we all need somebody to lean on

random thoughts up ahead.

i still keep the panadol the 'white shoes gang' bought me when i wasn't feeling well. =) thanks. haha, random but i was just thinking bout it. lol...

do you believe that you can choose to be happy? even when you're sad?

dreams are a funny thing. how they can seem so real yet still be so far from the truth. it's odd how the more you try to remember what you dreamt the less you can recall.

i miss ballet. i miss jogging. i miss futsal. i miss running as fast as i can and feeling so alive doing it. i miss friends i hardly see anymore. i miss my school teachers. i miss being me.

the dude at the airport who checked my boarding pass said "go on in sweetie" after checking my passport. and the immigration dude went, "good luck girl!" i guess i must have looked really young in my red jumper and braid. haha, but it was sweet of em, aussies are nice man.

maybe sometimes, the best advice you can take is your own. you just gotta believe in what you say for yourself.

not all who wander are lost.

don't give up yet kay?


love always,
candice

the God whose love never runs out

i know this is quite lengthy, but maybe, there are things you need to read from here. =)

lately i've been struggling with something new, and long story short, i'm kinda okay now thanks largely to priscilla and rose's sermon on saturday. but i guess i learnt quite a lot in the process. i mean the cross has a whole new amazing meaning for me. like every one of my mistakes is washed clean by the blood of Jesus. and romans 8:38-39 says 'For i am convinced that neither death nor life , neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.' i guess somewhere along the road, i forgot that and felt completely imperferct and so horrible, like the only thing i can do is make mistakes after mistakes. and i felt so unworthy of God's grace. but the truth is, i am and i always will be. that's why it's called grace, because it's not about who i am, but about what God has done, not about what i've done but about who God is - who am i, casting crowns. =) and it takes faith to always believe that God will never let go of my hand, God will never stop loving me and God will never ever leave my side.

and isn't that just mindblowing? here is a God, so beautiful, so perfect and yet He would choose to love... me. you know honestly, many times i've felt like, hmm, i'm a pretty good person, quite lovable what.. but only recently did i realize how that's not really the case. and ultimately, my struggles have brought me to a new place of humility before God, which is good. and i stopped taking Jesus' work on the cross for granted. i'm just so amazed at Him, the author of my life, the lover of my soul.

and i realized God wants us to come to Him broken, for He is Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals. Another one of His names is Jehovah Shammah, the God who is there. My God isn't like any other, truly, for He is always there for me and He provides for me and He loves me and He does so much to get my attention and He heals hearts and He died, for my sins. i cannot imagine where i would be now if i didn't have Jesus in my life. i really can't. He's become like my strength, cause every time i hurt, i turn to Him. and only He can bring me peace. and the me you know today, it's all because of God. =)

so i was reading through my old notes, and i came across a few lines that really hit me. here they are. =)
even on my worst day, God loves me just as much.

it is not a chore to serve You, but a joy. =)

God can use anyone to do His works, it's just about whether you are available or not. isn't it a wonder that God trusts us?

you will never be holy enough to serve God. i am nothing. it is God's love and grace in my life that gives me worth and makes me so precious. i am who i am because of You Lord.

what attracts the Holy Spirit is our sincere admittance that we cannot be who He has called us to be without Him.

God rips the labels on us OFF and calls us children of God.

the love of God restores our identity.

If we are not out to change the world, who is?

i say this from experience, people will let you down and hurt you, but God never will.

GOD IS LOVE. The Bible does not say He has love or He gives loves but It says that GOD IS LOVE.

yea, these came at the moment i needed them most. =) there's this amazement that comes when you go before God completely broken, completely surrendered, asking for grace again. and by faith believing, that His grace for you renews each day. and i just feel like a little girl in God again, who needs her Daddy's protection and forgiveness and i am simply in wonder, because God doesn't turn me away, ever.

