lost and exhausted

a few months ago, i knew exactly who i was. i knew exactly where i was heading, what i was gonna do with my life, what my dreams were.

today, i simply don't know anything anymore. i've been trying, God knows i have, to find my footing again. to find the things that make me who i am once more. but like i said, i don't know anymore. here i am, struggling, starting to lose faith in myself. it's so difficult to turn to God even, who's saying to me "Come let Me heal you". i.. just need time i think. and at least, in a couple of weeks, i'll get to redefine myself again. to have a fresh new beginning, to remember the girl i loved. God, please be with me i pray.

How hard must you be pushed, before you realize you've become someone else entirely?

lessons for the soul

here's what i've learnt recently:

1. i love my ka che very much (guntomyheadmoment :P)

2. Friendships are woth preserving and fighting to maintain ( i <3 CAR ParK)

3. God is always in control. Be still and know that He is God.

4. to be excited for what God's gonna do in my life.

5. to stop worrying so much.

6. to always pick peace over personal triumph, but to give myself time to breathe.

7. that there is no such thing as a break from life, but always a God whom i can lean on.

8. that freshly fried nga ku can give you a sore throat.

9. that God's working miracles in the lives of my friends, and He's always working.

10. that korean food is delicious and yee sang tastes better in the middle of the jungle.

11. that my friends meant it when they said they'd always be there for me if i needed them.

12. that sean is a really pro driver! :P

13. that life can be really REALLY REALLY difficult sometimes.

14. that life will always be filled with uncertainties.

15. that patience will bring forth greater rewards.

16. that beannies are to keep your ears warm (but make you temporarily deaf)

17. that experience and growth must be paid for with pain.

18. that growing up can suck sometimes.

19. that Mid Valley's McD's oreo mcflurries are really nice.

and.. 20. that the only way out of the pain and ache is through it, to feel it out and not be afraid of getting hurt again. God uses time to heal all wounds.

The pain passes, but the beauty remains.
- Publilius Syrus

"Tuptim: How did Mem's husband die?
Anna: In my arms, actually.
Tuptim: How did Mem survive?
Anna: One awful day at a time, just as you will."
- Anna and the King (oneofthe BEST MOVIEs EVERR.)

XOXO,
candice

time to say goodbye

i had an incredible past two days. :) i love you all!!! :D

i realized today that on many occasions i have acted really not-nicely when i'm with my friends. many times, i have been too loud, irritating, talkative without thinking first, whiny, really whiny, sleepy everywhere etc. and i don't like that version of me la, but i'm really touched that i have friends who'd still stand by me when i'm all those things. or unladylikeladies who call me pig (with secret affection), or a kor i can run and hide behind when i said something stupid REALLY LOUD and the uncle and the sean in front of me gave me weird looks while my new best friend just laughed on. thanks gene. =.= reminds me of this (censored for blogging :P) quote from juno.

Look, in my opinion the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what-have-you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ***. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

when i told mich i wanted to write farewell notes, she said "why don't you just post it in your blog! then we'll all see it." that made me remember how a year ago, no one read my blog. apparently it was too wordy, or boring etc. but i was really touched by the realization that i have friends who read it now. who bother sifting through my thoughts and occasional crap. :P thanks guys. :) so here's my add-on farewell notes. to sean, thanks for the ride home, and our conversation on the way! it was really good for me, and i REALLY appreciate how nice you are to all of us! :) to gene, my new best friend (one of), stop saying inappropriate things to me! lol you did that all the time last time too. i can't wait to see you in melb! to kor, thanks for letting me hide behind you when i was embarrassed and assuring me that you'd still be my kor if i can no longer fit into my cannot-grow-any-fatter jeans! :) to ivan, lots of love for saying the WRONGEST things today! it was so great seeing you again. to hsinghwa, for eating the funny prawn pancake today. :P to mich, for wearing new winter clothes with me today, and for putting up with the pig, and just for being the you i got to know and love this year! :) to elena, for laughing so CRAZILY when we realized my spectacles case had your dad's name on it, and for always being someone i can turn to, and laugh with, and for always caring for us all. to lilian, i haven't seen you in ages! thanks for coming today, for being such great fun and always ready to listen. to ian, for always asking me to be careful when i was cycling and for helping me hold the bike when i couldn't balance. thank you! to raymond, hze hou and evelyn, i was so happy to see you guys too! thanks for coming and laughing together and i wish you all the best in uni! :) to everyone else, i love you too! <3!

