the God who cares

well truth is, i haven't been all that close to God recently. been under satan's yoke(b.u.s.y).. sigh, but still even when i am the one who leaves God and forgets to spend time with Him, He still continues to amaze me. He really knows what it is i need, and it isn't always what i thought i did. last night, manda and rachel came for dinner at my place and out of much persuasion from me, they decided to spontaneously sleepover. i really thank God for them, we talked and i realized just how far we have drawn apart again, but after rachel fell asleep i talked to manda for like an hour, and everything she said really touched me and spoke straight to my heart kinda thing. like advice that really hit home. and i just really thank God for them, at the right timing when i really needed my pals. =D see i know i have friends who love me and really sincerely care for me, but i often wonder how far they'd go to help me through, stuff like that la. which they have definitely been awesome in, but today i realized, that with God, i never have to wonder how far He would go with me, how much He loves me cause i already believe with all my heart that He loves me unconditionally, sacrificially and infinitely. and there is such a peace and comfort that comes with that knowledge. He loves me enough to plan all of my life down to every little detail, that He cares about me being pissed for losing a book or whatever, and i'm just in awe. that the God who created the universe and made all things beautiful, would love.. me.

yesterday manda was telling me about how i need to strengthen my faith in God, to the point where i never feel lonely, because i can always feel God there, holdin my hand through it all. and that had such a WOW impact on me. because of how true it was and how it really applied to where i am now. our God is a God who loves, who cares and He is always there. i really learnt my lesson, i am never alone. =) since i started watching glee, the song lean on me has been kinda in my head alot, all their songs are. but today i felt God telling me, "lean on Me." that's just uber the wow la.

sometimes, when i'm going through tough stuff, i know things will be okay and the security of having God to lean on and complain to, makes everything not so bad after all. because at the end of the day, i still have God in my life. i have the God who cares in my life. and really, that's all i need.

hey you, don't settle for second best. =)just hang in there a little longer. God's working His plan already.

today we had missions sunday in church. and a lot of it was about trusting God's plan for your life and having the courage to go where He wants us to. truth is, i'm scared. i'm really scared of God's plan for me, afraid that it's too much for me to handle although, i know for sure that He won't let me down. i can't let my fear trample my faith!

and i also learnt that you really gotta stop imagining that your life lies in the future. like we always imagine one day we're gonna be doctors or teachers or astronauts whatever, wives, husbands etc. and there is when life begins. and i've said this to myself countless times but still i manage to fall back into that trap of living in the future all the time. life is all about the here, the now. being a 16 year old girl typing this, that is who i am. someone with her own struggles and joys, i am not a doctor yet, i am not a mother or a wife yet, i am not there yet, i am here. and i gotta start living in the present or i'm gonna miss out on life, wondering where all these years went. i always said i wanted to make a difference in people's lives, and i finally realized today i guess, why not now? what's wrong with making a difference where i am now? maybe it won't be as big scaled as i dreamt, but i want to be able to go to bed at night, knowing i counted on God that day to do what He wanted me to do, knowing i lived fully and faithfully. sigh but as always, it's much much easier said than done.

hahah this post has a lot of lessons that i have learnt recently. this lesson is about people and how God works mysteriously, having higher ways than ours. in my life, i have met people who truly appreciated our friendship and turned to me for advice and stuff like that. sometimes, when i am at my selfishest, i am bitter and irritated towards them, which i feel very guilty for. but still having them in my life at all is kind of a blessing to me, because it is more blessed to give than to receive, and truly the best kind of joy comes from serving others. the lesson i learnt was, who am i to decide who God wants me to serve? sometimes there are people i would rather serve than others, but really, God has a plan that's way bigger. whoever is in Your life is in Your life for a purpose and it's an amazing purpose too. and when you obey, faithfully, you'll end up with so much more joy and satisfaction and faith that you expected to get. =) so if you're reading this now, i hope you could learn the same lesson i did, to be tolerant towards those who do need you in their lives, whether they show it obviously or not. even if it gets annoying to always serve sometimes. because what you say and how you act towards them, can impact who they become, completely.

and i realized one more thing yesterday, that maybe my guilt if one of my gifts from God. like in school, my friends always told me i had too big a conscience, and it made me suffer a bit la, in the sense that i'm always feeling guilty for the smallest mistakes and when i hurt people's feelings. but i realized, that it's better this way, that i am, in a way more sensitive to my sinning, and it's just an angle i never saw before. and it's totally cool too!

in my life, i remember a lot of small seemingly unsignificant details. like a simple phrase of encouragement (sometimes the person saying it doesn't even know it's encouraging me), it can stick with me forever. i get those from CAR ParK and shum alot. =P thanks guys, for being my support so often. i <3 you guys loads. =)

i gtg, supposed to be studying but my sister's going back to melb soon and they want me to gamble with them. hahaha, then i'll ber-bio. =P


people i can be myself with. =)