. i really do believe that now. the population of the earth is not just a number to our Lord, it, no, we are His children. and He loves every one of us with the same depth, sacrifice, fierceness and sincerity. like how amazing is that? that His love for the billions on earth is SO great, that He could love everyone equally but so powerfully nonetheless, that even our human minds cannot understand it? He's that mighty! and secondly, as i've learnt from max lucado's story 'give it all to Him', which was really good by the way is that it was even more difficult to take on the sins of SO MANY people. He pictured Jesus as a trashman, in a world where everybody had bags of trash they had to lug around. bags full of regret, shame, anger, pain and so on. and so Jesus went around and asked people to meet Him at the landfill and give Him their bags of trash, offering them the sweetest freedom. and so they came that Friday night. and Jesus was kneeling at the top of that landfill, opening the bags of trash and pouring them ALL.. upon Himself. His holy, pure, untainted self. and He's crying out in pain and anguish, feeling everything we have ever felt. and just imagining that scene, that fateful day in Calvary, doesn't it just fill you with the deepest humility? Jesus took it all. all that fresh trash and pain you're holding on too tightly to? give it all to Him, His arms are wide open, His hand widely extended. He's saying, "you weren't meant to live with this sin. give it to Me." so back to what i said in the beginning of this paragraph, all i have to do to KNOW for sure that i was wrong is picture Jesus opening bag after bag of sin, and with willingless, just pour it all upon Himself. so in case you forgot this, listen to it now and remember that YOU ARE FREE. the greatest price has been paid for your soul, accept this gift of salvation.
"But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed."
-Isaiah 53:5
"What is the world you want? You choose it with every breath."
-Jon Foreman
and there are days when i am max-ed out frustrated, at the people around me, at microsoft word, at the endless tasks i have to do but keep failing to complete, days where hope is out of stock, where love is on short supply and where joy is not mine to keep. but as i sit here and write this, i am filled with a peace, a familiar friend, to remind me life is good. that it is a privilege to live another day. and all it takes to get back to this peace is to remember, to really remember what the Lord has done for me, and what He's still doing for me everyday. i pray that i can worship You with my life o Lord, with every word, with every breath, with every action. :)
i'm going for CF camp tomoro! excited and stressed out simultaneously. :P
thank You God, for family, friends, cf, opportunities to practice patience and for joy. i know You know this, but You're the best! let tomorrow be a new day to glorify Your name!! :)
oh and i've been featured with mich and elena(and ian) haha. check this out! :)
http://genewern.blogspot.com/2010/07/look-into-girls-toilet.html :P enjoy!
God's promises hold true,
candice :)
"Where can i go from Your Spirit? or where can i flee from Your presence? if i ascend into heaven, You are there, if i make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. if i take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me and Your right hand shall hold me."
-Psalms 139:7-10
there are days when i wonder if i am overestimating Your love for me, "a million times over, really? You'd do that?". but i don't want to live with that kind of poison anymore, i reasoned that if You are an infinite God that i cannot even comprehend how much You truly love me. so the most that i can think of Your love is still probably only a fraction of the intensity of Your love for me. and if i know that, how can i still live my life 'ordinarily'? i am extraordinary because You love me.
"For i am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things yet to come, nor height nor depth nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
-Romans 8:38-39
and i also think about how God might find it "worth it" to die for all of mankind, for billions of lives. that one perfect sacrifice in exchange for so many would be considered a fair trade. but i learnt just how wrong that is exactly for two reasons. firstly, that if there was only me on earth, God would still do the same. i really do believe that now. the population of the earth is not just a number to our Lord, it, no, we are His children. and He loves every one of us with the same depth, sacrifice, fierceness and sincerity. like how amazing is that? that His love for the billions on earth is SO great, that He could love everyone equally but so powerfully nonetheless, that even our human minds cannot understand it? He's that mighty! and secondly, as i've learnt from max lucado's story 'give it all to Him', which was really good by the way is that it was even more difficult to take on the sins of SO MANY people. He pictured Jesus as a trashman, in a world where everybody had bags of trash they had to lug around. bags full of regret, shame, anger, pain and so on. and so Jesus went around and asked people to meet Him at the landfill and give Him their bags of trash, offering them the sweetest freedom. and so they came that Friday night. and Jesus was kneeling at the top of that landfill, opening the bags of trash and pouring them ALL.. upon Himself. His holy, pure, untainted self. and He's crying out in pain and anguish, feeling everything we have ever felt. and just imagining that scene, that fateful day in Calvary, doesn't it just fill you with the deepest humility? Jesus took it all. all that fresh trash and pain you're holding on too tightly to? give it all to Him, His arms are wide open, His hand widely extended. He's saying, "you weren't meant to live with this sin. give it to Me." so back to what i said in the beginning of this paragraph, all i have to do to KNOW for sure that i was wrong is picture Jesus opening bag after bag of sin, and with willingless, just pour it all upon Himself. so in case you forgot this, listen to it now and remember that YOU ARE FREE. the greatest price has been paid for your soul, accept this gift of salvation.