these past few days have been so fun. our adventure began at petaling street where we met our tour guide SEANNIE! we proceeded to eat one of my favourite nasi lemaks in malaysia which only got an okay remark from him, mich and elena. =.= we then went all over kl, to the ktm station in town, biggest post office, central market, dataran merdeka, stadium merdeka, dayabumi building (or jambayanaputra in elena's words), klcc, pavilion, klcc park, aquaria and times square. sean was so cool in helping mich pick out her beannie and me with my boots. and for waiting as we tried on countless pairs of jeans heh. :P sleepover was awesome too! got called pig by four people cause i was sleepy. =.= and i was really touched by mich and elena's action of waiting for me to break fast before eating too. :) then the next day we were off to bukit cahaya! had a good time and EXERCISE cycling and walking all over, and definitely my favourite part, having our yee sang in the middle of the road in the middle of the jungle. gosh i love these crazy spontaneous people. haha. we even went to the four seasons house together where we could see snow!!! :) so exciting! it was FREEZING tho. :P then had dinner with ivan unexpectedly! fun stuff... haha i've run out of words.

i like how mich expected us to be there at her farewell already without even asking. :) i like how the expectation can be applied for close enough friends, expectations that would be fulfilled. i like a lot of things about these people. :) <3! and today i made a promise, that when i become a driver, i too must fulfill my responsibility of dropping people to their doorsteps if they need it. ;) thanks for the inspiration sean and adrian! :)

i'm sleepy again, so good night whoever's reading this! lots of love! :)

nights,
candice

the beauty of grace

here's a lesson i re-learnt recently. JESUS LOVES ME. yep, simple as that, the very basics of Christianity i think. i've just been struggling these past few days, with my circumstances and with the people around me, and with the lies i've been fed. i was so caught up in thinking how useless i am. i was also just exhausted of life really, everything was so difficult. it is still, so difficult to always choose to do the right thing. some days i really just say, God i can't do this anymore. i didn't wanna forgive anymore, or be nice, or live up to the standards i have set for myself. i walked around carrying all these rojak emotions for a while, until sarah reminded me that God wants to hear all our complains, all our rambles, everything. for so long, i've been trying to find the right words to pray with, to explain to God how i really felt, and what i wanted. right after she said that tho, i knew what my prayer was already.

God, i'm tired.

it was a pretty crazy night, but i was so super duper touched by the incredible support given to me by everyone in that retreat and i was just blown away la. peace didn't drop on me like a piano onto a street, but i was so certain God was there, He was listening and comforting me, and i definitely left the place very very much less troubled. my greatest blessing in this life, is to KNOW that God is always with me and that He loves me.

thank You God, for caring that i was burdened. to think that there are 6.7 billion people in this world for You to bother to, and yet You still want me. that You still care about my every smile, and my every tear. i love You Lord! :)

the other day, pris challenged rachel and me about why we were Christians. why didn't we choose any other other religion, why is Christianity different to us? and i had two answers. firstly, the security. i don't know about others of different faith, but i've always had the security of knowing God has a plan for me. :) even if i didn't get into med school, which ONLY by GOD'S GRACE i did, i know for SURE that He's got different plans for me. i'm not perfect, and i cannot always just believe in myself to scale greater heights. but i have a Father God who i know, is always in control. and my life will head where He pleases it does, and i know that it is a good plan, according to Jeremiah 29:11. "For i know the plans i have for you, not of evil but plans to give you a hope and a future." :) by no means, an easy life, but a blessed one. :)

