who am i?

i'm currently collecting more sources for my english investigative study on refugees and there was something regarding it that made me feel discouraged. i realized that ignorance truly is bliss. the reason people aren't stepping up to make a difference is because they turn a blind eye to the needs around them. Because, when we open our ears and eyes and hearts, we feel a burden for these people who need us to help them. And with them burden comes sacrifices, whether in terms of money or time or energy etc. i find it so dicouraging that so many people would do so, even me on more than one occassion. i hate it when i look back and see myself falling short of the person i want to be. i remember how i discussed with someone once if we should listen to what the UNICEF guy had to say and she said no, listen just feel guilty only. and honestly, how many people in the world who have much to offer, would react the same way? and that sucks! well if you're reading this now, i just want to remind you that the guilt's there for a reason. it's not just like any other emotion that passes, this leaves a consequence. The five bucks you donated might just have saved a life. Gah, i'm frustrated at myself now. be generous guys, so maybe we'll have to eat sarawak mee or cafeteria nasi lemak only for the rest of the month, why not spend it on people who need it? start small and before you know it, millions of lives can be affected for the good, because of you. this is a lesson i learnt today. because you choosing not to care doesn't make their pain go away. can you live with that guilt?

sometimes you make all the righteous and correct choices, yet you end up worse off then before. Like a guy who gets bullied for helping the smaller kid not get picked on. Character and heart, that's what we all boil down to. so who do you choose to be today?

to be honest, reading the revolving door has made me tear a couple times already and made me feel so upset. yet sooner or later i am happy again. it makes me wonder, how can i be so happy when someone out there is being whipped or dying or being refused necessities to live? why is life such? it reaches the point where i feel embarassed even to be happy and i just don't know what to do. imagine your life side by side with the life of a refugee. like one of those movies which are comparing two scenes. doesn't that make you feel just awful?

my mum's a really cautious person, like in the always expect the worst kind of way. i know she just really cares about us kids, especially since we're girls and all, but she just oftens berprasangka buruk towards people and i considered today how i am the exact opposite. like i am very naive and trusting. i just wonder which is better. maybe in between?

"i love you" those three words are said too much, yet not enough. - chasing cars by snow patrol.

you know who i really look up to? mothers who don't abandon their autistic or handicapped children. couples who decide to keep their Down's syndrome baby. families that stick it out with whatever burdens come, cause they know that as long as they're all together, things can't be that bad. i was watching bersamamu on TV3, one of those series where they help the less fortunate and do case studies as such. and there were students that went to this lady's house to help her and give her stuff and all. this lady's grandson had a horrible joint and nerve disease that he was really skinny and had so many health complications.
and the first thing i wanted to say was how much i admire her. these are the rare kind of people that can look into the face of that child and know with all her heart that she loves him no matter what. she chose to never abandon him although he required so much care and attention. it's so difficult to make tough choices like these, and truly courage is just ignoring your fear and putting first what matters more than fear. and this strength that people find in themselves in the worst circumstances is just beautiful. I believe that that in itself is God's strength flowing through us, and if that is already beautiful in our fallen beings, how much more beautiful is He?
secondly, it really is more blessed to give than to receive. the students that went to help looked so happy, like they were doing something meaningful and having fun. have you ever randomly gave something to someone and saw that their joy made you feel so good? =D

kay i'm gonna go watch remember the titans on tv2 now. =) ciao!

love loads,
ME!