here's to anyone who's ever had a broken heart, a disheartened spirit, a painful experience, i want you to know today that God loves you and that He can heal you. He loves you so infinitely, if only you knew. He sent His son to die on the cross for YOU out of grace and ultimately, the greatest love of all. and if you want Him in your life, to experience God the way i did, to have the security to know that no matter how much you mess up in life, and even if everybody in the world stopped loving you, one person never will, and He is God, then i you need to know that this invitation extends to you too. accepting God into your life and experiencing that amazing love and freedom, it's a matter of whether or not you choose to do so.
God loves you, and He always will. if there's one thing you remember from this post, remember that.

before i go, i just wanna thank you once again God, for your endless mercy. sometimes i say it too often and it loses its sincerity, but today Lord, i mean it with all my heart. Thank you, for never giving up on me. I love You too. =)

Romans 8:1-2 - 'Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.'

with the love of God,
candice.

less than a one sen coin

wanna grow white hair and pull out all my hair already!

sigh.

who am i?

i'm currently collecting more sources for my english investigative study on refugees and there was something regarding it that made me feel discouraged. i realized that ignorance truly is bliss. the reason people aren't stepping up to make a difference is because they turn a blind eye to the needs around them. Because, when we open our ears and eyes and hearts, we feel a burden for these people who need us to help them. And with them burden comes sacrifices, whether in terms of money or time or energy etc. i find it so dicouraging that so many people would do so, even me on more than one occassion. i hate it when i look back and see myself falling short of the person i want to be. i remember how i discussed with someone once if we should listen to what the UNICEF guy had to say and she said no, listen just feel guilty only. and honestly, how many people in the world who have much to offer, would react the same way? and that sucks! well if you're reading this now, i just want to remind you that the guilt's there for a reason. it's not just like any other emotion that passes, this leaves a consequence. The five bucks you donated might just have saved a life. Gah, i'm frustrated at myself now. be generous guys, so maybe we'll have to eat sarawak mee or cafeteria nasi lemak only for the rest of the month, why not spend it on people who need it? start small and before you know it, millions of lives can be affected for the good, because of you. this is a lesson i learnt today. because you choosing not to care doesn't make their pain go away. can you live with that guilt?

sometimes you make all the righteous and correct choices, yet you end up worse off then before. Like a guy who gets bullied for helping the smaller kid not get picked on. Character and heart, that's what we all boil down to. so who do you choose to be today?

to be honest, reading the revolving door has made me tear a couple times already and made me feel so upset. yet sooner or later i am happy again. it makes me wonder, how can i be so happy when someone out there is being whipped or dying or being refused necessities to live? why is life such? it reaches the point where i feel embarassed even to be happy and i just don't know what to do. imagine your life side by side with the life of a refugee. like one of those movies which are comparing two scenes. doesn't that make you feel just awful?

my mum's a really cautious person, like in the always expect the worst kind of way. i know she just really cares about us kids, especially since we're girls and all, but she just oftens berprasangka buruk towards people and i considered today how i am the exact opposite. like i am very naive and trusting. i just wonder which is better. maybe in between?

"i love you" those three words are said too much, yet not enough. - chasing cars by snow patrol.

you know who i really look up to? mothers who don't abandon their autistic or handicapped children. couples who decide to keep their Down's syndrome baby. families that stick it out with whatever burdens come, cause they know that as long as they're all together, things can't be that bad. i was watching bersamamu on TV3, one of those series where they help the less fortunate and do case studies as such. and there were students that went to this lady's house to help her and give her stuff and all. this lady's grandson had a horrible joint and nerve disease that he was really skinny and had so many health complications.
and the first thing i wanted to say was how much i admire her. these are the rare kind of people that can look into the face of that child and know with all her heart that she loves him no matter what. she chose to never abandon him although he required so much care and attention. it's so difficult to make tough choices like these, and truly courage is just ignoring your fear and putting first what matters more than fear. and this strength that people find in themselves in the worst circumstances is just beautiful. I believe that that in itself is God's strength flowing through us, and if that is already beautiful in our fallen beings, how much more beautiful is He?
secondly, it really is more blessed to give than to receive. the students that went to help looked so happy, like they were doing something meaningful and having fun. have you ever randomly gave something to someone and saw that their joy made you feel so good? =D

kay i'm gonna go watch remember the titans on tv2 now. =) ciao!