secondly, my God's a personal God. the other day me and my sisters got into a debate with my dad. He was telling us about Sai Baba who performs wondrous miracles like manifesting gold and pieces of the cross and such. i prayed for the words to tell my dad about my God, but i kept coming up short. and then i started telling him, out of nowhere, about how God does miracles for me too. i told him about my math final exam and how God spoke to me, and His promise of discovering the right answer came true. and my dad too, witnessed the miracle God did in entering Monash for medicine. talking to miss aananthi from placement, she said she was surprised i got it, cause only two of us got into clayton this year. and the only thing i could think of was how God was limitless. He can do all things, and He extravagantly spends such handcrafted miracles on those who love Him. truly, all things work out for the good of those who love the Lord. and there it was, one of the many reasons why i am a Christian, this makes Christianity different for me. Miracles happen everyday everywhere, and no doubt many are capable of making miracles happen. but at the end of the day, it is my God, that listens to my every prayer, that loves me deeper than i can fathom, that bothers about my little math exam when He has to worry about world peace or something. my God is a personal God and i learnt that through experience. :)


via thehopemovement

leader's retreat this year made me really excited to be a CG leader. sadly, i won't be one this year already since i'll be leaving. sometimes i look around and see, everyone around me is being such a HUGE impact on those around them. my friends are doing great things, witnessing God's miracles and promises come through, watching God move in those around them. and me? i'm leaving, and i feel so sad that i cannot be a part of this years movement and growth in YC. and i think of how once i'm in Aussie, i'll have to start over. build a new relationship with new people in a new church, start serving from the beginning again. i felt upset that i couldn't make a difference as a CG leader anymore. but i realized, that no matter all these feelings, i know that i am right in line with what God wants me to do and where He wants me to go, i am walking through the doors He has opened before me. and because i am doing so, i know He has other things for me to do where He is leading me. and that He'll give me the strength then to accomplish those tasks too.

thank You Lord, for everything. use me i pray, wherever You send me next. :)

"The most alarming thing in your last account of the patient is that he is making none of those confident resolutions which marked his original conversion. No more lavish promises of perpetual virtue, I gather; not even the expectation if an endowment of 'grace' for life, but only a hope for the daily and hourly pittance to meet the daily and hourly temptation. This is very bad."

"But the obedience which the Enemy (God) demands of men is quite a different thing. One must face the fact that all the talk about His love for men, and His service being perfect freedom, is not mere propaganda, but an appalling truth. He really does wanna fill the universe with a lot of loathsome little replicas of Himself-creatures whose life, on its miniature scale, will be qualitatively like His own, not because He has absorbed them, but because their wills freely conform to His. We want cattle who can finally become food; He wants servants who can finally become sons."

"Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those (initial) supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs-to carry out from the will alone duties which must have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best.... He wants them to walk and must therefore take away His hand, and if only the will to really walk is there, He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks around upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and STILL OBEYS."
- The Screwtape Letters by C.S Lewis (Letters from the devil)


this is a BRILLIANT, inspiring song. check it out! :P

Jesus loves you too :) ,
candice

the anchor

today, after something.. rather surprising and stressful happened, i was led to question once again.. myself. i felt so pressured to be what everyone else expected of me, where suddenly being 'candice' became a duty not a natural thing. sometimes, lots of times really, i think people expect more of me than i am ready, or able to give. i want to be perfect so much, but i can't and often i lose strength to try anymore even. sigh, something's just up with my emotions lately. :/ i just, don't want to have to try so hard anymore.

but then i remembered how i felt today, just hanging out with my friends, the people i felt most 'me' with. with these crazy bunch, i never have to try harder, i just am who i am. i recently read a quote about how everyone else in the world can be basically telling you you're not good enough, but all you need is one, who would tell you that you are. these guys are one of the greatest blessings i've ever had. sometimes when everything else just begins to crumble, and when the people i expected to believe in me just.. don't, and when i fail others again, i've got a place i can come back to to feel right at home. we all need friends man really. i realized that today. so i guess it's okay if the rest of the world think poorly of me, i'll be okay cause there are people who'd still stand next to me when i'm being weird and ugly and noisy and APPARENTLY off-key again, when i have friends who'd spend like forty minutes plus discussing what to have for dinner while i lodge my visa application, when they don't care if i'm smart, stupid, ugly, pretty, fat or thin, when seeing them happy playing badminton makes me happy, when we make fun of each other, laugh together, eat everything, give space to emo and so much more. friends like these, just can't let distance separate em. sigh, i'm hoping for the best guys! haha, thanks for everything, i love you all loads! :)

and hyeh hyeh hyeh, SAM book sale was super duper. we all got a sunburnt tho. and no one wanted a photo with ian in the end. LOL.


