don't lose your faith

... and i realized, that
my heart isn't strong enough to care for everyone who needs love
my brain isn't big enough to always say the right things
my shoulders aren't strong enough to always hold another person's head up
my eyes aren't observant enough to see through people's masks
my legs aren't strong enough to walk with everyone
and that just by myself, i am simply not enough
and that as much as i want to, i cannot save the world alone

and that maybe life is so difficult because at the end of the day
it's all about going back to God for that strength
the strength to care and to love
the strength to help someone through tough times
the strength to make it through each day
the strength to walk free
the strength to move mountains
the strength to live life fearless
and the strength to trust God through every circumstance.

i've been very contradictory lately like in my emotions and blogposts. tiba tiba berubah wan. haihz. but in my geramness yesterday, what i found very enocuraging was reading my own blog. in a way this is like a journal and reading back on past experiences, past encouragements, i felt more confident again, in myself and in God. my problem is i need to start taking my own advice instead of just saying it.
and God has been showing me in little things, that His strength really is enough. like a couple of incidences lately. and i just forget to easily, and don't turn to Him enough. cause sometimes when it's so difficult to hear His voice, giving up is so easy.

so indeed life is really tough. but like i said too, it's really beautiful too. and yes, i don't know what i'm talking about anymore. life just seems too big a word for a kid like me sometimes.

today was anna and ivan's last day in college. and i really am gonna miss them so much! this made me think that no matter how close you think you are to someone, you aren't untouchable. the people you love can leave at any moment and that is another freaky thought. and i thought about people who have watched the ones they love so much leave, further than to negeri sembilan or johor, further than australia, right to heaven and i cannot even imagine their pain. we're all living for the first time and today i finally learnt that none of us are bulletproof. that no matter how much you try, no matter how much armor you put on, you're not safe from hurt. but as sad as this sounds, i am so amzed at the fact that humans feel like this. that we understand pain and love and joy, that we're real you know.because without sadness we wouldn't appreciate joy. without weaknesses, we wouldn't value strength. without pain, we wouldn't understand love. and what a waste that would be.

so what i need to do, is stop complaining and pray. just pray and listen.

'And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly i will rather boast in my infirmities that the power of Christ may come upon me. Therefore i take pleasures in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when i am weak, then i am strong.' - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

'No temptation has overtaken you such that is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape that you may be able to bear it.' - 1 Corinthians 10:13