love loads,
ME!

crash

*if you haven't watched the movie crash, this is a spoiler!! and you prolly won't understand anyways.* =P

haha, i'm currently typing this in college during my break. anna's gonna kill me if i don't go makan with them soon. =P hahah, anyways, i really had so many thoughts in my head watching crash and something i learnt from habitudes during leaders meeting is that sometimes, it's more important to say what you have to say that to hear others opinion about it kinda thing. it was kinda funny listening to my classmates opinions after the movie cause of how different i felt about it. everything seemed so orderly after our discussion when usually my thoughts are very jumbled and instinctive. anyways i thought it was a really really good show. definitely worth a watch.

I remember thinking so strongly that there is good in every bad person. Like when the bad police guy molested the girl but saved her life afterwards. it was really amazing to that there is a moral responsibility in each of us, despite how bad we started out as. and even though it was obvious he was capable of bad things, he still had a heart that values life and loves his father. i used to think that people could be so easily classified as good or bad when i guess i realized that you can't always do that. the line between those two are blur and it shows that you can't just take the average acts of what people do and determine if they are a good person or a bad person. maybe it is the sum of all those acts that make up what kind of person we become. i just find it amazing that even in the worst of the worst kind of people, there is still goodness, there is still love and there is still a heart in there. like anthony and the people who got trafficked. they very nearly wanted to leave the chinese guy for dead on the road when they hit him. but at the end he chooses the free the trafficked people and it's just wow again you know? i love all these questions about human nature and ethics and yea.. maybe a really important role to play in life is to be someone who can bring out that best in other people.

i also liked the theme of how everyone's just looking for a safe place in a safe world. like how terrence howard got pushed around to survive. it makes you wonder really, if it's worth it? sometimes it's so easy to say,"of course you gotta protect your dignity." but when it comes to making tough choices like this, dignity over safety, where do you stand? maybe the world isn't as black and white as i thought. shades of gray do exist in the choices we have to make in life. on a similar theme, at the other end of the road, was the young police who started out with ethics. he decided that what the other police did to the girl was wrong and wanted to voice out. but like always, making tough choices. how do you take a stand against bad superiors? and it was compeltely ironic how he who would stand against racism and fight back for them would end up killing the that dude, what's his name? he too submitted to stereotyping and paranoia and this really makes me wonder, just how far can we get pushed before we lose our ethics and eventually ourselves? i can imagine after all he's been through that he must be standing next to the dead body and wondering, how did i get here? i love how in great debaters, that dude, i forgot his name too, he said to the debaters something like 'i am here to make sure you never lose your mind." maybe i'm not thinking about it in the same context as he is but it's just, a mind is a terrible thing to lose. and the fact that you can lose it is just scary.

i loved how the movie depicted similar themes through different stories and all the lose ends were tied up together at the end. like whoa.

i love the interconnectedness of the people and the choices they make. isn't it incredible to think that every single step you take will bring to a set place? like one different move can change your future completely. like when the persian guy's daughter chose the bullets that were actually blanks. and because of that the locksmith's daughter survived. like in the end we find that the choices we make, whether knowingly or not, are already forming our future.

it was really cool too that even in a world of 'bad'-i don't like stereotyping good and bad anymore but for lack of better word...- there are still good people. like the locksmith. he too was just looking for a safe place in an unsafe world. he was a goodman, doing a legal, respectable job to help his family survive in a cruel world. but still, even with a good heart, you still have to be pushed around and discriminated, but he hangs in there for his family. he was my favourite character in the whole movie i think. his daughter too was so beautifully innocent when she jumped on him to save him from the bullet and just wow. the dude was shooting blank bullets!!! i cried like crazy then man. pipe burst lor.

