shatters

there are days when i wish i were stronger. and then i wish that wishing alone is enough. i feel really messed up inside, that i know who i wanna be and i keep finding myself so severely lacking. plus things aren't going too well with God right now for me, i don't know how to trust Him or even if the voice i'm hearing is His or mine. and there are these walls coming up, forcing me to not hope. kinda like what goo told me about how when you're too optimistic, you get let down very easily. and i do get let down very easily but pessimistic people just annoy me a lot. GAH. sorry, pointless circular talking.

these are the words i wished i said at my interview but didn't cause my brain is slow la. so i'll post it here.
when the dude said "so you don't like making tough decisions?"
- how can i like making tough decisions when in the medical field, every tough decision will affect someone's life? and yes i know that inevitably i must make tough decisions, but i don't think i'll ever "like" making tough decisions. because i won't always have the wisdom to make the right choice and each wrong choice just might cost someone their life.
when the dude said "why be a doctor over being a nurse?"
- though i wasn't born a genius, i believe God made me quite capable of finishing the medical course successfully. and if i can do so, don't i owe it to society?
when the lady said "is jogging once a week enough exercise?"
- NO, THREE TIMES A WEEK!!! (sigh, biggest regret here man, i so knew the answer!

next next week's the last week for MADU. i had really great memories there and i hope the kids don't forget me even when they get new 'kak's and 'bang's next year.


the little things in life that matter to me. :) these were some things the kids at MADU did for me.

surviving,
candice