Thursday, December 10, 2009

JUMBLED thoughts.

i love the new batman series- batman begins and dark knight. it has so many thought provoking sentiments(?). i think i've always kinda liked superhero movies, the good ones la. zorro's awesome, batman, superman. But my fascination with them goes beyond the comic book wonder. it's the decision they make to be what they think the world needs. i guess that's where they draw the line between what is moral and what is lawful. here's something i've always questioned. how far do you go? how hard must you push to do what is right? for a simple girl like me, i doubt i possess the same courage that bruce wayne had, choosing to be a masked crime fighter. to the point where ppl wanna throw you in jail somemore. where is the line that separates duty and justice? you draw it.

i think that you draw it, when there is a need to. for bruce, it was to save gotham city but what about us ordinary people? we may not have a gotham to save, but there's so much that needs to be done here. do we let the scrawny kid get bullied, or sacrifice our social status to save him? do we stand up for what we believe in, or let our faith be trampled on? do we fight injustice or claim it isn't our job? i suppose more than often, people resort to "let someone else do it. this isn't my fight." but let me question, if not us, if not you, then who? we saw the need in our world today. poverty, oppression, war, disease, perversion of justice. who will fight what needs to be fought if no one does it?

that's a very big challenge i feel, that hovers over me. i have to do something, and i have no idea what. what can i do to fix this? where do i start? and once again, how far do i have to go? i've heard of missionaries who get thrown in jail and crucified. how many people died back in the days, fighting social discrimination? how many people got beaten up for standing up for what they believed in? to be honest, i'm scared. scared of the responsibilities i have now that i realize this is something that needs to be done. and i believe i will have to keep questioning how far? until i reach the point where i myself have to decide between running and pressing on.

martin luther king jr., mother teresa, william wilberforce and so many other heroes out there. i bet they were afraid too. "courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important that fear."-princess diaries. like whoa right? so courage isn't something you have, it's not a genetic trait. it's a choice, a decision, to take the path not taken. to love the unloved. to help the helpless.

i often find myself burdened by my own conscience. my friends say it's just too big. but still, i believe God made me like this. and i am burdened with guilt when i take the easy way out. when i run from challenges. when i'm not who i want to be. and this gets tiring really, to always do what is right even when i can't stand to any longer. it's tuph yo! ask anyone around me alot, i feel guilty very easily. but, what if, the guilt is a gift? a reminder to be compassionate? my point is, maybe i have to stop picking how i want to change the world, and right now, just do what i can with the people around me. i've always wanted to help ppl, and my lesson is that God's still and will forevermore be in charge. i gotta leave the WHO he wants me to help part to Him. so detailed is His great plan for me. doesn't that just make you stand in awe? every challenge i ever had, had brought me here. everyone who walked into my life, walked in with a purpose, not necessarily knowing what that purpose is. but know, what is my purpose, towards them?and now that i've seen a need, i have a responsibility to fill it.

one more thing about batman begins hit me. "instil enough hunger and everyone becomes a criminal". DRUMDRUMHUMDRUM. that's the whirring going on in my complicated head when i heard it, in context la. desperate times call for desperate measures right? do you agree? is it wrong for a hungry man to steal food so he can feed his family? sidetrack: i have a memory of fighting about this recently but i can't put my finger on where i did it, who i was talking about this with and whatever else details. maybe it wasn't me even, just a show. or a dream. =P the very idea of what a man can do, what he will do, when he is pushed to his very limits amazes me. he can become nobler than he ever thought he was, or a monster he wished never to encounter. this is why i like the story looking for a rain god in the form four literature book. how far will you go in desperation? if you don't know the story, it's about the people stuck in a drought. and everyone was dying and the crops were destroyed. the people really needed rain to fall. this is when someone remembered an ancient ritual or something, to sacrifice two young girls(sorry i forgot the specifics), to the rain god i think. and they did just that, but it didn't rain. the people who sacrificed the girls got arrested. at the end of the story, there's that line that got me hooked, about how the other people at the trial, not from that family, were so close to doing the same thing.

all of mankind is capable of great things. but what happens, when the need is so great that you lose your mind? i'm just fascinated by our limits you know. just how hard do you need to push before a person falls? like harvey dent in dark knight.

sigh, i'm not making sense anymore. at least to me, don't know bout you! =P when i get a thought in my head, it makes so much sense to me, but i never can explain the raw wonder i have toward everything. and i try to get it out in words but it's always so HUH, WTW? it's great tho, finally having this blog as an outlet for all that thoughts in my head. i tend to go round and round something trying to make people understand what i feel, but always tak jadi wan. haha, then it just gets boring. =P

anyways, glad to get that off my chest. till my brain scrambles again, i'm out! =D

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