"But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed."
-Isaiah 53:5
"What is the world you want? You choose it with every breath."
-Jon Foreman
and there are days when i am max-ed out frustrated, at the people around me, at microsoft word, at the endless tasks i have to do but keep failing to complete, days where hope is out of stock, where love is on short supply and where joy is not mine to keep. but as i sit here and write this, i am filled with a peace, a familiar friend, to remind me life is good. that it is a privilege to live another day. and all it takes to get back to this peace is to remember, to really remember what the Lord has done for me, and what He's still doing for me everyday. i pray that i can worship You with my life o Lord, with every word, with every breath, with every action. :)
i'm going for CF camp tomoro! excited and stressed out simultaneously. :P
thank You God, for family, friends, cf, opportunities to practice patience and for joy. i know You know this, but You're the best! let tomorrow be a new day to glorify Your name!! :)
oh and i've been featured with mich and elena(and ian) haha. check this out! :)
http://genewern.blogspot.com/2010/07/look-into-girls-toilet.html :P enjoy!
God's promises hold true,
candice :)
Sunday, July 18, 2010
shatters
there are days when i wish i were stronger. and then i wish that wishing alone is enough. i feel really messed up inside, that i know who i wanna be and i keep finding myself so severely lacking. plus things aren't going too well with God right now for me, i don't know how to trust Him or even if the voice i'm hearing is His or mine. and there are these walls coming up, forcing me to not hope. kinda like what goo told me about how when you're too optimistic, you get let down very easily. and i do get let down very easily but pessimistic people just annoy me a lot. GAH. sorry, pointless circular talking.
these are the words i wished i said at my interview but didn't cause my brain is slow la. so i'll post it here.
when the dude said "so you don't like making tough decisions?"
- how can i like making tough decisions when in the medical field, every tough decision will affect someone's life? and yes i know that inevitably i must make tough decisions, but i don't think i'll ever "like" making tough decisions. because i won't always have the wisdom to make the right choice and each wrong choice just might cost someone their life.
when the dude said "why be a doctor over being a nurse?"
- though i wasn't born a genius, i believe God made me quite capable of finishing the medical course successfully. and if i can do so, don't i owe it to society?
when the lady said "is jogging once a week enough exercise?"
- NO, THREE TIMES A WEEK!!! (sigh, biggest regret here man, i so knew the answer!
next next week's the last week for MADU. i had really great memories there and i hope the kids don't forget me even when they get new 'kak's and 'bang's next year.
the little things in life that matter to me. :) these were some things the kids at MADU did for me.
surviving,
candice
these are the words i wished i said at my interview but didn't cause my brain is slow la. so i'll post it here.
when the dude said "so you don't like making tough decisions?"
- how can i like making tough decisions when in the medical field, every tough decision will affect someone's life? and yes i know that inevitably i must make tough decisions, but i don't think i'll ever "like" making tough decisions. because i won't always have the wisdom to make the right choice and each wrong choice just might cost someone their life.
when the dude said "why be a doctor over being a nurse?"
- though i wasn't born a genius, i believe God made me quite capable of finishing the medical course successfully. and if i can do so, don't i owe it to society?
when the lady said "is jogging once a week enough exercise?"