and man, racial discrimination sucks big time. people can be so cruel, much more than i ever imagined. i like the story of the apples, i heard it when i was younger, how this mom took three apples, one yellow, one green and one red to teach her daughter about different races. and they were all obviously different from the outside but when she cut off the skin, her daughter could not differentiate between the three anymore, be it by taste or looks. and that really should be the way we all live. it doesn't matter what colour your skin is or where you're from, what matters is who you are and what you do in life. that should determine how much respect you deserve. i quote martin luther king jr.- "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." i find that quote very very meaningful.

haha, one last thing i wanted to talk about was what i thought of from watching NCIS yesterday. is it less wrong to kill/hurt a person who deserves it? like yesterday, the murderer on NCIS only killed bad men who abandoned their families for prostitudes. and well to hear of how badly they treated their families, it would seem they deserved to die. like if you hurt them now, they can't inflict pain on other people anymore kind of thing? so it's pretty blur i guess, but what i learnt from priscilla's absolute moral truth lesson is that the Bible says it is wrong to murder, do not judge, let God judge. and i guess it's not my decision to hurt the bad people as in like with violence or whatever (not that i am a violent person at all) but i am called to protect the hurt and comfort those in need and find another way to save people from pain without resorting to lowly ways such as those. you get me? man, this sounds more demented than it did in my mind. i guess basically, if it is God's will, He will provide a way. just make sure it's His will, not your brain backfiring and causing u to do something real stupid.

really, all this stuff about humanity fascinates me so. i wonder what kind of profession could link to this. =P but anyways, i have like 17 minutes of break left. gonna chao now, bye!

PRAISE GOD!!!

=) i really really wanna blog bout the movie crash which we watched in english. my gosh, the whole time i watched it, there were so many things i felt compelled to share my opinions about, but now i'm kinda too lazy to do so. haha, soon la. =P

but before i ber-nerd and do my maths, i really wanna PRAISE THE GOOD LORD JESUS! i couldn't have done it without Him and truly with Him by my side, nothing is impossible. thank you so much Lord, You really rock la. =) thanks for loving me so. =)

AND I'M TOTALLY EXCITED cause Mrs Sharon said there might be space for me in MADU for the project where they teach children to read in refugee camps. man i REALLY REALLY REALLY hope i can go!!!

a big thank you to sheetal, yu wen, ivan, pravin and raymond for walking me to school and getting my results for me when i was too afraid to. hahaha, thanks so much!

bye for now,
lots of love,
candice.

WHOAAAA

candice toh pooi sim is currently listening to SPIRIT.FM as she does her homework.

well if you don't know, SPIRIT.FM is an american radio station featuring Christian music and very encouraging stuff. i've heard of it before and always wondered what it would be like to listen to that station. and OH EM GEE, you can listen to it online! if you already knew you could do that, don't spoil my excitement.

can you believe that somewhere someone in america is listening to this too? makes me feel that the world is so huge yet at the same time, smaller than i ever imagined. =) this is just way cool and i'm freaking amazed now.

listen to SPIRIT.FM here! http://www.spiritfm.com/spiritlisten32.html

take my breath away

these are some photos i found on google, www.pleasefindthis.blogspot.com, and from the sony world photography awards. i love photographs of people, like real people in their lives. and i think that it takes a phenomenal photographer to be able to capture life into a photograph. =) and black and white pictures add the wowness.and i didn't take any of these, no infringement intended!


i really like this photo, i don't know why.


=) this makes me smile.


i remember this photo was titled 'fighter'. i'm just astounded by this photo, it's just amazing.


this was titled 'innocence'. it's a beautiful photo.


this was titled 'a mother's love' i think. i love how it's candid. or very well staged i guess, but candid pictures are the best.


i know this is a very common pose for photgraphy already, but still, it's an awesome idea and the photo's just great.


till i reach the sky.<3


this is one of the best photographs i've ever seen. i love how real and honest it is. this is jon's work from www.pleasefindthis.blogspot.com


sisterly love. <3


my sister took this photo. there's an old couple and a young couple in this. i love this journey of life thing going on here. =)


joy knows no age. =)


another unexplainably nice photo.


another one from jon. i love how this shows that no matter who you are in life, there's still beauty in it. you get me? just cool pic la.


i absolutely adore this picture. he shows passion in a way, and i just really love this photo. mad skills photographer man.