free advertising space? :)


kor says i'm PWETTY here. hahha SARCASM? totally. BLUEH. my camera's still cooler la kor. hahah all of us kept playing with his smile detector thingy today, so super fun. :) it'd even take a photo of ian's smiling photo! :D i had a good time today after all, just what i needed. <3

love,
candice

those good ol' times

today, as i was making a u-turn (so pro leh :D), i suddenly remembered the time we all went for g8's class party in kor's car, and we reached this roundabout, and we didn't know which way to go. so kor just kept going in circles and circles and circles at that puny roundabout and we were all just giggling inside. haha, i smiled as i thought of that time in the car today. then suddenly, the whole trip back was just a stroll down memory lane la. :P

i remembered how i sang so loudly and PASSIONATELY in adrian's car and how they were too happy when i fell asleep and shut up. i remembered how elena, mich and i would steal grape jam from mcd's and then eat breakfast by the pool in myplace. :) i remembered how scared we were of lilian cause she used to take note of EVERYTHING on the first few weeks of college. i remembered the first time i got scolded by Ms. Doh and yng yng said to me, "i know, make you feel less than one sen coin right!" lol. i remembered my heart-to-heart with dianne on the beach and how we all had to run from bees then film outside the sam garden, and how raymond danced so gracefully at the orphanage, and how gene.. GENE got SLAPPED by a LITTLE GIRL. :D :D :D hahahah, and how pris, elena and mich would eat outside ac with me under umbrellas cause i hated ac. oh and the maggot fruits! which sean and i and elena so bravely fought against. and all the bubble tea/takeaway trips, the constant rushing, the sleepovers, the drives, the everything. :) i guess to sum this all up, i really miss my friends. i'm afraid really, as i will be soon placed in a completely new environment with nothing familiar, the familiar-est person being 40-90 minutes away. i'm afraid of the friends i will make, or not make, afraid of the person i will eventually become, afriad of how my relationship with God and my friends here will become. i'm just.. afraid.

ughh, i really hate being cooped up at home nowadays. just creates more room for tension i think. can't wait for the book sale/ badminton outing tomoro! chance to be me again. :) :) :) EXCITED! :D

oh and today, i closed my window cause it was hot, and when i wanted to look out the window to check my tyres..... HAHAHA. so stupit.

and... i recently watched this indon movie ada apa dengan cinta? and i actually really loved the poem in it. here it is! :)

Perempuan datang atas nama cinta
Bunda pergi karena cinta
Digenangi air racun jingga adalah wajahmu
Seperti bulan lelap tidur di hatimu
yang berdinding kelam dan kedinginan
Ada apa dengannya
Meninggalkan hati untuk dicaci
Lalu sekali ini aku melihat karya surga
dari mata seorang hawa
Ada apa dengan cinta

Tapi aku pasti akan kembali
dalam satu purnama
untuk mempertanyakan kembali cintanya..

Bukan untuknya, bukan untuk siapa
Tapi untukku
Karena aku ingin kamu
Itu saja.

it's pretty cool that i understand BM and thus a BIT of indon too. hahha, got to read this how it is and not translated (kedinginan-frosty =.= ) :P i like this one too. :)

Kulari ke hutan kemudian menyanyiku
kulari ke pantai kemudian teriakku
sepi, sepi dan sendiri
aku benci

Aku ngin bingar
aku mau di pasar
bosan aku dengan penat
dan enyah saja kau pekat
seperti berjelaga
jika ku sendiri

Pecahkan saja gelasnya
biar ramai
biar mengaduh sampai gaduh

Ah...ada malaikat menyulam
jaring laba-laba belang
di tembok keraton putih
kenapa tak goyangkan saja loncengnya
biar terdera

Atau aku harus lari ke hutan
belok ke pantai .........


getting all ready to be a uni student :),
candice

God never fails

after a year of anticipation and stress.....