- NO, THREE TIMES A WEEK!!! (sigh, biggest regret here man, i so knew the answer!
next next week's the last week for MADU. i had really great memories there and i hope the kids don't forget me even when they get new 'kak's and 'bang's next year.
the little things in life that matter to me. :) these were some things the kids at MADU did for me.
surviving,
candice
Friday, July 16, 2010
the heart of worship
this is a song i've listened to countless times, one i know all the words by heart, one i've sung so often just cause it's a nice song. but today, the lyrics really touched me, and it made so much sense to me in this season of my life right now.
when the music fades
and all is stripped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring
something that's of worth
that will bless Your heart
i'll bring You more than a song
for a song in itself
is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
i'm coming back to the heart of worship
where it's all about You
it's all about You Jesus
i'm sorry Lord for the things i've made it
when it's all about You
it's all about You Jesus
King of endless worth
no one could express
how much You deserve
though i'm weak and poor
all i have is Yoursevery single breath
i'll bring You more than a song
i'll bring You more.. than a song
more than a song
You're looking into my heart
You're looking into my.... heart
into my heart
lately i've felt God's prompting and speaking over my life a few times, about uni, about inviting people to CF camp and etc. la. and so far, there were times when i felt so sure, so convicted by God that i had to do this certain task, i must be obedient. and in those times i put myself out there, i dared myself to trust in God's miracles, i came back disappointed. people said no or things didn't go as well as i had hoped. and as much as i don't want this to happen, my faith is shaken. i cannot understand God's plan for my life at all, in the little things i keep getting wrong. am i listening wrongly? or is this part of God's plan to draw me closer through my disappointments? i just find it so incredibly hard to put my trust in God again when nearly each time so far came back wrong. i'm so afraid of being wrong yet again and feeling that overwhelming dejection, not so much that things didn't go the way i wanted, but that God led me 'the wrong way' for lack of better term. i know that God has His own plan for my life, but i just feel so exhausted. how do i know when He's telling the 'truth' also for lack of better term? i don't dare to hope anymore...
but the thing is, today elena encouraged me and said, it is our job to invite and God's job to convict. so don't worry. and listening to the Heart of Worship again where the phrase 'it's all about YOU' was repeated so many times really opened my eyes. i have been so self-centered and i made everything so much about me, me, me. and i feel so out of place, who am i to criticize my Creator so? sigh.. the two things that stuck out the most to me in that song was "it's all about YOU" and "i'm sorry Lord for the things i made it". and i gotta believe that God has a plan, even if he has to bring me through trials and disappointments, His plan for me at the end of it all will be greater than i can imagine. but till then, i cannot say that i can always trust Him fully, or never falter, or have a perfect relationship with Him. but i will try, i will hope again. because when all hopes let me down, all i will have then, is God Himself. this led me to think, God why?? why are You making me hurt? and i heard Him say, "I care." and that is enough to fuel my faith further. my best interests are in His heart. but God, please help me trust in You, especially when i cannot.
the truth is, i am more broken and imperfect than i appear to be here. sigh... sometimes i can't stand it, can't stand it at all.
i really have been wondering lately what people think of me. i just wish i could see myself through another person's eyes for once, anyone close enough to me, and i wanna see who i am. who am i? am i a good person? will i like who i am if i got to see myself from the outside? and i just struggle so much, hoping that i am someone i would look up to. wanting to be seen for more than the exterior. and i guess this will be a lifelong question, who am i?
thank you G8 for being M.A.D. i had the best time with you guys, i love you all! :D
share the G8 love!
i'm still here,
candice
when the music fades
and all is stripped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring
something that's of worth
that will bless Your heart
i'll bring You more than a song
for a song in itself
is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
i'm coming back to the heart of worship
where it's all about You
it's all about You Jesus
i'm sorry Lord for the things i've made it
when it's all about You
it's all about You Jesus
King of endless worth
no one could express
how much You deserve
though i'm weak and poor
all i have is Yoursevery single breath
i'll bring You more than a song
i'll bring You more.. than a song
more than a song
You're looking into my heart
You're looking into my.... heart
into my heart
lately i've felt God's prompting and speaking over my life a few times, about uni, about inviting people to CF camp and etc. la. and so far, there were times when i felt so sure, so convicted by God that i had to do this certain task, i must be obedient. and in those times i put myself out there, i dared myself to trust in God's miracles, i came back disappointed. people said no or things didn't go as well as i had hoped. and as much as i don't want this to happen, my faith is shaken. i cannot understand God's plan for my life at all, in the little things i keep getting wrong. am i listening wrongly? or is this part of God's plan to draw me closer through my disappointments? i just find it so incredibly hard to put my trust in God again when nearly each time so far came back wrong. i'm so afraid of being wrong yet again and feeling that overwhelming dejection, not so much that things didn't go the way i wanted, but that God led me 'the wrong way' for lack of better term. i know that God has His own plan for my life, but i just feel so exhausted. how do i know when He's telling the 'truth' also for lack of better term? i don't dare to hope anymore...