there are some others that i've seen from other sources like newspaper, that are really wonderful too.

haha, there are some pictures of my life that i like too. i'll post up a few. =)

bea che che took this of me and grace che. i like this a lot, hahah.


this is a pretty nice picture. i think ben cheok took it, but i'm not sure. hahah, from my paroimian days.


i love this picture. and i took it too! the kids just look so genuinely happy. =)

there's more i guess, but i lazy to search now. haha, been here for like half hour dey, gtg do work and spend time with God and eat and study and play with my sister. hahaha. but i guess, it amazes me how some people are talented enough to capture beauty. like artists can make something beautiful, that truly expresses them. singer/songwriters can create music that can touch people's souls. teachers can bring out the best in those they teach. dancers can throw their emotions onto the stage and it can be so beautiful. and i just find this one of those unexplainably amazing things in life. i wonder what i can do. hahah, time to go find out!

bye! love loads, candice. =)

same haircut

hahahah inside joke that. =P

well there's so much i wanna say today! new stuff too!
basically i had a good day! morning had futsal with our kids and gosh i missed them! i'm so proud to hear them calling me mummy candice and the boys still call me teacher. and gosh they are good at futsal, the boys especially and esther and nissi. killer kick man, and i had so much fun! i mentioned how i was lacking in exercise and it felt really good to sweat out there and run and feel that feeling in ur lungs when you need more air. hahah, i felt so alive! and lunch was good too, best burger i ever had. =)

i love kids. i really do, especially today, when playing with them, the little girls are so friendly. like after a while we'll be holding hands walking and everyone wants a hug and i just love being around kids. they're so innocent and loving and friendly. the older you get the harder it is to have that kind of innocence, like easiness to trust kinda thing. but i guess we just grow out of our naivete(? is this the right word??). and they also make friends with one another so quickly. tonight we had this community dinner thing for our road, and we met so many nice people. what amazed me most was how the kids were already running and chasing and having a blast so soon after people started arriving. i find that so beautiful in a sense, like when you grow up, we get all shy and akward and self concious, but not them you know. i guess my question is, what changed? i think being able to live with a mature mind yet child-like heart is the best. well in a way la. remember how you could cheer up with just an ice cream last time? hahah, i love kids la. =)i remember looking at one of the little girls tonight and wondering what she'll be like when she grows up. will she give her dad a big headache when she wants to wear miniskirts and makeup and become a "rebellious teenager" as hwee wen loves to say? hahahah, just a random thought.

i think for me, there are things i think i want, and things i'm supposed to want.

at our table today, another family sat with us. oh btw, i loved how all the dads, well representatives of the families went up and talked and everyone was like oh this is my wife and kids. and it just seemed so sweet and i really am staying with a very nice bunch of people. =) so the family right, and us started talking about childbirth and stuff. totally odd topic that my mum broguht up but interesting nevertheless. i found out that there was a power outage when i was born and the doctor had to cut me out of my mum's stomach while holding a torchlight or something. hahahha. but the other dad at that table talked about how the hospital they went to had really bad service and the doctors were incompetent and stuff and he warned them if anything happened to his kid right, they better watch out. and i was kinda touched by that, that fathers love their kids so fiercely, even if they don't always show it. they're like backbones, support systems that are ready to catch you when you fall. i've always wanted to be a father, ahha, but yea, not very possible. it's just dads have such a big role in their kids life. every girl needs her daddy to protect her and such and sons need their dad to set the example on being a man. just wow la. and then they discussed how heavy their baby was when tshe was born and my dad said like, yea, grace also 5 pounds or something like that. and awww, i was so touched again, it's 25 years already since then and he still remembers how heavy my sister was when she was born. aren't parents awesome? sometimes they nag and scold and stuff, but really, my parents are amazing people in my life. =)