I GOT IN! :)

praise the Lord for He is good and His mercy endures forever! :D i find myself once again in a place where i know, like REALLY KNOW, i could not have done this by my own strength. all glory goes to God! thank You Father Lord! :)

i'm just an ordinary girl with an extraordinary God,
candice <3

storm clouds

today at dinner, i reflected on how blessed i am. i live a happy life, healthy family, great friends, good education etc. a friend's recent comment that i was a 'rich kid' to be able to study overseas floated to my mind. on more than one occasion i have been labeled as the rich kid who had things so easy. and i guess to some extent, that's true. still, i've admitted this to many before too, i hate the label. which is why there are some encouragements i have received that i never forgot, because they showed me that to some, i'm not just a 'rich kid'. haha i remember the day mich admitted she used to be afraid of me cause i came from SriKL and i was like 'what?? lol. are you still scared of me?' and she replied, "no you're different. :)'. hahah never will forget that. :) i really don't know where i'm heading, i'm just wandering around my mind now. still, i'll admit i'm really blessed, to have parents that would support me in ANY course i would like to go for, even circus arts. :) i remember how my daddy took me seriously when i told him that the National Institute of Circus Arts was super awesome. and then this thought entered my mind..

what if.. i was born under the circumstances in which i was born, simply so that i would have the means to study exactly where God wanted me? i'm basically in line with His destiny for me now. and that's a cool thought!

so today i said thanks to my dad, for giving me the freedom to choose and the opportunity to chase my dreams. i've known for a while now that i wanted to be a doctor. sometimes i have these funny conversations with myself in my head, and as i was washing the dishes today, i thought, is it really that important for me to become a doctor? the world's overflowing with doctors right now. i'll just be.. one of them. maybe i'd be able to help more people in other ways. to which i replied myself, "one day, you're gonna save a life (well help save a life by God's grace), and it won't be someone else that did it, but you. and for that one person, and all the other one persons you will play a role in 'rescuing', that would be why you became a doctor. to do what God has instructed and to walk the path He's called you to walk." and i'm like hmm, cool. :) yet somedays i wonder how i could ever repay my dad, especially if my dream job isn't in a prestigious hospital but perhaps on the street or slums. tough i know, but that's the dream! ;) after all the money and effort he'd have labored to put me through this, i'm gonna earn.. barely enough? sigh, i don't know. like i've been saying a lot, so far my life simply extends till getting my offer and setting where to go. after that however, i haven't thought so far yet. still, other than for me, for God and for the friends i promised, i'm gonna study hard for my dad, and my family. the ones who have been such a.. backstage pillar of support and strength in my life. they weren't always the ones that gave the heartwarming encouragements that brought tears to my eyes, but all it takes is quiet reflection to know that they'd walk with me through thick and thin, and hold me wherever i choose to fly, with their love. thank you guys, i'll make you proud i promise! :)

some days i really wonder who i am, where God wants me. i look back on my life and wonder what i've done, how it doesn't seem to be much. there are times i feel surrounded by my failures, my shortcomings, my burdens and i just feel so.. lost. who am i really? who did God intend for me to be? i really do imagine there'd be a day in the future, when i'm living out my destiny, either being a mom or some medical missionary in africa or some other unfathomable future right now, and it will all make sense. but that's not necessarily true is it? my life could end way before that, it could end before i get my degree, it could end tomorrow. and as i lie in my bed now, i'm wondering, what do i have to show for it? people tell me i'm nice, but 'nice' hardly seems much to have impacted lives with. i know i'm just being all overthoughtful again, but still i wonder what my answer will be when Jesus asks me, "what have you done with your life?". and like parallel to that, i'm wondering what does it mean to be.. me? what does it mean to be me.. now? there have been moments in my life i feel very me, if this makes any sense at all. it is in the talks with experienced uncles in crisis home, the priceless hug with someone who needed it, in the moments i'm 'crazy' again doing the next stupid thing with my equally hyper friends and in the moments of peace when i feel that life is good. so i'm left with a pretty scary question, what about the in-betweens? who am i then? sighhhhh, i doubt you're following me now! sorry. just in a very thoughtful mood now. :P

in my life, there have been many times i watched numerous friends and even family of mine suffer or go through trials while my life is all dandy. and i ask God why? why do i get to be so blessed? on one hand i've heard God say to me before, don't you trust me with the lives of those you love? and on the other hand grace che che always tells me that God gives us all different challenges, and all for His own purpose. which is kinda mindblowing i think. :) i don't know how to explain this anymore, but yea, God's got an incredible plan for each of us, not one of em better than the other.

