i went on youtube looking for inspiration and i found this. :)
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
blind faith
today's cf was really good! this guy who was an ex student, came to tell us all sorts of amazing testimonies. what stuck out to me most was how he trusted in God step by step. that's the kind of faith i wanna have, the faith to move saying "God, i don't know what happens next, but i know you will provide, and i know Your plan is good." and i just want so badly to live on that kind of faith too. it's so difficult to let go, but maybe the strength to do even that, must come from God alone.
i also like how he said that God will be behind you to support you, beside you to comfort you and in front of you to guide you. our God's an amazing 3D God huh! :) and it was just so inspiring too, how he lives his life. he goes on by the prompting of God, and does 'ridiculous' things according to God's will, and i find that so amazing. i think God's always there, i mean i know He's always there, but He's really calling you you know? calling you to come and fall deeper in love with the one who loves you THE ABSOLUTE MOST.
hmm, sometimes when i start to get bogged down by all my troubles, a movie like 'precious' comes along to totally redefine all that i think. her life is so HEARTBREAKINGLY DIFFICULT, and why am i still complaining? sigh, then i look down at my life, my home, my friends, my blessings and wonder, how come i got so lucky? but like my sister always says, we each have our own set of challenges.
find the superhero within you. you were meant for greater things. and your power source is great, unimaginable, unthinkable, for everything you do, you can do, because of God.
"I have a dream, that one day my four children will be judged not by the colour of their skins but by the content of their character."
- Martin Luther King Jr.
"If you judge people, you won't have time to love them."
- Mother Theresa
still writing,
candice
i also like how he said that God will be behind you to support you, beside you to comfort you and in front of you to guide you. our God's an amazing 3D God huh! :) and it was just so inspiring too, how he lives his life. he goes on by the prompting of God, and does 'ridiculous' things according to God's will, and i find that so amazing. i think God's always there, i mean i know He's always there, but He's really calling you you know? calling you to come and fall deeper in love with the one who loves you THE ABSOLUTE MOST.
hmm, sometimes when i start to get bogged down by all my troubles, a movie like 'precious' comes along to totally redefine all that i think. her life is so HEARTBREAKINGLY DIFFICULT, and why am i still complaining? sigh, then i look down at my life, my home, my friends, my blessings and wonder, how come i got so lucky? but like my sister always says, we each have our own set of challenges.
find the superhero within you. you were meant for greater things. and your power source is great, unimaginable, unthinkable, for everything you do, you can do, because of God.
"I have a dream, that one day my four children will be judged not by the colour of their skins but by the content of their character."
- Martin Luther King Jr.
"If you judge people, you won't have time to love them."
- Mother Theresa
still writing,
candice
love is the solution
"Some folks has a lot of things around them that shines for other peoples. I think that maybe some of them was in tunnels. And in that tunnel, the only light they had, was inside of them. And then long after they escape that tunnel, they sitll be shining for everybody else."
- Precious
so today i looked down at my life and realized that i'm more than halfway through college. wow you know? i remember my gamma days where i would just sit in class, talking nonsense as usual, but wondering what college life would be like. and really in a blink of an eye, i'm here now ya know? and i keep thinking, in a blink of an eye, i'll be graduating from university. really, the days may be long, but the years are short. and i sat there wondering, am i different now? compared to then i mean? and i guess in some ways i am, a little bit wiser, a little bit tougher, a little bit stronger and a little bit more experienced. oh well..
i think that quote in precious is so touching. ms rain's effort to connect with precious and to just love her really, made such a huge impact on her life. and that's just it you know, the answer to all the brokenness and pain in this world is love. for all you cynics out there, you might be going love? yea right. but love is taking the effort to reach out to someone, the time to listen, the courage to say i love you no matter what, and the determination to keep pushing until breakthrough comes. and to some of us, love might be the hardest thing on the world to give, but to most of us, i believe, there's always love to spare. we just need to try harder. and we say things like, i'm not living near anyone like precious, how can i help her, or i'm not in india or africa now, nobody has needs like that here. see, love also means opening your eyes wide to what's going on around you. to the beggar you choose to ignore everyday, to the pouts behind someone's back, to the lonely friend we don't wanna go near. love means to do what you can where you can. go out, do crazy things, say hello to a lonely person, tell your friends and family you love them, pick up the phone and call someone, give the dollar you wanted to spend on ice cream to a beggar, pick up your rubbish, don't shout back, don't think bad things of others, thank the man who collects the rubbish, buy chap fan for the poor old lady, and though these may seem like small things, they make a difference. believe it, for these is the beginning, for you to start loving others more grandly, more extravagantly, more sacrificially, more like how our Saviour loves us. and maybe then, you'll be ready for africa.
this is a story i read once, that was really touching. here it is..
"One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley.
A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.
Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces missing.
The people stared. How can he say his heart is more beautiful?? they thought. The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."
"Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges - giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"
The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands.
The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.
The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his."
and this is like whoa! what are we doing with our hearts today? what do our hearts look like now? is it broken like the old man's? or perfect, like the other? i think there are so many of us who become too afraid to feel, to scared to love. cause like the old man says, giving love is taking a chance. maybe we hold on to our hearts too tightly, not letting it become free to dream, to hope, to love, to explore. but what kind of a life would it be, if we did not cry every now and then? or break, or feel pain? what kind of life would one without risks be? you gotta start taking chances, you can't be so stingy with our emotions. definitely, be mindful of who you decide to throw your love to, but still, remember this, the world NEEDS your heart. and there are people, all lining up to meet you, having pieces of their hearts that they want to give to you too. take it all in, this life. the joy, the pain, the peace, the sorrow, take it all as one whole, one life, complete.
and i really wanted to put this up, my sister sent me an inspiring email today. here's an excerpt of it..
Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you.
So when someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me. You’ll be happier.
The best leaders know that they have to be ready for their next meeting. The best sales people know that they have to be ready for their next client. And the best parents know that they have to be ready to welcome their children home from school with hugs and kisses, no matter how many garbage trucks they might have faced that day. All of us know that we have to be fully present, and at our best for the people we care about.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take over their lives.
What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?
love,
candice
- Precious
so today i looked down at my life and realized that i'm more than halfway through college. wow you know? i remember my gamma days where i would just sit in class, talking nonsense as usual, but wondering what college life would be like. and really in a blink of an eye, i'm here now ya know? and i keep thinking, in a blink of an eye, i'll be graduating from university. really, the days may be long, but the years are short. and i sat there wondering, am i different now? compared to then i mean? and i guess in some ways i am, a little bit wiser, a little bit tougher, a little bit stronger and a little bit more experienced. oh well..
i think that quote in precious is so touching. ms rain's effort to connect with precious and to just love her really, made such a huge impact on her life. and that's just it you know, the answer to all the brokenness and pain in this world is love. for all you cynics out there, you might be going love? yea right. but love is taking the effort to reach out to someone, the time to listen, the courage to say i love you no matter what, and the determination to keep pushing until breakthrough comes. and to some of us, love might be the hardest thing on the world to give, but to most of us, i believe, there's always love to spare. we just need to try harder. and we say things like, i'm not living near anyone like precious, how can i help her, or i'm not in india or africa now, nobody has needs like that here. see, love also means opening your eyes wide to what's going on around you. to the beggar you choose to ignore everyday, to the pouts behind someone's back, to the lonely friend we don't wanna go near. love means to do what you can where you can. go out, do crazy things, say hello to a lonely person, tell your friends and family you love them, pick up the phone and call someone, give the dollar you wanted to spend on ice cream to a beggar, pick up your rubbish, don't shout back, don't think bad things of others, thank the man who collects the rubbish, buy chap fan for the poor old lady, and though these may seem like small things, they make a difference. believe it, for these is the beginning, for you to start loving others more grandly, more extravagantly, more sacrificially, more like how our Saviour loves us. and maybe then, you'll be ready for africa.
this is a story i read once, that was really touching. here it is..
"One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley.
A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.
Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces missing.
The people stared. How can he say his heart is more beautiful?? they thought. The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."
"Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges - giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"
The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands.
The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.
The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his."
and this is like whoa! what are we doing with our hearts today? what do our hearts look like now? is it broken like the old man's? or perfect, like the other? i think there are so many of us who become too afraid to feel, to scared to love. cause like the old man says, giving love is taking a chance. maybe we hold on to our hearts too tightly, not letting it become free to dream, to hope, to love, to explore. but what kind of a life would it be, if we did not cry every now and then? or break, or feel pain? what kind of life would one without risks be? you gotta start taking chances, you can't be so stingy with our emotions. definitely, be mindful of who you decide to throw your love to, but still, remember this, the world NEEDS your heart. and there are people, all lining up to meet you, having pieces of their hearts that they want to give to you too. take it all in, this life. the joy, the pain, the peace, the sorrow, take it all as one whole, one life, complete.
and i really wanted to put this up, my sister sent me an inspiring email today. here's an excerpt of it..
Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you.
So when someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me. You’ll be happier.
The best leaders know that they have to be ready for their next meeting. The best sales people know that they have to be ready for their next client. And the best parents know that they have to be ready to welcome their children home from school with hugs and kisses, no matter how many garbage trucks they might have faced that day. All of us know that we have to be fully present, and at our best for the people we care about.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take over their lives.
What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?
love,
candice
Thursday, July 29, 2010
precious
"Precious: *introduces herself* I don't talk in class much.
Ms. Rain: How does that make you feel?
Precious: Here. I feel... here. "
precious was really touching, i can't wait to see the end!
learning to be patient,
candice
Ms. Rain: How does that make you feel?
Precious: Here. I feel... here. "
precious was really touching, i can't wait to see the end!
learning to be patient,
candice
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
be careful what you wish for
and the dancer yearns to dance
and the writer longs to write
and the runner needs to run
and the speaker wants to fight
the dreamer wishes to dream
the girl hopes to inspire
the child in her wants to play
but should it be more than desire?
could it be time..
to rekindle the fire?
and the writer longs to write
and the runner needs to run
and the speaker wants to fight
the dreamer wishes to dream
the girl hopes to inspire
the child in her wants to play
but should it be more than desire?
could it be time..
to rekindle the fire?