i remember at the futsal court, there was another group of older guys playing futsal there. and i really liked the idea of a bunch of friends still meeting up to enjoy the sport together. like my dad who plays badminton with his childhood friends and brother twice a week, every week. i love how sports can bind people. i always tell my school friends when we're watching football in school or whatever, that it is so cool to see guys who absolutely didn't know each other become friends on the football/futsal court or basketball court. like how hwee wen and i used to play basketball with guys at pe and i would think we all bonded a bit more too from there. hahah, but the guys in our class who plays basketball are all really nice and always passes us the ball to try and shoot. needless to say, scoring even one shot is a BIG acheivement for me. =P but yea, my point is i love how the love of a sport can connect people. i don't have a sport like that really. jogging doesn't really bring people together the same way. oh well. =)

my foot soles hurt from futsal, but totally worth it. can't wait for the next time!

oh and today, i met mitte(?) i dunno how to spell her name, one of the refugees who i've never met before. she's 17, like me. and i remember thinking, we are at the same time of our lives now yet the roads we take are so completely different. she lives a life of constant danger, and of struggling to make ends meet, and scarce education and my life is as i've always felt it was, too blessed. so many things come easy to me, and i don't mean it as a way of boasting but in the sense that i don't understand why. i talked about this with my sister today, about how things are easier off for me than my friends or other people i know, and she said everyone has different paths to take and different challenges. while i was still pondering on the purpose of my life, she said, and "your gift is voluntary poverty. amazing huh?" and i was thinking wow. cause i took a spiritual gift test once and my gift was voluntary poverty and mercy i think.

well it's almost strange when i look back over my life. and i see how God introduced me to the refugee children, and brought me to leadership, and even this recent musical. but like my sister says, the hard part is finding your purpose in life and when you do, you will feel the most amazing peace. i need to find my purpose where i am now. God, please help me! but even though i may not have found it yet, i believe with all my heart, i have a purpose to live out for God. =)


some of the children. =)

beneath the tip of the iceberg

i've quoted this before, "when you look closely, people are beautiful". man, this quote has stuck with me for the longest time. because over and over again, i learn that lesson. it's funny cause sometimes, it can be hard to believe it too. people can surprise you and do things that touch your heart and the next minute just really be the opposite la. but i suppose, i gotta give them the benefit of the doubt. and life is lived best when we look for the best in others right? or if you can't find it, then bring it out. this year, i got the chance to know better and also know much better some people who i never really was close to before. like not even hi bye kinda thing. but even with someone that seemed so different than me, we found so much common ground. with someone i never really talked to, i could have a heart to heart with. with people i has kinda negative impressions about, i came to realize just how wrong i was about them. and that's just pretty amazing cause at the end of the day, when you look closely, people are beautiful. sure everyone has their flaws but maybe it's up to us, to train our eyes and hearts to look beyond those flaws and find that good in everyone. i believe everyone has some good in them, like watching glee right, sue is the perfect example. gosh she is so annoying, but seeing her with her sister that one episode, (her sister had Down's syndrome i think), i found it really touching lor. hahah bit sidetrack but that was the first time i noticed sue's really pretty too. and it's so wonderful to know that people are really amazing. =)

currently listening to james morrison's 'broken strings'. its a great song! =)

another thought struck me recently,what is it like to be blind? when i was young i used to pretend i was blind and close my eyes to walk up and down the stairs holding the railing and stuff. and it is way scary. i'm quite a scaredy-cat wan la, and to live in total darkness must be horrible. to never see eagles flying in the sky(always makes me happy), to see people laughing, to see colour and beauty and just everything. what must that be like? people say that if you are lacking one sense, your other senses are usually stronger. does that mean that blind people can hear music and appreciate it so much more? or taste food and savour every bite? or smell flowers and know without a doubt that our world is beautiful? and most of all, can they feel with their hearts all the more that they don't need sight to know that people are beautiful? i'm just astounded by the courage that they possess, especially since they have no other choice but to live with this disability. the courage to live on despite it, not wasting time to self pity and living life to its fullest? and if there are people like them in this world, so strong, so brave, so different, why can't i be like that too? people often say that they just don't have the courage, but the scary part is that courage is not the absence of fear, it's a choice to do something more important than fear. or laziness for that matter. but isn't it so amazing that we possess the ability to do great things? that we have the beauty of God in us, making us capable of really living, doing great things, if we would choose to, and then not back down.