but the thing is, today elena encouraged me and said, it is our job to invite and God's job to convict. so don't worry. and listening to the Heart of Worship again where the phrase 'it's all about YOU' was repeated so many times really opened my eyes. i have been so self-centered and i made everything so much about me, me, me. and i feel so out of place, who am i to criticize my Creator so? sigh.. the two things that stuck out the most to me in that song was "it's all about YOU" and "i'm sorry Lord for the things i made it". and i gotta believe that God has a plan, even if he has to bring me through trials and disappointments, His plan for me at the end of it all will be greater than i can imagine. but till then, i cannot say that i can always trust Him fully, or never falter, or have a perfect relationship with Him. but i will try, i will hope again. because when all hopes let me down, all i will have then, is God Himself. this led me to think, God why?? why are You making me hurt? and i heard Him say, "I care." and that is enough to fuel my faith further. my best interests are in His heart. but God, please help me trust in You, especially when i cannot.
the truth is, i am more broken and imperfect than i appear to be here. sigh... sometimes i can't stand it, can't stand it at all.
i really have been wondering lately what people think of me. i just wish i could see myself through another person's eyes for once, anyone close enough to me, and i wanna see who i am. who am i? am i a good person? will i like who i am if i got to see myself from the outside? and i just struggle so much, hoping that i am someone i would look up to. wanting to be seen for more than the exterior. and i guess this will be a lifelong question, who am i?
thank you G8 for being M.A.D. i had the best time with you guys, i love you all! :D
share the G8 love!
i'm still here,
candice
break my heart for what breaks Yours
sigh. i think i really gotta just let go and let God.
wow, this is post number 90 already, can't believe i came so far with this blog.. i couldn't keep my previous blog for even ten posts i think. :P but it's cool, this is such a good avenue for me to vent.
this week has been a pretty good but extremely tiring week. i need God so much but my own laziness and stuborness is keeping me from Him. sigh.
still, come support charity! :P (you're probably as sick of my voice as i am now)
and i really wanna watch despicable me!!!! stupid gsc mid valley, fully booked for tomorrow night. bleh. someone please bring me go watch it!!!! CHE!!!! :D agnes is unbelievably adorable!! *it's so fluffy i'm gonna die!!!*(yea, go watch the trailer la.:D)
oh and this is so funny! yesterday me, mich, li lian and elena went to mydin to buy stuff for today. it was hilarious, mich saw this way to go to the 'parking lot' upstairs. turns out it was a way into the gudang area, and the people there were laughing at us like crazy. anyways, yesterday was really fun-packed, just what i needed! totally lost my voice too. :)
random patchy post, but i like it. :D
love, candice
wow, this is post number 90 already, can't believe i came so far with this blog.. i couldn't keep my previous blog for even ten posts i think. :P but it's cool, this is such a good avenue for me to vent.
this week has been a pretty good but extremely tiring week. i need God so much but my own laziness and stuborness is keeping me from Him. sigh.
still, come support charity! :P (you're probably as sick of my voice as i am now)
and i really wanna watch despicable me!!!! stupid gsc mid valley, fully booked for tomorrow night. bleh. someone please bring me go watch it!!!! CHE!!!! :D agnes is unbelievably adorable!! *it's so fluffy i'm gonna die!!!*(yea, go watch the trailer la.:D)
oh and this is so funny! yesterday me, mich, li lian and elena went to mydin to buy stuff for today. it was hilarious, mich saw this way to go to the 'parking lot' upstairs. turns out it was a way into the gudang area, and the people there were laughing at us like crazy. anyways, yesterday was really fun-packed, just what i needed! totally lost my voice too. :)
random patchy post, but i like it. :D
love, candice
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