Monday, July 26, 2010
happy
it makes me happy to see a pile of dirty dishes become sparkly clean.
it makes me happy when we do spontaneous stuff like go to subang avenue after college.
it makes me happy when i know the people around me are happy.
it makes me happy if i did a good deed that day.
it makes me happy to give people random presents.
it makes me happy to see cows by the highway in the morning.
it makes me happy to eat the noodles i wanted so badly.
it makes me happy to see the goodness in the people around me.
it makes me happy when i see an eagle soaring in the sky.
it makes me really happy when my hair is in a mess, and my clothes are totally mismatched, and i'm wearing my librarian glasses, and i'm talking nonsense again, and still the people around me accept me for who i am. :) <3
i'm happy when i finish my homework, which is why i'm gonna do it now. :)
but for today, i'm happy, just because. :)
"Freely You gave it all for us,
Surrendered Your life upon that cross,
Great is Your love, poured out for all,
This is our God.
Lifted on high from death to life,
Forever Your name be glorified,
Servant and King,
Rescued the world,
This is our God."
- This is Our God, Hillsongs United
what makes you happy? think of it and be happy. :)
i learnt how to play A too!!! :)
life shouldn't be lived sugar free,
candice
it makes me happy when we do spontaneous stuff like go to subang avenue after college.
it makes me happy when i know the people around me are happy.
it makes me happy if i did a good deed that day.
it makes me happy to give people random presents.
it makes me happy to see cows by the highway in the morning.
it makes me happy to eat the noodles i wanted so badly.
it makes me happy to see the goodness in the people around me.
it makes me happy when i see an eagle soaring in the sky.
it makes me really happy when my hair is in a mess, and my clothes are totally mismatched, and i'm wearing my librarian glasses, and i'm talking nonsense again, and still the people around me accept me for who i am. :) <3
i'm happy when i finish my homework, which is why i'm gonna do it now. :)
but for today, i'm happy, just because. :)
"Freely You gave it all for us,
Surrendered Your life upon that cross,
Great is Your love, poured out for all,
This is our God.
Lifted on high from death to life,
Forever Your name be glorified,
Servant and King,
Rescued the world,
This is our God."
- This is Our God, Hillsongs United
what makes you happy? think of it and be happy. :)
i learnt how to play A too!!! :)
life shouldn't be lived sugar free,
candice
Sunday, July 25, 2010
i DARE
i'm back from DARE camp! Taylor's Cf camp. it was really good, i found it so different than usual camps cause it was a much smaller group than usual FGA camps. there were 40ish of us only so you kinda get to know nearly everyone. and i think besides the spiritual part of camp, my favourite part was all the people i got to meet. i barely knew anyone although i was on the camp committee and even being on the committee showed me how open and generous the people in cf are. :) but i felt prompted to go anyways so i went, not even knowing who i'd room with or sit with in the bus. but man, i've met the awesomest bunch of people ever! everyone's so friendly and welcoming and LAME, but i felt really touched. i have met friends that i can talk to for hours, get stuck on the slide with, encourage me from afar by seeing the sadness in me even when i put on a happy face, friends who try to make your day good even though they have their own struggles, who teman me when i'm alone and friends who will sing with me, especially when i'm off-key. they're all really honest i feel and it was such a blessing to meet such godly people. it's like even the most intimidating looking people, or shy people really put their hearts out there when they worship God with music, and it amazed me to see such courage and like, focus on God. this is passion i've never really seen before, especially in the guys. and i found it so humbling and like wow la! they aren't perfect people but in those imperfections they have become really really good friends, and i'm reminded to come to God just as i am. that even when i cannot be perfect, i can still give God whatever is in my hand. so i really thank God for leading me to this camp and this was just one of the best ever really. thanks God!!! :) and thank you everyone who wrote on my wall, i was really touched and encouraged by it. :D
spiritually, i don't think i was in a very strong place when i went there. i haven't been doing my devotions regularly and like i mentioned it's become tougher for me to trust God. but still i'm glad that despite all that, the desire to really serve God and worship Him with my life is there and it always has been and i'm so sure that that comes from God and God alone. the first night when we were praying, i was really struggling with God, i've come to a place of numbness, not knowing what to do about my relationship with God as it was just torn in between like that, complicated la until i didn't understand either. and someone prayed for me that night as i was already crying, and he said that he sensed a battle going on within me and he prayed for my family too. and these were the exact things i was feeling and i realized how amazing it is to be fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, that He would bridge the gap between us kinda thing? and i felt such an amazement at God and His people.
i did learn a lot from this camp, but i'm only gonna mention the most memorable ones off my head now cause i really gotta go finish maths. one of my favourite camp moments was when the electricity went off during praise and worship for like a minute plus? and the keyboard stopped sounding and the mikes weren't working and only the drums and guitar could be heard. at that moment, everyone started singing even louder, letting our voices carry the music. and i thought about the phrase in the song that stuck out to me earlier, "now in the darkness, God's light shines", and i remember thinking at that moment in the dark, that in the darkness is when we should sing the loudest, that even when everything is going wrong in our lives, even when you feel so far from God, that that is when you should sing all the more louder and see His light shining through. :)
"if we dare to do the ridiculous, God will do the miraculous"
this has stuck with me ever since pastor elijah said it. and i'm like whoa.... that night as we were praying, i felt led to pray for eadelyn and i was bit scared la. but i did it anyways and i prayed in tongues first, but it was like never before really. the words came out without conscious thought and my whole body was shaking and i just kept on praying in tongues, feeling that it made more of an impact than speaking words. but eventually i thought that she might be waiting for a prayer of words, so i started praying in english and also then the words came naturally for the most part. like it was really God speaking through me and i was so amazed. i don't know if it made an impact much, but then i remember that quote and that i must remain humble. even if the outcome is not what i would have desired, still my prayer must be "God, let Your will be done, whatever it may be. i am but a willing servant. :)" and i think it brought me deeper in faith and in love with God, just knowing that He's in control and the realization that He knows what He's doing. and in moments of reflection such as these i find myself feeling this love for Him that is so deep and desperate. and it really brings me such awe towards God.
i also questioned Him that night, asking "why are You doing this to me, making it so hard for me to connect with You?" and i think i heard Him say that this is what it takes to bring me even deeper in my relationship with Him. and i was like whoa.. and i realized that like all relationships, our relationship with God will have its tough moments too, but through ups and downs we learn the ways of God, we learn to trust and we grow deeper in love with our beautiful Lord and Saviour. so even if you feel far away from God, know that He is there and He still loves you so so deeply, and that in the darkness, God's light will shine, brighter than ever. :)
*added 26th July*
oh and i forgot how touched i was by this! we were surprising shaun with a cake for his birthday and in the midst of all the laughter and smiles, justin said, "hold this(the balloon) while i pray for him." :) that was so sweet, just like the way pearly's dad prayed for her at her birthday long ago. :) i love that even when we are 'independent' in that sense, that we still choose to pray on birthdays and other special occasions. that God exists in every part of us, not just in church and cf. i love love love this culture and this habit, probably cause it's pretty new/unusual for me to see people praying on birthdays. i know this may seem like a small thing but it meant much to me. :D **
i loved how this camp was smaller really, made everything so much more intimate and close. and the worship was like right in front of us, not on some huge grand stage. but it was so much better than most other times, cause of the voices that proclaimed God's glory courageously. and i really got so much out of this camp, so much different things too than i've ever got. the committee was really awesome too and of one thing i'm sure, that i am forevermore blessed by this DARE camp.:)
love a lot a lot,
candice :)
spiritually, i don't think i was in a very strong place when i went there. i haven't been doing my devotions regularly and like i mentioned it's become tougher for me to trust God. but still i'm glad that despite all that, the desire to really serve God and worship Him with my life is there and it always has been and i'm so sure that that comes from God and God alone. the first night when we were praying, i was really struggling with God, i've come to a place of numbness, not knowing what to do about my relationship with God as it was just torn in between like that, complicated la until i didn't understand either. and someone prayed for me that night as i was already crying, and he said that he sensed a battle going on within me and he prayed for my family too. and these were the exact things i was feeling and i realized how amazing it is to be fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, that He would bridge the gap between us kinda thing? and i felt such an amazement at God and His people.
i did learn a lot from this camp, but i'm only gonna mention the most memorable ones off my head now cause i really gotta go finish maths. one of my favourite camp moments was when the electricity went off during praise and worship for like a minute plus? and the keyboard stopped sounding and the mikes weren't working and only the drums and guitar could be heard. at that moment, everyone started singing even louder, letting our voices carry the music. and i thought about the phrase in the song that stuck out to me earlier, "now in the darkness, God's light shines", and i remember thinking at that moment in the dark, that in the darkness is when we should sing the loudest, that even when everything is going wrong in our lives, even when you feel so far from God, that that is when you should sing all the more louder and see His light shining through. :)
"if we dare to do the ridiculous, God will do the miraculous"
this has stuck with me ever since pastor elijah said it. and i'm like whoa.... that night as we were praying, i felt led to pray for eadelyn and i was bit scared la. but i did it anyways and i prayed in tongues first, but it was like never before really. the words came out without conscious thought and my whole body was shaking and i just kept on praying in tongues, feeling that it made more of an impact than speaking words. but eventually i thought that she might be waiting for a prayer of words, so i started praying in english and also then the words came naturally for the most part. like it was really God speaking through me and i was so amazed. i don't know if it made an impact much, but then i remember that quote and that i must remain humble. even if the outcome is not what i would have desired, still my prayer must be "God, let Your will be done, whatever it may be. i am but a willing servant. :)" and i think it brought me deeper in faith and in love with God, just knowing that He's in control and the realization that He knows what He's doing. and in moments of reflection such as these i find myself feeling this love for Him that is so deep and desperate. and it really brings me such awe towards God.