oh, and there are two mushrooms in my garden! they're small, scary and have small beetles and ants all over it. like ewww.

i miss sweating like crazy. like from ballet or jogging, both of which i haven't done in really long. i remember i used to be really proud if i am completely red and tired and sweaty after ballet, shows i worked hard! =P and i just miss jogging, the joy you feel when you finally see the finish line, the hanging in there and yea.. annabella diong, jogging, friday!!! =D hopefully it works out, i really need exercise!

anyways, i have futsal moro! totally looking forward to that, and i'm sleepy already. probably gonna crash soon unless i can muster up enough strength to get some homework done first. =P till next time, hugs and kisses!


i like this picture. =)

somewhere down this road

well well well, i'm back here again! it's two months into 2010 already and man time flies. it's just week after week of college and church and i find myself here now. and though it is just a little over two months since i wore my orange uniform, school is such a faraway memory for me already. it's strange really when i pass by old classmates and we're no more than hi bye friends. i've said hey, how's life so far to too many people already. haha, but it's nice to still have tot wednesdays. i saw faris today! hahah big boy dey konon, with his elvis hair and funny attitude. i hope he suceeds on his mission impossible! lol, but really just catching up with them, peanuting, it feels really good and comfortable. i haven't linked arms with people in a long time.. =P but really, i'm glad some things will always be the same. shummie's still shummie, goo's still goo, vonne's still vonne and faris will always be himself la. hahhaaha..

but still, 2010 has brought so many changes to my life. i find myself in college, having tests so crazy often, buying my own lunch, being a cg leader, having to try harder to connect with old friends, in a musical (:D) and in normal clothes everyday. it's just pretty cool yet overwhelming sometimes. SAM is stressful man.. but it's okay, i'm not balding... yet. =P

i really thank God for bringing me here though, all my fears about college slowly dissipating away. i remember being so afraid that i'd have no friends, that i'd mix with the wrong crowd, that i couldn't cope in class but everything's going great now, just the ocassional gah-ness. thanks God, really. =) but 2011's gonna be an even bigger change! aiks! don't panic yet candice!!!

CRAPS. SPM results out on eleventh... sigh, breathe candice!!! hahah G8's boycotting class that day! woohoo!

man, i'm way excited bout 16 going on 17 next week, first meeting for the dancers! uber duper excited but my dancing is way rusty. haha.
and i'm still going of key with my any milk today. haha. gah.

yea, and that was an update about my life.. i haven't got any new philosophies or anything yet, but this year i think i'm gonna take more risks. try everything, see the world (okay maybe just a teeny bit of it) and discover who i really am. seems like for very long i've always defined myself by other things, like my grades, my abilities and all these other nonsense (considerably). and with it comes a fear of losing any of those, for that would mean losing myself. if you get me.... yea, but for a while now i've been telling myself to only let God define me, for He is everlasting and He loves me deeply. but like always, easier said than done. so yea, i wanna live this year with that mindset and discover who i really am underneath all that, and let that girl shine instead. =)

you know, writing here has made me see things more clearly in life, like i'm more amazed at little things now. cool huh?

man my weekends are pretty packed. i really wanted to join MADU but apparently it's full right now, GAH! hopefully it'll open up by their next meeting, mum's pissed i have so many activities. while frustrating, it's funny cause it's been a long time since she's bugged me bout this. i want to go for evening service, cg, college cg, kat's birthday day (sorry kat!), alice in wonderland with classmates, MADU meetings (i wish), AGC meeting (sorry!), neighbourhood dinner, football with ben and my kids, and everything else i wanna do. (pulls hair out of my head)sigh.

but to be honest, i have been struggling to hear God's voice lately. it's tough and i haven't been trying hard enough. but i can't give up. i need Him in my life. sigh... will try harder, if you're reading this, i hope you do too! =)

very often i get to the end of a blog post and think, cheh, so sian wan this post, but i usually post it anyways.. =P