this was pretty cool, and the green mile was a superb movie! :)

"Paul Edgecomb: On the day of my judgment, when I stand before God, and He asks me why did I kill one of his true miracles, what am I gonna say? That it was my job? My job?

John Coffey: You tell God the Father it was a kindness you done. I know you hurtin' and worryin', I can feel it on you, but you oughta quit on it now. Because I want it over and done. I do. I'm tired, boss. Tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with, or tell me where we's coming from or going to, or why. Mostly I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world everyday. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head all the time. Can you understand? "
-The Green Mile

one of the thoughts that floated in my mind was, i wonder what John Coffey would have seen had he looked at my hand and my heart. "You can't hide what's in your heart". i wonder.

Lord, give me the strength to do Your will. i pray that You will grant me the ability to see others through Your eyes, realizing how precious they are to You, and at the moments i see nothing good left in me, that i will be able too, to see how precious i am to You. teach me to love others as You do, and to see them for the people they can and will become, as they submit to Your molding and guidance. Lord You of all people know me best, and You see how i struggle in keeping the faith i have in others sometimes. but show me things the way You view em Lord, and keep my heart connected to Yours i pray, that i never stop believing in goodness, beauty and miracles. thank You Lord for life. i love You! :)
Amen.

everyday is a miracle,
candice

p.s: i have no idea if the above post made any sense whatsoever. before i wrote this, i was blog-hopping and reading old posts etc., just trying to find some perspective. to remember.. me. and then i suddenly felt like i should write. and this.. is the result. haha, oh well i do feel better now, regardless of all the random thoughts spat out here. have a good day you! :) keep smiling and shining, and remember to live each moment as your last!

revelation

in a few hours i will find out if i got into monash or not. man this feel SO surreal. for so long i've wanted this, and was so certain even that this is the direction God's calling me to. now all doubts rush in at my shortcomings, my ability to get a spot. yet, like my results, maybe, just maybe, a God-breathed miracle awaits me. a part of me is afraid of not getting it (like DUH!) cause for so long i have put monash as where i thought i was meant to go to, but another part of me doesn't really care, cause i know that God's still in control, and that He will open the doors needed to take me where He wants me to go. so putting aside my pride, my possible errors in hearing His voice, now it's just all about the revelation, of where He wants me to go. UNSW or Monash? despite the anxiety and maybe even "induced" fear, there's an underlying peace within me now for i know that.. in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.- Romans 8:28. so i'm just keeping my fingers crossed, and waiting. :) in or not God, i will still praise You, and i will always love You. thank You Daddy King! :)

LOVE,
candice

patience

Dear Monash,

A reply would be nice. Thank you. :)

Love,
Candice

i never thought i could feel so excited and so sad/terrified to leave at the same time. :/

of sunflowers and toothpicks

"As we humble ourselves,
and seek Your face,
fall on our knees,
turn from our ways,
You will hear our cries,
wipe our sins away,
come and heal our land we pray"
- Send me, Planetshakers

i had every intention to write a long post today but i got lazy after. heh. lol, so this sums up what i was feeling!

if you've had a reason to smile today, or a hug, or a moment where you knew for certain you were loved, you are richly blessed. don't take anything for granted, especially loved ones. and God's always there for you! my God is so cool la really. :) <3

and.. i guess i'm pretty excited to be sent by God to aussie, but i've never been this anxious and scared and sad to leave before! everything and everyone i love is here. :( well cept bea che la. sighhh.

and most people say... that waiting's the hardest thing to do.


<3,
candice

at the beginning..