i also questioned Him that night, asking "why are You doing this to me, making it so hard for me to connect with You?" and i think i heard Him say that this is what it takes to bring me even deeper in my relationship with Him. and i was like whoa.. and i realized that like all relationships, our relationship with God will have its tough moments too, but through ups and downs we learn the ways of God, we learn to trust and we grow deeper in love with our beautiful Lord and Saviour. so even if you feel far away from God, know that He is there and He still loves you so so deeply, and that in the darkness, God's light will shine, brighter than ever. :)
*added 26th July*
oh and i forgot how touched i was by this! we were surprising shaun with a cake for his birthday and in the midst of all the laughter and smiles, justin said, "hold this(the balloon) while i pray for him." :) that was so sweet, just like the way pearly's dad prayed for her at her birthday long ago. :) i love that even when we are 'independent' in that sense, that we still choose to pray on birthdays and other special occasions. that God exists in every part of us, not just in church and cf. i love love love this culture and this habit, probably cause it's pretty new/unusual for me to see people praying on birthdays. i know this may seem like a small thing but it meant much to me. :D **
i loved how this camp was smaller really, made everything so much more intimate and close. and the worship was like right in front of us, not on some huge grand stage. but it was so much better than most other times, cause of the voices that proclaimed God's glory courageously. and i really got so much out of this camp, so much different things too than i've ever got. the committee was really awesome too and of one thing i'm sure, that i am forevermore blessed by this DARE camp.:)
love a lot a lot,
candice :)
Friday, July 23, 2010
now i'm found
and i am reminded of how God has already infiltrated my life. i have blogged about this before but really, no matter where i run, even away from God, i always end up running TO God. even if i don't want to, because i'm stubborn or lazy, i always go back to Him to ask what should i do next. because i'm drawn to Him, my heart's connected to His. and i don't know how i led my life pre-God anymore. what is it like to live with so much uncertainty and insecurity? i live with fears and worries yes, but i always know my future is secure in Christ. that, if it's God's will nothing can stop it. talking about 'honeymoons' with gene today and the whole uni subject brings me back to the fact that i believe that God has a good plan for my life because it is true. i know that no matter what happens, He's still and always will be in control. what is it like to live without that knowledge, that faith, that ultimate comfort? today Lord, i wanna thank You that i know You, that i have a relationship with you though a bit broken here and there, that You care forevermore. that if it took You dying on the cross for me a million times over for my soul to be redeemed, that You would.
"Where can i go from Your Spirit? or where can i flee from Your presence? if i ascend into heaven, You are there, if i make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. if i take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me and Your right hand shall hold me."
-Psalms 139:7-10
there are days when i wonder if i am overestimating Your love for me, "a million times over, really? You'd do that?". but i don't want to live with that kind of poison anymore, i reasoned that if You are an infinite God that i cannot even comprehend how much You truly love me. so the most that i can think of Your love is still probably only a fraction of the intensity of Your love for me. and if i know that, how can i still live my life 'ordinarily'? i am extraordinary because You love me.
"For i am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things yet to come, nor height nor depth nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
-Romans 8:38-39
and i also think about how God might find it "worth it" to die for all of mankind, for billions of lives. that one perfect sacrifice in exchange for so many would be considered a fair trade. but i learnt just how wrong that is exactly for two reasons. firstly, that if there was only me on earth, God would still do the same. i really do believe that now. the population of the earth is not just a number to our Lord, it, no, we are His children. and He loves every one of us with the same depth, sacrifice, fierceness and sincerity. like how amazing is that? that His love for the billions on earth is SO great, that He could love everyone equally but so powerfully nonetheless, that even our human minds cannot understand it? He's that mighty! and secondly, as i've learnt from max lucado's story 'give it all to Him', which was really good by the way is that it was even more difficult to take on the sins of SO MANY people. He pictured Jesus as a trashman, in a world where everybody had bags of trash they had to lug around. bags full of regret, shame, anger, pain and so on. and so Jesus went around and asked people to meet Him at the landfill and give Him their bags of trash, offering them the sweetest freedom. and so they came that Friday night. and Jesus was kneeling at the top of that landfill, opening the bags of trash and pouring them ALL.. upon Himself. His holy, pure, untainted self. and He's crying out in pain and anguish, feeling everything we have ever felt. and just imagining that scene, that fateful day in Calvary, doesn't it just fill you with the deepest humility? Jesus took it all. all that fresh trash and pain you're holding on too tightly to? give it all to Him, His arms are wide open, His hand widely extended. He's saying, "you weren't meant to live with this sin. give it to Me." so back to what i said in the beginning of this paragraph, all i have to do to KNOW for sure that i was wrong is picture Jesus opening bag after bag of sin, and with willingless, just pour it all upon Himself. so in case you forgot this, listen to it now and remember that YOU ARE FREE. the greatest price has been paid for your soul, accept this gift of salvation.
"But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed."
-Isaiah 53:5
"What is the world you want? You choose it with every breath."
-Jon Foreman
and there are days when i am max-ed out frustrated, at the people around me, at microsoft word, at the endless tasks i have to do but keep failing to complete, days where hope is out of stock, where love is on short supply and where joy is not mine to keep. but as i sit here and write this, i am filled with a peace, a familiar friend, to remind me life is good. that it is a privilege to live another day. and all it takes to get back to this peace is to remember, to really remember what the Lord has done for me, and what He's still doing for me everyday. i pray that i can worship You with my life o Lord, with every word, with every breath, with every action. :)
i'm going for CF camp tomoro! excited and stressed out simultaneously. :P
thank You God, for family, friends, cf, opportunities to practice patience and for joy. i know You know this, but You're the best! let tomorrow be a new day to glorify Your name!! :)
oh and i've been featured with mich and elena(and ian) haha. check this out! :)
http://genewern.blogspot.com/2010/07/look-into-girls-toilet.html :P enjoy!
God's promises hold true,
candice :)
"Where can i go from Your Spirit? or where can i flee from Your presence? if i ascend into heaven, You are there, if i make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. if i take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me and Your right hand shall hold me."
-Psalms 139:7-10
there are days when i wonder if i am overestimating Your love for me, "a million times over, really? You'd do that?". but i don't want to live with that kind of poison anymore, i reasoned that if You are an infinite God that i cannot even comprehend how much You truly love me. so the most that i can think of Your love is still probably only a fraction of the intensity of Your love for me. and if i know that, how can i still live my life 'ordinarily'? i am extraordinary because You love me.
"For i am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things yet to come, nor height nor depth nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
-Romans 8:38-39
and i also think about how God might find it "worth it" to die for all of mankind, for billions of lives. that one perfect sacrifice in exchange for so many would be considered a fair trade. but i learnt just how wrong that is exactly for two reasons. firstly, that if there was only me on earth, God would still do the same. i really do believe that now. the population of the earth is not just a number to our Lord, it, no, we are His children. and He loves every one of us with the same depth, sacrifice, fierceness and sincerity. like how amazing is that? that His love for the billions on earth is SO great, that He could love everyone equally but so powerfully nonetheless, that even our human minds cannot understand it? He's that mighty! and secondly, as i've learnt from max lucado's story 'give it all to Him', which was really good by the way is that it was even more difficult to take on the sins of SO MANY people. He pictured Jesus as a trashman, in a world where everybody had bags of trash they had to lug around. bags full of regret, shame, anger, pain and so on. and so Jesus went around and asked people to meet Him at the landfill and give Him their bags of trash, offering them the sweetest freedom. and so they came that Friday night. and Jesus was kneeling at the top of that landfill, opening the bags of trash and pouring them ALL.. upon Himself. His holy, pure, untainted self. and He's crying out in pain and anguish, feeling everything we have ever felt. and just imagining that scene, that fateful day in Calvary, doesn't it just fill you with the deepest humility? Jesus took it all. all that fresh trash and pain you're holding on too tightly to? give it all to Him, His arms are wide open, His hand widely extended. He's saying, "you weren't meant to live with this sin. give it to Me." so back to what i said in the beginning of this paragraph, all i have to do to KNOW for sure that i was wrong is picture Jesus opening bag after bag of sin, and with willingless, just pour it all upon Himself. so in case you forgot this, listen to it now and remember that YOU ARE FREE. the greatest price has been paid for your soul, accept this gift of salvation.
"But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed."
-Isaiah 53:5
"What is the world you want? You choose it with every breath."
-Jon Foreman
and there are days when i am max-ed out frustrated, at the people around me, at microsoft word, at the endless tasks i have to do but keep failing to complete, days where hope is out of stock, where love is on short supply and where joy is not mine to keep. but as i sit here and write this, i am filled with a peace, a familiar friend, to remind me life is good. that it is a privilege to live another day. and all it takes to get back to this peace is to remember, to really remember what the Lord has done for me, and what He's still doing for me everyday. i pray that i can worship You with my life o Lord, with every word, with every breath, with every action. :)
i'm going for CF camp tomoro! excited and stressed out simultaneously. :P
thank You God, for family, friends, cf, opportunities to practice patience and for joy. i know You know this, but You're the best! let tomorrow be a new day to glorify Your name!! :)
oh and i've been featured with mich and elena(and ian) haha. check this out! :)
http://genewern.blogspot.com/2010/07/look-into-girls-toilet.html :P enjoy!
God's promises hold true,
candice :)
Sunday, July 18, 2010
shatters
there are days when i wish i were stronger. and then i wish that wishing alone is enough. i feel really messed up inside, that i know who i wanna be and i keep finding myself so severely lacking. plus things aren't going too well with God right now for me, i don't know how to trust Him or even if the voice i'm hearing is His or mine. and there are these walls coming up, forcing me to not hope. kinda like what goo told me about how when you're too optimistic, you get let down very easily. and i do get let down very easily but pessimistic people just annoy me a lot. GAH. sorry, pointless circular talking.
these are the words i wished i said at my interview but didn't cause my brain is slow la. so i'll post it here.
when the dude said "so you don't like making tough decisions?"
- how can i like making tough decisions when in the medical field, every tough decision will affect someone's life? and yes i know that inevitably i must make tough decisions, but i don't think i'll ever "like" making tough decisions. because i won't always have the wisdom to make the right choice and each wrong choice just might cost someone their life.
when the dude said "why be a doctor over being a nurse?"
- though i wasn't born a genius, i believe God made me quite capable of finishing the medical course successfully. and if i can do so, don't i owe it to society?
when the lady said "is jogging once a week enough exercise?"
