new beginnings

i'm planning on starting a blog again.. well sort of.. =) i want this to be a place i can express the thoughts in my head.. so here's to a new beginning.

Have you ever wondered at the phrase 'you can do anything?' i'm on the brink of leaving srikl for good after tomorrow and as true as that phrase is, i still feel stuck. my plan was always to go study medicine, become a doctor, and by the will of God maybe travel to Africa and build a hospital there or something. This is something i feel a pull towards, to help others and do something with my life that will glorify God and make the world a better place. Sure skeptics are all around me, "say only wan", " you think very easy, you do la", "you just want the glory". But if this is what God wants me to do, i'm sure He will make a way for me.

Still, in choosing this path, i would have to let go of so many other tempting paths in my life. Can i have my cake and eat it too? But there are so many things i want to do with my life. i often find myself stuck in places i don't want to be and at this point now, where i can be anyone i want to be, i find myself very afraid. i wanted to be a famous ballerina, or join a circus. Such a job would be exhilarating and beautiful and so enjoyable. I would love it so very much. i don't think i have the ability to do anything like that but if i really pursued circus arts maybe, i might have gotten there. cirque du soleil's incredible. i'm awestruck. But how can i be there doing that(assuming i succeed of course) and still be doing medicine? but duh, medicine's more fulfilling. i just wish i had the chance to become everything i wanna be. that's just one dream, what about the rest of my dreams, stuffed in my pocket?

maybe life is about choosing. when you're at crossroads, you pick a road that hopefully causes you to never look back. and now i have to make my decision. it might not be the fancy one, the risky one, the life full of excitement and fun, but if i go through with medicine and fulfill my lifelong dream, it will be a life of service and purpose. that would beat glittery spandex anytime right? =)

but this does make me wonder about all the other lives out there that settled for less than what they desired in life. the ballet dancer that ended up a businessMAN, the musician that ended up in law because that was a safer option. imagine if everyone picked their real dreams instead. how awesome would this world be? =) i'm glad i made my decision.