when the music fades
and all is stripped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring
something that's of worth
that will bless Your heart
i'll bring You more than a song
for a song in itself
is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
i'm coming back to the heart of worship
where it's all about You
it's all about You Jesus
i'm sorry Lord for the things i've made it
when it's all about You
it's all about You Jesus
King of endless worth
no one could express
how much You deserve
though i'm weak and poor
all i have is Yoursevery single breath
i'll bring You more than a song
i'll bring You more.. than a song
more than a song
You're looking into my heart
You're looking into my.... heart
into my heart
lately i've felt God's prompting and speaking over my life a few times, about uni, about inviting people to CF camp and etc. la. and so far, there were times when i felt so sure, so convicted by God that i had to do this certain task, i must be obedient. and in those times i put myself out there, i dared myself to trust in God's miracles, i came back disappointed. people said no or things didn't go as well as i had hoped. and as much as i don't want this to happen, my faith is shaken. i cannot understand God's plan for my life at all, in the little things i keep getting wrong. am i listening wrongly? or is this part of God's plan to draw me closer through my disappointments? i just find it so incredibly hard to put my trust in God again when nearly each time so far came back wrong. i'm so afraid of being wrong yet again and feeling that overwhelming dejection, not so much that things didn't go the way i wanted, but that God led me 'the wrong way' for lack of better term. i know that God has His own plan for my life, but i just feel so exhausted. how do i know when He's telling the 'truth' also for lack of better term? i don't dare to hope anymore...
but the thing is, today elena encouraged me and said, it is our job to invite and God's job to convict. so don't worry. and listening to the Heart of Worship again where the phrase 'it's all about YOU' was repeated so many times really opened my eyes. i have been so self-centered and i made everything so much about me, me, me. and i feel so out of place, who am i to criticize my Creator so? sigh.. the two things that stuck out the most to me in that song was "it's all about YOU" and "i'm sorry Lord for the things i made it". and i gotta believe that God has a plan, even if he has to bring me through trials and disappointments, His plan for me at the end of it all will be greater than i can imagine. but till then, i cannot say that i can always trust Him fully, or never falter, or have a perfect relationship with Him. but i will try, i will hope again. because when all hopes let me down, all i will have then, is God Himself. this led me to think, God why?? why are You making me hurt? and i heard Him say, "I care." and that is enough to fuel my faith further. my best interests are in His heart. but God, please help me trust in You, especially when i cannot.
the truth is, i am more broken and imperfect than i appear to be here. sigh... sometimes i can't stand it, can't stand it at all.
i really have been wondering lately what people think of me. i just wish i could see myself through another person's eyes for once, anyone close enough to me, and i wanna see who i am. who am i? am i a good person? will i like who i am if i got to see myself from the outside? and i just struggle so much, hoping that i am someone i would look up to. wanting to be seen for more than the exterior. and i guess this will be a lifelong question, who am i?
thank you G8 for being M.A.D. i had the best time with you guys, i love you all! :D
share the G8 love!
i'm still here,
candice
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