- NO, THREE TIMES A WEEK!!! (sigh, biggest regret here man, i so knew the answer!
next next week's the last week for MADU. i had really great memories there and i hope the kids don't forget me even when they get new 'kak's and 'bang's next year.
the little things in life that matter to me. :) these were some things the kids at MADU did for me.
surviving,
candice
these are the words i wished i said at my interview but didn't cause my brain is slow la. so i'll post it here.
when the dude said "so you don't like making tough decisions?"
- how can i like making tough decisions when in the medical field, every tough decision will affect someone's life? and yes i know that inevitably i must make tough decisions, but i don't think i'll ever "like" making tough decisions. because i won't always have the wisdom to make the right choice and each wrong choice just might cost someone their life.
when the dude said "why be a doctor over being a nurse?"
- though i wasn't born a genius, i believe God made me quite capable of finishing the medical course successfully. and if i can do so, don't i owe it to society?
when the lady said "is jogging once a week enough exercise?"
- NO, THREE TIMES A WEEK!!! (sigh, biggest regret here man, i so knew the answer!
next next week's the last week for MADU. i had really great memories there and i hope the kids don't forget me even when they get new 'kak's and 'bang's next year.
the little things in life that matter to me. :) these were some things the kids at MADU did for me.
surviving,
candice
Friday, July 16, 2010
the heart of worship
this is a song i've listened to countless times, one i know all the words by heart, one i've sung so often just cause it's a nice song. but today, the lyrics really touched me, and it made so much sense to me in this season of my life right now.
when the music fades
and all is stripped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring
something that's of worth
that will bless Your heart
i'll bring You more than a song
for a song in itself
is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
i'm coming back to the heart of worship
where it's all about You
it's all about You Jesus
i'm sorry Lord for the things i've made it
when it's all about You
it's all about You Jesus
King of endless worth
no one could express
how much You deserve
though i'm weak and poor
all i have is Yoursevery single breath
i'll bring You more than a song
i'll bring You more.. than a song
more than a song
You're looking into my heart
You're looking into my.... heart
into my heart
lately i've felt God's prompting and speaking over my life a few times, about uni, about inviting people to CF camp and etc. la. and so far, there were times when i felt so sure, so convicted by God that i had to do this certain task, i must be obedient. and in those times i put myself out there, i dared myself to trust in God's miracles, i came back disappointed. people said no or things didn't go as well as i had hoped. and as much as i don't want this to happen, my faith is shaken. i cannot understand God's plan for my life at all, in the little things i keep getting wrong. am i listening wrongly? or is this part of God's plan to draw me closer through my disappointments? i just find it so incredibly hard to put my trust in God again when nearly each time so far came back wrong. i'm so afraid of being wrong yet again and feeling that overwhelming dejection, not so much that things didn't go the way i wanted, but that God led me 'the wrong way' for lack of better term. i know that God has His own plan for my life, but i just feel so exhausted. how do i know when He's telling the 'truth' also for lack of better term? i don't dare to hope anymore...
but the thing is, today elena encouraged me and said, it is our job to invite and God's job to convict. so don't worry. and listening to the Heart of Worship again where the phrase 'it's all about YOU' was repeated so many times really opened my eyes. i have been so self-centered and i made everything so much about me, me, me. and i feel so out of place, who am i to criticize my Creator so? sigh.. the two things that stuck out the most to me in that song was "it's all about YOU" and "i'm sorry Lord for the things i made it". and i gotta believe that God has a plan, even if he has to bring me through trials and disappointments, His plan for me at the end of it all will be greater than i can imagine. but till then, i cannot say that i can always trust Him fully, or never falter, or have a perfect relationship with Him. but i will try, i will hope again. because when all hopes let me down, all i will have then, is God Himself. this led me to think, God why?? why are You making me hurt? and i heard Him say, "I care." and that is enough to fuel my faith further. my best interests are in His heart. but God, please help me trust in You, especially when i cannot.
the truth is, i am more broken and imperfect than i appear to be here. sigh... sometimes i can't stand it, can't stand it at all.
i really have been wondering lately what people think of me. i just wish i could see myself through another person's eyes for once, anyone close enough to me, and i wanna see who i am. who am i? am i a good person? will i like who i am if i got to see myself from the outside? and i just struggle so much, hoping that i am someone i would look up to. wanting to be seen for more than the exterior. and i guess this will be a lifelong question, who am i?
thank you G8 for being M.A.D. i had the best time with you guys, i love you all! :D
share the G8 love!
i'm still here,
candice
when the music fades
and all is stripped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring
something that's of worth
that will bless Your heart
i'll bring You more than a song
for a song in itself
is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
i'm coming back to the heart of worship
where it's all about You
it's all about You Jesus
i'm sorry Lord for the things i've made it
when it's all about You
it's all about You Jesus
King of endless worth
no one could express
how much You deserve
though i'm weak and poor
all i have is Yoursevery single breath
i'll bring You more than a song
i'll bring You more.. than a song
more than a song
You're looking into my heart
You're looking into my.... heart
into my heart
lately i've felt God's prompting and speaking over my life a few times, about uni, about inviting people to CF camp and etc. la. and so far, there were times when i felt so sure, so convicted by God that i had to do this certain task, i must be obedient. and in those times i put myself out there, i dared myself to trust in God's miracles, i came back disappointed. people said no or things didn't go as well as i had hoped. and as much as i don't want this to happen, my faith is shaken. i cannot understand God's plan for my life at all, in the little things i keep getting wrong. am i listening wrongly? or is this part of God's plan to draw me closer through my disappointments? i just find it so incredibly hard to put my trust in God again when nearly each time so far came back wrong. i'm so afraid of being wrong yet again and feeling that overwhelming dejection, not so much that things didn't go the way i wanted, but that God led me 'the wrong way' for lack of better term. i know that God has His own plan for my life, but i just feel so exhausted. how do i know when He's telling the 'truth' also for lack of better term? i don't dare to hope anymore...
but the thing is, today elena encouraged me and said, it is our job to invite and God's job to convict. so don't worry. and listening to the Heart of Worship again where the phrase 'it's all about YOU' was repeated so many times really opened my eyes. i have been so self-centered and i made everything so much about me, me, me. and i feel so out of place, who am i to criticize my Creator so? sigh.. the two things that stuck out the most to me in that song was "it's all about YOU" and "i'm sorry Lord for the things i made it". and i gotta believe that God has a plan, even if he has to bring me through trials and disappointments, His plan for me at the end of it all will be greater than i can imagine. but till then, i cannot say that i can always trust Him fully, or never falter, or have a perfect relationship with Him. but i will try, i will hope again. because when all hopes let me down, all i will have then, is God Himself. this led me to think, God why?? why are You making me hurt? and i heard Him say, "I care." and that is enough to fuel my faith further. my best interests are in His heart. but God, please help me trust in You, especially when i cannot.
the truth is, i am more broken and imperfect than i appear to be here. sigh... sometimes i can't stand it, can't stand it at all.
i really have been wondering lately what people think of me. i just wish i could see myself through another person's eyes for once, anyone close enough to me, and i wanna see who i am. who am i? am i a good person? will i like who i am if i got to see myself from the outside? and i just struggle so much, hoping that i am someone i would look up to. wanting to be seen for more than the exterior. and i guess this will be a lifelong question, who am i?
thank you G8 for being M.A.D. i had the best time with you guys, i love you all! :D
share the G8 love!
i'm still here,
candice
break my heart for what breaks Yours
sigh. i think i really gotta just let go and let God.
wow, this is post number 90 already, can't believe i came so far with this blog.. i couldn't keep my previous blog for even ten posts i think. :P but it's cool, this is such a good avenue for me to vent.
this week has been a pretty good but extremely tiring week. i need God so much but my own laziness and stuborness is keeping me from Him. sigh.
still, come support charity! :P (you're probably as sick of my voice as i am now)
and i really wanna watch despicable me!!!! stupid gsc mid valley, fully booked for tomorrow night. bleh. someone please bring me go watch it!!!! CHE!!!! :D agnes is unbelievably adorable!! *it's so fluffy i'm gonna die!!!*(yea, go watch the trailer la.:D)
oh and this is so funny! yesterday me, mich, li lian and elena went to mydin to buy stuff for today. it was hilarious, mich saw this way to go to the 'parking lot' upstairs. turns out it was a way into the gudang area, and the people there were laughing at us like crazy. anyways, yesterday was really fun-packed, just what i needed! totally lost my voice too. :)
random patchy post, but i like it. :D
love, candice
wow, this is post number 90 already, can't believe i came so far with this blog.. i couldn't keep my previous blog for even ten posts i think. :P but it's cool, this is such a good avenue for me to vent.
this week has been a pretty good but extremely tiring week. i need God so much but my own laziness and stuborness is keeping me from Him. sigh.
still, come support charity! :P (you're probably as sick of my voice as i am now)
and i really wanna watch despicable me!!!! stupid gsc mid valley, fully booked for tomorrow night. bleh. someone please bring me go watch it!!!! CHE!!!! :D agnes is unbelievably adorable!! *it's so fluffy i'm gonna die!!!*(yea, go watch the trailer la.:D)
oh and this is so funny! yesterday me, mich, li lian and elena went to mydin to buy stuff for today. it was hilarious, mich saw this way to go to the 'parking lot' upstairs. turns out it was a way into the gudang area, and the people there were laughing at us like crazy. anyways, yesterday was really fun-packed, just what i needed! totally lost my voice too. :)
random patchy post, but i like it. :D
love, candice
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
one day
i went for newcastle's interview today! i did it kinda half-heartedly, cause i had set my sights on monash really. and it kinda blew up in my face when the guy asked me so what do you know about the program in monash and i totally gave the wrong answer. he was pretty nice though, but i think i said a lot of the wrong things. couldn't answer some stuff impressively cause, well my brain cannot think fast enough la. but because i went half-heartedly i was more relaxed and just cakap saja. but.. what kind of dumb person talks about her faults when introducing herself?? oh yea.. me.