.. once again.

the realization that these moments are the last few we have together before we go our separate ways is very.. surreal. all the best guys, let's brace ourselves for a whole new year! :)

love LOADS,
candice

desire

the days are long but the years are short. man, i actually can't wait to be busy again. holidays can only be so fun. :/ i'm excited for a whole new studying year! hope this feeling lasts all year.

still, i can't wait for thursday! ZOOGU NEGARA!!! :) and this is where everyone goes.. NICE. :)

bored much,
candice

to infinity and beyond! :)

We were created to be in relationship with God; and when we take that relationship to an intimate level, it bonds us not only to His presence but also to His strength. Prayers that express our hurts and emotions are most assuredly welcomed by God because they demonstrate our trust in Him. We will often find perspective, and nearly always come away comforted, knowing we’ve entrusted the things that are troubling us—whether criticism or deep desires—to the One who is best able to sort through them.
—Randy Kilgore

You can talk to God because God listens.

Your voice matters in heaven. He takes you very seriously. When you enter His presence, the attendants turn to you to hear your voice. No need to fear that you will be ignored.

Even if you stammer or stumble, even if what you have to say impresses no one, it impresses God, and he listens.
- Max Lucado

it still amazes me that the few devotionals i read a day usually overlap to talk about the same thing, and often what i need to hear. Good stuff! :)

and this... is spaghetti 101. :D


still it's a step up from.....


hahahhahaha. and i was just reminded of how we put garlic in one of jellies last time, served to our poor unsuspecting victim hsing hwa, who spat it out after making the funniest face ever. :) good times!

note to self: learn to cook from mum before i go to australia.

:) ,
candice

random 5

1. I miss cabana, and pork noodles, and peppercorn, and bubble tea, and takeaway, and salmon steak. i miss college food la.

2. I'm quite irritable today, better be nice to me! ;)

3. I learnt how to park today and i am GOOD. sort of.

4. I can't wait to go to the zoo and meet gene's brothers. :)

5. It's raining now and that's lifting my moods a bit!

"If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes."
- Andrew Carnegie

"Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be."
- Abraham Lincoln


Birthday tea! :)

keep smiling,
candice! :D

faith

lately i have been in SUCH a university dilemma. i have received an offer from one university to study medicine there, but throughout the year, my first choice has always been monash australia. and now, i keep feeling like i should keep waiting for monash's offer, to let go of the one i have now and just wait, for God's miracle in this issue. definitely right now, my family's worried, i'm worried, cause i already have a good university in hand, why throw it all away for a 'maybe'? my dad says, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. but.. what if this is indeed God's will for me, a test of faith? what if despite the world says, God really is speaking to me? and this was further confirmed by a verse janice gave me in greater things conference this year, "As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish,so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth. It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." This is isaiah 55:10-11. sigh, i just need to believe in God harder than ever now. what is His plan for me? i don't know if we can wait much longer for monash but.. sigh. Please God! let all things work out i pray.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
- Romans 8:28

Blessed be Your name by Matt Redman
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name



discovering inner strength,
candice :)

in search of joy

i spent my new year's countdown at thanksgiving night in church yesterday, and despite all my feelings of fear and anxiety for the new year, i felt an utmost excitement for 2011. it's gonna be an entirely new experience, away from all that is familiar to me. but i actually miss this, standing at the edge with nothing to go on but faith. where i have to trust God fully to lead me this year, through all the pain, lessons, joy and experience. so it's exciting too, in the sense that i know God's got a plan for me, greater than i imagined. :) so this year, i wanna be happy, i wanna take risks, i wanna make new friends, and soak up life in the unfamiliar. but above all Lord, let this be Your year. :)

in a devotional i read lately, it said something about having to let go of what i'm holding on too tightly to move forward. and so yea.. i think to some extent, that's what i'm gonna do. to enter the new year.. free, without giving up hope. :)

anyways, this song was in my head this morning. :) here it is!

Leaving on a Jet Plane by John Denver
All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn
The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I'll think of you
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you
When I come back, I'll bring your wedding ring

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go

Now the time has come to leave you
One more time let me kiss you
Close your eyes I'll be on my way
Dream about the days to come
When I won't have to leave alone
About the times, I won't have to say

So kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh baby, I hate to go

Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go


have a happy new year! :D

full of hope,
candice