but one thing i take pride(not really pride, but what i like about myself) in, despite what everyone else says, is that in interviews, i'm honest. even if i somehow sound like i'm faking the way i feel or the things i do, i'm really honest. i refuse to lie about my faults as well, when they ask me which part of me needs working on and stuff like that. and in an ideal world, i would say, yea, i would like to go to a university that would rather have honest students than good actors. but maybe, as i've heard a million times over, things aren't like that in the real world. still, i refuse to be anything less or made-up more than who i really am. and the rest? just surrender it all to God, hey if it's meant to be, it will happen. :)
and the guy actually said nursing might be a better profession for me, cause of what i said about my first passion being people and such. and i was so thankful for my hospital attachment experience then, when i could actually say, hey i thought that before too! and here's when i realized i was meant to do medicine etc....
hmm.. i should get all my work done, finals are approaching and i gotta make sure i get what i deserve. and i deserve good results only if i work for it. wish me luck! :)
from the rooftops,
candice
but one thing i take pride(not really pride, but what i like about myself) in, despite what everyone else says, is that in interviews, i'm honest. even if i somehow sound like i'm faking the way i feel or the things i do, i'm really honest. i refuse to lie about my faults as well, when they ask me which part of me needs working on and stuff like that. and in an ideal world, i would say, yea, i would like to go to a university that would rather have honest students than good actors. but maybe, as i've heard a million times over, things aren't like that in the real world. still, i refuse to be anything less or made-up more than who i really am. and the rest? just surrender it all to God, hey if it's meant to be, it will happen. :)
and the guy actually said nursing might be a better profession for me, cause of what i said about my first passion being people and such. and i was so thankful for my hospital attachment experience then, when i could actually say, hey i thought that before too! and here's when i realized i was meant to do medicine etc....
hmm.. i should get all my work done, finals are approaching and i gotta make sure i get what i deserve. and i deserve good results only if i work for it. wish me luck! :)
from the rooftops,
candice
Monday, July 12, 2010
the dreamer
that's what i hear a lot, that my intentions were good, but it just can't work out. and i guess i'm trying to say that the real world's tougher than i thought. i figured this out in planning our sales and stuff, and if you've read my blog before, you'd know i learn big lessons from small things. and i think in life, when you want things done, you really gotta work for it and make it happen. i feel like i just got off my training wheels, taking more risks, learning more along the way. and it's scary, trying to cycle without falling, but hey, it scares me only because it's worth doing. in taking risks, in making tough choices, there will always be voices that surround you, voices that discourage, that irritate, that may unintentionally make you want to give up. maybe courage, is simply about drowning the other voices, the ones that say "it can't be done, you're not good enough", and listening to your own voice, to God's voice and believing that if the dream is big enough then the facts don't matter. and if it's meant to be it'll work out eventually.
but this leads me to, do some dreams have to be given up on? like in glee, when artie(who is paralysed waised down i think, in case you didn't know) had to give up on his dreams of becoming a dancer. this is such a scary thought, and this is why it's so difficult to hope. because if they do get crushed, it's gonna hurt so bad. the higher the dream, the harder the fall. so i believe it takes a lot of courage to even dare to dream. because inevitably, sometimes you will realize not all dreams come true. but take hope in knowing that the future hasn't happened yet, and things still can happen. Murphy's Law is this - "If anything bad can happen, it probably will." but as there are two sides to every story, if anything good can happen, it probably will if you make it happen. (and i totally know that i speak in circles a lot). and as terrifying and hopeless as life can be sometimes, don't run away, stand up, fight back and remember, it's gonna be worth it.
tomorrow we start our booth sales. yippe hoo!!! :D and i watched Dear John with my sister just now, i thought it was pretty good! :D
anyways, i gotta run, love always,
me :)
but this leads me to, do some dreams have to be given up on? like in glee, when artie(who is paralysed waised down i think, in case you didn't know) had to give up on his dreams of becoming a dancer. this is such a scary thought, and this is why it's so difficult to hope. because if they do get crushed, it's gonna hurt so bad. the higher the dream, the harder the fall. so i believe it takes a lot of courage to even dare to dream. because inevitably, sometimes you will realize not all dreams come true. but take hope in knowing that the future hasn't happened yet, and things still can happen. Murphy's Law is this - "If anything bad can happen, it probably will." but as there are two sides to every story, if anything good can happen, it probably will if you make it happen. (and i totally know that i speak in circles a lot). and as terrifying and hopeless as life can be sometimes, don't run away, stand up, fight back and remember, it's gonna be worth it.
tomorrow we start our booth sales. yippe hoo!!! :D and i watched Dear John with my sister just now, i thought it was pretty good! :D
anyways, i gotta run, love always,
me :)
Sunday, July 11, 2010
just before the sunrise
so after hearing that quote yesterday i googled C.S Lewis to see more of his stuff. i have one of his books- The Screwtape Letters, given by my sister, but i didn't finish it yet. but i found a few quotes that spoke so honestly i feel, and that compelled me to repeat them here. :)
"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."
- as i've mentioned before, it's been tough for me lately. so this is a reminder really, that God is yearning for my attention, for me to lean on Him, for He can offer me strength. and He does indeed deserve my worship.
"In the long run the answer to all those who object to the doctrine of hell, is itself a question: What are you asking God to do? To wipe out their past sins and, at all costs, to give them a fresh start, smoothing every difficulty and offering every miraculous help? But He has done so, on Calvary. To forgive them? They will not be forgiven. To leave them alone? Alas, I am afraid that is what He does."
- this was something i was struggling with too, the idea of hell is so disturbing and upsetting, and i asked why do people still end up there? why isn't God doing anything? and this reminded me, He already has, and because we have free will, we must choose Him and accept His gift of salvation.
"If He who in Himself can lack nothing chooses to need us, it is because we need to be needed."
- AWW, this is so touching! and it speaks greatly about the character and love of our great and mighty God.
"Be not deceived, Wormwood, our cause is never more in jeopardy than when a human, no longer desiring but still intending to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe in which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."
- in case you were blur, this is from the point of view of the devil, and the Enemy refers to God. so have faith guys, that even when you don't feel God around, that He is still there and the devil is scared.
"But what of the poor Ghosts who never get into the omnibus at all?' ' Everyone who wishes it does. Never fear. There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, in the end, "Thy will be done." All that are in Hell choose it. ... No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it. Those who seek find. To those who knock, it is opened."
- this is a real eye-opener, that we can ALL CHOOSE salvation today.
"If we are going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things -- praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts -- not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs. They might break our bodies (a microbe can do that) but they need not dominate our minds."
- i found this very cool.
"My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust?"
- huh, this is really thought provoking. what indeed are we comparing it to, when we have never seen a 'just' world?
"God lends us a little of His reasoning powers and that is how we think: He puts a little of His love into us and that is how we love one another. When you teach a child writing, you hold its hand while it forms the letters: that is, it forms the letters because you are forming them. We love and reason because God loves and reasons and holds our hand while we do it."
- this deserves an aww.. it makes us really remember that the God of the universe CHOSE to hold our hand and He loves us so deeply even if we cannot figure out why.
i got tired of reading from the screen, but i would say that there is so much truth and wisdom in the above words. i'm glad i learnt more today. :)
keep fighting the good fight,
candice
"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."
- as i've mentioned before, it's been tough for me lately. so this is a reminder really, that God is yearning for my attention, for me to lean on Him, for He can offer me strength. and He does indeed deserve my worship.
"In the long run the answer to all those who object to the doctrine of hell, is itself a question: What are you asking God to do? To wipe out their past sins and, at all costs, to give them a fresh start, smoothing every difficulty and offering every miraculous help? But He has done so, on Calvary. To forgive them? They will not be forgiven. To leave them alone? Alas, I am afraid that is what He does."
- this was something i was struggling with too, the idea of hell is so disturbing and upsetting, and i asked why do people still end up there? why isn't God doing anything? and this reminded me, He already has, and because we have free will, we must choose Him and accept His gift of salvation.
"If He who in Himself can lack nothing chooses to need us, it is because we need to be needed."
- AWW, this is so touching! and it speaks greatly about the character and love of our great and mighty God.
"Be not deceived, Wormwood, our cause is never more in jeopardy than when a human, no longer desiring but still intending to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe in which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."
- in case you were blur, this is from the point of view of the devil, and the Enemy refers to God. so have faith guys, that even when you don't feel God around, that He is still there and the devil is scared.
"But what of the poor Ghosts who never get into the omnibus at all?' ' Everyone who wishes it does. Never fear. There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, in the end, "Thy will be done." All that are in Hell choose it. ... No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it. Those who seek find. To those who knock, it is opened."
- this is a real eye-opener, that we can ALL CHOOSE salvation today.
"If we are going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things -- praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts -- not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs. They might break our bodies (a microbe can do that) but they need not dominate our minds."
- i found this very cool.
"My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust?"
- huh, this is really thought provoking. what indeed are we comparing it to, when we have never seen a 'just' world?
"God lends us a little of His reasoning powers and that is how we think: He puts a little of His love into us and that is how we love one another. When you teach a child writing, you hold its hand while it forms the letters: that is, it forms the letters because you are forming them. We love and reason because God loves and reasons and holds our hand while we do it."
- this deserves an aww.. it makes us really remember that the God of the universe CHOSE to hold our hand and He loves us so deeply even if we cannot figure out why.
i got tired of reading from the screen, but i would say that there is so much truth and wisdom in the above words. i'm glad i learnt more today. :)
keep fighting the good fight,
candice
the time it takes to heal
well, i am healing. :) just need a bit more time and a lot more God. :)
today in evening service, during praise and worship, i was imagining(i dunno if this this is a vision, cause it was kinda simple and imaginative of me?) God holding me the way i held the kids at the orphanage, with my arms on their shoulder and my hands together. then i imagined that God holding me was very tall, like cannot see His head cause He's that tall and that mighty. and then He just shrank and became my size, a normal man. and He said, "i made my choice." and i was like wahhhh... this just reminded me once again how truly glorious and kind and sacrificial God is. He chose to walk amongst men although He probably had the coolest wings in heaven. and it made me think, what is my choice today? do i choose to follow Christ, NO MATTER THE COST? and as much as i desire to say yes, i am so afraid of disappointing God and myself again. i make mistakes so often and i just don't want to be yet another failure. but really at the right time in my life right now, jasmine and rachel were super encouraging as they prayed for me yesterday and today. the words were exactly what i needed so desperately to hear, that God is not disappointed in me, but rather He's so proud. and that i am not a failure in His eyes, and His love for me truly is unending.
and i realized, God has a reason for putting me through what i'm going through. i believe that He believes that i will not only survive it, but beat it too, and come out doing far greater things than i ever imagined.
i went for my Monash MBBS interview yesterday. it was okay, don't think i did very well particularly but after the interview i felt this certainty from God that i was gonna get a place. but it's a really far fetched dream, according to the lady, usually only one student from sam gets a place every year at Monash Clayton. and so i'm finding it hard to really believe that, but i am brought again to "o ye of little faith, why did you doubt?" i've been reading james too, and there was a section all about doubt and how we shouldn't doubt. i guess i've just been disappointed so many times that, i'm trying to cut my losses. but then i found out i didn't get UNSW's MBBS interview. and i was upset a bit sure, but again i felt like it didn't matter, cause against all odds, it felt like Monash would offer me something despite how badly i think i did. if i was certain that this was God speaking to me, i would believe it in a heartbeat, but the thing is i'm not sure, if i'm just listening to my hopes beating too loud. but of this i am certain, that God has planned out my future and it is good, better even than i can imagine. :) thank You daddy God! :)
today i started my day with MADU, and visiting children i haven't seen in a while. i missed them so! i love how this is a continuous thing, that i get to become someone they know instead of just a visitor. but how do we all cope with parting then? i may be overestimating our group, but even Mr.Mike said today that our group was really connecting through to the kids and tearing down the barriers they put up and he was really impressed. i guess i'm just worried about them, what must it be like i wonder, to see people come and just when you were getting close, they leave? what must it be like to feel unloved, to need the touch of others so desperately? sigh, i really wanna go back even after MADU but i doubt i can, it's so far away! but though today was a bit tiring, i realized that there's no other way i'd choose to spend my saturday morning, with these beautiful children. :)
i realized how much meaning a touch has. it sounds weird i know, but i think especially these kids, they need a lot of hugs and hand holding and playing, it's how they understand affection. and this really moved me how they yearn for this touch so much, that when we come, they lie on our laps and hold our hands. and i like that feeling to, having a child who depended on you for that few minutes, who needed something that was such a pleasure to give. :) i ended up hugging them until they got sick of it.. :P sigh, i want a lot a lot of kids!!!! or to just keep working with children.. :)
hahah after that i went out with 4 and a 1/2 men, mich and pris to have lunch with ivan and went grocery shopping for our booth. had lots of fun!!! :) thanks again to kor and jie for fetching me around today! :)
very often i find myself battling with others when our ideas clash. i find it very upsetting when people don't share the same convictions i do, when our hearts do not go the same way. and i get frustrated and angry and so tired of fighting for what i know is right, but what others do not care about. they are not bad people, quite the contrary really, but as i said, they just don't share my convictions. and i'm learning, i really am trying to react better to this, to disappointment. to keep fighting for what is right, for what is good, for what i know can make a difference in the lives of others. and from jasmine's prayer for me today, i wonder if compassion is my spiritual gift, though it is a quality a gazillion people have, and i'm not boasting or anything, but i just think that maybe this is who God wants me to be, this is how He hard-wired me. and i guess, while getting the approval of others may be no easy task sometimes, at least i know who i want to be, and i know what i want to do in this life. :) thanks again God, for giving me this life, this real life that isn't all sunshine, but instead full of mountains to climb, journeys to travel and horizons to reach for. for only in such a life will Your true glory and strength show through me. God I love You so! :)
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
and it stood out to me, just like this. love is patient, so i will wait for the one God's set apart for me. :)
crystal shared this in evening service today and i found it really really meaningful.
"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."
- C.S.Lewis
honey i love you! ;)
today in evening service, during praise and worship, i was imagining(i dunno if this this is a vision, cause it was kinda simple and imaginative of me?) God holding me the way i held the kids at the orphanage, with my arms on their shoulder and my hands together. then i imagined that God holding me was very tall, like cannot see His head cause He's that tall and that mighty. and then He just shrank and became my size, a normal man. and He said, "i made my choice." and i was like wahhhh... this just reminded me once again how truly glorious and kind and sacrificial God is. He chose to walk amongst men although He probably had the coolest wings in heaven. and it made me think, what is my choice today? do i choose to follow Christ, NO MATTER THE COST? and as much as i desire to say yes, i am so afraid of disappointing God and myself again. i make mistakes so often and i just don't want to be yet another failure. but really at the right time in my life right now, jasmine and rachel were super encouraging as they prayed for me yesterday and today. the words were exactly what i needed so desperately to hear, that God is not disappointed in me, but rather He's so proud. and that i am not a failure in His eyes, and His love for me truly is unending.
and i realized, God has a reason for putting me through what i'm going through. i believe that He believes that i will not only survive it, but beat it too, and come out doing far greater things than i ever imagined.
i went for my Monash MBBS interview yesterday. it was okay, don't think i did very well particularly but after the interview i felt this certainty from God that i was gonna get a place. but it's a really far fetched dream, according to the lady, usually only one student from sam gets a place every year at Monash Clayton. and so i'm finding it hard to really believe that, but i am brought again to "o ye of little faith, why did you doubt?" i've been reading james too, and there was a section all about doubt and how we shouldn't doubt. i guess i've just been disappointed so many times that, i'm trying to cut my losses. but then i found out i didn't get UNSW's MBBS interview. and i was upset a bit sure, but again i felt like it didn't matter, cause against all odds, it felt like Monash would offer me something despite how badly i think i did. if i was certain that this was God speaking to me, i would believe it in a heartbeat, but the thing is i'm not sure, if i'm just listening to my hopes beating too loud. but of this i am certain, that God has planned out my future and it is good, better even than i can imagine. :) thank You daddy God! :)
today i started my day with MADU, and visiting children i haven't seen in a while. i missed them so! i love how this is a continuous thing, that i get to become someone they know instead of just a visitor. but how do we all cope with parting then? i may be overestimating our group, but even Mr.Mike said today that our group was really connecting through to the kids and tearing down the barriers they put up and he was really impressed. i guess i'm just worried about them, what must it be like i wonder, to see people come and just when you were getting close, they leave? what must it be like to feel unloved, to need the touch of others so desperately? sigh, i really wanna go back even after MADU but i doubt i can, it's so far away! but though today was a bit tiring, i realized that there's no other way i'd choose to spend my saturday morning, with these beautiful children. :)
i realized how much meaning a touch has. it sounds weird i know, but i think especially these kids, they need a lot of hugs and hand holding and playing, it's how they understand affection. and this really moved me how they yearn for this touch so much, that when we come, they lie on our laps and hold our hands. and i like that feeling to, having a child who depended on you for that few minutes, who needed something that was such a pleasure to give. :) i ended up hugging them until they got sick of it.. :P sigh, i want a lot a lot of kids!!!! or to just keep working with children.. :)
hahah after that i went out with 4 and a 1/2 men, mich and pris to have lunch with ivan and went grocery shopping for our booth. had lots of fun!!! :) thanks again to kor and jie for fetching me around today! :)
very often i find myself battling with others when our ideas clash. i find it very upsetting when people don't share the same convictions i do, when our hearts do not go the same way. and i get frustrated and angry and so tired of fighting for what i know is right, but what others do not care about. they are not bad people, quite the contrary really, but as i said, they just don't share my convictions. and i'm learning, i really am trying to react better to this, to disappointment. to keep fighting for what is right, for what is good, for what i know can make a difference in the lives of others. and from jasmine's prayer for me today, i wonder if compassion is my spiritual gift, though it is a quality a gazillion people have, and i'm not boasting or anything, but i just think that maybe this is who God wants me to be, this is how He hard-wired me. and i guess, while getting the approval of others may be no easy task sometimes, at least i know who i want to be, and i know what i want to do in this life. :) thanks again God, for giving me this life, this real life that isn't all sunshine, but instead full of mountains to climb, journeys to travel and horizons to reach for. for only in such a life will Your true glory and strength show through me. God I love You so! :)
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
and it stood out to me, just like this. love is patient, so i will wait for the one God's set apart for me. :)
crystal shared this in evening service today and i found it really really meaningful.
"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."
- C.S.Lewis
honey i love you! ;)
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
breathe, just breathe
"A man went to a barber shop to have his hair cut as usual. He started
to have a good conversation with the barber who was cutting his hair. They
talked about many things and various subjects. Suddenly, they touched
the subject of God.
The barber said, "Look man, I don't believe that God exists!"
"Why do you say that?" asked the man. "Well, it's so easy, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God does not exist. Tell me, if God existed, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be no suffering nor pain? I can't think of loving a God who permits all of these things."
The man thought for the moment, but he didn't want to respond so as to cause an argument. The barber finished his job and the man went out of the shop. Just after heleft the barber shop he saw a man in the street with long hair and beard. It seemed that it had been a long time since he had his hair cut and he looked so untidy.
Then the first man again entered the barber shop and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist!"
"How can you say they don't exist?" asked the barber. I am here and I am a barber."
"No!" the man exclaimed. "You don't exist because if you did there would be no people with long hair and beard like that man who walks the streets."
"But, I do exist, and that is what happens when people do not come to me."
"Exactly!" - affirmed the man. "That's the point. God does exist, and see what happens when so many people don't go to Him and do not look for Him? That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world." "
- an old story i heard once
and i thought, the Christian life is a tough one, like really. so how does going to God take away all the pain and suffering? and i realized, some haircuts just take longer, and they might not turn out the way we would have wanted but the way the barber wanted and similarly in life, God's will must come first. :)
God hears your heartbreaks, He feels your pain. You're not alone. :)
wishing upon a star,
candice
to have a good conversation with the barber who was cutting his hair. They
talked about many things and various subjects. Suddenly, they touched
the subject of God.
The barber said, "Look man, I don't believe that God exists!"
"Why do you say that?" asked the man. "Well, it's so easy, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God does not exist. Tell me, if God existed, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be no suffering nor pain? I can't think of loving a God who permits all of these things."
The man thought for the moment, but he didn't want to respond so as to cause an argument. The barber finished his job and the man went out of the shop. Just after heleft the barber shop he saw a man in the street with long hair and beard. It seemed that it had been a long time since he had his hair cut and he looked so untidy.
Then the first man again entered the barber shop and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist!"
"How can you say they don't exist?" asked the barber. I am here and I am a barber."
"No!" the man exclaimed. "You don't exist because if you did there would be no people with long hair and beard like that man who walks the streets."
"But, I do exist, and that is what happens when people do not come to me."
"Exactly!" - affirmed the man. "That's the point. God does exist, and see what happens when so many people don't go to Him and do not look for Him? That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world." "
- an old story i heard once
and i thought, the Christian life is a tough one, like really. so how does going to God take away all the pain and suffering? and i realized, some haircuts just take longer, and they might not turn out the way we would have wanted but the way the barber wanted and similarly in life, God's will must come first. :)
God hears your heartbreaks, He feels your pain. You're not alone. :)
wishing upon a star,
candice
Monday, July 5, 2010
what really matters..
... is the heart.
hey you! :)
i had one of the best mondays of my life today! after much stress in planning today's trip to SPCA then the orphanage, we finally went for it! 23 of us turned up today to first volunteer at the animal shelter and then spent some time with the children in the taman megah orphanage. i was so super duper excited for today and seeing everyone reach taylor's in the morning with their boxes of old clothes and other stuff was so sweet! it was like we all going picnic like that, in our shorts and big tees. :D
we left in four different cars, and dianne made these really cute blue ribbons for all the cars to show we were together, and the cars looked super cute, like wedding cars. except somehow tai kor's car had leaves instead of the ribbon, and it kept falling as he drove, it was so funny!!!! hahah i was annoying the life out of everyone in adrian's car with my rendition of Whitney Houston's 'Greatest Love of All', which mich and i spent the previous night "practicing" in li lian's house.still i had a really enjoyable time in the car too, but everyone else was just so excited when i finally fell asleep. :P
the SPCA came kinda as a shock to me, cause i am quite afraid of dogs and i have never been to an animal shelter before in my life. i had no idea what to expect. the guy that met us was a rather strict, no-nonsense kinda fellow, who did not approve of so many of us coming at once to help, cause online said 15 ppl max for volunteering but when i called up, the lady said 28 no problem. so he ended up splitting us into four groups, and i totally kept my brave face on, though i was kinda freaking out at the thought of entering the place they keep the 300 over (i think) dogs. so because my face seemed to hide my fear pretty well, the guy picked my group to go inside the section with really hyper dogs. man, i went in first too, after him la. got scratched on both legs but it doesn't show anymore, pretty minor la. still after a bit, i kinda got used to it and really liked playing with them then! man i would love to adopt one, but my mum's so freaked out about dogs. we played with the hose too a bit(:P) and i really had a blast, even though there was poop everywhere, even on my shirt. it was especially rewarding to see my classmates having so much fun too, extra so to those who were uber scared of dogs when we arrived there. i would definitely love doing this again!
after we finished our tasks, we had to go to rush to the orphanage. still, me, sean and tai kor got the chance to speak with the no-nonsense guy for a while. before we spoke to him though, i noticed this dude and his dad with a freaking adorable bulldog in the admin part of the shelter. they wanted to 'dump' him there cause he had a skin disease. and the lady said that if you wanna dump him there, you must sign the agreement that you won't mind him being put to sleep if they cannot save him. and the no-nonsense guy said in chinese, how can you just want a dog when it's cute? then sick, throw away? where is the reasoning?.. and stuff like that la, it's obvious how he did have a genuine heart for animals. and the father just said, sign only la, don't care put to sleep anot. i was like argh!!!! inside, and the no-nonsense guy gave a slightly angry sigh. so as he was talking to us afterwards, he said sorry for being a bit irritatedly angry today, just kinda stressed bout people la. and i said like that dude and his dad who just dump their dogs like that? then he told us that that's one part la, but also at people who wanna adopt dogs but refuse to follow procedure then scold them pulak. i told him that he's doing a really good thing here, and he said, yea, but not everyone in the public thinks so. so we all chatted a bit longer and realized he was actually a really nice person. so that kinda brightened my day, knowing people like him, who live on passion and goodwill still exist, despite the many pressures they face. :D
next stop, the orphanage! :) everyone seemed to enjoy me falling asleep too much! =.='' but we made it for lunch and then to the orphanage! the orphanage was an extremely humbling experience. as soon as we reached we could see so many children with the more severe diseases lying on the floor in a pretty distorted position. it was quite heartbreaking, but still most of them were cheerful and willing to play with us. i met a blind girl who could sing really well, kids who danced to 'nobody, nobody', an adorable boy who i fed bread for their tea and so many other super cute kids. and i remember thinking, these are all beautiful children, how can people just dump them here because they're different and require more attention?
who is to judge that life should be led just from school to university to marriage to healthy children to their graduation and their marriage and to becoming a happy old couple on rocking chairs? the people i truly admire are those who say no to the convention plan for life, the one accepted by society and choose a different path, a tougher path. parents who would stay with their kids no matter what. like little amanda's mum and all the other parents from the special needs kids parent support group in church. and alongside that, people like the no-nonsense guy and the man who runs the orphanage, people who decide to dedicate their entire lives for their passion for others. they were both young men, who had their whole lives before them but they chose this path, to live a simple life, a difficult one too, but an extremely rewarding one at that. but what must it be like i wonder? especially at the orphanage when the more severely disabled children will never be independent? they were 24 year olds there who looked as if they were 8 year olds only and could not respond to questions at all. imagine the patience that that man must have, repeating the same routine everyday to children who might never understand his sacrifice for them. but perhaps that in itself is what sacrifice truly means, doing something purely out of a deep sense of need in your heart, regardless of recognition or acknowledgement. and also the no-nonsense guy, his passion for animals is evident, how must it feel to see dog after dog put to sleep because they were unwanted? how does one deal with that sense of anger and hopelessness? discussing this with my dad on the way home, we realized, the courage to do such a job can only come from a calling. it must be calling to run an orphanage or a calling to choose to save animals. and i'm starting to believe more and more that my calling is also for the less fortunate people in this world. but do i possess the courage to do greater things?
so i entered my dad's car at the end of the day smelling really stink apparently, like pee and sweat and euyurgh-ness. but i felt happy in that condition, really happy. :P cause today opened my eyes that love still prevails in this world at times, that even in a dangerous world such as ours, there are places that offer refuge and hope and love and second chances. and maybe the world isn't such a bad place after all, and perhaps it is the bad in the world that subconciously brings out the best in people. because as people, we feel for one another, we're all connected, and when one person hurts, the chain is rattled. maybe we just need to be more sensitive to the plight of others, for when we open our hearts and choose to feel, we are capable of doing incredible things.
i learnt the true meaning of charity begins at home today. i am someone who loves going to orphanages and volunteering everywhere, such that my family gets irritated for me not spending enough time at home and always having to trouble them to send me around. and spending today so unafraid of scary dogs that claw at you, smelly poop all over, pee everywhere and demanding people, made me realize that if i don't do this at home, it means nothing. i remember saying at REVAMP that for me, greater things start at home for me, because of how much i neglect my home to do stuff elsewhere. if i can be brave outside, i must be brave enough to deal with dirty toilet bowls at home, lizards like sherman, worms in the garden and tough house cleaning tasks that i would have loved to have done outside for charity. i gotta be the same person there as i am here. and i gotta stop complaining and start doing. JIA YOU CANDICE!!!!
and lastly what really touched me today was the spirit of G8. i love just observing people and at SPCA, seeing everyone smiling doing dirty jobs really warmed my heart. and having mixed groups in the cars also brought us closer together, and i felt that it was so sweet to see people laughing as we were eating lunch, just enjoying each other's company. but above that all, i remember most clearly seeing the pure kindness in each and every one of my classmates hearts. and this reminded me again that when you look closely, people are really, really, REALLY, beautiful. i don't think i'll forget the image of the little boy sleeping on gene's lap, or the boy with his hand around wen shi singing songs as he played the guitar, and elena playing with ganthi(a lady there), and cheau wei with this little girl who really loved her, and raymond dancing with the children there, and everybody else really! i'm just stating a few, but i have never been more proud and blessed to be a part of G8. :) i'm so glad everyone had a good day today and i believe we definitely got at least a little bit closer to each other today. thank You God, for an incredibly unforgettable monday. :)
the best things in life are free,
candice :)
hey you! :)
i had one of the best mondays of my life today! after much stress in planning today's trip to SPCA then the orphanage, we finally went for it! 23 of us turned up today to first volunteer at the animal shelter and then spent some time with the children in the taman megah orphanage. i was so super duper excited for today and seeing everyone reach taylor's in the morning with their boxes of old clothes and other stuff was so sweet! it was like we all going picnic like that, in our shorts and big tees. :D
we left in four different cars, and dianne made these really cute blue ribbons for all the cars to show we were together, and the cars looked super cute, like wedding cars. except somehow tai kor's car had leaves instead of the ribbon, and it kept falling as he drove, it was so funny!!!! hahah i was annoying the life out of everyone in adrian's car with my rendition of Whitney Houston's 'Greatest Love of All', which mich and i spent the previous night "practicing" in li lian's house.still i had a really enjoyable time in the car too, but everyone else was just so excited when i finally fell asleep. :P
the SPCA came kinda as a shock to me, cause i am quite afraid of dogs and i have never been to an animal shelter before in my life. i had no idea what to expect. the guy that met us was a rather strict, no-nonsense kinda fellow, who did not approve of so many of us coming at once to help, cause online said 15 ppl max for volunteering but when i called up, the lady said 28 no problem. so he ended up splitting us into four groups, and i totally kept my brave face on, though i was kinda freaking out at the thought of entering the place they keep the 300 over (i think) dogs. so because my face seemed to hide my fear pretty well, the guy picked my group to go inside the section with really hyper dogs. man, i went in first too, after him la. got scratched on both legs but it doesn't show anymore, pretty minor la. still after a bit, i kinda got used to it and really liked playing with them then! man i would love to adopt one, but my mum's so freaked out about dogs. we played with the hose too a bit(:P) and i really had a blast, even though there was poop everywhere, even on my shirt. it was especially rewarding to see my classmates having so much fun too, extra so to those who were uber scared of dogs when we arrived there. i would definitely love doing this again!
after we finished our tasks, we had to go to rush to the orphanage. still, me, sean and tai kor got the chance to speak with the no-nonsense guy for a while. before we spoke to him though, i noticed this dude and his dad with a freaking adorable bulldog in the admin part of the shelter. they wanted to 'dump' him there cause he had a skin disease. and the lady said that if you wanna dump him there, you must sign the agreement that you won't mind him being put to sleep if they cannot save him. and the no-nonsense guy said in chinese, how can you just want a dog when it's cute? then sick, throw away? where is the reasoning?.. and stuff like that la, it's obvious how he did have a genuine heart for animals. and the father just said, sign only la, don't care put to sleep anot. i was like argh!!!! inside, and the no-nonsense guy gave a slightly angry sigh. so as he was talking to us afterwards, he said sorry for being a bit irritatedly angry today, just kinda stressed bout people la. and i said like that dude and his dad who just dump their dogs like that? then he told us that that's one part la, but also at people who wanna adopt dogs but refuse to follow procedure then scold them pulak. i told him that he's doing a really good thing here, and he said, yea, but not everyone in the public thinks so. so we all chatted a bit longer and realized he was actually a really nice person. so that kinda brightened my day, knowing people like him, who live on passion and goodwill still exist, despite the many pressures they face. :D
next stop, the orphanage! :) everyone seemed to enjoy me falling asleep too much! =.='' but we made it for lunch and then to the orphanage! the orphanage was an extremely humbling experience. as soon as we reached we could see so many children with the more severe diseases lying on the floor in a pretty distorted position. it was quite heartbreaking, but still most of them were cheerful and willing to play with us. i met a blind girl who could sing really well, kids who danced to 'nobody, nobody', an adorable boy who i fed bread for their tea and so many other super cute kids. and i remember thinking, these are all beautiful children, how can people just dump them here because they're different and require more attention?
who is to judge that life should be led just from school to university to marriage to healthy children to their graduation and their marriage and to becoming a happy old couple on rocking chairs? the people i truly admire are those who say no to the convention plan for life, the one accepted by society and choose a different path, a tougher path. parents who would stay with their kids no matter what. like little amanda's mum and all the other parents from the special needs kids parent support group in church. and alongside that, people like the no-nonsense guy and the man who runs the orphanage, people who decide to dedicate their entire lives for their passion for others. they were both young men, who had their whole lives before them but they chose this path, to live a simple life, a difficult one too, but an extremely rewarding one at that. but what must it be like i wonder? especially at the orphanage when the more severely disabled children will never be independent? they were 24 year olds there who looked as if they were 8 year olds only and could not respond to questions at all. imagine the patience that that man must have, repeating the same routine everyday to children who might never understand his sacrifice for them. but perhaps that in itself is what sacrifice truly means, doing something purely out of a deep sense of need in your heart, regardless of recognition or acknowledgement. and also the no-nonsense guy, his passion for animals is evident, how must it feel to see dog after dog put to sleep because they were unwanted? how does one deal with that sense of anger and hopelessness? discussing this with my dad on the way home, we realized, the courage to do such a job can only come from a calling. it must be calling to run an orphanage or a calling to choose to save animals. and i'm starting to believe more and more that my calling is also for the less fortunate people in this world. but do i possess the courage to do greater things?
so i entered my dad's car at the end of the day smelling really stink apparently, like pee and sweat and euyurgh-ness. but i felt happy in that condition, really happy. :P cause today opened my eyes that love still prevails in this world at times, that even in a dangerous world such as ours, there are places that offer refuge and hope and love and second chances. and maybe the world isn't such a bad place after all, and perhaps it is the bad in the world that subconciously brings out the best in people. because as people, we feel for one another, we're all connected, and when one person hurts, the chain is rattled. maybe we just need to be more sensitive to the plight of others, for when we open our hearts and choose to feel, we are capable of doing incredible things.
i learnt the true meaning of charity begins at home today. i am someone who loves going to orphanages and volunteering everywhere, such that my family gets irritated for me not spending enough time at home and always having to trouble them to send me around. and spending today so unafraid of scary dogs that claw at you, smelly poop all over, pee everywhere and demanding people, made me realize that if i don't do this at home, it means nothing. i remember saying at REVAMP that for me, greater things start at home for me, because of how much i neglect my home to do stuff elsewhere. if i can be brave outside, i must be brave enough to deal with dirty toilet bowls at home, lizards like sherman, worms in the garden and tough house cleaning tasks that i would have loved to have done outside for charity. i gotta be the same person there as i am here. and i gotta stop complaining and start doing. JIA YOU CANDICE!!!!
and lastly what really touched me today was the spirit of G8. i love just observing people and at SPCA, seeing everyone smiling doing dirty jobs really warmed my heart. and having mixed groups in the cars also brought us closer together, and i felt that it was so sweet to see people laughing as we were eating lunch, just enjoying each other's company. but above that all, i remember most clearly seeing the pure kindness in each and every one of my classmates hearts. and this reminded me again that when you look closely, people are really, really, REALLY, beautiful. i don't think i'll forget the image of the little boy sleeping on gene's lap, or the boy with his hand around wen shi singing songs as he played the guitar, and elena playing with ganthi(a lady there), and cheau wei with this little girl who really loved her, and raymond dancing with the children there, and everybody else really! i'm just stating a few, but i have never been more proud and blessed to be a part of G8. :) i'm so glad everyone had a good day today and i believe we definitely got at least a little bit closer to each other today. thank You God, for an incredibly unforgettable monday. :)
the best things in life are free,
candice :)
Thursday, July 1, 2010
worth fighting for
it's been a rough couple of days for me and things only started getting better yesterday. still i realized that life is really full of challenges and obstacles that may become so terrible, it causes you to fall flat on your face, in disappointment and pain. in other cases, such challenges will make you reconsider everything, the way it made me really wonder, am i doing the right thing? what should i do next? am i who i want to be? i questioned everything about me again, wondering am i a good person in life? so i learnt a very important lesson about anger this week. that anger truly blinds a person, as a much as it lures you to succumb to it, to start shouting back and fighting, we must step aside and see from a new perspective, a better perspective.
when you start to have doubts about yourself, look down into your hands and think hard about what your'e fighting for. then decide. half a heart is way worse that no heart. i realized we gotta know what it is we're fighting for in life then go for it full force if we think it's worth it. and there will come winds that try to blow you down, waves that try to swallow your spirit and thunder that tries to crush you completely. but you need to realize, the way i did, that you;re stronger than you think. within you lies untapped strength and courage that can do great things. born in the image of our Heavenly Father, wouldn't it be obvious that we are more than just robotic beings? we are more than incapable humans. we can stop wars and save lives and move these great gigantic mountains in life, because we are the children of God that are called to greater things. we think the mountains we have to move are like bringing world peace or abolishing slavery, but more abundant than those mountains, are the ones we face everyday. shame, anger, pain, revenge, hate, laziness, greed. these are the personal battles we must each face and fight, hard. what i'm saying is life isn't easy. it really isn't at all. But God's here for You if You'll let Him, and He's saying let me walk you through it.
hmm, so G8's gonna start our project! it was kinda a spontaneous idea by dianne for us to make videos of us in the orphanage and stuff for our moral video presentation. and we decided eh, why not? so far, there's been some disagreements that have been a total headache, but right now, it seems like most if not all of us are super duper excited. the idea has gone to a grander scale than we expected to do actually. on monday we will be visiting/volunteering at the spca then an orphanage in taman megah. it's so exciting! from tuesday to friday we will have a booth to sell stuff for fundraising, and excitingness of em all, our car wash next monday, 12 july from 1 to 5! :) also we're going for jog of hope this sunday, a few of us la. :) hopefully we can squeeze in a visit to the old folks home too. :D i'm so proud to be in g8 where everyone's excited too. at our meeting today, everyone was responsive and contributing ideas and i just truly thank God for blessing me with this incredible class. i hope everything turns out fine!!!!! please please please God!!!!
sometimes, you just gotta take that leap of faith. :)
with love,
candice :)
when you start to have doubts about yourself, look down into your hands and think hard about what your'e fighting for. then decide. half a heart is way worse that no heart. i realized we gotta know what it is we're fighting for in life then go for it full force if we think it's worth it. and there will come winds that try to blow you down, waves that try to swallow your spirit and thunder that tries to crush you completely. but you need to realize, the way i did, that you;re stronger than you think. within you lies untapped strength and courage that can do great things. born in the image of our Heavenly Father, wouldn't it be obvious that we are more than just robotic beings? we are more than incapable humans. we can stop wars and save lives and move these great gigantic mountains in life, because we are the children of God that are called to greater things. we think the mountains we have to move are like bringing world peace or abolishing slavery, but more abundant than those mountains, are the ones we face everyday. shame, anger, pain, revenge, hate, laziness, greed. these are the personal battles we must each face and fight, hard. what i'm saying is life isn't easy. it really isn't at all. But God's here for You if You'll let Him, and He's saying let me walk you through it.
hmm, so G8's gonna start our project! it was kinda a spontaneous idea by dianne for us to make videos of us in the orphanage and stuff for our moral video presentation. and we decided eh, why not? so far, there's been some disagreements that have been a total headache, but right now, it seems like most if not all of us are super duper excited. the idea has gone to a grander scale than we expected to do actually. on monday we will be visiting/volunteering at the spca then an orphanage in taman megah. it's so exciting! from tuesday to friday we will have a booth to sell stuff for fundraising, and excitingness of em all, our car wash next monday, 12 july from 1 to 5! :) also we're going for jog of hope this sunday, a few of us la. :) hopefully we can squeeze in a visit to the old folks home too. :D i'm so proud to be in g8 where everyone's excited too. at our meeting today, everyone was responsive and contributing ideas and i just truly thank God for blessing me with this incredible class. i hope everything turns out fine!!!!! please please please God!!!!
sometimes, you just gotta take that leap of faith. :)
with love,
candice :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)